DISCLAIMER: Josh’s characters, Josh’s stories, Josh’s money. I get the Spuffy Fun

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Last week on WWHWH? Buffy had some fun for once. *** Dawn met the Spikebot or did she? *** Buffy tried to show off her new robot to Spike, but he was no where to be found. Clem got confused. *** Buffy and Spike slayed a couple of vampires. *** Buffybot had a conversation with Fred Hooper the Night Manager of Buy*Mar and did some righteous vampire slaying.

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Chapter 6 – When I Think of You


Spike locked the front door and followed Buffy up the stairs. It was all he could do to keep his face from splitting open with pleasure. Here he was, less than a month after chaining Buffy up in his crypt basement and royally brassing her off and he’d been invited back into her house and he was on his way up to her bedroom.

He went into Buffy’s room and tossed his coat on the comfy chair. There was no chance whatsoever he was going to spend the night in the damn comfy chair. He stuck out his tongue at the chair and took a flying leap and landed on Buffy’s bed. For some reason, Buffy had left all her clothes lying on her bed. He snuggled in and wallowed in the heavenly scent of Buffy.

He picked up a shirt and sniffed it. Ugh, just washed. He tossed it on the floor. He flipped open the lid of her dirty clothes hamper. Damn, empty. He lit a couple of candles with his lighter.

The shower came on and he heard Buffy singing, “When I think of you, I touch myself…”

Spike decided to take advantage of Buffy’s absence to see if there was anything new in her room since the last time he’d scoped it out.

First, he checked under the bed. He found Buffy’s vibrator – lavender with two speeds and a light – in a shoebox. He took it out and tested it. Battery was running low. Well, it would do for tonight. He shoved the vibrator into the waistband of his jeans and continued searching the room for anything interesting – booze, drugs, signs of Riley, love notes to or from Thunderbrow, photos of Buffy naked. He didn’t expect to find any Naked Buffy photos, but he wouldn’t want to miss the chance the Farm Boy had talked her into something artistic.

Spike took a quick trip across the hall to check on Dawn. She was fast asleep in her nest of papers. He moved a couple of her books so she wouldn’t hurt her neck and turned out the light.

Satisfied Dawn was asleep and Buffy was on her own in the boyfriend department, and only moderately disappointed she was not having her monthlies, he stripped off his tee shirt and slipped across the hall. He opened the bathroom door a crack. The mirror was fogged with steam. He could just glimpse Buffy’s pink curves behind the plastic shower curtain as she rubbed soap on her body and shampooed her hair. Spike walked in, put the vibrator on the sink counter and locked the door.

“Slayer! Shall I wash your back?”

Buffy shrieked and held the washcloth up to cover herself. It was too small and she ended up only covering her bellybutton. “Spikebot, you startled me. I don’t think … Won’t you short circuit yourself or something in the water? I wouldn’t want to damage you.”

“I’m waterproof.” Spike kicked off his boots. The pants? No, better not. He got into the shower and picked up the bar of soap. He stroked her back, working up a lather and massaged her tense muscles, working his way from her shoulders down her back to her soft butt. He slid his hands between her legs.

“Oh. That feels good. You’d better stop, Spikebot.”

Spike squirted some cream rinse in his hand and rubbed it into her hair. “Do you like this, Slayer?”

“Yes, that’s very nice, but I really think …” Buffy turned around and glanced down at the front of his jeans which were soaking wet and very tight. “Oh! I didn’t think Warren was so thorough in making … well, parts … all the parts that … are parts.

While Buffy was floundering around the thought of robot parts, Spike kissed her and snuggled his fingers right into the part of her … that was … parts.



Willow and Tara left the movie holding hands.

“I ate too much popcorn and my mouth’s all salty,” Tara said. “I think I need to restore balance to the universe with some ice cream. Let’s stop at the Thank Heaven and buy some Drumsticks.”

Willow nuzzled Tara’s neck. “Prefer a Dreamsicle myself.”

They strolled into the convenience store, greeted Wedgy, the regurgitating frovolax demon who ran the store days and nights since frovolax demons didn’t need much sleep, and headed for the frozen treats freezer. They were weighing the benefits of various ice cream novelties when they heard a cry from the front counter.



Spikebot walked into the Thank Heaven Convenience Food Mart Open 23.6 Hours Daily and went to the front counter as instructed by Warren. Behind the counter was an aqua blue regurgitating frovolax demon, who was wearing a badge that said “Wedgy Chalk – Manager.”

“Cuz, have you changing your mind regarding the excellent marmalade?” the demon said.

“You must give me money,” Spikebot said. He waited for Wedgy Chalk Manager to respond to his request while he searched through his word glossary for the word marmalade. Jam made of the juice, pulp and rind of citrus fruits preserved by boiling in sugar. He didn’t think he wanted any marmalade.

“Spike Cousin. I am locking up the money much earlier and the bank is coming to get it already. I can loaning you enough for some pig’s blood until such time as tomorrow when I will be receiving more money.”

The statements made by the regurgitating frovolax demon confused Spikebot. First the demon offered to give him marmalade, then the demon said he didn’t have money, then he said he would loan him some money for pig’s blood. Why would he want pig’s blood? This storekeeper demon was not acting in the way Warren instructed. Spikebot didn’t know what to do so he repeated his demand. “You must give me money. Grrrr.” Spikebot threw in a growl because the Mate of Rocky the Cave Girl growled on the movie Warren showed him. He held up his hands and curled his fingers.

“William? What is mattering with you? Are you not well? Why are you making with the Grrrr at me?” Wedgy said. Buuwookkhhh. Buuwookkhhh. “You are upsetting my several stomachs with this Grrrr.”



Buffy broke loose and jumped out of the tub. She grabbed a towel and wrapped it around herself without in any way looking at her new boy toy.

“This is wrong, this is wrong, this is soooo wrong,” she chanted. She picked up her toothbrush and wiped away a spot of steam from the mirror.

Behind her, Spikebot crept up and stroked her arms and nibbled along her neck in a very tingle making way. “Sweet. Let’s go to your room and make love.”

“Huh?” Buffy said. Spikebot sounded so human sometimes. Warren did a really good job with the voice and the facial features and the parts – No! Not thinking about the parts. No way a robot could have parts like real – parts. She brushed her teeth harder and focused on the water swirling down the drain. She rinsed her mouth. She combed out her wet hair. She stalled. She looked for her tweezers. She plucked a stray eyebrow hair and stalled some more.

Spikebot kissed her neck and made tiny bite crescents with his blunt teeth. “You know you want to. I could make you cum like a freight train.”

Buffy jumped back. “Stop it. Instant stopping. I’m the mistress here and I say what goes. I’m not having sex with you. You’re a machine and it’s – It’s wrong!”

Spike picked up the lavender vibrator with two speeds and a light. He touched Buffy’s thigh with the tip and slid it under her towel. “You’ve had sex with a machine before, haven’t you, Mistress?” He turned on the vibrator. It buzzed.

Buffy dropped her comb.



Warren, who had been waiting out of sight by the front door of the Thank Heaven, could not believe his Spikebot was so inept. Spikebot only had to scare Wedgy and Wedgy was a total pussy. He must not have given Spikebot sufficient programming to figure out how to scare Wedgy into giving up his cash. “ Pssst, Spikebot. Make your scary face.”

Spikebot’s face ripped into a frightening, vampire visage. “ Grrrr! ” he said, with much more enthusiasm this time. “ Grrrr! ”

“ Aieeee! ” Wedgy cried. Buuwookkhhh. Buuwookkhhh. Glurp. Wedgy regurgitated twice, his eyes rolled back in his head and he passed out behind the counter.

Warren pulled his Darth Vader mask over his face, slipped behind the counter and pushed the button to spring open the cash register drawer. He took all the cash and handed it to Spikebot so he wouldn’t be caught with it himself. “Here, Buddy. You hold this money. You did great.”

Spikebot leaned over the counter. “What has happened to Wedgy Chalk Manager? Has he injured himself?”

“He’ll be fine. He just did the regurgitating thing. That’s what he does. Let’s go! Let’s go!” Warren said. He grabbed Spikebot’s arm and hauled him out of the store.



Willow’s heart leaped in her chest at the terrified scream. She pulled Tara to the floor and glanced up at the security mirror hanging on the rear wall of the store. She saw a man with bleached blonde hair at the front counter. He was wearing black jeans and a black tee shirt and black boots. He looked very familiar. Wedgy shook and regurgitated and then, he fainted. “Something’s happening. Wedgy passed out.”

Tara crawled to the end of the ice cream freezer and peeked around. “My goddess! It’s Spike. He’s robbing the place,” she whispered. She watched as a man wearing a Darth Vader Mask opened the cash register and handed the vampire a wad of cash.

The two robbers ran out of the store.



Buffy backed away. “Don’t touch me with that thing.”

“Why not? It belongs to you, doesn’t it?” Spikebot stepped forward holding the buzzing vibrator in front of him at a menacing angle. “It brings you pleasure, doesn’t it?”

Buffy bumped against the sink counter. She couldn’t escape without pushing the Spikebot out of the way. “Did Warren tell you do this? Cause if he did, I’m going to break his --”

Spiked stepped very close and ran the vibrator up Buffy’s thigh. “Does this feel good?” He pushed it a little higher until it was almost touching her center. He pushed it inside her.

“OHHH!”

Spike gripped her arm with one hand and stroked her with the vibrator. He kissed her and she melted into him, kissing him hard and fast, and suddenly, she slapped away the vibrator, then grabbed his arms and flipped him around and slammed him into the sink. She jerked on the zipper to his pants.

“Hope Warren knew what he was doing,” she said. The zipper stuck on the wet fabric.

Spike peeled away Buffy’s towel and lowered his mouth to one cherry red nipple. Buffy moaned and wiggled and tried to concentrate on unsticking that damn zipper. Spike nipped her and her eyes popped open. She looked into the foggy mirror and saw nothing but herself. She didn’t have time to think about what she was seeing before Spike slung her over his shoulder and carried her into her bedroom.

He tossed her on the bed and unzipped his pants.

Buffy felt certain she was going to faint.