Chapter Four

Spike glared at the moaning humans that had interrupted the happiest night of his life and decided to risk a headache by jumping off the car and landing on the outstretched arm of the nearest boy.

“Was worth it,” he mumbled, holding his head and getting into the car.

“What was?”

“Nothin’, pet. Was fun to watch you in action. It’s been awhile since I was just an observer.”

“That’s because you usually jump into the middle of my fights when I’m slaying,” she pointed out with a small smile. “If you’d mind your own business and let me take care of mine, you could watch all the time.”

“I’ll remember that the next time a Fyral demon has you pinned against a wall,” he grinned, reminding her of a narrow escape several nights previously.

“I was handling that!”

His snort of disbelief ended the brief conversation and she drove in silence until Spike asked in a subdued voice, “Why’d you do that, Buffy? Get in the way like that?”

“I don’t like bullies either.” She let that sit there, then glanced at his impassive face. “Did you really think I was going to stand there and let them dust you? What kind of friend would I be?”

“So, you saved me because we’re friends – like I was any other Scooby?”

“Exactly. It’s what friends do.”

“Don’t know about you, pet, but I think that ‘just friends’ ship sailed about the time I got my hand under your shirt...”

“That was just a...a...”

“If you’re going to say ‘mistake, just stop the car now and let me out.” His immobile face and cold voice told her that he wasn’t kidding, and she quickly swallowed the rest of her words.

She drove in silence until she reached her own driveway, then stopped the car.

“I was going to say it was a heat-of-the-moment kind of thing,” she offered softly.

“An’ you think that heat’s jus’ going to go away because you’re having second thoughts?”

“I’m not having second thoughts!” She sighed, her head dropping onto her chest. “I don’t know what kind of thoughts I’m having. I...I wasn’t expecting...”

“You weren’t expecting what? That wearin’ my favorite colors, leaving your hair down the way you know I love it and puttin’ on raspberry lip gloss wasn’t gonna have the effect you meant for them to have?”

Cursing the vampire’s refusal to let her wallow in denial, she fumbled for a response.

“I wasn’t expecting...I just wanted you to kiss me again. That’s all.”

“Worked, didn’t it? I think I kissed the bloody hell out of you.” He smirked proudly.

Buffy rolled her eyes and glared at him, then her gaze softened. “You did,” she agreed with a small smile. “Hence the heat-of-the-momentness of it.”

When she didn’t say anything else, he sighed and risked moving closer to her to that he could run his knuckles down her cheek. Her eyes closed briefly, and he was sure that he felt her just barely lean into his hand.

“Buffy...would never push you for more than you want to give me. Never asked for naught but a crumb, did I? If I never got to do any more than kiss you senseless every night, I’d be a happy vampire.” When she raised her eyebrows dubiously, he shrugged and continued. “But I am a man, love. Not gonna lie to you - having you in my arms, kissin’ you...I can’t do anything about what that does to me. Want you so bad, it hurts. Can’t help it and not gonna pretend I can. All I can do is promise not to push you. You want me to back off, just say the word.”

“So, if I say ‘stop’, we stop – no matter what...”

“That’s the magic word.”

“Just like that?” Her tone indicated a complete lack of belief. “You’re a vampire and you’re going to stop going after something you want just because somebody says ‘no’?”

“Because you say ‘no’, pet. Look, Buffy, I’ve been a vampire for a long time. I know how to control my demon; and thanks to the soldiers, I’ve had a lot more practice controlling it these last few years. Not sayin’ I wouldn’t accept more, if you’re offerin’, but I wouldn’t try to take it. That’s not my way.”

“So, I don’t have to give up kissing you? You’re not gonna turn it into a big thing?”

“Bloody hell, woman!” The mercurial vampire exploded again. “I’m in love with you! Have been for longer than I care to admit. Never thought to have a chance to...” He stopped and took a deep, calming breath. “It is a big thing, Buffy. Maybe not to you, but to me it is. Touchin’ you, kissing you, knowing you trust me enough to...” He stopped, and reached for her face again, sighing when she flinched away. “It is a big thing. But I can pretend it isn’t, if that’s what it takes to keep you close enough for...this...”

He brushed his lips over hers, so lightly that she almost missed it and was just beginning to respond when he drew away with a small smile.

“You decide what you want from me, love. I’m your willin’ slave, but I’m not gonna beg. Jus’ don’t leave me wondering, yeah? Tell me what you want.”

He ran his knuckles down her cheek again, hoping that he wasn’t feeling that soft skin for the last time, and then opened the door. As he slid out and away from a bewildered Buffy, he said, “See you tomorrow, love. Sleep well.” Closing the door gently, he forced himself to turn and walk away.

I hope I didn’t jus’ blow my only chance with her. Stupid git! Should have just kissed her again and kept it up until she couldn’t think...No. No, this is better. Let her come to me. That way I can be sure...What am I thinking? This is Buffy. There’s no way to be sure of anything.

Buffy was left sitting in the car, keys in hand, stunned expression on her face.

Did he just walk away from me? He didn’t want to kiss me again? What the hell is wrong with him? He’s got to be able to tell what he’s doing to me. Stupid vampire! If he thinks I’m going to come to him...

She got out of the car, slamming the door with unnecessary vehemence, and stomped into the house without regard for the other occupants now sleeping. When a bewildered Willow opened her door to ask what was wrong, Buffy growled, “Nothing! Nothing’s wrong. Spike is teaching me to drive. That’s all!”

“Okaaaay,” Willow crooned as she began to close the door. “Learning to drive is good. You can tell me all about it in the morning...” She closed the door on Buffy’s still-angry, but apologetic face and went back to bed, frowning at the thought of Spike’s having been the one who had kept Buffy out so late. She made a mental note to talk to Xander and Giles about the amount of time Buffy seemed to be spending with Spike lately, then shut her eyes and willed herself back to sleep.

In her own room, Buffy threw herself on the bed and went over the events of the evening.

Got better at driving a car - a good thing; had ice cream – more goodness; got lots of yummy kisses – goodness squared; beat up some bullies – all good; got Spike to promise he wouldn’t take advantage of the way his kissing turns me into hot-to-trot Buffy – definitely a good thing; good night kiss and promise of more kisses – no – complete lack of goodness. Stupid vampire. If he thinks he can wait until I come to him, he’s got another think coming. I can hold out longer than he can... I think...

With a sigh, she stood up and took off her clothes, dropping them on the floor as she bent down to pick up her pajamas. She quickly ran through her nightly ritual in the bathroom, pausing as she realized that for the first time since her resurrection, she was actually worrying about how she looked. She examined her clean face in the mirror, frowning at what appeared to be a baby pimple; then quickly raising her eyebrows to eliminate the frown lines.

I am NOT worried about looking pretty for a stupid vampire who loves me anyway. I’m not. And I’m not going to ask him to kiss me, either. We’ll just see how long he can stay away from me. Stupid vampire.

Putting on her best imitation of Willow’s Resolve Face, she stomped back to her room, just barely remembering not to slam the door behind her. Sleep, once it came, was full of erotic dreams in which a certain blond vampire was prominently featured, leaving her almost more tired in the morning than she was when she went to bed.

~~~~~~~~

Back in his crypt, the vampire was having no more success finding a restful sleep than was the slayer. His mood alternated between elation that she had willingly kissed him and allowed him to touch her warm body, and fear that he would never get to do either one again if he insisted that she initiate any future physical contact.

This is the Slayer, you git. Got enough pride for ten ordinary girls. Not to mention the way all the men in her life have treated her. It’s no wonder the poor chit is afraid to let down those defenses.

She’s above me. Said it herself, didn’t she? Wouldn’t even be sharing the same air with me if she wasn’t feelin’ so not like herself. Can’t wish she wasn’t here again – but never wanted to see her as down as she’s been since Red decided to play God. If I thought that anything I could do would make her feel better...would turn myself inside out if I could take that broken look off her face.

He went over the events of the past two nights, remembering how she had laughed with genuine glee when teasing him, and how elated she’d been at her success in steering the big vehicle around Sunnydale.

I can do this. I can keep my bloody dick in my pants if that’s what needs to happen to stay around her. I make her laugh, make her forget for few minutes how unhappy she is. She doesn’t deserve to have that mucked up because I can’t keep my hands off her. I did the right thing. Let her come to me. Don’t push her.

Telling himself that leaving Buffy to decide how much, if any, physical attention she wanted from him was the right thing to do, he took himself downstairs and threw his now-naked body across his bed. He did his best to pretend his left hand was Buffy’s warmth as he sought relief for his aching cock.