Chapter Six
Revelations

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Unexpected news, surprises, shocking revelations…it’s amazing the varied impacts these can have on a person – both emotionally and physically.

Buffy felt like she couldn’t breathe. Her chest was squeezing her heart so tightly at that moment that she was amazed it didn’t burst within her. She knew that Dawn had to be in pain from how tightly she was squeezing her hand, but if she was complaining…Buffy couldn’t hear her. All she could hear was the echo of Sanje’s words resounding in her head along with the alarmingly loud sound of her heart beating wildly. Opening her mouth to take a large gasp of air, she caught sight of Sanje staring at her oddly. Aware that her reaction must seem very strange to their hostess, Buffy was grateful when Willow and Tara both spoke up with questions about William and ‘his elven wife.’ And although she really truly so didn’t want to know about that – mostly anyway – there was a very large part of her that Buffy was surprised to learn was morbidly curious. So she looked up warily, preparing herself to hear more shattering news, but was surprised to see Sanje frowning at them instead.

“Ye are friends of William, are ye not? Then how can ye not know about his wife or how she was murdered and he spent years searching for her killers before having his revenge on them? Tis not right that ye not know such information if ye really be friends of his.” Sanje had stood up while she was saying this and had backed slightly away from the group.

Tara was the first to react, hurrying to reassure the woman that they were indeed friends of Spike’s but that they had not seen him in many years and were regretfully uninformed about these facts. This seemed to appease Sanje somewhat and she sat back down, shaking her head and muttering to herself about becoming a suspicious old lady. After a few moments, she looked up at them and apologized for her rude reaction. “After all that has happened recently, tis easy to be distrustful of others, but I forget me manners. Apologies?” After the girls’ hurried responses of ‘yes’ and ‘of course’ Sanje hesitated another moment before she continued speaking quietly. And as she spoke, the girls began to get their first look inside how different Spike’s life had been since they had last seen him. Epic battles and ability to be in sunlight not withstanding, it was hearing intimate details of his love life that finally clued them in to how much had changed.

“Well, to be honest, you’d have to speak with William to get all the details. I only know what I’ve heard and what little he has shared with me, and I’ll not be telling ye details that were shared in private. But seein’ as it’s a painful subject for William, I ‘spect he’d appreciate me givin’ you the basics so none of you bring it up to him unknowingly.” Sanje took a moment to gather her thoughts and decide where to start. “Well, I ‘spose you know that William was a hero during the Battle of the Five Armies? Oh, yes, indeed. That’s actually when all the legends about him first surfaced, and they only grew over the years.” She shook her head fondly in remembrance.

“Anyway, after the big battle, William spent many years traveling in the company of a great wizard, Gandalf the Grey. Now I’ve never met Gandalf personally, but the rumors about him go back many years before he and William met, and they tell of a wise and powerful man. It was in his company that William spent his first years as a warrior for Middle-Earth.” Tara and Anya exchanged a glance at the ‘first years’ comment wondering just how much Sanje actually knew about Spike, but none of the others seemed to pick up on that. “It was about five years into their travels that William first met the elven princess, Rhiale. I’ve no real idea about how their first meeting went except that William told me that she laughed at him for something or other and that he was equally annoyed by this, as well as impressed by her fearless bravery in the face of armed strangers. Somehow or other, William and Gandalf ended up spending some time with the forest elves and he got to know her a bit better. And although I believe that she was already holding a piece of his heart when he left there the first time, William did indeed leave and continued his journeys with Gandalf. Over the next few years, William made several visits back to that forest…Lorien, I believe it is called. During this time he and Rhiale came to know each other better and it was only when…” Sanje appeared to hesitate at those words before continuing.

“So, eventually William and Rhiale fell in love and were married. Their union was most unusual as elves normally do not marry outside of their kind, but however it happened…William was accepted by her family and friends and they settled into a happy life. Not two years into their marriage, Rhiale was murdered while William was away. He returned home to find her missing and tracked her until he discovered her mutilated body. According to legend, he was grief-stricken and sat there holding her for days until some of the other elves found them and took them back home so that she could be buried. The tales all vary at this point, and I’ve only managed to piece it together based on what little I know and believe. The tales all say that William spoke not a word to anyone during the entire time that they were traveling back home…nor during the funeral…nor even during the time of mourning afterward. I believe that part is likely true as William, as a rule, rarely talks about his wife and never about her death…understandably so, poor soul. Regardless, all the tales agree that one day William up and packs his bags and leaves – sets out on foot on a mission of retaliation.” Anya nodded approvingly at this, but the others were motionless waiting to hear the rest.

“He spent anywhere from a few months to several years – depending on the storyteller – searching for his wife’s killers. But all tales agree that when he did finally catch up with them and had reaped his vengeance, that he finally returned to his wife’s home where he presented himself before his father-in-law and offered his sword to take his own life for penance in failing to protect Rhiale. Knowing William and how personally he takes the failure to protect one he loves, I believe that part is also true. I have no desire to learn exactly what was said that day as that is private…sacred almost…but Rhiale’s father, the eleven king, did not hold William at fault. And I believe that it was his forgiveness that allowed William to begin to move on. I do not know that he will ever fully heal from that loss though.”

Sanje looked thoughtful for a moment before changing the course of the conversation. “So now you know the basic story of William’s tragic love and what happened. After he emerged from a long period of mourning, he began to travel again and that is about the time he got involved with the rangers. Not many years after that is when I first met him. And although I have aged a good bit since then, p’raps ye will be so kind as to explain how ye ‘have not seen William in a long time’ – long enough that ye not know about events that happened nigh on fifty years ago, and yet none of ye look to be half that in age?” And she leveled the girls with a shrewd stare, waiting for answers.

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Xander had never been one to hold his tongue and it had gotten him into trouble time and time again, but he was trying to at least choose his words a bit more carefully. If he were honest with himself, he could admit that he was extremely envious of Spike at the moment. Not in any real negative sense of the word as envy is an emotion that can choke the life out of you…something Xander was all too familiar with in his short life. But in an ‘I want what you have and I’ll do what it takes to get it’ type of way. It just totally blew him away that Spike, of all people or vampires or whatever, had come to this world where he could be anything he wanted and had made the kinds of choices that put him in a position where he was admired and respected and even – dare he say it? – loved by seemingly everyone they met. He had yet to hear a single negative word being spoken about Spike and it had given Xander real pause to think. He wasn’t very astute, as a rule, regarding his own faults and flaws – acknowledging them, attempts to change, or anything else. As a rule, he preferred to live in the land of Denial where it was blissfully ignorant and peaceful. But having reality literally smack him in the face since they’d gotten here… Was it really just a couple of days ago? Well, he was coming out of the self-imposed fog and realized that he faced the same choices Spike had years ago. He could choose to remake himself or he could choose to remain as he had always been. And he wasn’t so ignorant that he didn’t realize that previously he had been very self-involved. He was well aware of that. There hadn’t been a whole lot of room for change in his outlook on life, but there had been reasons for that. Painful, well-learned reasons. And no one really understood that he was in the habit of looking out for himself because no one else ever really had. When your own parents didn’t put you first…or second…or even in the top five… Well, suffice it to say that self-involvement was the only way to ensure that he ever had any happiness. Sure he had friends, but his friends had their own lives and concerns. And Xander got that. He just didn’t like it all that much.

He had maintained a specific idea of how his friends were supposed to be and what his role was for a long time now. Newcomers and other changes that threatened the small stability he had found had to be dealt with quickly and harshly. Which was why he tended to over-react on a regular basis. Why he was judgmental of things he didn’t understand. Why he voiced his opinions even when he knew he should just keep his mouth shut and let others work it out for themselves. Seeing how things were here, seeing how Spike had changed, seeing how these people were accepting him at face value… All these things were making him re-evaluate his entire view of life. And while it was a bit scary and quite overwhelming, he had to admit that it was also kind of freeing in a very unexpected but pleasant way. The idea that he could become someone new…someone that he could like as well as others…someone that didn’t remind him of the bigotry and hatred he had grown up with… It was the single most amazing thing that had ever happened to him…and a little bit of a dizzying realization. And he totally didn’t know what to do with it! He was trying to watch his words and just be a decent guy, but beyond that… He didn’t know what came next. He had this Slayer strength now and he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do with it. And he wasn’t sure if there was anything in particular he should be doing for himself to keep the personal changes going or what. Should he meditate? He’d always laughed at the idea of people ‘centering themselves’ but then again, those people had always looked more peaceful than he felt. Maybe he should work harder at listening to others? Yeah, that was probably a good idea. Anya was always complaining that he didn’t really listen to her. Well, he could change that, and he should change that…particularly where Anya was concerned. She had lived for eleven hundred years before meeting him. And if Spike, who apparently had more wisdom than he did judging by actions, had only lived a fraction of her time…how much had he overlooked where his fiancé was concerned? How many times had he hushed her for fear that she would embarrass him with what she said? Granted, the others didn’t really need to know all the intimate details of their love life, but there were lots of times when she asked questions or spoke up on other topics and he blew her off. Not the least of which was the fact that their engagement was still a big secret. He wasn’t sure exactly what came next in general, and although he was relatively certain that both Spike and Giles could and would help him figure that out…he really needed to talk to Anya first – for a change. And once again he was surprised by how good the decision to make changes could feel. Smiling to himself, he started humming a tune while he and a couple of the villagers worked on the new support struts for the barrier wall.

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Had one of the villagers observed the girls leaving the inn that morning and again leaving Sanje’s that evening, it is likely they would not have thought they were seeing the same people. It was a quiet, subdued group that slowly walked back toward the inn for dinner. Each of the girls was wrapped up in her own thoughts and feelings which were as varied as they were intense. Each of them recalling the events of that very afternoon as well as the past couple of days and reflecting on how it affected her personally, as well as her friends.

Sanje had only listened to one or two fumbled excuses from Tara before suddenly she suddenly stood up with a startled expression on her face and had proclaimed that they were from William’s world. The distressed expressions on each of the faces in her living room had Sanje hastening to reassure the girls that this knowledge was safe with her and not to fear, before she was sitting back down and reassessing the group and the situation. The conversation that had followed had been – while not as startling as the previous bit of news about ‘William’s elven wife’ – quite an emotional roller coaster and a ride that everyone was glad to get off of by the time they left.

Dawn was torn between warring emotions. Knowing that Spike had found a full life here complete with friends and a wife who had apparently loved him the way he always wanted to be loved…well, it almost made up for the guilt she had felt for months since watching him jump into the portal. Knowing that he had lost someone else he loved – and knowing how the loss of Drusilla had affected him – made her want to cry for the pain he must have experienced. She wondered if he’d had any close friends around during that time immediately after Rhiale’s death and wished she could have been there for him the way he’d always been there for her. Knowing Spike and how he loved, she didn’t doubt for a moment that Buffy still held a piece of his heart. And she strongly suspected that her sister had been starting to come out of her self-imposed fog of denial and realize she had feelings for the bl- er, no-longer bleached vampire. Maybe now that Spike had so obviously found his place in this world and come to terms with who he was and wanted to be…and if he’d had time to reach a place where he was ready to move on…and if her sister didn’t react too badly to the news of his deceased wife…maybe, just maybe she would be able to see her two favorite people in the whole world – this world or any other – find happiness with each other. She sighed fondly at that thought and started scheming ways to ensure that happened.

Tara was also torn at the moment. There was just so much to take in and she didn’t even know where to start. She hadn’t missed the devastated look on Buffy’s face when Sanje first mentioned Spike’s wife. Calling him ‘William’ was just too weird, but maybe he wanted to be called that? Hmm. She’d have to ask him that at dinner. Shaking her head at the distraction once she’d decided to find out the answer to that question, Tara got back to the topic of Buffy. Their friend had said very little once that tidbit of news had come out. But the storm of emotions openly on display were very telling to anyone who was looking. Tara was determined that she would be an open ear and heart for Buffy to lean on to work through this. A soft but firm hand squeeze earlier wasn’t enough of a gesture, so she’d have to speak up even if it was an awkward topic. It was disturbing to her, however, to realize that Willow – who was supposed to be Buffy’s best friend – apparently hadn’t realized any of what Buffy was feeling at the moment. Willow had been distant and preoccupied all day and although she’d been right there with them touring the town and enjoying the day and meeting people…Tara had felt like Willow was worlds away. She was worried about whatever was bothering Willow and decided that they needed to find a few minutes to talk privately, maybe before dinner? And maybe whatever was upsetting Willow was serious, but they’d all been together since arriving and she couldn’t fathom what could be so bad that Willow couldn’t be considerate of her friend’s emotional distress. She shook her head thoughtfully and continued walking toward the inn.

Anya was relatively certain that she was the only one who had picked out the really important part of their conversation with Sanje. Sure it was interesting to learn about Spike’s life here before they found him again, and she was honestly happy that he’d been married. As he had always been very loyal from what she’d seen, it was great that he’d found someone who could appreciate that about him. However, the others were failing to recognize that all this had happened years ago. And while it was new to them, Spike had already dealt with it and moved on with his life…for another fifty years! And that was what had caught her attention. He had made a life here. Spike had basically accepted that he wasn’t going to be getting back to earth at all. You don’t plan on leaving if you up and get married! Well, maybe some did, but those guys were the reason she’d had a job in vengeance for so long. A guy like Spike doesn’t make a commitment like that unless he’s planning on sticking around. It had taken him ten years to do that, from what she could gather. So, if he’d been here for sixty years now, she figured it was time to acknowledge that they were likely stuck. Unless Dawn went through some kind of metamorphosis and reverted back to being the key – unlikely at best – then it was time to embrace the truth. She was wondering how to bring it up to the others and figured Giles would likely be the only other one who might have already considered this possibility, when it occurred to her that she should talk to Xander first. He was her fiancé after all – even if no one else knew it yet – and one her bridal magazines had featured an article on increasing communication between you and your significant other. Apparently, sharing feelings and fears was just as important as sharing orgasms when it came to improving intimacy. And although she wasn’t entirely convinced of this, Anya was game to try anything at least one.

Willow was beyond perturbed as she slapped at the 5th fly to land on her head in as many minutes and tripped over yet another stone on the path in the process. At home in Sunnydale the streets were paved and she could wear comfortable walking shoes and the city sprayed for flies and other insects and she could still do magic. That was bothering her more and more with each passing minute. The only other thing that was more upsetting was the fact that none of her selfish friends had thought to ask her about it since last night. Hello! They were all there and no one else had lost as much…Dawn didn’t even want to be the stupid Key, so no lost there…well, okay, Buffy had lost out also. But that just goes to show that no one was thinking of her pain. Buffy should have been the first one to check on her, knowing exactly what she was feeling by losing her sense of identity in this world. No, that’s not right. Tara should have been the first to check on her. She was her girlfriend after all and she knew better than the others how important magic was to her. All her friends were more interested in this stupid little village that didn’t even have running water or in the food here (which was good, actually) or in hearing the details of Spike’s doomed love life. That guy just never caught a break! He should just give up on women altogether. Maybe he’d do better with men. And that prompted Willow’s first genuine smile of the day, albeit a slightly spiteful one, as they walked up to the door of the inn.

Buffy wasn’t paying a whole lot of attention to what was going on around her at the moment and she almost tripped over the couch because of it. She looked up, startled that they were back in their room at the inn. When did that happen? The walk back had been a bit of a blur to her and she sat down on the couch and closed her eyes trying to block out all the confusion. She felt like everything she knew had been turned upside down and spun around before being reinserted backward into her head. Let’s see… She was no longer the Slayer. She wasn’t sure what abilities – if any – she might possess in this world. Spike was a hero in this world – and not just an occasional grudging hero. Oh, no, he was the stuff that legends are made of…who would’ve thunk it? Remembering the cheers from the townspeople the previous day brought a bemused smile to her face. Spike had lived a whole life here. He had made friends and found his path and fallen in love with someone else. Someone who had loved him back. She bet his wife hadn’t ever hit him and broken his nose or put him down in front of her friends or called him a pig or evil. No, she’d be willing to bet that his wife had been one of those absolutely perfect women. You know, the kind who might have flaws, but you can’t see them and they’re so wonderful and kind and beautiful and funny that you want to hate them, but for those same reasons you really can’t. And although Sanje’s comment to her as they were walking out the door about how ‘William loved with his whole heart and one you had a piece of it, it was always yours’ along with the knowing smile seemed to suggest that there was still hope for her and Spike…Buffy wasn’t so sure about that. She was only realizing that she had feelings for Spike – surprisingly strong feelings judging by her reaction to the brunette hussy last night and today. She was confused and unsure and wanted desperately to have the answers, but she didn’t have any of them. But maybe, just maybe, she could find her way in this strange new world. And with that little bit of hope carrying her, Buffy fell asleep, blissfully unaware that it would be some time before she got any of her answers.

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TBC

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