Dedication: To Tam and to Wulfie.
A/N: Inspired by the true story of Mr. Fik. ouch! and my deranged subsequent ravings to Tam after she sent me that story. In other words, blame Tam for this one.

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Angel squirmed uncomfortably under the bright lights of Interrogation Room # 4. Kate Lockley was watching him from behind the one-way mirror in the next room. Angel could sense her, but tried his best not to show any care about it. He was too occupied with trying to keep his hands away from his pants.

“What do we know folks?” Kate asked the other two officers, both male, in the room.

The younger of the two men spoke first, “The victim is one Mr. Angel; we don’t know if that’s his first or last name. He can’t produce any sort of valid identification.” The officer looked sympathetically at the man in the other room. He shifted his feet. “Detective, shouldn’t we be taking him to the hospital? We are still…”

“No, he’ll be okay,” Kate snapped.

The two men coughed in mutual discomfort. The elder spoke up, “Katie…look I know you have some beef with this guy. But come on now. Show a little compassion.”

“You don’t know him like I do, gentlemen. How’s the search going?”

“We’ve been looking for the past hour. No joy. So, we’ve expanded the search area to a four block radius. What did he say happened again?” asked the elder officer.

“He wasn’t too clear about that. I’ll be going in soon. Keep up the search. Watch where you step. And be sure to check the sewers that run underneath his building.” Kate exited the room.

The men gave one last look into Interrogation Room # 4 and sighed. It was looking to be a long, strange night.

*************

Angel looked up in relief when Kate finally decided to enter the room. “Have your officers had any luck finding it?”

“Not yet, Angel,” Kate said harshly, slapping down a file folder on the table. “But then again, you’ve not provided us enough to go on.”

“Look I’ve given you a physical description…” Angel began.

“Oh please, you think I would believe that? You are obviously exaggerating the size.”

If Angel could blush, he would at that point. “I’m not exaggerating…”

“We’ll see. Won’t we? If and when they find it. You know that’s not the best area…lots of places, impossible to cover them all. And you can’t tell me where exactly it happened.” Kate frowned, knowing that Angel was lying. She just didn’t understand why, especially since it was essential that they find it fast. Time was of the essence.

Suddenly, the door to the room burst open. “Peaches, what trouble have you gotten yourself into now? Not that I care, mind you. Still, got a bloke wondering why the mighty Angelus would send out a familial call. Something about Dru?”

“Who the hell are you?” Kate demanded, reaching for her service revolver.

“Luv, I wouldn’t if I were you. You are welcome to try, of course, but then I get to have my turn, and that would lead to much unpleasantness and more of Angel brooding. And who needs that, I ask you?”

After striking a match on the heel of his boot and pointedly lighting up in front of the “No Smoking” sign, Spike introduced himself, “Name’s Spike. Unfortunately for me, Peaches there is family. As you might have guessed, I don’t brag about that fact.”

Kate couldn’t help it; she smiled. “Yes, I could certainly understand why. So Spike, you said something about a call? I’ve been in Angel’s company for the past hour, and he’s not made any phone calls. So, what are you talking about?”

“Since you don’t have Angelcakes here at the hospital, I’m assuming you know about our family’s medical condition,” Spike said.

“Yes, unfortunately for me, I do.”

“See, Angel here is my dear ol’ grand da. Family, pet. He sent out a vampyrific call to his family. I just happen to be the closest I’m guessing or rather the most curious. Most of us would have ignored it, but see the wanker doesn’t use it much. My curiosity got the best of me.”

Just as Spike finished talking, his eyes grew wide with disbelief. He’d sensed something was off with Angel, and now he realized something was rather off of Angel. “Bloody Hell!”

“Spike!” Angel growled in warning.

Tears of delight formed in the corners of Spike’s eyes. This was just too rich. Why didn’t he keep a camera around again? “You’ve…you’re…”

“Spike! Shut up!” Angel started to get up, but the pain made him stop his movement. Angel turned a puce green color and dropped his head on the metal desk.

Ignoring Angel’s pain completely, Spike shifted from one foot to another in glee. “You’ve been Bobbitted!!!!

“Spike! For the love of Dru, shut up!” Angel tried again to stop his infernal grandchilde.

In a singsong voice, Spike teased, “Someone’s lost his willy. Angel’s a eunuch.” Spike stopped long enough to inhale a draught from his cigarette and blew out the smoke, “Whom can I thank for this gift? It’s like bloody Christmas, Guy Fawkes, Boxing Day and my birthday all rolled into one. I must know. Tell me. I have to send a thank you note.”

Kate had held in her laughter long enough. When she’d been in front of her men, she couldn’t display any such emotion. The men would have been furious with her and then she probably would have been written up. She didn’t need that kind of hassle. However, she couldn’t hold onto her emotions any longer. Seeing the positive glee with which Spike reacted over Angel’s “condition” had her in stitches.

Then Kate realized that any moment one of her men could either come into this room or enter the one next door, and she sobered up immediately. She had to maintain her professionalism. It was the only way she would be able to get through this.

Part of her was steaming mad. It was Wednesday and she and Angel had a date for Friday. Well, that looked to be off, now. There was no way in hell that she would be going out with him now. Not after having to look for his penis. Not after every guy in the office would know who Angel was by sight. No way.

Spike found a chair and helped himself to it, plopping his feet on the metal desk. “So, how did it happen, you wanker? Well, I guess I can’t call you that anymore, seeing how you won’t be able to.”

“Just keep laughing it up, Spike. As soon as I can heal, I’ll find you and make you remember just who you are talking to, boy,” Angel threatened.

“I know exactly who I am talking to, Angelus. I just don’t give a damn. Oooo, tell me something Peaches, does the Slayer know yet?”

Angel’s eyes widened with fear. “She can never know Spike. Never. You hear me.”

The door once again flew open. “Angel!”

“Buffy?”