Missing You

As an extra special treat, and because they are both fairly short, I'm giving you two chapters in a day. Enjoy...

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“I think he missed you,” Fred spoke up quietly, drawing her eyes abruptly from Spike’s. Her heart was thumping in her chest and it took a supreme effort to force back the tears that had been so close to falling. She forced her gaze to the table and took several deep breaths. When she raised her head again and glanced towards the door, Spike was gone. She didn’t know whether to be relieved or upset and she smiled sadly, turning back to Fred, remembering that she had spoken.

“Sorry, what?”

“Spike. I think he missed you.”

Her smile faded and she twined her fingers together nervously. She had to drop her eyes from Fred’s once more, fearing that she would give away just how much she had missed him.

She didn’t want the whole of Wolfram & Hart knowing that she had been moping over the vampire. She didn’t know what would be worse – the laughing that the Slayer had pined for a vampire, or the pity that she was still desperately hanging on to the memory of their time together.

“When he first got back, all he talked about was you.”

She raised her head involuntarily, searching the girl’s eyes for the truth of that statement. Bright, compassionate eyes met hers and she took a deep breath, averting her eyes again.

“I… I don’t really want to talk about that,” she murmured, picking at her dinner.

“It must be hard,” the girl said softly.

Funny, everyone around here seemed to be an empath demon of some sort.



Something about this girl called to her though, urging her to spill all her heart’s secrets. She raised her head, still unable to meet the other girl’s eyes, and focussed on a spot just over her shoulder.

“I saw him start to burn,” she whispered, her mind taking her back to those last moments in Sunnydale, “I… I felt it.”

She paused and her fingers went to the palm of her left hand, to the scar that had never properly healed.

“I left him down there to die.”

She forced her eyes to the other girl’s and gave her a twisted smile.

“And now he’s walking around, good as new… I guess it’s just a bit much to take in.”

Fred nodded sympathetically, wide eyes full of compassion. She averted her eyes uncomfortably and gave a forced laugh.

“Guess it shouldn’t be too much of a surprise. None of us seem to stay dead long.”

She smiled wryly and twisted her fingers together, her thumb skimming over the raised skin of her scar.

“You… you died too, didn’t you?” Fred asked quietly.

“Yeah,” she murmured, nodding.

“I remember when Angel found out you were alive… He was… well, he was about as happy as I’ve ever seen him,” she explained with a smile.

Fred fell silent for a moment and then giggled.

“I’m not sure he was quite as happy when Spike came back.”

She smiled weakly and turned back to her dinner, her heart aching with all the talk of Spike. Luckily, the other girl seemed to sense this and left her in peace.



Some time later, Fred escorted her back to Angel’s office and left with a little wave and a smile. Gathering her courage, she knocked and went into the room, breathing a sigh of relief when she only spotted Angel.

“Hey,” she said quietly.

“Hey.”

He gestured toward the sofa and she moved to sit on it, smiling as he settled beside her.

“How are you, Buffy?”

She gave a tiny laugh before glancing up at him.

“I’ve definitely been better.”

She smiled softly and met his worried gaze.

“Is it weird that I kind of miss Sunnydale?”

He smiled and took her hand in his large one, squeezing it slightly.

“I mean, technically I’m an LA girl… but Sunnydale was… well, a lot of stuff happened there. A lot of memories, you know?”

“Yeah,” he answered softly, dark eyes watching her carefully.

Feeling awkward, she extracted her hand from his grip, her gaze falling to the floor.

“So, things seem to be going well here in LA. Nice little set-up… a good team…”

“I know.”

He laughed, a strange sound for the Angel she knew.

“I never would have thought I could work with Spike and not murder him within the first few minutes.”

At the sound of the other vampire’s name, she jumped up, arms crossed tightly across her as she went to the window, heart beating quickly as she trained her gaze on the brightly lit buildings. Why couldn’t anyone here go five minutes without talking about Spike?



“Buffy,” Angel called quietly and she knew he knew exactly why she had reacted that way.

“I can’t, Angel. I can’t talk about him.”

The whole room was silent and she bit her lip to keep it from trembling. Why couldn’t she control her emotions lately?

“Buffy, I-“

Before Angel could finish his sentence, the door burst open and she tensed as she sensed Spike even before he spoke.

“Bloody vampires,” he grumbled, kicking out at something, before falling silent. She turned towards him, eyes skimming over his wounded arm and bloodied forehead. She glanced at Angel, before moving quickly past Spike and out of the room. As she closed the door behind her, she just heard him ask:

“What did I do?”

She fled to the relative safety of the guest room, curling up on the bed once more, her head spinning. Why couldn’t she just make these feelings go away? She was so angry with him and at the same time, she just wanted to throw herself at him and have him hold her in his arms. She wanted him so much but she knew that she really wanted a Spike that didn’t exist anymore. This Spike wasn’t hers. No matter what anyone said about him missing her, he hadn’t called her and that was proof enough that his feelings had changed in the last six months.

So why couldn’t her heart understand that? Why couldn’t it let go? She laughed bitterly, tears streaking down her cheeks. Is this what he had felt all those long months? Loving her desperately, but knowing it would never be returned. Karma at its worst, she mused. This was the punishment she got for declaring her love too late. She hated feeling like this, feeling so weak, but what could she do?