BSV Forum - Writing - Beta

French Beta

May 25 2007 10:43 pm   #1Spikez_tart

Could someone who knows French beta a short spell for reviving a dusted vampire for me?  I ran it through Babel and got a translation, but some of it sounds cloddish. 

Here's the English and "French" versions if anyone wants to take a crack.  Sorry about the double spacing.

 

Qui était mort, soit rapide

qui dort, rétablit l'os

et le sang le nerf et le cartilage,

viennent à moi quand je siffle...

 

Who was dead, be quick

Who sleeps, revive

Bone and blood, nerve and gristle

Come to me when I whistle …

 

Qui était silencieux parlez

qui avait soif, grade d'alimentation

comme mauvaise herbe,

dièse comme le chardon

viennent à moi quand je siffle...

 

Who was silent, speak

Who was thirsty, feed

Rank as weed, sharp as thistle

Come to me when I whistle …

 

Qui était mauvais, retour.

Qui était la mort, prospèrent

les dents comme l'acier,

cheveux comme le brin

viennent à moi quand je siffle.

 

Who was evil, return.

Who was death, thrive

Teeth like steel, hair like bristle

Come to me when I whistle.

(END)

 

If we want her to be exactly she'll never be exactly I know the only really real Buffy is really Buffy and she's gone' who?
May 25 2007 11:34 pm   #2Unbridled_Brunette

If you have an LJ, try posting a request on there. I had a very nice reader offer to help revamp my Italian dialogue for FtTP. Babelfish did me no favors when it came to translation, lol. She did tell me, though, that there are tons of BtVS fans on LJ who know different languages and would be glad to help. Worth looking into, I think.

Faithfully bowing at the altar that is Stephen Colbert
May 25 2007 11:44 pm   #3Spikez_tart

Thanks UB - I haven't got an LJ, been putting it off, but now I guess I'll have to get it together.

If we want her to be exactly she'll never be exactly I know the only really real Buffy is really Buffy and she's gone' who?
May 26 2007 08:26 am   #4dipole_dipole_attraction

I'm not a native French speaker, but this is how I would do it.  I've studied French for about 5 years.

 

 

Qui était mort, soyez vite

qui dort, rétablissez

l'os et le sang, le nerf et le cartilage,

venez  ÃƒÂ  moi quand je siffle...

 

Qui était silencieux, parlez

qui avait soif, alimentez

empestant comme les mauvaises herbes,

tranchant comme les chardons

venez  ÃƒÂ  moi quand je siffle...

  

Qui était mauvais, retournez

Qui était la mort, prospérez

les dents comme l'acier,

cheveux comme le brin

venez à moi quand je siffle.

May 27 2007 04:15 am   #5Spikez_tart

Thanks very much, Dipole.  This is going to be in my next story - Beer Foamy.  I just finished the first draft, so it could be awhile before I start posting.  Really appreciate your help.

If we want her to be exactly she'll never be exactly I know the only really real Buffy is really Buffy and she's gone' who?
May 27 2007 08:45 am   #6dipole_dipole_attraction

You're welcome.  I can't wait to see what you're writing!

May 30 2007 05:35 am   #7Yzba

As a native french speaker, Dipole translation makes a lot more sense than the one from Babel.  That one was simply atrocious.  If you have any more question, feel free to email me.

Yzba

May 31 2007 02:52 am   #8Spikez_tart

Thanks Yzba - wasted my time taking Spanish in school. 

If we want her to be exactly she'll never be exactly I know the only really real Buffy is really Buffy and she's gone' who?

 Closed