It's Not Enough
By:  Morrigan


Hey there, again!  I didn't think I would be back so soon, but I got a review from someone that inspired my muse, and this just kind of popped out, so here it is.  Please keep it up guys, you have been so great! Thank you!

To Blacknblue2 thank you again, for your help.  You are a blessing, let me tell ya!


Disclaimer:  All characters belong to Joss Whedon and ME.  I don't have the financial means to do anything about it...  But, if you can't beat 'em, join em!  So, hey...  Can I belong to Joss too?  *EG*




"This book sucks."

Dawn closed the book, and dropped it onto the floor by her bed.  She had spent most of the day in her room, listening to music, reading, writing in her journal...  reading, and listening to the Scoobs going in and going out, reading...

Buffy had come up, recently, to ask her if she had eaten and to complain about stupid girls and their stupid clumsy elbows and stakes and something else about stupid vampires.

Most of it didn't make a lot of sense.  Dawn figured it out, mostly, by looking at Buffy's face, and watching her rub her head.  The potentials had knocked her for a loop while chasing a vampire and she was mad at Spike again for being nice to her afterwards, in very typical Buffy fashion.

Now the shower was running and she could hear the rest of the girls downstairs grumbling and groaning.  And someone was down there getting with the stuffy british lecturing.  Only, it didn't sound like Giles.  It was Spike!

Dawn had felt a pang, when she heard him down there, with the potentials.

'Yeah, he can stay down there, all night, and talk to them, but can't put aside five minutes to come up and say hi to me!'  She huffed, inwardly.  She was jealous.

'Jealous?  No, not jealous.  Why, on earth, should she be jealous of people who are getting their ears chewed off?'

But she was.  Not about the *getting your ear chewed off* part, but about the being with the gang part.  And more than that, about getting to hang out with Spike.  He had been the only person who ever treated her like a grown-up.  Not just some dumb kid, and she missed that.

*squeak, thud* sounded from the bathroom, followed by "Stupid Soap!"

'It really isn't fair,' she thought.  'Everybody here has something to do but me.  Well, and maybe Andrew.  But, he at least, thinks he does.'

She could hear Spike stop, mid-scolding, to shoo Andrew away.  Broken bits of his voice, traveling up the stairs, and into her room.

"Buggerin'..."  "Nancy Boy..."  "God awful..."  "camera..."  "My face!"

Dawn laughed, in spite of her pity-party mood.

'Now, that sounds more like the Spike I know!' she thought.

She didn't just miss how he made her feel.  She missed him too.

She missed sneaking out at night, to wait for him in his crypt, so that he could tell her scary stories and talk to her about all sorts of things that her sister wouldn't approve of.

She missed how he would pretend that he wasn't happy to see her there, always saying something like,  "The slayer's gonna stake me, good and proper, if she finds out your here, so toddle on now, Little Bit!"  And she would tell him that Buffy thought that she was at Janice's and that it was too late for her to go home now, by herself, leaving him to grumble about bloody daft Summers' women refusing to leave him be...  But then, Spike would offer her the *comfy chair* or they would perch, cross legged on the sarcophagus and hang out, talking about everything and nothing, with Passions or some other late night show playing in the background.

It was cool.

But, then Dawn remembered him coming back, after he went missing...  And she was hateful and had threatened him.  He'd asked Buffy when she had gotten to be so scary.

She was mad at him, for what he had done to Buffy.  And she was still hurt and angry at him too, for disappearing and not even saying goodbye, leaving her all alone again, with no one to confide in.

Spike had never said more than a couple of words to her, since then.  And only in mixed company, at that.  She couldn't blame him, though.  He probably thought that she hated him.  After all, threatening to set someone on fire in their sleep wasn't really a Hallmark sentiment for I'm so glad you're back!  And she had spent so much time feeling sorry for herself, that she had never thought about his feelings, before.

Spike was a vampire.  A master vampire, at that, living in a home filled with slayers and demon killers!  A vampire who had crossed the earth to have his soul reinstated, forsaking his former life, his world and even his sanity, for the love of someone who denied his affections.  Returning, none-the-less to stand and fight by her side...  For her cause.  All because, in spite of her rejections, he wished to become the man he felt that she would have wanted.

Spike had lain himself bare and devoted his entire existence to a woman he believed could never look at him with anything but disdain and reluctant acceptance of him as part of her arsenal.

And, even before all that.  Before the soul, he had done anything and everything that Buffy asked of him.  He had taken care of Dawn and their mother.  He had taken care of her, after their mother had died and Buffy had jumped off of the tower.  He even patrolled with Xander and the rest of the gang, even though Xander made him crazy.

He didn't have to do any of those things, but he did. He did it because he said he would.  Because he had made a promise, and soul or no soul, Buffy or no Buffy, he was going to keep it.  He loved her that much.

'Buffy is blind!' Dawn thought.  'How could she not see what she had standing right in front of her?  If someone ever loved me, like that?  Ever even looked at me, the way he does her?  God...  He would be my world.'

She realized, at that moment, that Spike probably felt just as alone as she did.  Maybe her friend needed her, too.

She made a sudden decision then, and hopped off of her bed.  She exited her room, pausing for a moment, by the bathroom door.  Hearing that the shower was still running, she headed down the stairs and past the living room where Spike was Still pacing around, all *grrr* and giving the potentials the *what for!*

As usual, no one even noticed her.

She stilled for a beat, her hand grasping the handle of the basement door.  She didn't know if Spike was willing to accept her apology.  Or, if she even deserved it.  But she was going to find out.

With that thought, she quickly went through the door, and began her descent down the basement stairs, and into the dark.