A/N Betad by seapealsh and dawnofme
Banner by dawnofme

This is my first fanficion - posted Aug 07 on ff.net and elsewhere. I thought I'd dust it off and post it here. Posting TWO chapters per day - so make sure you don't get muddled! The one with an odd number is the second one:D



She Deserves Happy



Spike lay on his bed in a large room at the back of the house, looking through the open curtains. Dawn wasn’t far away. He could still sense it, after over a century of dreading it, and to be honest, fearing it. It was a feeling he guessed would be hard to lose.


He hadn’t slept much. There was too much to think about. But when he had, he wasn’t bombarded with the past anymore. Instead he had dreams of the future; of being fit again, being out in the sunshine, and of Buffy.


He got up out of the bed and limped to the window, leaning on the sill and looking out as the sky began to brighten. Then his nerve failed and he pulled the curtains closed and got back into bed.


He woke up a couple of hours later and looked to the window. Again, he got out of bed, went over to the right hand side of the window and tweaked the curtain back with his left hand so a shaft of light could get through into the room. He instinctively pulled back, old habits dying hard, and his heart pounded. The pounding of his heart reassured him that he really had changed, so he gritted his teeth, lifted his chin and slowly put his right hand into the beam of light, opening and closing his fingers. No pain. No smoke.


“Bugger me,” he said quietly as he pulled the curtains fully open. Eyes screwed up against the bright, he could feel its warmth caressing his body, not causing it to combust.


“Morning!” called Andrew, looking in from the doorway, causing Spike to jump and turn around. “Ready for breakfast?”


“I am,” Spike said, realising that he was ravenous.


He followed Andrew downstairs, refusing his help but leaning on the handrail and descending slowly.


Over a hearty breakfast of pancakes and syrup, they talked about their plans for the day. It was agreed that Andrew should go to the nearest Internet café to do some research on what could turn a vampire human. Much to Giles’ horror Andrew and Willow had managed to persuade him to allow his library of reference books to be scanned into the Watcher’s Councils computer system - a task that would have taken years but for a little magic from Willow.


“Shanshu!” exclaimed Spike suddenly.


“Bless you,” said Andrew.


“What? No, I didn’t sneeze. It’s what must have happened to me. The Shanshu prophecy, it must have been genuine.”


“Shanshu?” mused Giles. “I don’t think I know of it. What is it?”


“It was in one of the books at Wolfram & Hart. It said that a vampire with a soul, who played a pivotal role in an apocalypse, would be rewarded by being returned to human form." Spike smiled sadly. "Old Angel had always figured it was his but then I turned up with me shiny new soul and suddenly it wasn’t clear which en-souled vamp it referred to. Figured it was a load of bollocks after me and Angel had fought for the Cup of Perpetual Torment. That was supposed to be a predestined pointer to whom the prophecy was about. I won,” Spike couldn’t resist bragging, “but it was a fake; just another case of the senior partners pulling our chains.”


“Andrew, check in our files and see if we have anything on this Shanshu Prophecy. Make sure that there are no loop holes,” Giles said.


“Okay,” said Andrew. “I’ll go now and see you later.”


“Did he tell everyone I’d survived The Hellmouth?” asked Spike, watching Andrew leave. “I’d told him not to tell.”


“No, just me. The others still don’t know. We thought it best that way until we’re certain what has happened to you.”


“Buffy?”


“Still in Rome. She and Dawn love it out there. Why didn’t you want Andrew telling all the gang?”


Spike would never forget the words Buffy had said as the amulet had released its power in the Hellmouth.


“I love you.”


He didn’t believe her. He thought that she’d just said them because she knew that he’d die.


“I figured I couldn’t really top going out in a blaze of glory. I mean, what would I have said? Bit of an anticlimax, I reckon.”


Giles could tell by his expression that Spike was still in love with Buffy, but despite everything he hoped that Buffy and Spike would remain apart. No good could surely come of it.


“For now, I think it’s best you keep as low a profile as you can, at least until you regain your strength,” Giles replied, still dismayed at how weakened the ex-vampire was. Apart from Buffy, he’d been the strongest fighter they’d had. Now a breath of fresh air could blow him over.


“No worries,” said Spike, looking out to the garden. “I think I might have a little stroll outside. Care to join me?” He was still not totally convinced it was safe.


“Of course,” Giles nodded, accurately reading the misgivings Spike had.


They walked slowly, due to Spike’s limp, through the lounge and out into the garden. The first six feet or so were in deep shade. The pair approached the edge of the shadow. Spike paused, took a deep breath and stepped into the sunlight. After a moment, he turned back to Rupert, grinning from ear to ear.


“God, it’s real. I am human again!” He stood, arms outstretched.


“We’d better get you some sunscreen to protect your skin. You’re so pale that you’ll burn up.”


They both laughed when they realised what he’d said.


“You know what I meant.”


“Yeah, Rupe, I do, but I think I can live with a bit of sunburn after what it’s tried to do to me for years.”


*~*~*~*



Spike and Giles spent the next day quietly. Andrew continued his research into the prophecy. Giles’s told Spike of how everyone was doing after the demise of Sunnydale. That Anya had been killed in the Hellmouth and that Xander, in his grief, had volunteered to work for the Council in Africa - a trip meant to last just a few months had now stretched into over a year.


Willow had come back to London from Brazil, leaving Kennedy there. When she’d arrived in response to Giles asking her to cover the office whilst he and Andrew came to L.A., she’d announced that she was back for good.


Finally, he told Spike of Buffy and Dawn. Dawn was now at school in Rome and Buffy was on hand to help any new Slayers who were bewildered by their calling.


“So the Niblet’s growing up,” said Spike. “Is Buffy…? Erm…is she still with The Immortal?” He didn’t look at Giles as he spoke, knowing that a lame, human, ex-vampire couldn’t hope to compete with the likes of The Immortal.


“Yes she is,” lied Giles. “I’m sorry, Spike. I know how you feel about her, but she is happy.”


Spike nodded slightly, eyes remaining downcast, a lump forming in his throat.


“Good,” he said finally. “She deserves happy.”


If he’d looked up at Giles then he would have been able to tell from Giles’ discomfort that he wasn't telling the truth. But he didn’t look up, not wanting Giles to see the tears that were stinging his eyes, and threatening to spill down his cheeks. He cleared his throat a couple of times.


“I think I’ll walk round the garden for a bit,” he said and he limped out of the room, shoulders sagging.


Giles felt a pang of guilt.


Why did I say that? Best he doesn’t get his hopes up. He’s not the same person as before, so who knows what Buffy will think of him now. He tried to convince himself that it was for the best.


Out in the garden, Spike slowly walked around pausing to take in the vibrant colours of the flowers. For over one hundred years he’d lived in the night, the brightest moon still made a garden monochrome, not like this riot of colour. He made his way to a bench at the far side of the garden and sat on it. He thought about Buffy and what might have been but for The First’s apocalypse.


After he’d gotten his soul back, he’d known that it was unlikely for Buffy ever to love him and want him as he did her. It had been enough to be there for her, watching out for her, helping as much as he could. Then they’d shared that amazing night, just sleeping in each other’s arms, but it had been the best night of his life. The closeness he’d felt, more than anything that he’d experienced before. She admitted that she felt the same way, then all Hell had literally broke loose and the moment was gone forever.


Spike had always maintained that she needed a bit of a demon in her men, so why wouldn’t she be with The Immortal, that most suave of demons. He put his head in his hands, admitting for the first time that he’d never be with Buffy again.


Christ, I’ve only just got my heart back and already it’s broken, he thought wryly. This ‘being a human’ lark’s hard. Being a vampire with a soul was a doddle compared to this. Least then I was strong. Way I am now bloody Andrew would take me in a fight. I’m just sodding useless and now to make matters worse I’m wallowing in self-pity! He rubbed a hand over his injured thigh. Why does it always have to be about Buffy?


“Spike?” a soft voice enquired.


He looked up, wiping his eyes quickly with the palms of his hands as he did so. Helen was walking towards him. It was the first time that he’d seen her out of her nurses’ uniform. She was wearing blue jeans and a yellow T shirt, with her brown hair loose, falling to just below her shoulders. He noticed, for the first time, how pretty she was.


“Hello,” said Spike. “Andrew said you were going to drop by. I was afraid that I wasn’t going to get to say thank you properly.”


“That’s okay.” Helen smiled at him. “There’s no need to thank me. I was happy to be there for you.”


“Yeah, well, erm…I’m sorry you had to see me like that,” he stammered, remembering his strange behaviour.


“I’ve seen worse, let me assure you,” said Helen. “I see you’re enjoying the sun?” she added with a smile, to show Spike that she was teasing him.


“Um…well…obviously.” He didn’t know what to say. Come on, Spike he said to himself firmly, get a grip!


Changing the subject quickly when she saw that, instead of making him smile, her teasing seemed to have made him uncomfortable.


“Did Andrew and your father tell you the other reason I’m here?"


“My fa…? Oh, Giles? I mean, I never call him father. No, Andrew just said you were coming today. Why?”


“I’ve volunteered my services as your unofficial physiotherapist,” she declared. “I’ve got a whole list of exercises and so on from the hospital physical therapy department so I can help you get fit again. You looked like you were in good shape when you came in.” She blushed slightly under his gaze. “And so hopefully we can get you back there again.”


“Really? Why would you do that? I mean, it’s great an’ all, but why? You don’t even know me.” He knew it sounded ungrateful but he was astonished at what she’d said.


“I felt the first beat your heart gave in the E.R. and I know it sounds kooky but I’ve felt connected to you since then. In all my time as a nurse, I’ve never felt such an amazing thing as that.”


Spike couldn’t take his eyes from hers, vivid blue meeting warm brown. This woman had felt the first beat of his heart since he had died over 120 years ago. The very instant that he became human again, she was there.


“No, that doesn’t sound kooky at all,” he said quietly. “You brought me back from the dead, and you were there when I woke up, weren’t you? I remember now. Before…before I was taken to that room. All a bit blurry after that, but I knew you kept coming even if I didn’t let you know. I always knew you were there.”


He took hold of her hand and without thinking leant over and kissed her cheek.


“Thank you,” he said.


*~*~*~*



Giles, looking out at the couple through the window of the lounge, saw Spike kiss Helen’s cheek. He was glad that he’d agreed to Helen’s scheme. Not only would it do Spike good physically, but also emotionally. Hopefully, he’d forget about Buffy and move on.


“Yes,” he said to himself, “Helen might just be perfect.”


Andrew arrived back from his second day of research with a lot of papers tucked into a folder.


“I take it you did manage to find the Shanshu Prophecy then?” asked Giles.


“Yes, I did,” said Andrew. “I managed to find two translations of it and have spent the time cross checking until I was sure I’d gotten all the details correct.”


It had taken hours of painstaking work but if it helped Spike, it was well worth it in Andrew’s mind.


“Shall I wait ‘til Spike’s here?” asked Andrew.


“No, tell me now. Helen’s arrived. They’re out in the garden and she can’t hear about this."


“Basically,” began Andrew, “the prophecy is as Spike said. The return to human form is a reward for playing a part in an apocalypse. The thing that’s taken most of my time to get right is a footnote to the main prophecy itself. Since Spike sacrificed himself in the Hellmouth, then managed to reappear and yet again be in the thick of it fighting another apocalypse, he gets a bonus, if you like. In addition to being made human, his soul can never be destroyed. From now on, whatever might befall Spike, his soul is safe and will never be parted from him again.”


“Well done,” Giles said. “You’ve done a good job in finding that out.”


The younger man basked in the praise being given.


“I sent that e-mail to Willow that you asked me to. I’m not sure why you wanted me to do it though.”


“Look, Andrew, it’s for the best. Spike’s fragile right now. He’s been through so much that I worry how he’d cope with all the attention. Letting Willow know the fate of the others and not mentioning finding Spike, will give him time to recuperate. He hasn’t said that he wants the others to know either. He didn’t the last time, did he?” Giles said seriously.


“That’s true, but it seems mean to let everyone think he’s gone and he isn’t. He’s back and he’s human again.”


“They’ve done their grieving for him, Andrew. A few months more won’t make any difference. Did you tell Willow of my plans to stay here, that I’m helping with the local Watchers Council for a while?”


“Yes, I did, but I don’t think it’s fair that you get to stay with Spike and I have to go home and not tell anyone,” whined Andrew. “I want to stay too.”


“We’ve been through this before.” Giles sighed. “There’s no reason for both of us to stay. It’s not necessary for the Council’s work and so would raise suspicion. I need you to be in London and help Willow. She must be getting snowed under with work.”


“All right,” Andrew agreed reluctantly. “I’ll call to book a flight.”