Chapter Seventeen

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She was still upset the next morning as she barrelled into the vampire’s crypt and startled the vampire as she climbed into bed next to him, burying her head against him.

“Buffy?” he asked sleepily, arms encircling her as he woke.

“Expecting someone else?” she joked sadly, burying her face in the cool skin of his neck.

“Buffy, what’s wrong?”

“You were right,” she sighed.

“’Bout what?”

“I was stupid to think Giles actually came because he wanted to see me...missed me,” she got out on a sniffle.

“Oh, love. What happened?” he asked softly, strong hands stroking her back and hair, soothing her.

“Xander told him about us...and he said it was...depraved.”

“Depraved?! Man needs a lesson in depravity, I tell you. I’ll show him depraved!”

“Spike.”

“Right, yeah, sorry.”

He hugged her tightly and pressed a kiss to her head.

“We knew Xander might do something stupid. Personally, I was expecting a staking-attempt.”

She sighed and buried her head against him even more, pressing her body against his.



She pulled back with a little start though and met his questioning gaze.

“Are you naked?”

He smiled roguishly and tugged her against him.

“You’re the one who jumped in my bed without any warning.”

She laughed, momentarily distracted, and settled against his chest again, just patting the edge of the sheet where it lay across his hips. He chuckled and caught her hand, bringing it to his mouth and pressing soft kisses to her fingers.

“Gonna put me aside then, Slayer?”

“What?!” she got out, raising her head sharply to meet his eyes, “No!”

“I’d understand,” he murmured, his mouth still pressed to her fingers, his expression carefully veiled.

“You know, you’re such a dope sometimes.”

He looked mildly offended and she slapped him on the chest lightly.

“Ow, what was that for?”

“For thinking that I’m so fickle that I’ll dump you just because my Watcher thinks this is wrong.”

“Not gonna dump me then?” he asked uncertainly.

“No!” she answered firmly, moving to give him another slap.



He caught her hand though and flipped them over, pinning her to the bed.

“Why’s that then?” he asked, eyes boring into her.

“I told you. I’m not that fickle.”

“Not what I’m asking, love,” he murmured, “Want to know why I’m worth a fight with your Watcher.”

“Spike...” she started, but he caught the hand she pressed to his chest, eyes holding hers firmly.

“M’serious, pet. Want to know this means something to you.”

“Of course it means something to me,” she whispered, stunned by his sudden urgency and by the emotions swimming in his eyes.

“What?” he pushed.

“Spike,” she whispered, freeing her hand from his grip and touching his shoulder, “I...I care about you. How can you doubt that?”

“Kinda hard to know where your head is, love. One minute we’re fighting, next we’re kissing. Not entirely sure it isn’t just the fight getting you hot.”

She gave a little laugh at the ridiculousness of the idea and met his eyes seriously.

“Spike, it’s you and you know that. I...I want you. And I...care about you.”

“But I’m just your bit of fun. Not gonna be fun if your Watcher’s on your back all the time.”



Not knowing how else to stop these crazy words that seemed to have come from nowhere, she raised her head and kissed him softly, catching his top lip between hers. She pulled back and met those shining blue eyes.

“Spike, I don’t do feelings well, you know that. But this...I never meant it was just fun and nothing else. I...I like being with you. I like you.”

He watched her without saying anything and she gave a choked laugh.

“I really wish you hadn’t eavesdropped on that conversation, you know. Everything was so new and I was totally blagging it and-”

He cut her off with a gentle kiss and she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close. He parted from her, his eyes studying her.

“Why didn’t you say any of this before?” she whispered, running a hand over his shoulder.
He gave a little shrug and moved to lie on his side next to her, pulling her tightly against him.

“Thought I could cope without knowing what you felt. Thought I could just go with it.”

She laughed lightly and rested her head under his chin, wrapping her arms around him tightly with a little sigh.

“We’ll fix this thing with Rupes, love. M’sure I can make him like me.”

She gave a helpless laugh and tilted her head to kiss him, wanting to lose herself in him for a while and not have to think about what was happening.



As she entered the shop later that morning, she noticed the sudden silence of the three people in the shop - Xander, Anya and Giles – and steeled herself, trying to retain some of the confidence she had left Spike’s with. She met Giles’s gaze, willing herself to remain calm.

“We need to talk.”

He nodded and with a glance at the other two, they disappeared into the back room, leaving Slayer and Watcher alone. Buffy moved to sit at the table, her hands clenched together in front of her.

“You know, I thought you trusted me,” she spoke lowly, “Trusted me to know what I’m doing.”

“I do, Buffy,” he answered, moving to sit opposite her, “But I just can’t understand how this could have happened.”

“It’s really quite simple, Giles. I like Spike. I like spending time with him. What’s so wrong with that?” she implored. He sighed and removed his glasses to clean them.

“But sleeping with a vampire can be exceedingly-“

“Who said I was sleeping with him?” she asked, cutting him off, “Xander?”

He paused, meeting her hard gaze.

“You’re not?”

“No,” she answered, “We haven’t...we’re not at that stage yet.”

He seemed stunned and she carried on in a quiet voice, straining to keep it from shaking.



“Look, Giles, I know last time I was with a vampire a lot of innocent people... people I - we - cared about…got hurt. I know that. You don’t think it scares the hell out of me that I could even want to be with another vampire after that?”

She paused, letting out a shaky breath.

“But Spike’s not like Angelus. We both know that.”

“If the chip were ever removed-“

“That’s not the issue here, Giles. The issue is you not trusting me to make a sensible decision. Believe it or not, being with Spike was a sensible decision.”

She paused for breath and looked to her Watcher.

“After you left, I kinda floundered for a bit...and Spike helped me. Got me money when I was struggling to pay the bills.”

“Spike got you money?!”

“Kitten poker,” she admitted with a laugh and Giles smiled softly.

They were silent for a moment and then Giles spoke up.

“It seems I mistakenly believed you were not sure of what you had got yourself into,” he admitted, “Not helped by listening to Xander...when I should have spoken to you.”

“Too right you should have spoken to me, Giles! I can’t believe you just took what Xander said at face-value. You know he has all these vampire issues...which is so totally stupid what with him going out with a thousand-year-old ex demon.”

Giles nodded sagely and smiled hesitantly.

“It would seem I’ve wasted a trip on a fools’ errand.”

She reached out and placed her hand over his.

“It was really good to see you anyway,” she said with a smile, “I’ve missed you.”

“And I you.”

She smiled and gave his hand a squeeze.

“Stay ‘til the weekend at least. It’s Tara’s birthday and we’re having a party. And I...I’d really like you to see that Spike can be, you know, almost normal.”

They shared a laugh and then he nodded and she smiled, moving to hug her Watcher.