A/N: Hi there much loved readers. There's only about four chapters left after this one, so for all of you who came this far, you're AWESOME. Anyway, enjoy. :)

Beta'd by dawnofme and Mabel Marsters.





Beautiful banner by xaphania


Chapter 45


This was starting to get ridiculous. Really. What was the point of pacing down a hotel corridor instead of just knocking? Just one simple motion of rapping her knuckles against the solid wood of the door. Sounded easy enough, didn’t it? Yes. She would do that.


Buffy walked up to the door of the room she knew her mother was staying in and took a deep breath before slowly exhaling. It didn’t help her frazzled nerves at all. What would she say? What if there was just awkward silence? Knowing how to talk to her mother seemed out of a different reality. Something distant and foreign and she wracked her brain for what she would say.


Hello, Mom, it’s me. Buffy. Your daughter? The one you shipped off to a different country and didn’t care to hear from for more than two years? Yeah, so happy to see yo-


The door in front of her swung open.


Buffy’s mind drew a complete blank the second she came face to face with her mother. And, even though she was bitter and angry, she couldn’t help but want to be wrapped in her arms. She hated herself for being weak like that.


“Buffy.” Her mother broke the silence, and Buffy fumbled to say something, but her throat was too dry. “I heard someone muttering out here and I looked through the peephole and… there you were. I waited for you to knock, but… well…”


“Um… yes, I... I was going to, but… I didn’t know what to say, I guess.”


Joyce stepped away from the door and waved her in. It all seemed like a strange dream, and Buffy expected to wake up any minute as she followed her mother into the impersonal hotel room. It felt fitting, somehow.


“How did you find me? How did you know I lived at Giles’ place…. You know, when you called me…” Buffy sat in the chair while her mother perched on the bed opposite her.


“A friend of mine helped me look up the address and I just… I had to see you, honey.”


She was staring at her so earnestly now. As though she wasn’t the one that left her. As though the barrier between them was just a figment of Buffy’s imagination. And why did she feel like her mother was purposely avoiding the question? How could she possibly find out she lived with Giles?


“Why now?” Buffy asked instead.


Joyce dropped her gaze, and Buffy felt a pang of guilt at sounding co curt, but the bitterness was on the rise, burning the back of her throat.


“I left Ted,” she replied as though it resolved everything. All the times she let him abuse her daughter, all the times Buffy pleaded with her mother to listen to her, to stand up and defend them both.


'Yeah, fucking good for you, Mom.'


Buffy tried to bite back the anger wrapping around her heart. “What do you expect me to say?”


“Sweetheart, I-”


“Do not call me that. Almost three years, Mom. Three! You didn’t care what happened to me, you didn’t even-”


“Of course I cared, Buffy.”


“Could have fooled me. And I’m certain sending me away was a show of goodwill and love too, wasn’t it?”


The rage simmered, all those feelings she’d suppressed, the memories, all of it came rushing out like a puss out of infected wound. She was beyond feeling compassionate at the sight of her mother’s teary eyes.


“I was trying to protect you!”


“Protect me?” Buffy laughed. “No, you weren’t. You were too weak to leave him and you didn’t care. I told you how he hit me and you did nothing! You just looked away, pretended it wasn’t happening. If you wanted to protect me, we would have left. Together.”


“We didn’t have money. Ted took everything I had.”


“I would have helped you! I could have found a part-time job and sure, it would have been tough for a while but we would have—Do you have any idea what it did to me, seeing him treat you like that?”


Joyce buried her face in her hands, and Buffy’s lips thinned into a line.


“I’m sorry,” her mother whispered. “I’m so sorry. If I could take it all back, I would.” She lifted her face to level Buffy with a pleading gaze. “I deserve this. I was a bad mother to you and I’ll always regret that, but… I want to change. I’m here for you now.”


The wooden handles of the chair creaked in protest and Buffy relaxed her hold. “I needed you then, Mom. You can’t imagine the things I’ve been through.”


“So tell me.”


“You wouldn’t understand. And I can’t tell you. This is just too much and I need to… I need some space to think about this.”


Buffy rose from the chair and Joyce followed her motion. The few feet distance between them could have been a vast crater for all the secrets and differences that hung in the air.


“Will I see you again? I hate that you’re leaving so upset. I thought we would-”


“What? Fall into each other’s arms? Happily reminisce? I don’t think it works like that in our case. We need to figure this all out and talk, but I can’t do this right now.”


Joyce approached her. “Do you think you’ll ever forgive me?”


“I forgave you a long time ago, Mom. But I’ll never forget.”


Her mother nodded shortly and glanced away. “I’ll be here… whenever you want to talk.”


Buffy struggled with herself then swallowed heavily and stepped closer to kiss her mother on the cheek. She drew Buffy into a quick hug then released her with a shaky smile. “I’m glad you decided to come.”


“See you, Mom,” she said and left.


*******

Her feet automatically took her on familiar routes, and she found herself standing in the cemetery shrouded by the shadows. The stake was a trustworthy pressure behind her waistband and she drew it out, channeling all the turmoil that the reunion stirred into hunting.


She closed her eyes and just listened.


A ruffle of leaves, the distant sound of traffic, but nothing out of the ordinary. She walked deeper into the biggest cemetery in town when the birds flew out of a tree somewhere in the distance. Muscles tensing, Buffy ran in that direction, stake at a ready.


Muffled voices and sounds of battle reached her ears but as soon as she caught the sight in front of her, she halted. The hand holding the stake fell to her side as she simply watched.


It was Spike.


And he was so hot she wanted to tackle him right there and then.


“Got enough?” Spike asked, goading his opponent with a wide grin. He wiggled his fingers in challenge and easily sidestepped the other vampire’s clumsy attack.


The other vampire snarled, turned around and swung a fist at Spike’s face. With a smug look, Spike caught his hand and deftly twisted it, the crack of vampire’s broken wrist carrying to Buffy’s ears.


“Come on, give us a good fight, mate. Because this is becoming a bit pathetic.”


Before the vampire could reply, Spike punched him in the face three times in rapid succession before kicking him in the chest and sending him flying several feet through the air.. The fallen vampire tried to rise but Spike was on him in a flash, his hands grasping the vampire’s head and tearing it clean off.


The vampire exploded into dust, right in front of Spike’s grinning face.


“Ever heard of a stake?” Buffy made her presence known as he stood up.


Spike spun around to face her, his lips forming adorable ‘o’.


“Buffy.”


“Yup, that’s me.”


“I was just…”


“Doing my job?” she asked with a smile.


“Something like that, yeah. Just couldn’t stay at the flat anymore, was going stir crazy so I had to go out for a bit. Went looking for you actually. Thought you might be doing one of your rounds by now.”


“Are you alright? Are you… better?”


He walked over to her and tucked his hands into the pockets of his duster. “Yeah, I think so. ‘S even better now that you’re here.”


“I’m happy to hear that.” She reached out and brushed a stray curl away from his forehead. “I love the way you fight.”


“You do, huh? He was no challenge though. One time I fought this Skala demon… now, that bugger was bloody big. It was like hitting a brick wall.”


“We should definitely spar sometimes. See who’ll end up on top.”


He slowly raked his eyes all over her, leaving her skin tingling in the wake.


“I don’t mind if you want to be on top. Just say the word, kitten.”


Then he slowly caressed the lapel of her jacket and she swayed on her feet. How did he always manage to make her speechless with one simple gesture? To make her burn with one look?


Buffy met his dark eyes and before she could comprehend what happened, he was pressing her against the nearest tree trunk, his soft lips falling on hers.


“Mmmm,” she purred into his mouth and locked her arms around his neck as he glided his lips across hers.


His fingers unclenched from her forearms and slipped to her hips as he pressed his thigh between her legs. Just when she thought she couldn’t take anymore, he started to sensuously rub against her, one of his hands lifting her leg and draping it over his hip.


“Buffy,” he said, nibbling on her bottom lip before sweeping in to slide the tip of his tongue between her lips.


She clutched at his hair, desperately pressing against his strong thigh as he rocked against her. If he kept it up, she wouldn’t have another option but to have him right in the middle of a cemetery. He probably wouldn’t mind, considering the hardness pressing into her belly.


“Want you,” she said, gasping for air as he shifted to lightly bite and lick her earlobe before amorously sucking at her neck.


Spike squeezed her backside. “Why didn’t you wear a skirt?”


“Unh… what?”


How could he even form sentences when her brain had been already turned to mush? Not fair.


“Skirt, luv,” he said with a smirk, never stopping his motion. “Could have shagged you right against this tree, right now. Just brush aside those frilly little knickers I know you like to wear and take you.”


“Oh my God.”


“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”


“Uh huh.” Why did she wear the stupid jeans again?


He played with the button on her jeans, making her shiver and hungrily follow his movements.


“Bloody… damn it.”


She furrowed her brow as he lifted her up and rounded the tree just as she heard a couple of voices. She peeked around to notice a boy and a girl making their way towards a nearby mausoleum. From the way they darted glances around them, it was probably some misguided show of bravado and the boy wanted to show off. Why did they have to choose being stupid now?


She lifted her eyes to look at Spike. Making out in a public place maybe wasn’t the best idea after all. But who could blame her, really? She was kind of tempted to say to hell with it and let him do whatever he wanted anyway. People present or not.


“Maybe we should take this elsewhere,” she finally said with a sigh.


Spike dropped his forehead against her shoulder and briefly squeezed her hips before stepping away and enveloping her hand in his. “My place?”


She nodded. “No witnesses. But shouldn’t we at least tell those kids to not roam cemeteries after sun’s gone down?”


“And tell them what exactly? That something might eat them?”


Buffy shrugged but didn’t move from her spot. “You could do those vampy noises. Scare them off.”


With a wry smile, Spike emitted a loud growl. The teenagers stared warily around and Spike repeated the sound, a little louder. Looking at each other and talking in hushed voices, the girl shook her head and hurried away, the boy hot on her heels.


“Satisfied?”


“Very much so. You’re the bestest!”


Together they strolled out the cemetery and suddenly Spike stopped in his tracks and stared at her. “I forgot.”


“What?”


“Your mum… is she there? At the Watcher’s apartment?”


“Umm… no. She’s staying at hotel.”


Spike glanced at her from the corner of his eye as they resumed their stride. “Have you seen her yet?”


“Yeah…”


“Wanna talk about it?”


“I don’t know. It was just… weird, you know? I was so angry, but I couldn’t help it. She just expects me to welcome her back like nothing bad ever happened between us. I want her to hurt as much as she made me, but at the same time…”


“You can’t help but forgive her?”


“Yes. Sucks to be me, I guess.”


“You should introduce me. I could flash a fang.”


Buffy smiled up at him. “I don’t think that would earn you many parental points.”


“No, but it would earn me Buffy points, so I’d deal.”


“You’re so sweet.”


“Aren’t I?” he said smugly. “Devilishly handsome too.”


“Oh yeah.”


“So… how about wearing a skirt next time?”


TBC