AN: Thanks for all your nice reviews. I hope you will like this second chapter too. Thanks again to Tamakin84 for betaing and correcting my grammar and making helpful suggestions to make it more readable. Thanks to slaymesoftly for checking that then again and for her help ;) *huggles*

PS *insert big smile and thank you*
I was nominated in the categories Best Love Stories, Sexiest fic *raises eyebrow*, Best written and Best author *lol* for "Can I rest now?" at the Lost in Spike awards.
Again lookie and clickie








Chapter 2

Oddly, he grew into his role as a protector rather quickly. After a while he realized that he instinctively knew how to take care of the people he was sent to by the Powers That Be. He met all different kinds of people from every level of society. He was sent from job to job without any rest. He couldn’t even sleep if he tried to, but he loved his new job and after all, it was infinitely better than spending eternity in hell.

He was amazed at all the different people he “met” and the insights he got into the human soul and therefore into his own too. He learned how hard it really was to always make the right choices, to take into consideration all the possible outcomes of each and every action undertaken. These were very hard decisions even when you had a soul.

His nights were spent by the beds of his charges, trying to put them on the right track through their dreams; he also thought a lot about his own life and the right and wrong decisions he had made. He was deeply sorry for so much that he had done, and there wasn’t an opportunity to correct them and tell the people just how sorry he was.

And most of all, when the people in his care weren’t keeping him on his toes, his thoughts always drifted back to Buffy and his Nibblet and how terribly he missed them. Those were the biggest regrets he had. Never making peace with Dawn and not telling Buffy he was back after the demise of Sunnydale. He should have tried to get to her and not let himself be influenced by his ponce of a grand sire, who told him that she deserved better than him. He missed them terribly and just wished he could take a look at how they were doing. Hell, he missed all the Scoobies, even the whelp.

He had to wait ten more years before he could see them again and he knew that this assignment would be his final one. He could just feel it.

He had to take care of a younger slayer named Tam, who was still in training at the Watcher’s Council but was coming close to being the next rogue slayer. When she had been a child, she had to witness the death of her parents at the hands of a Fyarel demon. After she got the powers of a slayer and was informed about demons, she set her mind on revenge for her parent’s death and Spike had to try to stop her.

It wasn’t easy, and more than once he was desperate for some guidance on how, exactly, to help the girl, but somehow he got it done.

He pushed her in the direction of the other slayers and encouraged her to make friends with them, to learn and listen to what her teachers had to say; step by step the angry girl was replaced with a slayer with a great future.

Some nights he went to Buffy’s bedroom instead of Tam’s just to watch her sleep. During the day he always tried to keep his distance when she was near the younger slayer under his care. It was just too painful for him to see her, but not being able to talk to her or touch her like he so desperately wanted to. However, at night, when she was sleeping, he could drink her in, fill his eyes with her peacefully sleeping form and even talk to her. He knew that she couldn’t hear him, but still he told her how sorry he was, how he missed her and that he still loved her with all his heart. Sometimes he even gave in to the urge to kiss her forehead as a good bye when he left to go back to his charge.

She seemed to be happy and content with her life as the senior slayer. The Scoobies were still gathered around her with Giles as their father figure and together they represented the new Watcher’s Council. Willow had become the powerful witch that she always was destined to be. Xander and Andrew had turned out to be somewhat useful in locating the new slayers and bringing them over to England. But he was proudest of his little bit. She had turned out to be one of the smartest watchers the Council ever had. He somehow managed to slowly push Tam in Dawn’s direction, and shortly after that, she became Tam’s watcher and friend.

Spike always knew when it was his last night at one of his assignments, and because he was sure that Tam was OK now, he decided to spend his last night in Buffy’s room. Before he went to her, he visited all the Scoobies in their rooms and said his good byes. He thought that they still hated him and would never have treated him with any respect, but he wanted to change his attitude towards them. He thought that they had been right to hate and despise him. Too many bad things had happened since their lives had crossed paths.

When he reached Buffy’s door he felt like a big burden had been lifted from his back. He had made his peace with the Scoobies, even if they would never know.

He expected Buffy to be asleep as she normally was when he visited her room; but when he entered, she was sitting upright in bed and watching the door intently. He stopped dead in his tracks. She had tears running down her cheeks and was cradling something to her breast. He moved towards the bed and noticed that her eyes weren’t following him, so she still couldn’t see him. Spike didn’t know if he should feel disappointed or relieved. He sat beside her on the bed and tried to see what she was holding in her hand.

“I know you’re here Spike. I’ve felt you every time you were in my room. I could always tell when you were around me. I sensed you when we were enemies, could separate you distinctly from every other vampire I met and I couldn’t even feel Angel that strongly. It didn’t matter whether we were allies, lovers or friends, I could always sense when you were nearby. The nights you’ve spent here have been the most peaceful nights of my life and I always felt wonderful in the morning after your visits. I wish you were with me. I don’t know why you are here or how I know that you will leave after tonight, but I want you to listen to me, to what I have to say."

"I love you Spike. I’ve missed you every day and only the hope that I will see you again sometime is keeping me going. I’ve finally come to love my life as a slayer and don’t see it only as a burden anymore. I’m happy to be able to teach, to give these younger slayers my knowledge and watch them grow. They will never have to feel alone, because they aren’t the only chosen one; and with the Scoobies still here, we are like a big family. It’s taken a lot of years for us to get over the mistakes we made in the past and the way we used to simply close our eyes and ignore them. We had a lot to talk about. I think it took almost four years before I could trust Giles again. The attempted murder of you broke that trust into pieces, which ever so slowly had to be rebuilt. You may not believe it, but in the end, they finally saw what I saw in you all the time. I know that they miss you too. Dawn the most. She still loves you so much and was devastated that she didn’t get a chance to tell you."

"My life here is good, and I’m happy, but I know that it would be a thousand times better if you were still with me. If I’d told you earlier how much I loved you, maybe you would have believed me and left the cave with me. Or if I’d shown you in the time we had left just how much you mean to me, you would have come back to me when you reappeared in Los Angels at Wolfram & Hart. Oh yeah, Spike, I knew you were back, but unfortunately I was told too late. It seems like Wes was still a watcher at heart, because he sent all his diaries to Giles with a letter explaining about Angel’s plan., But when we reached LA, the only one left in the alley was Illyria, holding back the hordes of demons the Senior Partners were sending. With all the slayers we brought with us, we were able to fight them back, but you were all gone. Illyria told us about how your group fell; she could even show me the place where you got dusted. After that she simply said that she was tired now and then, without another sound, she was gone."

"I think I never cried so hard than on that day, with my hands grabbing at your dust, screaming at you to come back to me. Giles had to carry me away and Willow used a calming spell to put me to sleep. It was Xander who stayed behind and collected your ashes and kept them safe. He had let go of the grudges he’d held against you and saw how much I was hurting."

"I was in a state of shock for weeks. Everybody was worrying about me, but I couldn’t digest that I’d lost you again, that we could have been together, but that you didn’t believe me and never came back to me. Only after I read Wesley’s diaries did I realize how hard it had been for you. How you still loved me, but were too unsure of your place in my life. So you stayed away thinking it would be for the best. You stupid vampire, we could have been together!"

"A few months later Xander visited me and brought me a gift. The best gift I ever got. He took your ashes to this firm in London and they manipulated it and pressed a diamond out of it. He ordered them to make a ring from it. Can you see it? I will always wear it, so that a part of you is with me forever. People ask me if it’s an engagement ring and I answer them, “No, it’s my soul mate”. You can’t separate soul mates, right? I just know that we’ll be together again, and I hope you believe me now - that I love you. Please believe me, Spike. Can you try to hold me tonight? Like the last few nights when we were in Sunnydale. Please?”

Spike was frozen in place. Had he heard her right? She still loved him? He was crying like he’d never cried before in his life. What should he do now? But the last sentence and the “please” broke through all his confusion. She was now lying on her side on her bed, silently waiting, and without further thought, Spike lay down behind her and wrapped her securely in his arms and wings and just held her, planning to watch over her all night.

Within minutes, he was fast asleep for the first time in ten years.