Gwen stretched out in her cushy bed and sighed.

“Man…I hate being alone. If it wasn’t for that damn Theresa, I’d have Ethan here to keep me company. You know what? I’ll be damned if some little tamale is going to stop me from having my man, and I…”

An inhuman growl interrupted Gwen’s voiced internal monologue. She shrieked and dove back under the covers. He curiosity got the best of her after a few moments, and slowly pulled the down comforter from her face. She shrieked yet again. Phil, in all of his non-corporeal ManBearPig glory, was hovering next to her bed. He was growling again.

“Who…who…what…who are you,” she stammered.

Another growl was her response.

“Well, fine then. If you don’t want to speak to me like a civilized…uh…a civilized…bear…pig...man…thing, then I don’t think that I have to deal with you.”

With a snooty glare, Gwen hoisted herself out of bed and walked to her bedroom door. Phil followed her. Gwen stamped her foot.

“What?? What could you possibly want from me? I don’t have any salmon…or…whatever pigs eat. Just…just go away, okay? I have to go get Ethan back.”

Many people in Harmony said that Gwen just couldn’t take the pain of finally losing Ethan and snapped. Others whispered that sometimes they too could get a glimpse of the “demon” that Gwen said was following her. Suffice it to say, as she walked out of her room in the Crane mansion, Phil hovering closely behind her, Gwen snapped. She snapped in front of the servants, her mother, and Julian. The latter was so taken aback by her display that he dropped his bourbon. Julian never wasted liquor. It appeared to everyone else in the room that Gwen shrieked at nothingness. Only Tabitha, Timmy, Ethan and Theresa, who were watching from Tabitha’s viewing bowl in her kitchen, knew the truth. They toasted Gwen’s hauling off to the madhouse with a fresh batch of Martimmis.


--


~Eight Months Later~


Buffy sighed as she leaned back against Spike, surrounded by bubbles and candlelight in their giant bathtub. He gently washed her back with a hot pink loofah, and his tenderness felt better than any professional massage could have. Reaching around her frame, he lathered up her round stomach; she was a week past due already, and going a tad crazy waiting for the babies to arrive. Spike knew how fatigued she was, and surprised her with a peaceful escape, even if only for a few moments.

"Buffy, love, are you feeling any better?"

She smiled and looked over her shoulder, as best she could manage, at Spike.

"You really are amazing, Spike. Thank you."

"Course, pet. You know you'll owe me after you pop."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. I'm thinking a nice long snog...followed by a multitude of quick ones."

Buffy bit her lip and turned back around.

"With how long it’s been since we've had sex, I'd bet on the quick one being first."

"Oi! Just because you're chomping at the bit doesn't mean that I have to be totally celibate, love."

"What does that mean? Who," she asked, turning fully around to face him.

Spike made a quick up and down motion with his right hand. Buffy raised an eyebrow.

"You're staking vampires?"

Buffy was met with a disbelieving stare.

"Yes, Buffy, that's what I'm doing to relieve sexual frustration."

"Well...."

"Well, I'm doing both you daft bint."

Buffy grinned.

"I thought so. And it's only been a month, Spike."

"Month and nine days."

"Whatever. I can hold out longer if you're not nice to me."

"No you can't, love. You're itching to get those kiddies out of you so you can jump my tight little body."

Buffy raised an eyebrow, then nodded.

"Well, yeah...but that's not the only reason. I feel like a manatee."

"A manatee?"

"Yeah...what's wrong with that?"

"Nothing, love. Just an odd choice of animal to describe your lovely self."

"So what kind of animal am I?"

"I'd say a very pregnant deer. Beautiful, graceful, and ready to kick you in the bloody face if you piss her off."

Buffy smiled.

"I like that."

Standing up with a groan, Buffy climbed out of the bathtub. Spike followed closely behind her and gave her a playfully angry glare.

"Bloody hell, Slayer, do you have to make such a mess when you get out of the tub? You got sodding water all over the floor."

A pained expression crossed Buffy's face.

"Spike...that wasn't sudsy water...I think...I think we have to call Willow."

Lifting her heavy form up in a fluid motion, Spike carried Buffy into their bedroom and set her gently down on their bed. He dialed a small wall-mounted phone and waited a moment while it rang.

"Willow? Yeah, it's Spike. Yeah...yeah it's bloody time. Right. Thanks."

Hanging up the phone, Spike walked over to Buffy's side and held her hand.

"The witch'll be here in a moment, pet. Now you're sure you don't want to go to the hospital?"

"No...there's no telling what I'll give birth to you know...."

"I know, love, could be a rabbit or something."

Even in her vulnerable position, Buffy's resonating smack sent Spike flailing backwards into an end table.

"Oi! I was just kidding, pet. The kids will be fine, as I've told you. I've listened to their bloody heartbeats...they're insipid those two, clearly human."

Buffy frowned.

"Whatever. I'm not having a bunny baby."

A quick burst of smoke flooded into the room, and Willow walked out of it, smiling and holding a large black bag.

"Hi guys! Let's birth these babies!"

Spike greeted the witch with a smile, while Buffy was more focused on the contractions that were wracking her frame. Willow moved to the edge of her bed swiftly, and gently prodded Buffy's legs apart. Willow tossed a quick sprinkling of dust from a small bag attached at her hip over Buffy, who almost instantaneously calmed down.

"That'll at least ease your pain, Buffy. Let me check how far dilated you are and we'll get you back in your skinny jeans."

Buffy smiled meekly and rested back against Spike's arm. Her smile quickly faded into a rage-filled sneer when a large contraction hit. It was only Spike’s superhuman abilities that saved his hand from being crushed by her vice-like grip. She glared at Spike, enraged.

“I HATE YOU!!!”

Spike rubbed his injured hand and shook his head at Buffy.

“No you don’t, pet. But thanks for saying it...means you really care.”

“I swear to God, Spike, as soon as I have these kids I’m going to stake your ass for putting me through…Ahhhck!”

Buffy’s angry tirade was cut off, yet again, by another giant contraction. Willow smiled and winked at Spike.

“I can see the head of one of them! Geez you're lucky, Buffy! This is going so quickly! It’ll all be over soon….”

“Yeah, so says the girl not pushing two beings from her…area! Soon isn’t soon enough Wills…ahh!”

With a brief amount of coaching from Willow and a quick prayer offered to the fertility god statue the witch kept in her pocket, Buffy soon pushed a tiny frame from her form. Willow quickly handed the child over to Spike, who rinsed her off, and then stared into her bright blue eyes.

“Buffy…she’s…she’s beautiful.”

Buffy was too busy pushing the second child from her form to notice any of what Spike was saying. Her Slayer stamina aided her quick delivery, and she too was soon holding a tiny baby, freshly cleansed by Willow. Tears rolled down Buffy’s eyes as she looked at the screaming little bundle in her arms.

“Spike…look at him! He looks just like you!”

Spike, whose own eyes were suspiciously misty, raised an eyebrow at her.

“I do not look like that, pet. I have better hair and I look more dignified crying.”

A string of unintelligible words came from Willow, and when Buffy looked at her frame, she was as freshly cleaned as the twins were, as were her bed sheets. She mouthed a thank you to Willow, and then turned her attention back to the little boy in her arms. Spike planted a kiss on the top of Buffy’s head and smiled at Willow.

“Thanks, Red.”

“Sure thing…if there’s anything else I can do for you guys, let me know…Buffy just needs some rest right now, and I set up the two cribs in the corner the other day, so the babies have somewhere to rest,” Willow said, shooting the pair another smile before vanishing in a cloud of smoke.

The infant in Buffy’s arms fidgeted suddenly, and then stretched out his body and yawned. Buffy’s eyes lit up as she watched his sleepy antics.

“What should we call them?”

“Pet, I think I have a suggestion…considering the reason we really have these two….”

Buffy smiled.

“Ethan and Theresa?”

Nodding, Spike sat down next to Buffy, intently focused on their children, but stealing loving glances at Buffy.

“It seems to suit them, love.”

“I think it does.”

“Now,” Spike said, standing up again and taking Ethan gently out of Buffy’s arms, “I think you and the kids need to get some sleep, love.”

Spike turned back to Buffy as soon as he had laid the infants in their cribs, and he smiled when he realized that she had probably not heard a word he said after he had taken the baby from her arms. Spike listened to her quiet, sleeping breath as he crawled into bed next to her, wrapping his arm around her form.

--

Tabitha and Timmy smiled at each other as they watched Spike hold Buffy through Tabitha’s viewing bowl. Timmy looked up at Tabitha, sipping his Martimmi.

“Does Tabby think that Spike and Buffy will be happy now that they’re mated and have the babies?”

Tabitha nodded, then sighed.

“Well, lad, I suppose it’s up to them. We can do everything that we can to help them along, and their whole ‘mating’ thing should make life easier for them, you know. But I have to tell you, being immortal is no walk in the park…that Buffy is going to have to get used to seeing everyone aside from Spike and their children grow old and die around her…it isn’t going to be easy,” Tabitha said, staring again into the small pool of water, “but I think she’ll be able to get through it.”

“Buffy is the Slayer, after all, Tabby.”

“That’s true, lad. Well, let’s see what’s going on in Harmony, shall we?”

THE END