Chapter 2 – What Don’t You Like About It?

Buffy gave herself a muscle cramp twisting her head around to see what Spike and Cordelia were doing.

“Owwww,” she said, massaging her neck.

Cordelia was *so* the boyfriend-grabby type. She’d moved in on Buffy’s boyfriends before, but Buffy couldn’t understand why she’d be interested in Spike. Cordelia hated Spike for being the motivating factor in the bust up of her affair with Xander. Cordelia waved off a couple of acceptable looking guys, so Buffy figured she must be up to something.

When the band paused between songs, Xander looked around and saw Cordelia talking to Spike.

“Do you see what I see, Buffy?” he said.

“You mean Spike and Queen Cordelia acting all chummy?”

“Yeah.”

The band began playing again, and Buffy tugged on Xander’s arm. “Keep dancing and stop staring at them.”

Xander moved around Buffy in his patented spaz-like manner, only now he fought with her to see who would be facing the bar and keeping an eye on Cordelia and Spike.

“Cut it out, Xander. I want to see what Spike’s doing.” Buffy immediately regretted saying she was interested in what Spike was doing. To her relief, Xander was too busy spying on Cordelia to notice her remark.

Xander pushed Buffy around again, so he could see. “He’s buying her drinks with the money he stole from me.”

Xander stepped on Buffy’s foot, smudging the toe of her fashionable shoe. Shoe-smudging and toe mangling could not be tolerated.

“Okay, Bigfoot, no more dancing,” she said. “Let’s sit down and we can both watch.”

After they returned to their favorite booth, Xander leaned close to Buffy so Anya and Willow couldn’t hear him. “I don’t like it.”

“Me, either,” Buffy said.

“What don’t you like about it?”

“You first,” Buffy said.

“I hate Spike. I don’t want Cordelia involved with Spike. Also, I hate Spike. I think that covers it.”

“Um.” Buffy didn’t want to admit she was not so hating of Spike these days as formerly or to explain why she didn’t think much of the idea of Cordelia hanging around Spike, so she said nothing.

The two watched with growing aggravation as Spike and Cordelia went out to the dance floor and did a very sexy dance.

***

“Hold me closer, you idiot.”

Spike drew his arms closer around Cordelia’s waist, without actually bringing her body in contact with his.

“Buffy’s not going to believe you’re interested in me if you hold me like I’m your Aunt Esmerelda. Get real.” Cordelia jerked Spike close and ground her pelvis into his.

“I don’t have an Aunt Esmerelda, and Buffy’s not going to believe I’m interested in you, because she knows I love her. This is a stupid plan.”

“Shut up and smile. Look into my eyes. Pretend I’m Buffy, if you must.”

Spike looked into her dark hazel eyes. He smiled, but there was no pretending this girl was anything like the Slayer. If she had golden hair and green eyes and a cute ass …

“That’s marginally better. Do you still have your lair in that disgusting factory?”

“No, my *lair* is in a crypt over in the Restfield Cemetery.”

Cordelia was certain her face must be turning chartreuse at the thought of living in a crypt, but Spike didn’t notice.

Spike sighed. “I don’t see how dancing together is going to get Buffy to pay attention to me.”

“Turn me around so I can see what Buffy’s doing. Good. She’s staring at us like she’s ready to drive a stake through somebody’s heart.” Cordelia laughed as if Spike had said something tremendously funny, for Buffy’s benefit.

With great effort, Spike restrained himself from putting his hands around her throat and throttling her. If he didn’t have this damn chip in his head, he’d snap her neck for that phony laugh. He didn’t think about strangling her for long, because another problem presented itself.

Spike frowned. “Could you not grind against me like that? You’re giving me a hard-on.”

“Excellent! Let’s go talk to Buffy and let her see how much fun you’re having.”

“You’re going to get me dusted,” Spike said under his breath, but allowed Cordelia to grab his hand and drag him to the booth where Buffy held court with her gang.

“Buffy – Xander - Willow – Anya – Hi!” said Cordelia, her voice full of false enthusiasm. “Gosh, it’s good to see everyone. Mind if we sit down? I was catching up on old times with Spike.” Cordelia shoved her way between Buffy and Xander without waiting for an invitation and pulled Spike down beside her.

Buffy looked at Spike’s jeans. He had a hard-on. Buffy narrowed her eyes and stared straight in Spike’s eyes. It was the same look she gave creatures of the night that didn’t cooperate when she killed them.

“How much longer are you going to be in town?” Buffy said. She gritted her teeth and made a square smile, not unlike the one Cordelia was wearing.

“Funny you should ask.” Cordelia squeezed Spike’s hand and gave him an enthralled look. “I planned a short visit, but I met Spike and I’m staying indefinitely.”

Cordelia whispered into Spike’s ear. “Go along with me.”

“Go along with what?”

Cordelia closed her eyes. Men could be so stupid. She would have to carry the entire show. Fortunately, she was an excellent actress.

“The Bronze continues to be a major bore. Spike, why don’t you take me to see your crypt?” Cordelia stood up and pulled Spike up after her.

“My crypt, yeah. Let’s go.” He couldn’t wait to get out of the Slayer’s line of sight. In the past month, he’d gotten good at gauging how mad Buffy was at any given moment and at this moment, she was ready to blow up.

Spike and Cordelia walked out of the back door to the Bronze, which was the shortest direction to Spike’s crypt, as Buffy knew from personal experience.

“I can’t believe the words ‘take me to see your crypt’ actually came out of my orthodontically perfect mouth.” Cordelia said to herself.

***

Buffy face wrinkled up into something resembling a 100-year old vampire with a hemoglobin jones.

Spike was up to something. He was up to something and he had a Cordelia-induced hard-on.

He always hung around Buffy no matter how hard the others tried to get rid of him. Tonight, he was anxious to leave. He was in such a hurry; he didn’t even steal the rest of Xander’s loose change from the table when he left.

Buffy scooted across the leather booth so she was sitting next to Xander.

“I don’t get it,” Xander said.

“Me, either,” Buffy said.

It wasn’t true she didn’t get it. Spike was punishing her for not talking to him earlier and for not telling her friends that she was seeing him. Cordelia was stealing another one of Buffy’s boyfriends without even knowing Spike was her boyfriend. She must be psychic.

“What don’t you get?”

“A – I don’t get the part where Cordy hangs around with Dead Boy, who she hates and B – I don’t get the part about Cordy going to visit a crypt. Any crypt. Ever. For any reason.”

“The crypt part is way wiggins.”

Buffy waited for a decent interval of forty-five seconds before she stood up to leave.

“It’s time for me to patrol.”