Disclaimer: I do not own the Buffy-verse...Joss Whedon is the lucky guy.Sigh.Dialogue borrowed from 7.22!

I hope you enjoy my first Spuffy story ever and if you want I will continue this
story with a sequel.

A huge thanks to my fast and dilligent Beta Every Last Drop! Smoochies ;)!

And now, have fun and pleeease leave a review :)!

BloodyHell

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"Honey, you're home." Spike entered the Summer's house just as Buffy descended the stairs.

"Yeah." She spoke softly as she lowered her head, which didn't go unnoticed by him. He steered his attention towards the weapon Buffy held in her hands.

"And you did it. Fulfilled your mission, found the Holy Grail, or the holy hand grenade, or whatever the hell that is."

"Right now we're going with scythe." Buffy hefted the weapon. "You like?"

"Well, pointy and wooden is not exactly a look I want to know better, but it does have flair." Spike glanced toward the living room to see if anyone was nearby. Lowering his voice, he returned his attention to Buffy... or more to the scythe.


"I can see why a girl would ditch a fella for one of these." He seemed shy saying that, not his usual cocky self... and it stirred something inside of Buffy, something she had become familiar with in the last few weeks.

"I'm sorry about that." Her voice was even softer than before and the look she gave him was sincere. Spike tried not to read into it. He'd learned his lesson during the years he spent as her enemy, kinda-friend, and lover - Buffy would never feel for him in the same way he felt for her, and he accepted that.


At least, he tried to.

Just play it cool. Don't look like a bloody puppy waiting for his bone.


"It doesn't matter. You're back in the bosom. All's forgiven. And last night? It was just a glitch. A bit of cold comfort from the cellar dweller. Let's don't make a thing of it." He said his lines with played nonchalance, but the look of pure sadness and hurt that crossed Spike's face was clear.


Although his reaction hurt Buffy more than she would have admitted, she decided to play it cool herself. Don't let him see what you feel. Don't give him the crumb if you can't deliver the bread in time.


"Great. I have work to do."


Spike nodded in understanding and defeat, his last hidden hopes destroyed - he was a fool to have still held onto them. Love's bitch.
"Oh, yeah. Another solo mission, of course."

"Yeah, it is," Buffy replied with a snappish note in her voice.


"That's fine. You don't have to get shirty about it."

He still doesn't get it! "I'm not shirty. And what is shirty? That's not even a word." Now I'm getting pissed!


"All right, all right. Big secret mission," Spike said. "It's fine."


"It's not a secret. Well, I mean, it is, but that's the point of the mission. Find out the secret. This thing was forged by ... I don't even know. I mean, something about a tomb on unconsecrated ground. That's what I have to do. I need to find out what this is and why I have it." She took a deep breath as she ended her little speech about the scythe, her anger at Spike slowly decreasing.


"And that's the thing the preacher man was so anxious to keep out of your mitts?"


"That it is." It sounded like the end of the conversation, and Spike noticed it.


"Well, maybe I'll swing by the vineyard when you go, make sure he's sitting tight."


"Great."


"Okay."


Spike waited a second, not quite willing to leave like that. Maybe she'd say something, maybe she'd stop him, maybe ... Bollocks. As if. He turned to leave and just as he reached the back door, Buffy did chase after him to stop him. Just not in the way he'd hoped she would.


"You're a dope!"


What the...? "I'm a what?"


"You're a dope and a bonehead and you're shirty!"


Now she's losing it. "Have you gone completely Carrot-Top?"


"Do you see this?" Buffy lifted the arm holding the scythe. "This may actually help me fight my war. This might be the key to everything. And the reason I'm holding it is because of you." Buffy's eyes shone with tears and she had to swallow hard to hide her feelings.


Spike couldn't have looked more baffled.


"Because of the strength that you gave me last night."


Okay, maybe he could.


"I am tired of defensiveness and weird mixed signals. You know what? I have Faith for that," Buffy exploded in a hushed voice, nearly forgetting the house full of sleeping people around them. "Let's just get to the truth here, okay? I don't know how you felt about last night, but I will not..."


"Terrified." He looked away, his usual Spike-manner completely gone, his voice husky.


"Of what?" The smallest whisper. She wanted to reach out and touch his cheek, he looked so sad.


"Last night was..." He paused and jerked his head up. "God, I'm such a jerk. I can't do this," he exclaimed.


Come on, you prat, say it!


"Spike?" And there it was. The sound of the voice he loved the most, the tender whisper of his name, a sound that caught his soul. Literally speaking.


"It was the best night of my life." There. It was out. He seemed embarrassed for a moment and got defensive right away. "If you poke fun at me, you bloody well better use that," pointing at the scythe, "cause I couldn't bear it. It may not mean that much to you, but..."


"I just told you it did." The urge to touch him became stronger. Get a grip, Summers.


"Yeah, I hear you say it, but..." Spike looked at her and saw the tears brimming in her eyes. It was almost too much, he couldn't start hoping again. But he did. Because, there she was, in front of him, giving him the biggest crumb of his life.


"I've lived for soddin' ever, Buffy. I've done everything. I've done things with you I can't spell, but I've never been close..."

Pause.

"...to anyone. Least of all you."

Another pause.

"'Til last night."

The third pause.

The crackling atmosphere around them wrapped them in a cocoon of warmth and speculation.


"All I did was hold you, watch you sleep, and it was the best night of my life. So yeah, I'm... terrified." He took an unneeded breath. His next breath, though, was taken in anticipation of her reaction. Crumbs, bloody crumbs.


"You don't have to be." Buffy smiled a heartfelt smile. For a moment, Spike thought he was dreaming.


"Were you there with me?" he asked. He tilted his head and a hint of a smile slipped across his face.


"I was." Still the smile on her face, and now Spike returned it completely.


"What does that mean?"


"I don't know." Buffy sighed and lowered her head as the smile faded a little. "But I think I figured something out." And then she realized it for real; she knew what she wanted, she knew how she felt, she just had to tell him. Buffy lifted her head, her eyes big with realization - but no fear, no doubt was visible. I figured it out... she realized with a sigh of contentment.


"Yea?" Spike was in no condition to form a rational thought because one sentence was repeatedly screaming inside his head: She'll leave you for good, mate! But he saved face and asked with too much casualness: "Found somethin' 'bout the First?"


Buffy saw the trouble in his eyes. She saw that he was not grasping the train of her thoughts - or didn't believe the train of her thoughts- and finally gave in.


She slowly raised her shaking left hand and touched his cheek. Her warm hand met his cool skin and Spike gasped quietly. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, trying to etch the feeling into his memory.


She'd never touched him like that before. It had always been about rough sex, hard fights, or some sort of anger management. It had never been tender or sweet or loving - at least not on Buffy's side.


"No. It's not about the First. It's about me... and you." Her words and the feeling of her hand leaving his face ripped him out of his thoughts.


"What about you and me, pet?" His voice was hoarse, sexy, and oh so shy. It made Buffy's knees go weak and her heart flutter. If Spike hadn't been so concentrated on memorising that moment, he would have heard her heart beating wildly in her chest.


"I..." Come on, now don't back off. You had enough of defensiveness and weird mixed singals, remember? "I care about you and-"


Spike's shoulders drooped and pain flickered across his face. He knew what she was going to say next. 'I need you as a warrior, I need you as my pick-me-up.' I'm her soddin' comfy blanket. Bloody woman. "It's alright, love. You know I'll fight by your side, you don't need to..."


Buffy furrowed her brow and anger filled her. Honestly, he could be so dense.


"What, Spike?" she demanded. "I don't need to thank you for taking care of Dawn and me? Or for being my friend and comforter when I was not willing to live on this earth? Or thank you for loving me all the way through our disastrous 'relationship'?"


Buffy turned her head away and wiped away a single tear that escaped her eye. Her hand was still shaking, her breathing was rapid, and her heart was still hammering in her chest.

She turned back to Spike and looked directly into the ocean blue eyes that were so filled with wonder. He didn't dare say anything, and neither did he move or breath - Spike was speechless and awestruck.


Buffy's voice returned to a whisper. "What do you think, Spike? Should I really not thank you for being here? I don't think so."


Buffy went to the counter and dropped the scythe before turning back to Spike and taking both of his hands. As she looked down on their intertwined hands she spoke so quietly that only Spike's enhanced vampire hearing could grasp the words: "But that's not what I figured out, because I saw those things long before, I just didn't want to believe in them."


Buffy took a deep breath and Spike lost his hold on her right hand to put a finger under her chin. She lifted her head and looked into his kind and warm face. How could I have not seen it?


"Don't worry, Buffy. I understand and I'm glad you said it. It means a lot to me." He stroked her cheek with his thumb.


"No, Spike. It wasn't what I wanted to say."


"Oh?" He removed his finger from her face and took a little step back, but he still held onto her left hand.

"Again, no, Spike. Argh, you haven't understood what I've been trying to say for 5 minutes now!"


"Well, maybe you should make it clearer, then." Spike replied, getting frustrated with her. Buffy shot him a glare and took a step closer, only inches separating them now.


"Well, since you're very thick today, maybe you're right." Buffy closed the gap between them and pressed her mouth softly to his. The first seconds passed before Spike reciprocated the kiss. Slow, soft, and tender - they shared something that had never been experienced during their time together.


With a low moan Buffy opened her mouth and let her tongue slide over his bottom lip. Spike opened his mouth at her demand and their tongues met in a slow, sensual dance which made them both groan and whimper. Buffy slipped her arms around Spike's neck and he put his arms around her waist, letting his hands wander under the hem of her shirt.


Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! A chant of excitement and joy filled their minds.


After a few minutes, when breathing became an issue for Buffy, they broke apart, but kept their foreheads resting against each other's.


"I...you...Buffy." Spike was mumbling incoherently, his mind clouded by love and desire.


"Spike, listen to me." Spike didn't respond in any way. "Look at me." Buffy was nudging his nose with hers, which made him open his eyes.


"Yeah, love?" They were both whispering as if any loud noise would destroy their moment.


"I don't want you to think that I'm kissing you because I'm thankful or because I might feel like I have to. That's not the reason at all. Well, I am thankful, but...What I'm trying to say is..." One last pause and then there's no return. Buffy felt amazed at how she didn't feel frightened or 'wrong' - far from it. A warm fuzzy feeling in her stomach told her just how right it was.


"You are in my heart." As if to prove her point she laid their joined hands over her heart.


Spike laughed shakily and his legs started to wobble. He almost started crying and his voice was thick with emotion, "An' you're sure about this? Because I don' think I can have you and lose you again. Not anymore."


She leaned into him, the right side of her face brushing against his as her lips moved to his ear. With a whisper she made him the happiest dead man in the world. "Yes, I'm sure."


They kissed again, this time more demanding and passionately. Buffy's hands roamed through his platinum blond curls in the nape of his neck and Spike was busy drawing lines on her back, softly stroking her sides and the underside of her bra.


With a gasp, Buffy broke the kiss, panting. "Spike, we..." He trailed kissed down her face and neck, every now and then scraping over the skin with his human teeth.


Buffy shoved him gently away in order to get his attention, which earned her a big pout from Spike. She laughed - a warm, comfortable laugh that she didn't laugh very often.


"Spike, don't look at me like that. I just wanna go slow, okay?"


Spike tilted his head again and furrowed his brow as if to say 'Never knew we both could go slow.'


"I have to concentrate on Caleb and the First. I need to have an open mind for our ultimate fight and of course I have to be there for the Potentials."


"So you want first the First, then us. Not my kind of dream scenario...But does 'slow' exclude snogging sessions?"


She laughed again as he curled his tongue behind his teeth with a leer. The old Spike was back again in full gear.


"No, but I draw a line there." As he leaned in again, she stopped him with a finger on his lips. "No sex, okay?" Another pout was present on Spike's face before he kissed her finger.


"Why not?"


She answered instantly, "Because I want to have something to look forward to after the fight. Something that is worth hoping for, that will get us through the apocalypse." He nuzzled her finger with his lips and looked deep into her eyes.


"Okay, we'll wait. Whatever you want, goldilocks. You know you've got a love slave here."


As he leaned in again, Buffy didn't stop him and they sealed their promise with a long kiss, forgetting the world and its evil for a few more minutes.