 |
The Last Storm by TwilightDreams
Chapter: A Debt Repaid
Aurelia
05/08/2007 09:10 am
Awesome, loved it. I really liked that Spike took out Siron by himself.
I'm also liking Melinda. Not the smartest thing to go back for Spike without help, but I like and respect her for it.
*Gets on knees,clasps hands* Update soon plz
I'm also liking Melinda. Not the smartest thing to go back for Spike without help, but I like and respect her for it.
*Gets on knees,clasps hands* Update soon plz
thanx, love, i knew that spike had to kill siron, for his own eventual healing... thanx, love, for your kind review :)
05/07/2007 10:09 pm
Incredible Bravery all round -- and at last Spike found some of his spirit. Exciting chapter!!!
thanx, love, so glad you liked it :)
Sibb
05/06/2007 06:56 am
I just have to comment on the suggestion to detail out the rape scene. As I recall from my college lit classes, the most effective scenes like this are the ones "off-screen" because absolutely nothing (including the most detailed and graphic of descriptions) can beat the horror of the imagination. It was the technique used by the old Greek masters. I agree with my former professors that this is most effective way of producing an emotional response to the text. Consider the contrast between the true masters like Alfred Hitchock versus the beyond cheesy slasher movies which show every single graphic little detail. So my vote is for the way that you wrote it! Believe me when I say that I thought it was all graphic enough to make the hair of my neck stand up!
thanx for your opinion, love, i tend to agree...there are some things that need to be shown, but sometimes it's not necessary...sometimes too much detail cheapens it and makes a scene that's supposed to be dramatic and poignant and painful into something that's almost...well,pornographic....
sometiimes less detail is better :)
sometiimes less detail is better :)
05/06/2007 04:25 am
Okay that italic thing worked a little too well. The codes are (without the quotes)
" here's a text
" here's a text
lol...i apologize if my response before seemed rude, i didn't mean for it to, but i replied before seeing your response to my entry on the forum requesting a beta, and the detailed critique took me aback a bit :P
now, seeing that you're intending to beta for me, i understand a bit better :P lol
now, seeing that you're intending to beta for me, i understand a bit better :P lol
05/06/2007 04:23 am
Review The Last Storm by TwilightDreams
Chas 1 – 8
Twilight – sorry I wasn’t able to review every chapter as this story deserves. I only had time to read it all at once, but here are a few things I think would strengthen your story.
1. “He thought†- you almost never need these, any more than you need tags all the time for dialog. It reads smoother if you leave them out.
2. Description of our villain – I’d like to see a lot more about how he looks, smells, dresses, whatever. Also, some short description of his minions (are they the same species?) would be good.
3. Rape scene – I know it’s beyond gross, but I think you need to write it out and make Spike really suffer through it. It’s part of the whole degradation/breaking process. It’s tough writing this stuff if you’re a semi-normal human being, but I don’t think you can leave it out.
4. Italics – for HTML formatting so they show up on the site surround your text with here’s some text Those codes turn the italics on and off.
5. Your torture scenes were really good and icky. I’m glad you didn’t shy away from hurting Spike. The fang removal things was really squick. I liked it.
6. Melinda – good character – hope you’ll do more with her.
7. Andrew is a little too sane. He’s a hopeless goof and a great character. I’m glad you included him, but have more fun with him. He makes some excellent relief from the incredibly dark parts of this story.
All together a great and interesting story. Looking forward to more.
Chas 1 – 8
Twilight – sorry I wasn’t able to review every chapter as this story deserves. I only had time to read it all at once, but here are a few things I think would strengthen your story.
1. “He thought†- you almost never need these, any more than you need tags all the time for dialog. It reads smoother if you leave them out.
2. Description of our villain – I’d like to see a lot more about how he looks, smells, dresses, whatever. Also, some short description of his minions (are they the same species?) would be good.
3. Rape scene – I know it’s beyond gross, but I think you need to write it out and make Spike really suffer through it. It’s part of the whole degradation/breaking process. It’s tough writing this stuff if you’re a semi-normal human being, but I don’t think you can leave it out.
4. Italics – for HTML formatting so they show up on the site surround your text with here’s some text Those codes turn the italics on and off.
5. Your torture scenes were really good and icky. I’m glad you didn’t shy away from hurting Spike. The fang removal things was really squick. I liked it.
6. Melinda – good character – hope you’ll do more with her.
7. Andrew is a little too sane. He’s a hopeless goof and a great character. I’m glad you included him, but have more fun with him. He makes some excellent relief from the incredibly dark parts of this story.
All together a great and interesting story. Looking forward to more.
Um...wow... :P
that's a lot of stuff to fix...lol...some things come down to style and such, and personally i was pretty satisfied with the way our efforts came out... :P
as for the HTML thing, i'm just to lazy to mess with making sure the formatting is right and all, i'd rather use *'s
and the rape scene -- well, we've already got tons of brutality in here, so i thought we had more than enough trauma for the readers' tastes in most cases...
very good points, i agree with about half of them :P lol... thanx for giving a serious critique of our story, though, means a lot :)
DreamsofSpike and Twilightchild
that's a lot of stuff to fix...lol...some things come down to style and such, and personally i was pretty satisfied with the way our efforts came out... :P
as for the HTML thing, i'm just to lazy to mess with making sure the formatting is right and all, i'd rather use *'s
and the rape scene -- well, we've already got tons of brutality in here, so i thought we had more than enough trauma for the readers' tastes in most cases...
very good points, i agree with about half of them :P lol... thanx for giving a serious critique of our story, though, means a lot :)
DreamsofSpike and Twilightchild
05/06/2007 02:35 am
go melinda, such a spike move. glad spike settle the score on his own. very good read, thank you.
thanx, love, so glad you liked it :)
05/05/2007 09:17 am
Oh yay! Spike is rescued...now where's Buffy?!
she'll come...eventually :P
05/05/2007 08:50 am
Yay, Melinda!!! Time for this one to go home.
Any chance that Spike will be spared more torture in this fic? **bats pleading eyes at you**
Any chance that Spike will be spared more torture in this fic? **bats pleading eyes at you**
well, things will not be as bad as they have been for him...but i'm making no promises :P
05/05/2007 02:22 am
Oh my, what a great chapter! Spike killing Siron was perfect, but Spike is so broken and shattered. I hope that they can help him and that Buffy will be there for him. Great writing, great story.
yeah, he's going to need a lot fo support...whether or not he'll get it, that's the question :P
05/05/2007 01:41 am
Oh yay!!!!!! Not a rescue...Spike saved himself! This will help him to heal from the loss of his "selfhood" thanks to Siron. LOVE that you had that happen....also glad his torture is over at last. So much more to tell, of course and I look forward to more chapters (and the reactions of Andrew and the Scoobies as well as Buffy when they find out what has been happening). Meanwhile, a COMPLETELY satisfying chapter.
Kathleen
Kathleen
thanx, love, won't tell what surprises are in store, good and bad, but buffy will eventually make her appearance :P
Dark Amia
05/04/2007 11:32 pm
Good to see the rescue on the way. Great update!
thanx :)
Pin
05/04/2007 10:22 pm
Great chapter! I'm so glad the rescue is coming quickly. Looking forward to his recovery.
thanx, love :)
05/04/2007 10:21 pm
really glad you had her go back to help spike. i am very very glad that spikes torture is over. course he has a long way to go to heal.
well, things aren't totally finished yet ;P not telling exactly what will happen, but just to let you know...though spike is through the worst of what will happen to him in this fic :P
If you are under the age of 17, please use your head and do not read fics that are labeled "NC-17". Parents, I cannot control what your children are reading, so please be advised that the majority of the fics archived here are NOT suitable for those under the age of 17.
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer and I am in no way making any profit from this site. This is for pure entertainment purposes only.
Concept: (c)bringonthebloodshed.com (2004), Code & Design: (c)Diabola (2006), Graphics: Selene & Always