I actually sympathize with both Xander and Anya in this episode. I think both are the victims and villains; Anya's past came to bite her in the ass, as one of her victims came to ruin her life like she'd ruined his. He chose to play with an already-doubtful-Xander's mind, making him live his worst nightmare and shaking him so badly. So, in a way, we can see this episode as Anya's punishment for all the pain and hurt and deaths she had evoked in the past, the ones she'd never regretted.

But at the same time, I can't help but sympathize with Anya. Here's a woman who'd lived centuries despising and distrusting men, finally opening her heart for Xander and letting him in, only to have him break it into pieces. Then there's the "Clinging" issue for Anya, she needs something to get behind, something to focus on and give all herself to; it used to be vengeance, but then she'd lost it, then it became Xander, and now she'd lost it. She has no identity now.

Xander, as the victim, years of emotional abuse by the closest people to him were key to Xander's doubts. We see how much Xander tries to make this wedding work despite the doubts "Nothing will ruin this wedding" was said to his family, only to be used by Anya's victim as a tool to punish Anya. The fact that Xander looked the same age in the visions as well as wearing his wedding tux imply that he'd been living those visions, feeling the hate, pain and sense of betrayal toward Anya. It's hard to expect a guy with a history of homelife abuse to get over all that in such a short time –how much time has past since Anya informed him it was fake… 20 minutes?- the fact that he stares at his parents fighting when he says "I don't wanna hurt you. Not that way" never fails to leave a distinct lump in my throat.

Xander played the villain when he'd walked away, leaving the whole mess behind him. He'd made his decision, and that meant dealing with the consequences. He should have stopped Anya from walking that dreadful walk down the isle, and helped cleaning the mess.

I have to say the adorable parts in this episode were three scenes; the Xander/Buffy scene, the Spike/Buffy scene and the Xander/Willow scene. Buffy having happy tears because Xander was getting married, Buffy admitting to be jealous of Spike's date, and then Willow saying "You're getting married. My little Xander." Amazing scenes.

Now the storyline of groom getting cold feet and leaving the bride at the altar? Redundant and silly and boring and I can't believe Joss actually stooped this low. Xander could have broken Anya's heart in another more original way.

 

I think the way that Sarah played it, Buffy is thinking about her own unhappy relationship first or as well, then claims that she's having happy tears. That's not the face of a happy little toaster.

I guess you're right. By the end of the episode, Buffy laments Anya and Xander not being the light at the end of the tunnel for her more than their unhappiness. Sometimes she can be too self-involved. :)

If he was really dysfunctional, he'd say to himself, that's not me and I can do better.

Sadly, he's too insecure to believe in himself that way. :( Guess at that time he needed someone to remind him that he's not like that... though to be honest, the seeds had been planted. Xander is a little like his father sometimes -his temper, the way he lashes out at his friends when he's hurt, beating someone who can't fight back (Spike), yelling at Anya or Cordelia sometimes, drinking alcohol when depressed (S6) - his upbringing have rubbed on him, but in the end, he became a better man than his father, so that's a great achievement.

I guess it is disappointing that Xander forgets about how much he's different from his father and runs away. Anya also disappointed me when she forgot about her humanity and chose to be a vengeance demon, though we can argue that she only survived as a human because of Xander and only loved being a human because of Xander.
 

We have Joss, who rewrote and re-shot that scene to thank for that - which makes you wonder why he let Marni Noxon trample all over his creation for the rest of the season.  Oh well, we accept those dandy crumbs.  And, we see that once Buffy and Spike stop sleeping together than can start talking to each other.

Spike domesticated - Actually, I'm thinking Spike, who seems from the clothing stuff and the fact that Big Bad actually showed up at a wedding (could anything be more ironic?) shows that he really has been domesticated and could very well be gently pushed into the realm of adult responsibility to the woman he loves.  Sorry, Scarlet, but I totally disagree about a wedding license being just a piece of paper.  :) If it was, more men would be willing to hand one over without making such a fuss.  When a man signs on the dotted line, he's stating for all his friends and family that yes, I'm going to take care of this woman and our children, and no more fooling around.  A woman with a marriage license as got legal rights and protection that she can't have any other way.  I know that's not romantic.  Nothing could be more serious.  Xander proves it when he walks away.

The part when she's fixing the tie on Xander's tux?  If that's what you're referring to.  They have a bit of a moment, and 'happy' tears are shed.   Yes.

his marriage fell apart from his continuing to be part of The Scooby Gang and helping Buffy. - Interesting that in his imagination of the future, Buffy is dead.  I know this is supposed to be his worst fears of the future, but still ...  Foreshadowing that Buffy will be (almost) killed at the end of S6. 


 

I personally think that Caleb and The Initiative are based partly on his political views - anyway that is how they made sense in my personal interpretations of The Buffyverse. I also think that because his work with The Buffyverse and Angel were very influenced by mythic concepts and archetypes, the viewers made such compelling and individual connections with all the characters. Caleb had so many layers to his character, same as Spike and just about all the main characters - the viewers could see their individual life through the characters. Because, IMO, The Buffyverse was primarily social structures and concepts that everyone had opinions about and had their lives influenced by individual experiences - the characters and their stories were always heavily filtered by our own backgrounds.

For instance the much disliked "cookie dough" analogy - I always have "found memories" attached with it because where I grew up that was a very familiar little ethnic story - Being of Mexican background the story of three bakings that created the "just right baked man" brings back my childhood. Other viewers that did not grow up with that folk tale would have a totally different take and reaction to the "cookie dough" still baking not done yet. Same with the Initiative, with my interest in social and political dynamics in our society, I would have that influence my interpretation of Riley and The Initiative and Caleb - plus you add on my atheist world view and Caleb has a particularly political and social context.

I think Joss Whedon had much better feelings for Spike than many of his viewers think or wanted to accept with the character.  You don't write that scene between Buffy and Spike in Hells Bells or how he was depicted in OMWF if you don't have some affections and beliefs in that character - least I don't see how he could.  

I wish that I could find out which parts of the scripts that he inserted his own hand in - outside of the episodes he wrote.  Where does the info that Joss Whedon wrote or handled that Spike-Buffy scene originate? 

Doctors seem to be okay.   You forgot something when you wrote that in your list of roles and careers Joss twisted into evil during the series.  Look at Ben.  Joss took the most altruistic of careers--compassion for others, saving their lives, healing their pain--and showed that on the flip side those same doctors can be the ultimate self-centered people.  In his Glory persona, Ben wanted to destroy humanity, not save it.  And in the end even as Dr. Ben, he chose to go after the immortal life Glory offered him by sacrificing an innocent girl (Dawn).

I'm not sure there is any career Joss didn't bash.  (I'm a teacher, and look what he did with teachers as giant preying mantises!)  I'd really love to get to sit down and talk to him about  despite all the fun he had with BtVS, what was his reasoning that he wouldn't allow happiness or happy endings? 

He rewrote the Buffy/Spike scene at the wedding to make it more sweet and tender between them, but the show didn't follow up on that feeling afterwards. So my other question for Joss would be to ask him now that he has had several years to look back on the series,  if he could go back and do it over, would he have played out the Buffy-Spike relationship in season 6 (and even 7) differently.  Does anyone know if he has ever commented on that?

I still don't get why some fans think less of Spike because he got his soul for Buffy, at least he did the right thing motivated by love. It's better than rejecting said love and going back to destruction.

I don't agree that they were doing so well before the wedding. Xander was always correcting her and criticizing her and sometimes it was justified and sometimes not and always annoying. Halrek is able to put her thumb on several sore spots.

That doesn't mean they weren't doing well. To be honest, they seemed to be healthier as a couple than Willow and Tara who were always sweet with each other and never had a fight. Couples fight sometimes, which is a good and healthy thing, they usually fight for the same reason Xander and Anya do. Whomever you're gonna end up with, you're not gonna like him/her whole. There ought to be something characteristics that you'll dislike. Xander dislikes Anya's tactless behavior and spilling of their private life while Anya dislikes how much Xander cares and makes too much of his time for his friends. They sound like so many couples I know who are still in love and can't live without each other.

although I doubt Xander would have listened to anything Spike had to say.

Well, he does listen sometimes. Remember when Spike warned him about Willow in After Life? Xander considered what Spike had said and discussed it with Tara, so maybe he would have listened to Spike in Hell's Bells.

As to fighting sometimes being healthy, more psych pop. Fighting with your spouse always sucks and is rarely worth the misery.

I'm not saying that fighting with your husband is always good, or that you should have a fighting schedule. What I meant is that it's better for couples to point out what they dislike about the other's way in life/handling things instead of just grumbling inwardly about it and leaving it to bottle up inside for so long until it explodes in a lousy timing. I won't like it if my husband is babbling about our sex life to my friends and I'll hate if he's throwing out rude comments at them, I'll definitely condemn him for that, and I have no problem with my husband criticizing me for something I do that he thinks is incorrect. If I don't agree with him, I'll tell him that, and explain why. In the end, he's not doing it to be controlling, he's doing it because he wants what's best for me. And there's nothing wrong with that.

I'm also talking from experience.  I guess it depends on the person, we all have our ways in life and my way isn't the same as your way, it doesn't mean I'm wrong and you're right or the opposite. It just means we're different, and that's okay, whatever makes people happy. Even Willow and Tara with their sugary romance, it's how they work, I guess.

I actually find Anya shrugging Xander's criticism stupid of her, if she doesn't like him criticizing her, she should tell him that. At the same time, she doesn't like that Xander jokes too often to hide how he feels and she doesn't say anything until it's too late, when they've already broken up. Who knows, maybe if she'd told him, Xander would have stopped using humor as a defense mechanism and grow up faster into a more secure man.

I Loved Clem - totally spiffy in that suit -  and bringing in the Comedia and the ancient theatre of improvisation- perfect for their chaos wedding affair. 

I had a chance to watch episode again putting together the Xander murder scene nightmare - one thing that struck me with the introduction of Riley-Buffy, is how much like the ending of OMWF foreshadowed Buffy's mental and emotional state.  What we see from the very start of the introduction of Buffy taking up Riley as her mate is the 'false or escape/sublimate foundation" as starting point for their relationship also.  Just like Joss Whedon tells us right out in front that Buffy's turning to Spike is not going to be a real or successful bonding of man and woman, same with Riley and Buffy.  The false wedding, IMVHO, could apply to Buffy-Spike but it also could be symbolic of what Buffy wants - a safe, solid, reliable, normal boy friend - And That is so indicative of where so many women were in the 50's and early 60's.  That those years were depicted in the Xander-Anya nightmare does make a symbolic connection and is a very good visual to apply on the lost dreams of Xander-Anya, while it also is a, IMO, an excellent depiction of what Buffy was wanting - escape from all the misery that Slayerhood and her relationship with vampire brings into her life.  Buffy killing that vampire during her talk with Willow in the cemetery was another great visual - just as was the grave yard scene.  It's an interesting visual set up; Buffy and Willow go past the Grave Stone - the sacrificial mother goddess mythic symbol just before she kills the vamp - Mary Christian with the Virgen statue in the foreground.  Like all things Whedon, this too has several layers of interpretation.

I loved Season Six and all the Mirror World Chaos and Conversions -  I always think of how perfect that song "Out Of This World" described how she made so many self-imposed barriers.