Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire slayer and all characters belonging to the show are my property only in my head. I take no credit for their actual creation and expect to make no money.

Author's Note: Yep, yep, guess who's back? I know, I'm the last person that should be starting ANOTHER WIP...but, I must go where the muse takes me, or it simply won't take me anywhere.

Warnings: This first chapter is mostly comedy, but there is a MAJOR Buffy/Other warning for this one. Do not complain later and say you weren't warned, cause you were, so long as you read author's notes. Also, there will be angst in later chapters.

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There he was again.

A flash of a shadow across the window and Buffy was sure that the irritating presence of the vampire would soon be upon her. But even as she braced herself, only half listening to the conversations around her, no knock came at the door.

Was he hovering outside her house during her birthday party? Would he just waltz in uninvited? Or was he expecting her to come out to him and continue their dirty –and very wrong – activities?

Or maybe he was avoiding her, after what happened in the alley…

The Slayer grit her teeth and slammed her hand down on the counter, closing her eyes and pushing the thoughts away. It was doing her no good to see every shadow as a leather duster, or think every footstep came from heavy doc Martins. She was glad he wasn’t coming…

“You okay, Buff?” Xander had a worried expression on his face, but whether for her or the counter she had been abusing, Buffy couldn’t say.

“Yep,” Buffy said in her perkiest voice. “Having a great time.” She picked up the forgotten cup of punch next to her and took a big gulp to prevent further eye-contact.

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There she was.

The Slayer was looking severely out of place in the festivities. She talked and tried to laugh with her friends, feigning excitement when it seemed appropriate, but mostly keeping to herself and her little cups of punch.

It looked like she needed something a lot stronger.

Spike tried to keep out of sight, but every once and a while he could see Buffy glance out the window, her eyes chasing after his coat tails. She wanted him there, and he could see it in her heated gaze. So why wouldn’t he go inside?

“’Cause you’re a pathetic wanker, that’s why mate.”

He sighed and leaned back against his favorite tree, a cigarette in his mouth. He didn’t want the light from it to draw attention, but the only other thing he had to do was play with the small, black velvety box in his pocket and somehow work up his courage to hand it to his girl.

Wait, no, not his girl. The livid purple bruise on his face was a reminder of that.


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Richard…yay.

Xander and Anya’s attempt at setting Buffy up was as polite as they came, all shy glances and smiling offers to get her some punch.

‘If I have any more punch it’s going to start squirting out my nose…’ Buffy thought as she put on an even wider smile for her new ‘date’. Was this her new birthday disaster?

He wasn’t bad looking…his hair was brown, and soft looking. It was the kind of hair that Buffy could run her fingers through without snagging on stiff locks full of gel. And his eyes were blue…of course, not the bluest blue. They weren’t as blue as…

Ok, those thoughts stop there.

Richard worked in construction, so he was probably fit. He wasn’t fit for fighting demons with her, but that’s not what Xander brought him here for, right? And he had a tan!

His neck looked almost…wimpy, though. It looked nice and soft, not at all corded or bitable…and if Buffy were to bite it hard, would he cry out like a girl and push her away, or would his entire body arch towards her and his cock twitch…?

Damnit...

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...should have brought Clem.

The floppy eared, loose skinned demon had helped Spike back to his crypt and got bagged blood in his stomach after finding him wandering in the cemetery right before sunrise. It was with awkward gratitude that Spike had let him stay and keep him company while he healed. And while leaving to prepare for the Slayer's birthday, he had desperately wanted to invite the other demon along.

But what kind of nance would he be, then? Spike could just see it now, shouldering his way into the Slayer's party with a bruised face and his dog-eared friend behind, as if company would keep Buffy from pummeling him on sight. He'd show up with a case of beer, acting as if the whole thing had never happened. With Buffy, her friends and Clem all piled in the same house, he likely wouldn't have the courage to give her the gift he'd had picked out for months.

Well, not as if he had the courage now...

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“Uh...” Buffy could not come up with anything else to describe the device in her hand.

“See?” Willow grinned. “I-it's a battery operated back-massager. And it's portable, so you can take it with you on patrol.”

She blinked at the massager as she turned it around in her hands. “Wow.”

Willow looked pleased with herself. “It's like instant gratification for all your little achies.”

Buffy's eyes immediately shot to the window as she imagined the look that Spike would have given her after hearing a comment like that. A blush tinged her cheeks and she shifted and rubbed her thighs together as all the little achies that hadn't been gratified lately made themselves known.

“Great! Thanks!” She quickly put the massager aside. “Uh, what's next?”

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Bugger! She was already opening her gifts and he still hadn't stepped foot into the house. He would, of course...but would she ever step away from her friends? Take a breather? The thought of her throwing his gift to her back in his face was one thing, but to do it in front of all her little scoobies...

And who was the new whelp dogging her steps through the party? Who was hovering just in the corner and giving her those shy puppy eyes?

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“How are you holding up?” Tara's sweet smile penetrated the fog of Buffy's stare.

The Slayer looked from her second beer that night, back to Tara. “Great,” she tried a cheerful smile that turned stale. “Never better. Fantastic.” She took another sip of her beer. “Giddy and wonderful.”

Tara grimaced, before taking a seat beside the blond. “Really? Cause you look kind of...”

“Horny?” Buffy sulked.

The witch's eyes widened. “I...w-was going to s-say distracted, but...”

“Right...” The Slayer's face paled as she cast a discreet glance in Tara's direction. “What about you? With, you know...”

“Awkward.” Tara nodded.

“A lot of that going around.”

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She couldn't take it anymore. Neither could her libido.

With fists and teeth clenched, the angry slayer went out of sight and marched towards the door, but paused in front of it. She fully intended to yank it open and right off its hinges if she had to, just to stop the vampire outside from continuing to creep around just out of her reach.

So, she fully intended to stop him. Completely. Really. Any moment now...

“Uh...Buffy?”

With a girly yeep and jump she spun around with a fist clenched and ready to smash into the nose of the one hovering behind her. When she discovered it to be Richard, she struggled to hide her ready fist and her disappointment.

“Richard...hey!”

“Is there someone at the door?”

“What? Uh...no.” She smiled widely, even as she shifted from foot to foot, ready for the kind of punch that the shy man in front of her couldn't supply.

“Look, I'm having a great time and all...” Richard began.

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” He shrugged.

“You seem like a nice guy. You are a nice guy, right?” Buffy could feel her energy building, and the fact that her senses whispered 'vampire' weren't helping. Nor was the fact that she had no desire to seek out the vampire that her body was pulling her towards.
“I mean, you're not the kind of guy that would kill anyone...steal, lie...try to pull me over to the dark side?”

“Hah?” Richard's blank look did not faze the Slayer in her rant.

“And let's say you like me, okay? I mean, lets say you can deal with the insults and the weirdness and the sudden beatings...”

“Um...” The carpenter took a step back from the small woman in front of him.

“I don't need him,” Buffy suddenly ceased her own ramblings with the quiet statement. Her gaze remained focused on the very human man in front of her. The very human man...who was moving slowly back towards the living room.

An arm suddenly blocked his retreat, and Buffy was standing between Richard and his escape path. The blond placed a hand on his chest and gave him a light shove back.

“Buffy...”

“Shut up.”

Her mouth descended on his with hungry intensity. It took him so much by surprise that he almost didn't notice the hands that began to wander across his sides. When he opened his mouth to protest, her tongue thrust firmly between his lips and subdued his own in a way that sent shivers down his spine.

Shivers that went straight to his cock...

Richard pulled away enough to breathe, gasping as he cast a shy glance back towards the living room, and Buffy's waiting friends. “You know, it's a little sudden for...well...that is, um...”

“Is sudden too much for you?” Hazel eyes were sparkling at him with mischief and want.

His mouth gaped open before shutting firmly. He looked down at the blond bombshell who's hands were slowly exploring. By the look in her eyes, he could tell that he wouldn't be left wanting.

“No...sudden is...great.”

The stairs were a problem, as Buffy didn't want to separate from the warm body she was wrapping herself around.

'Mmmm...warm...'

His tongue tasted like beer and nachos, not like the whiskey and smoke she was used to...his lack of grace was going to alert her friends, but what would she be ashamed of if it were to happen?

When Richard stopped and pulled away, she gasped and nearly glared in her outrage. His hands hadn't even found the good spots yet, they were just groping blindly...

“Why'd you stop?”

“Uh...sorry...door...or...doors.”

He nodded behind her to the bedroom doors in the hall, not knowing which was hers. Not that Buffy cared at the time. She led him to her bedroom and opened the door for them, leading him by the hand. The slayer tried to banish the thought of how her former partner wouldn't have paused; he would have pushed her up against the door and likely made her come with just his hand or his grinding against her...

'Stop it!'

No former partners...no partners that aren't human. The boy that she pulled back against her body was human. The hair she ran her fingers through was indeed soft. And he smelled of nice cologne, instead of leather and burba weed...

“Off.” Buffy gasped as his lips finally found a spot on her neck that started her tingles. Her hands tugged insistently at his shirt, finally forcing its way through the buttons so she could rip it off and explore...

“Hey, careful!” Richard pulled back and finished unbuttoning his shirt. “This is one of my better ones.”

“Oh...sorry...”

Lips were on Buffy's again, and she could fool herself into thinking it was all she needed. She removed her shirt without further ceremony and returned to the eager lips. She tried to hold herself back a small bit, calm some of her inner raging and need when she realized that she could crush those lips under hers. But she had to lose herself in them just enough to not think about how thin they were, not full and soft and...

There was no belt to unbuckle, so Buffy fumbled with the buttons and the zipper instead. Her hands needed to feel strong but soft flesh. And as she pushed his jeans down, her hands found and gripped his ass. When they toppled backwards onto her bed, Buffy wrapped her legs firmly around his hips and dug her nails into the flesh of his ass, gasping and encouraging him to thrust against her.

“Ow! Easy!”

“Oh, god, sorry!”

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Spike frowned and slowly removed what he determined was his last cigarette from his mouth. He let it drop to the ground, but stopped before stamping it out. He cocked his head to the side before his gaze drifted up towards Buffy's bedroom.

Was the bit up there snooping around? Making trouble?

He didn't think big sis would be too pleased, but then...

Familiar noises. Dejavu, a scene in his mind that went back to a familiar time, back when he was always on the outside, when he had never been invited between the Slayer's heavenly thighs.

Spike shook his head, scoffing at his own thoughts. “No...”

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“Harder!”

Buffy tried to stay as still a possible, almost as if the man on top of her were a timid rabbit. His movements were completely monotonous, thrust thrust thrust...all at the same speed, the exact same angle...his hands were at either side of her head, and he grunted and strained with every thrust, those grunts turning into moans as he lost himself further in her.

Richard's hands did not wander to find all the responses her body could produce. His teeth and lips did not graze her neck, or snatch at her earlobe. He didn't whisper seductive little obscenities to her to help work her into a frenzy, or bring her over the edge...

The edge was so far from her reach that she wanted to wrap her limbs around Richard and crush him to her in punishment.

Buffy turned her head to the side, thrusting her hips up to meet each of Richard's movements. She swallowed hard against the bitter feeling rising in her. She couldn't understand it, but didn't want to analyze it either. As long as she had what she needed right here...

Her eyes widened as her own unconscious fantasy materialized right outside her window. His lithe form covered in its usual duster. But Spike's normally beautiful face was covered in bruising that swelled enough to force one eye closed. The other stared back at her, blazing with emotion.

In the next blink, he was gone.

“Spike.” Buffy's heart was racing, and her limbs were beginning to tremble.

“What?” Richard gasped.

Without ceremony, she shoved the man on top of her to the side, toppling him over and off of the bed while she wrapped one of her sheets around herself. She could still hear him, moving along the side of the house, then the sound of his fall as he reached the ground, presumably to leave...

“Spike!” She shouted, knowing that he would likely hear her.

“What's going-?”

Buffy ran, throwing open the door and tearing out and down the stairs. Her sheets almost tangled around her legs, but she yanked them higher and almost slammed into the door...except that she seemed to slam into thin air right in front of the door.

“...what now?”