If it had been anyone else, Angel would have said that it was crazy. Hell, he wasn’t sure he wasn’t crazy. If Drusilla had come to him with a scheme like this in the old days… I would have patted her head, rolled my eyes, and sent her off to Spike. I never understood her anyway.

God, Dru…

“Well, Mister Rabbit,” he said, feeling more than a little strange, talking to a toy whose painted-on, time-weathered face seemed to be smiling at him. Smirking, really, mocking him in a very familiar, irritating way, “Time to go, don’t you think?” he asked as he picked up the toy just as the last of the sun’s rays faded, and went out into the night.

He was headed to Jennings Street. But, he still didn’t know what he’d say to them once he got there.
*************************************************************************************
Willow looked at the rainbow on the wall of the little room. It was beautiful, really. And, the inscription beneath the arch…Spike really did love Joni. To have to stand by while that slowly went away…was nothing but a tragedy.

She sighed, and turned her attention to the little girl beside her, “Tell me again, about Spike Rabbit.”

Joni’s eyes burned with frustration and anger, looking at her, “I told you already!”

“Tell me, again,” Willow said, patiently.

“Spike was the first who played with me. He gave me my rabbit. He sang to me. Protected me,” she sounded so far away now, like she was lost in a world she wanted to go back to, a world she knew and understood, “I was always getting lost. But, Spike would find me, and save me from the monsters. There were monsters. I know it…Daddy doesn’t think so, but…”

“I’m sure you do know,” Willow said, “You’re a big girl…”

“I am! And, I understand and I know how to fix it!” she cried.

“I know, Joni, but…” Willow tried to calm her. It really was almost scary, watching her little eyes get big, and black, and her voice was so shrill…

“Why won’t they believe me? Why do they need to talk to him?”

“I don’t know, Sweetie,” Willow said, hugging Joni close to her, trying to do what she could to shield her from her parents’ fears, “I guess because it’s scary to them. They don’t know what to do, and they call Mister Giles when they don’t know what to do.”

“But I know!” Joni sobbed, “I have to go back. Spike is my best friend, he can’t go away and leave me!”

Best friend. I know the feeling… “I know, Honey,” Willow soothed, “but sometimes we just have to…”

Joni’s head hurt. Why were they talking? Talking…talking…How could she make them understand?

Suddenly she saw a bright light. So bright that it hurt her skin. Her Mommy and Daddy were in the light, and Daddy was holding Mommy’s hand. And…There! Oh, Daddy! I have to make them understand, make you understand…

But then, her Daddy was gone. He’d fallen, like the snow from home, into…

Willow felt Joni stiffen and try to pull away from her. Something was happening. The little girl’s face had gone sickly white, as if she’d seen something horrible. Her mouth opened, but no sound came out. Willow was alarmed, “Are you all right? Joni?”

There was no response. It was as if there was nothing inside her, like she was empty. And then, the sound came.

Joni screamed, and fell to the floor. Willow didn’t know what to do. So, she did the only thing that made sense.

She called for Daddy.

“Spike!!!”
***************************************************************************

Giles’s words were still spinning in her head. He was supposed to know what to do. He was supposed to help, but nothing he or Dawn could come up with was any better than what Homer had said.

It wasn’t something she could stop, not without ruining the beautiful thing, the beautiful light that she remembered. She remembered Homer, and wanted to be strong.

She wanted to believe in him and trust that the pain she’d caused him would lead to something better, something good.

She wanted so much, but she wanted him most of all. She wanted him, more than he knew. But, she wasn’t a little girl, and Buffy knew that, sometimes, you didn’t get what you wanted.

But, Joni was a little girl. She was upstairs now, with Willow, trying to get over another Slayer vision. This one had sent her into convulsions.

Buffy had never been so scared in her life. And to see the look on Spike’s face…she didn’t think she’d ever forget it.

Willow said that, with time, Joni would be fine.

Buffy wasn’t sure Spike would be, though.

He’d stopped shaking, but the respite of the embrace, the comfort she wanted to give him, didn’t last long. Before she could say another word, or even breathe deep, Spike had left her, and she felt as if something had been torn from her.

Buffy could only imagine what he’d seen, what Joni had seen, and what she conjured up was, well, hellish.

She watched him pacing at the base of the stairs, fitfully looking up after Jonina, as though the Hellmouth had swallowed her. All the progress of the last few days was gone. Again, he was the trapped, lonely and frightened animal he was a few nights ago.

It broke her heart.

“Spike,” she begged, the adrenaline rushing through her making her shake with the need to fight, to make it right; but there was nothing to fight. She needed to help him. But, how would she do that, when he wouldn’t let her in? “Tell me…Please?”

He stopped pacing and turned toward her, and what she saw in his face made her want to vomit. Her stomach flipped and she had to swallow hard to keep from being sick. What she saw in his eyes was so close to what she saw that day in Sunnydale, before he told her to leave, before he said…what he said. There was only one word for what Buffy saw in his eyes.

Agony.

“Buffy, she can’t go back there, she can’t!” his voice was full of closely held emotion, the air vibrated with the effort he was making to keep his words from traveling up the stairs, to little girl ears, “How could she think that I would be better without her? You heard what she said. She was my world, all I had…She still is. If she was gone,” he shook his head, dismayed, lost, “Buffy, I…” his voice failed him, and the pain in his eyes dropped to the floor, giving her a moment to wonder what would be so awful that he would be unable to finish a thought.

What was he thinking? What had he been through? What was so horrible that he could not utter the words?

You’re my world. Don’t you know that? Why won’t you tell me? Tell me what happened to you. Please?

Buffy felt her heart sink. She knew why. In her mind, she knew why he didn’t think of her that way, as his world, if he ever had. It was because he’d been gone for so long, and she hadn’t been in his world, anywhere. How could she be anything to him? She wasn’t there, and Jonina was, it was as simple as that. She knew that, but it still hurt, and it hurt deep, that he did not count her as part of his world, as important.

He was still unsure. He still didn’t trust her. She had to change that, somehow.

“Spike, you can tell me anything. Please…What was it like?”

Spike shook his head. It seemed as if he wouldn’t tell her, but his eyes were weary, done with the fight, “That place was filled with people I thought I knew. People who told me horrible things, and did even worse, because I didn’t belong there,” he wept, as he slowly fell to his knees, facing her, his eyes never leaving hers; his body was giving out, Buffy could see that, and she knew that without the demon, Spike could not survive. She didn’t know if she could allow that to happen, if she could take it, “…Is that what you want, to know that things I love became my torturers? That they burned me? And you…?”

Buffy wanted to hold him, but didn’t know how. Could he be held, now? She wanted to, so much.

“And now, Joni knows! She knows, and still…she wants to go back there! Why? When it should be me, why?”

Buffy slowly stepped toward Spike, and knelt, so that they were as close as he would allow. They were eye to eye, almost touching. Close enough to be one person, and maybe they would be, if she could survive it.

“Spike, that’s an easy one,” Buffy said, “She loves her Daddy. Her Daddy’s hurting and she wants to fix it. She’s a Slayer, Spike. She knows something’s wrong, so wrong it hurts, and it can’t be her Daddy, so it must be her. Think. You know me,” she smiled sadly at him, “and I know what Giles said. And, if I could…If I didn’t know Homer, and all he did for us, for Joni, you, and me…If I was little. If I didn’t understand…Spike, what would I do? She knows what I know, and things I don’t,” she took a breath, and finished with a painful sigh, hoping he would understand, “You’re her Daddy, you’re what she knows. It’s hard enough for me to understand, and I’m her Mom! I still don’t want to…To have to watch you…No. Spike, what would a little girl do, if she knew her heart was broken, and she had the power to fix it, but not the wisdom to know that, maybe, she shouldn’t?”

“Broken?” he whispered, his eyes wide with fear, and a sick understanding, “No, I…” his eyes flew up the stairs once again, to the horror that was up there, unseen, and unchecked, “Willow…!”
******************************************************************************************

DECEMBER 3, 2027- NEW ENGLAND-

His voice was weak, but it had been so long since she’d heard it, that it seemed like he was shouting, “Buffy, no. This isn’t something you can fix, Love. It’s done. Gone. And, good riddance to it!”

Buffy was buoyant. She knew she could convince him. This didn’t have to happen, not like Giles said. She could fix it, “But you don’t have to,” she was nearly laughing, blissful; she didn’t have to lose him, and Joni, she would be all right, “I’ve got Willow working on it right now! I know she could…”

“No, let this go, Buffy.”

“But, how can you say that? It’s a part of you…”

“It was a part of me. A part I gave up, to have you. Even if I’d known…I still would have done it, Buffy. You can’t be rid of me now, Love,” he smiled at her, azure eyes beaming with love and triumph, “But, you have to let these old bones go,” he spoke with a weary, removed echo that made Buffy’s bones shiver like someone had opened a window and let in the cold winter air…or walked across her grave, “It’s time I laid them down. They deserve a rest, and I do too, I think.”

“But, Spike…”

“…First though, I need to talk to Jonina.”
********************************************************************************

Jonina’s head hurt, but that was all right. She opened her eyes and saw the rainbow on her wall. That rainbow was hers, and always would be, just like her Papa was hers.

She knew what to do. The pictures showed her, and now she wasn’t sad. She knew where Spike Rabbit was.

Joni smiled at the lady with the red hair that was frowning at her. Joni could tell that she was worried, but she didn’t have to be, “Willow,” she asked, “Can you tell me how to do it?”

“Do what, Joni?”

“Put the spark back inside. You did it before, I saw. Could you teach me how, so my Daddy won’t be by himself anymore?”