Buffy was exhausted. And mad at herself. I’ve got no right to be *anything*! For me, it’s been six weeks. That’s not as long as some of Dad’s business trips were. Yet, * I’m * the one that’s tired…No… she poured another cup of coffee, and picked up the raggedy bunny that had been left on the table when Spike carried Joni to bed, and felt the soft “fur” as she petted it absently. It looked old, worn through in some places. This little rabbit had been through many adventures with her, and she had grown so big. So many years had gone by.

How many were there, for her, and for him too? Oh Spike... How many were there? How many…?

As she felt the softness of the toy in her hand, she began to wonder who had made it for her. It didn’t feel like a synthetic fabric, it felt natural. Almost like suede. That’s when she realized- it was suede- it just wasn’t from any animal she recognized. The tiny toy had been made of the skin of an animal from that place.

It had been softened, and stitched together by loving hands. Someone had made it just for her.

Did you make this, Spike? Her heart ached at the thought of it. Of course he had made it for her. There was no one but him. He took care of her, for years. There was no one else.

Buffy remembered what she saw of that tiny cabin, and there wasn’t much inside of it. Yet, she knew that Joni had food and clothing and a warm place to stay.

Buffy could remember the howling wind and snow in that place, and it was dark. It seemed to be dark everywhere she looked, everywhere but around the tiny cabin.

She could remember the look on his face. It was as if he knew the warmth he had was leaving him- and still, he let them go.

Buffy began to wonder if he regretted it, if he had anyone, or anything to protect him there, while Joni was gone. Then suddenly it came to her. Willow’s spell had allowed her to see something extraordinary. She could remember the words even now, and his hushed, hoarse voice as he spoke them, as though he didn’t quite believe it was true:

“I shouldn’t have hands, or feet…or eyes. Oh, God! I protect him…I am the part that keeps him sane. I’m his scream…you have to hear him. Help us.”
*****************************************************************

“Oscar please,” Liam begged, “Let me go. I-I swear,” his eyes lowered in shame, “I’ll tell them. You know Spike is in no condition to…”

“Oh,” Oscar hissed, “now you’re concerned! That’s a new one, that is! You are such a liar. All the other times,” he gave a weary sigh, “And believe me, there have been many times, one little girl, in fact, an entire universe, was nothing if it got in the way of what you wanted! It didn’t matter who was in pain, all you had was cryptic answers,” he squinted at Liam and sneered in disgust, “But now it matters?” he scoffed, “That’s just typical of you. Spike wouldn’t need my help if it weren’t for you! But he doesn’t really matter, does he? All that matters is your humanity! But then, that’s not true either, is it?” he regarded the man with a mixture of hatred and pity, “Did you know that, as disgusting as I think it is to think about, if he’d been well, and whole, Spike would have rescued you by now? That’s how big his heart is. But, if you actually wanted to be human again, you would have taken it when it was offered to you the first time”

This information was too much for Liam to take, and in his anger, the monster he had been showed itself in his demeanor, “What are you talking about?” he snapped, his blood boiling, “You’re just an accountant! Why do I have to answer to you?”

Oscar’s blue eyes widened at the arrogance that Liam was displaying, “That little blunder with Illyria…When you tried to pull Joni back? And let’s not forget the mess she made when she tried to rescue Gunn from that ‘holding’ dimension. You really did make a mess, didn’t you?” he continued, his venom strengthening as it became clear Liam was as dense as he looked, “Oh little brother,” Oscar rolled his eyes and huffed in frustration, “you were right. I can’t believe it comes to this…” his eyes softened as he relived a memory.

DECEMBER 25, 2027-

There would be no celebration this Christmas, just as there was none long ago when his little Diana had been taken from him. The dream had died with William. And, he knew who was responsible.

Spike had made the witch swear that Jonina would never discover the true origin of the virus that had killed both of the people who she called her parents, and when he’d died that winter morning, just as the dawn was breaking, Oscar made his own vow. If Joni ever did find out, he would do whatever he needed to do, to protect her…

Oscar’s voice trailed off as he remembered William’s fevered rantings, near the end. Something about dimensional rifts and magic, it was all just too much to take.

Then, when William died, he began his research on the amulet that Wolfram and Hart had given Angelus, which he then, like the good puppet he was, placed in the Slayer’s hands. She then, unwittingly, and painfully, eliminated the Higher Plane’s true champion.

It just took her years to do so.

When Oscar had discovered that Joni had actually succeeded in going back through the rift that the amulet had made, he saw his opening.

He had existed long enough to be able to go back without widening the tear- and he’d made a promise- one that he would keep.

It was just too much to take. The denial was screaming from his eyes, and something in the vampire just snapped. When it did, he dealt the man a fierce backhand blow, and was satisfied when he heard the fragile bones splinter, “Are you still going to insist that all of that wasn’t real?” Oscar asked loudly, wanting to be heard and understood above Liam’s howl of pain, “Joni will find it, I’ll make sure of that. One way or the other…I am going to spare them years of pain. Now, whether you help that along or not…?” he shrugged and his voice lowered to a whisper, “Doesn’t matter. A thing like that…” Oscar shook his head, “It’s like sunshine. It’s never happened…not to us,” his eyes grew hard as they looked at the pitiful man in front of him, “But it happened to him. I want to make sure you don’t ruin it for him.”
**************************************************

Buffy knew what she had to do. So why did she feel like she shouldn’t?

But there was no other way, and Spike was so broken. She hoped she wouldn’t disturb them as she made her way down to the dojo. She remembered the words that Willow had spoken in that karaoke bar and she whispered them as she stood in the empty space of the workout room, “May the protecting energy that enfolds the Slayers, the unseen force that guides,” her lips became dry as she began to feel the energy sparking around her.

But something was different. It seemed weaker this time. She felt her blood speeding through her as she continued, “…The celestial energy that binds all beings…please,” she begged as the tears slipped down her face, “come to my aid….”

Buffy suddenly felt a cold rush of wind and felt a presence like the one she’d felt before she’d been pulled from Heaven.

This was divine. There was no mistaking it…

She opened her eyes and beheld the greying, kindly, weeping eyes of the one she’d banished. The old man who was so much more, she knew now, than he seemed, and she spoke his name, “Homer,” she choked, as she watched his sad eyes burning brightly; she used the name he knew, but now she understood the miracle of this. She knew who he had been, and what he was going to be.

She just hoped she would have the strength to stand by and watch the transformation. Her throat was tight as she whispered, “Homer, I don’t know if he’s strong enough…If I’m strong enough,” she lowered her eyes away from the light that flowed from his form now, “Please,” she said softly, “tell me what to do. Help me.”

His voice was almost broken as he spoke, “Oh Love…it’s not in your hands now. I would that it were. But…how it ends? That’s up to him, now.”