Echoes of Beljoxa by myrabeth
07/26/2015 05:02 pm
I love Faith in this.
I'm beginning to lose patience with poor me Buffy. I'm a widow too, go figure! She's just... whiny and self indulgent. It's been 21 years for me. The grief never fucking leaves, not entirely, but life has to go on. And it can be great too... just different.
Moving forward is a choice.
When you lose everything... the one you love AND the life you shared and pretty much everything in the moorings of your life comes loose and I do mean EVERYTHING - choice is all you got. Get up or lie face down. Because you won't FEEL like getting up. You have to choose anyway.
I'm an addict and I didn't use when the love of my life died. I know that one wants to crawl into some hole (including the opening of a bottle) and just stay there, but you can't... not if you have other people and want to keep it that way.
So, just as Willow annoys me, but I see that's in her insecurity (and frankly, her fundamental weakness of character), Buffy's annoying me. She's the big general. She knows better. she saw it in the potentials who gave up, and in Willow and even Giles.
Particularly since I know she has a plan. She has hope. The misery I get. (To be honest, the misery never fucking leaves you entirely, though you better learn to box it up or you'll crap all over your life.) It's the self destructive spoiled poor me I'm gonna cook my liver with booze crap that I'm tired of.
So, the new project is a good idea... just hope that she remembers she's an adult and throws out the damn bottles.
She may not be the slayer anymore, but she's still Dawn's guardian. If Spike could pull it together and take care of Dawn, so can Buffy. After all, she has that precious soul thing.
The phone call with Lucy that prompted Buffy to start cutting back on the drinking was Day 24. It took Buffy a grand total of three and a half weeks to begin to get her act together with the liquor, while also coping with a supernatural issue in play that the liquor was helping with, besides.
I get that we're in very, very heavy "hits home" territory for you, and I'm sympathetic to that, but please notice what it is you're reading.
I didn't write a prolonged period of "self-destructive, spoiled, poor me" drunken Buffy refusing to move forward.
I wrote three and a half weeks of Buffy drinking nightly (and occasionally during the day) while still making attempts to move forward. And then she started to cut back on the drinking, without anyone forcing her hand, and without being so far gone she had to quit entirely.
But that's fine. If you don't like the imperfect characterization I wrote, that's entirely fair, and entirely your right.
07/26/2015 11:22 am
Faith is blossoming under the new set up and it's good to see. Hopefully Willow will start to grow up now though I expect it must sting that it's Faith who is speaking sense. More mystery both unravelling and thickening... how do you do it? Brilliant.
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