Thank God that spell was over with. She had come round with a start and a sickening feeling as she had quickly distanced herself from the vampire whose lap she had been happily sat in. Eww Spike lips! Spike body! She was too embarrassed to be angry at Willow and was much happier when Spike was chained up in the bath once again. And now she just had to get over the whole disgusting episode.


Despite her fervent wish to drive all thoughts of intimacy with the vampire from her mind, she had refused Willow’s offer of help. Magic had got her into this mess and she sure wasn’t going to trust it to get her out. Instead, she was quite happy to stay in denial and pretend that nothing had happened and that it was all just a bad dream. That she hadn’t kissed Spike. She just pushed it all to the back of her mind, desperately moving on with her life.


They were sitting in Giles’ house, discussing what to do with said vampire.

“I don’t know, Giles. Evil vampire on the loose not sounding great,” Xander spoke up, frowning.

“I understand your concerns, but I really will not have that…thing…in my house any longer.”

“I heard that, Rupert!” Spike shouted from the bathroom but they ignored him even as he continued, “You just want the house to yourself for when your lady friends come visitin’. I sure as hell don’t wanna listen to you-“

“He is chipped,” Buffy spoke up loudly, drowning out Spike’s voice, “I mean, he was on the loose for three days and he didn’t hurt anyone.”

She gave a tiny grimace at the memory of those three days- the three days of magical madness- but persevered.

“We’ll keep an eye on him, but I think we should let him go.”

“I’ve got something you can keep an eye on, Slayer!” Spike called out from the bathroom but Buffy decidedly ignored him.

“I agree,” Giles said, “I think it would be best for everyone if Spike was out of my house.”

Even as Giles spoke, Buffy frowned as she felt hunger flare up inside her. Which was strange because she had had dinner just before she had come out.

“Rupert, are you tryin’ to starve me or somethin’?! Can’t just deprive me like this, you know! I’m bloody hungry!”

She started at Spike’s voice and frowned, shaking off the fleeting something in her head that didn’t feel quite right.


Giles reluctantly untied the vampire and offered him a mug of blood. Buffy meanwhile was idly looking through Giles’ CD collection, amazed to find some music made after the 70s. And then, she could feel the vampire’s eyes on her. But more than that, she could practically hear him leering at her, making some comment about her. Which was so wrong that she whirled round, staring him down as he met her gaze with a look that was not at all contrite. He was leaning against the doorframe, sipping from his mug, his eyes ablaze with amusement. She frowned and looked away, moving to sit on the sofa. She’d be glad when that vampire was out of this house and, hopefully, out of her hair. She sighed and sank back on the sofa, running her fingers through her hair.


/////////////

“You’ve got such lovely hair. Like Goldilocks,” he murmured, his fingers playing with her curls.

“Spike, you’re so soppy!” she answered with a giggle, but she leant into his touch nevertheless. The stroke of his fingers through her hair was sending little tingles down her spine and she soon leant up and kissed him, losing herself in the magic of his lips.

//////////////


She jolted back to reality, her cheeks flushed from that unwelcome flashback. Almost of their own accord, she found her eyes drawn to Spike, only to find him watching her with a small smile.

“Are you still here?” she bit out, jolting him out of his daze.

“Now, now, Slayer. No need to be so cruel to your ex-fiancé.”

“I hate you.”

He just laughed and she clenched her jaw, holding herself back from lashing out at the vampire. He deserved it, but if he got hurt, he’d just linger here even longer and she wanted him gone.


Finally, the vampire was on his way and she strode along next to him, her arms crossed.

“Where are you staying?” she asked, more out of politeness than curiosity.

“Spotted an empty crypt in Restfield a while back.”

“Good.”

They walked along in silence and she frowned as he pulled out a cigarette and lit it. The smoke billowed in front of her and she coughed pointedly, glaring at him when he smiled and blew the smoke in the opposite direction. He finally came to a halt outside an abandoned crypt and she quickly made to leave.

“Stay out of my way and I might not stake you, Spike.”

She turned to leave but he caught her arm, halting her.

“S’not very nice, Slayer,” he murmured, his mouth close to her ear, “After I was so very nice to you.”

////////////////////

His mouth was on her neck, his tongue flashing across her skin and making her moan and cling to him even tighter.

“Spike,” she whispered and he wrapped his arm tighter around her, pulling her against him.

“So beautiful,” he whispered, his lips trailing over her jaw and then moving to her ear and back to her neck.

///////////////////////

She quickly shook her head, driving the memory away and shaking his restraining hand off.

“Goodbye, Spike.”

He said nothing but she could feel his eyes on her as she walked away. And something like disappointment flashed through her, scaring her and driving her forward even faster. She was glad to be rid of the vampire who was still the bane of her existence, despite the chip in his head. She got back to the dorm and dropped to the bed with a sigh. It had been a long few days and she was relieved it was over. Before she knew it, exhaustion caught up with her and she fell asleep on top of her covers, fully-dressed.

Voices In My Head

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She was walking through a dark alley, houses looming over her on both sides. There was noise all around and the faint light of a raging fire lit up the night sky. She could hear screams far away but here, it was quiet. She came out into a clearing and spotted a small Chinese girl, dressed in ragged trousers and a shirt, a knife gripped in her hand.

“Slayer,” a voice whispered and the girl fell into a fighting stance, her mouth set in determination.

And suddenly she was moving forward, towards the girl, this Slayer. The girl said something to her in her own language and she frowned but continued on and felt a tug of a smile on her lips. It was like someone else was in control of her body. Something shifted in her and then she was flying forward towards the girl. She struck and she felt the girl’s head snap back with the blow. The fight was on. She found herself laughing as she moved, ducking the Slayer’s blow and kicking her legs out from underneath her. It was a good fight but she could tell the girl was weakening.

Nevertheless, she struck out with the knife and she felt herself hit and raised her hand to her face. When she pulled her hand back, it was covered in blood- and to her horror, she moved her fingers to her mouth. Once again, someone else seemed to be in control. She found herself flying at the girl again, more viciously than before and in no time, the girl was overcome. She had the girl in hands that didn’t seem like hers and was staring at the back of her neck. She squirmed in horror again as she leant forward and bit into the girl’s neck. She could feel the blood running down her throat and felt herself sickening- even though whoever was in charge of her body was definitely enjoying the meal. Finally, the girl was released to sag to the floor and she looked up to see Drusilla smiling at her.



Buffy started up in bed, breathing heavily as she hugged the sheets to herself. What the hell kind of crazy dream was that? She knew from the things around her in the dream that she had seen something in the past- but it was not her past. Someone else had definitely been in control. And she had a horrible feeling that she knew just who that person was. But why was she dreaming Spike’s past? Maybe it was just an after-effect of Willow’s spell. She was sure it would go away soon.


Knowing that she would not sleep after that dream, she climbed out of bed as quietly as she could, hoping not to wake Willow, and made her way along to the communal kitchen. It was still dark outside and she sat at the counter, a glass of water in her hand, staring out into the darkness.



She walked forward, her arm looped around the form next to her. They made their way to another pair- Angelus and Darla.

“My little Spike just killed ‘imself a Slayer,” Drusilla purred and she felt herself moving into Drusilla’s touch, even as her eyes fixed on Angelus’s.


She started out of the memory, dropping the glass she was holding and causing the water to spill out all over the counter. She scrambled to get a cloth and cleaned up the mess with a shaking hand. She knew what she had seen was a continuation of her dream and it worried her that this was carrying over into her waking mind. What the hell was going on?


She made her way back to the room and was glad to see that Willow was up and about when she got back.

“Morning, Buff.”

“Hey.”

She moved to her bed and sat on it, hugging a cushion to herself as Willow went about making her bed.

“Will, can I talk to you?”

“Sure,” Willow exclaimed, turning to her and settling on her own bed opposite Buffy, “What’s up?”

“It’s about the spell.”

She saw Willow’s face drop and frowned as her friend burst forth with an apology.

“I’m so sorry. I really didn’t mean for any of that to happen. I can do the forgetting spell if you want?”

“No, Will, it’s fine. Really. I just…do you know if there are any after-effects?”

“Like what?”

“Like…well, I had this weird dream. I think I was reliving Spike’s past.”

“Oh.”

“That’s not normal?” she asked worriedly.

“Well, I- I don’t know. I never…I didn’t think there’d be after-effects. Maybe we should call Giles.”

“No!” she got out quickly, “I…Maybe it’ll just go away.”

“Okay… If you’re sure.”

She nodded and Willow smiled, rising to her feet and moving to her desk. She gave a sigh and collapsed back on her bed. This thing would surely stop in no time and she’d be back to normal. She hoped.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She sat in her psychology lecture but could not absorb anything of what Professor Walsh was saying. Her eyes drifted around the room and rested momentarily on the figure of Riley Finn. Well, whatever chance she had with him was well and truly blown after her meeting with him whilst under Willow’s spell. He thought she was engaged to some older guy called Spike. She sighed and went to turn her head away but just at that point, as if sensing her eyes on him, he looked up and caught her gaze. Frozen, she could do nothing but stare and before she could bring herself to smile or react normally, he smiled and lowered his head again and she sighed. Why hadn’t her friends kept her in Giles’s house while she’d been stuck under that spell? But then, separating her and Spike was probably a better plan, what with all the slobbering all over each other.



“D’you like it?” he asked, his eyes fixed on her as she turned the ring on her finger.

“It’s…beautiful. And it reminds me of you.”

He smiled and leant up to kiss her, his mouth cool against hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and drew him closer as his hands rested on her waist.

“Eww! Stop it!”

She reluctantly drew away from her fiancé at Xander’s voice and smiled at him apologetically before she turned to her friend, ever aware of Spike’s cool fingers against her skin as he slipped his hand under her top.



“Buffy, the lecture’s over.”

She started and turned to Willow in surprise, looking around at the quickly-emptying room.

“Are you okay?” Willow asked worriedly.

“I…I’m fine,” she murmured, gathering her belongings together. After-effect, that’s all this is. It’ll go away soon. With a smile at her friend, she led the way out of the room. As she was leaving, she spotted Riley just in front of them.

“Will, I gotta go fix something.”

Willow looked towards Riley and smiled knowingly, before turning in the opposite direction. Buffy rushed over to Riley and called out to him.

“Riley!”

He turned to her and she was glad to see a genuine smile cross his face.

“Hi.”

“Hey. I just wanted to say sorry for the other night. I was a bit…excited.”

“Yeah, well, engagement and all.”

“About that…erm…it was nothing. Just a…a joke, you know?”

“A joke?”

“Yeah. I’m not really engaged.”

“Who’s Spike then?”

“Just some guy. Not even a friend. I…sorry.”

“I’m still a bit confused, but hey, I’ll deal,” Riley commented with a smile, “So, did you want to go out somewhere tomorrow night?”

“That’d be good.”

“Cool. I’ll pick you up at seven.”

“Great. See you then.”

With a smile, she turned and made her way back to the dorm, a skip in her step. Things were getting back on track.


Riley was spot on time and she smiled as she opened the door and spotted the flowers he had brought.

“Here. For you.”

“Oh, wow. Thanks!”

She smiled and invited him in as she tried to find something suitable to use as a vase.

“They’re beautiful,” she remarked, smiling as she found a tall glass and placed the flowers in them. She turned back to him then and moved towards him.

“Shall we get going?”

Her hand was on the door but he stopped her with a hand at her arm.

“Buffy, wait.”

She turned to him expectantly and was surprised when he leant down and kissed her hesitantly. She smiled against his lips though and kissed him back eagerly, her hands on his arms. He parted from her with a soft smile and she looped her arm through his as they left the room. She could feel something gnawing at the back of her mind- something like boredom- but she shook it away, focussing on the man next to her.


The Bronze was packed as usual and she sat with Riley at one of the only free tables, watching the crowd with a smile.

“This place is packed!” Riley shouted, leaning close to her to be heard over the music.

“It’s always like this, trust me.”

He laughed and his hand just rested against her back as he took a sip of his drink. She could feel eyes on them though- on her- and the tingling in the back of her neck told her exactly who was watching them.

Could you have found anyone more boring, Slayer?

She shook her head, unnerved by Spike’s voice, clear as anything inside her head. Well, that’s probably what he would say. She refused to look for him though and instead let her hand rest on Riley’s leg as she leant in towards him.

“D’you wanna dance?”

“Sure,” he replied with a smile and got to his feet, taking her hand in his as she got to hers.

Bet cardboard’s more exciting than him.

She frowned but when Riley turned back to her, she smiled and moved closer to him, moving to the music. She raised her arms in the air, moving to the music as Riley’s hand rested on her hip, her eyes fluttering shut.



She was looking across the dancefloor, her eyes fixed on a blonde head. The figure moved and she saw her own face, younger, brighter, flushed from the dance.



She jolted back to reality and shook her head, unable to stop her eyes from moving up to the causeway above the club. And sure enough, there was Spike, surrounded by a billow of smoke. For just a few moments, their eyes met and she saw that annoying smirk spread across his face and quickly turned back to Riley.

“You okay?” Riley called out, moving closer to her.

“Fine,” she answered with a wide smile and she moved closer, wrapping her arms around his neck as they danced.

Trying too hard, Slayer. Obviously didn’t learn from the last time.

She froze as the voice sped through her head and glared up at the causeway before dropping her eyes, a frown on her face.

“Buffy?”

She raised her gaze to Riley and forced a weak smile.

“I think I need a drink.”

He nodded, his face a picture of concern, and took her hand to lead her over to the bar. She found her eyes flicking to the causeway once again and she frowned. She had to figure out what was going on, and soon.

The Problem Revealed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


She walked back to her room with Riley and they parted after a short goodbye kiss but only a few minutes later, she was out of the room again. She was practically running by the time she reached Restfield cemetery and she forced herself to slow down- calm down- as she approached the crypt she had accompanied Spike to. She came to the large wooden door and contemplated knocking for a brief second before kicking it open and making her way into the crypt. It was surprisingly light inside- candles scattered around the room providing plenty of light- and she took in the few home comforts: an armchair, an old television, a fridge.

Slayer.

She heard the voice flash through her head only seconds before Spike appeared, climbing out of what appeared to be a lower level.

“Well, what brings you round here, Slayer? Not having fun with Captain Cardboard?”

As if you could have fun with that boy. Bet he doesn’t even know what he’s doing in bed.

The voice that ran through her head spurred her onwards and she went to the vampire, grabbing him by the collar and pushing him up against a sarcophagus that was right in the centre of the room.

“Bloody hell, Slayer!”

“What did you do?!” she cried out.

The vampire was completely still, staring at her in confusion.

“Huh?”

“What have you done?!” she bit out, “Why are you in my head?!”

He looked even more confused now and she tightened her grip on him, shoving him against the sarcophagus.

“Take it easy, Slayer!”

“Get out of my head!”

“I’m not in your head. You’re off your nut!”

He looked completely bewildered and she released him reluctantly, staggering backwards.

“What have you done?” she murmured, raising her troubled gaze to his bright one.

“Haven’t done anythin’. Been sitting here getting bored like a good vampire.”

“You must have done something. You did something to my head. What did you do?”

“Slayer, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

She sighed, running her hand through her hair as she tried to think.

“Something must have happened,” she whispered and looked up at the vampire, searching for a clue.

“Slayer, what are you going on about?” Spike asked.

“You…I can feel you inside me,” she whispered but when he quirked an eyebrow and she saw the start of that smirk she quickly rephrased her sentence, “I mean, I can hear you…in my head. I’ve seen things… Things that I shouldn’t know about.”

“Not understanding, love.”

“I saw you kill a Slayer. She was Chinese. She was wearing brown trousers and a shirt…and she had a knife. She cut you with it.”

She raised her hand to her eyebrow- the same one which on him was bisected by a scar. He just stared at her for a long moment and inside, she was praying that he would believe her.

Bloody Slayer’s gone nuts.

“I’m not crazy,” she answered, as if he’d spoken out loud, and she saw his eyes narrow slightly.

Or this is some sort of trap.

“It’s not a trap.”

His eyes went wide then and he studied her silently.

“Spike, please tell me you know what’s going on? I really do not want you in my head.”

He jolted out of his daze and shook his head.

“No idea, love,” he murmured, his eyes on her as he leant back against the sarcophagus.

“I’m not your love,” she answered absentmindedly.

They were silent for a long time and she sagged, looking at her feet, hoping for inspiration.

“So, you know what I’m thinking?” Spike spoke up, breaking the silence.

She raised her eyes to him hesitantly, unknowingly biting on her lip.

“Well, it seems worse now I’m near you. Before, it was just like…feelings.”

“Right…and memories.”

“Yeah.”

He frowned and she found herself frowning too. His hand went to his neck absentmindedly and then he froze, his eyes flying to hers.

“Think we’ve got a problem.”

“What? What is it?!”

His fingers moved against his neck and his eyes met hers.

“You drew blood.”

“Not exactly something unusual.”

“Do you remember what you said though?” he asked quietly, his eyes burning into hers.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Spike,” she whispered with a smile, running her hands up his chest and gripping his shoulders, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he whispered.

She smiled and slid into his lap, moaning as he pulled her close against him. His hand slid down to her behind, holding her close and she smiled, her mouth going to his neck as he moaned.

“Slayer, are you sure we have to wait ‘til the wedding night?”

“Yes!” she protested with a laugh, running her tongue over his ear, “But we can still have fun.”

Her hands found the buttons of his shirt and began to undo them as she kissed him hungrily. She finally undid the last of the buttons and pushed the shirt from his shoulders, her hands gripping his bare shoulders as he kissed her. He deepened their kiss and his hand moved to her breast, brushing over her teasingly as she let out a moan and arched back, inviting him to her neck. He pressed a kiss to her skin and then began to suck lightly on her pulse point and she gasped, her nails digging into him. He let out a little moan and she righted herself, looking at the tiny spots of blood on his neck. His eyes met hers in a blaze of desire and then she dipped her head, placing her mouth over the wounded skin. She could taste his blood in her mouth and smiled when he moaned slightly at her suckling. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close as she licked the wound.

“Mine,” she whispered almost instinctively.

“Yours,” he answered automatically, his arms winding around her tighter.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, let me get this right…” she started hesitantly, her eyes fixed on the vampire’s, “You’re saying that I…claimed you?”

“Think so. That explains why you can feel what I feel.”

“Maybe it was just the spell.”

“So why don’t I know what’s going on in your head?”

It was a valid point and she frowned, her eyes on the vampire. She just couldn’t get her head around this claiming thing: apparently, her drawing his blood and saying ‘mine’ actually made him, well, hers. Simple as that. Of course, she was pretty sure this kind of thing wasn’t supposed to happen between a vampire and the Slayer. Why didn’t Angel ever tell me about this? Why didn’t he ever claim me?

She shook that thought off and focussed on the vampire in front of her.

“So, how do we get rid of it?” she asked and his eyes met hers.

“I’m not sure we can.”

“There must be a way.”

“I don’t know, love. Last time I got claimed…well, that was a long time ago.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“You’re mine, William.”

“Yours. All yours, Dru.”

“Good boy,” she laughed, her nails scratching at his bare skin.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They both jolted back to the present and suddenly his eyes flew to hers, locking on hers unnervingly.

“You saw that?”

“Yeah,” she admitted softly and he turned away with a barely audible curse.

“You know, kinda fed up of things messing with my head.”

“Trust me, I don’t want to be in there either!”

He turned back to her with a wry smile and sank against the sarcophagus, pulling out a cigarette and lighting up.

“So, does it, like, fade?” she asked hopefully.

“Not as far as I know. But then, I was always around Dru. And always reaffirming the claim.”

They were silent for a moment but then she spoke up again.

“How does that work?”

“What?”

“Well, if I’ve claimed you as well- which is so wrong- does it cancel out Dru’s claim?”

“Not exactly. Just…dulls it, I guess. You can have more than one claim.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“You will obey me, boy.”

“You wish, Liam.”

He was struck around the face and cupped his hand to his bleeding nose. Before he could stop him, Angelus was on him, his fangs piecing the skin of his neck.

“You’re mine, William.”

He struggled against his grandsire’s grip but it was too strong and it soon tightened on his throat.

“Say it, William.”

“Yours,” he bit out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She came round and frowned, avoiding the vampire’s gaze when it sought hers.

“Beyond weird,” was all she got out, “Look, we’re not getting anywhere. Have you told me everything you know about claiming?”

“Yes.”

“Right, that leaves only one option. Giles.”

She was already halfway to the door when he spoke up, halting her.

“Don’t I even get a choice in this?”

She turned back to him, crossing her arms.

“No. I want out of your head.”

“Fine.”

She turned back to the door but he spoke up again.

“Just…don’t be telling your friends all my secrets, eh? S’bad enough that you know them.”

She heard something like vulnerability in his voice but shook her head in disbelief and walked out of the crypt.

A Pain In The Head

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Giles, we have a problem!” she exclaimed, making her way into his house the next morning, “I need you to find out everything you can about vampire claims.”

“Vampire claims? I didn’t realise such things were actually true. They are regarded as myth.”

“They’re true, trust me.”

“Buffy, what’s going on?”

She bit her lip and perched on the arm of the sofa, avoiding her Watcher’s gaze.

“Well, during Willow’s spell, something happened with Spike and-“

“Oh God, he bit you!”

“No, worse,” she cut in, daring to meet Giles’ shocked gaze, “I claimed him.”

“You claimed him?”

“Yeah. There was…well, there was claiming,” she explained, not wanting to go into detail of how it had come about, “And now I…I’m in his head. I know what he’s thinking.”

“Are you quite sure?”

“Yes. Right now he’s sleepy…and worried. And I…I’ve seen some things from his past.”

“For instance?”

“I saw him kill a Slayer. Well, actually, I killed her because I was him…anyway, it was weird. I want out as soon as possible.”

“I quite understand. I…this really is quite extraordinary.”

“I know.”

“It deserves to be investigated and documented-“

“Giles, please. I just want out of Spike’s head pronto. The blood lust really is quite disturbing.”

“Oh yes. Quite. I’ll get on to it right away.”


Unfortunately, she hadn’t counted on Giles bringing in the rest of the Scooby gang.

“You did what?!” Xander exclaimed as soon as she entered the room and she grimaced.

“I was under a spell. Wasn’t exactly in control.”

She saw Willow frown but shot her friend a reassuring smile.

“What about the dreams?” Willow asked her softly and she frowned.

“Not enjoying full-colour playbacks of Spike’s killing sprees,” she moaned, “I woke up about eight times last night.”

“Fascinating,” Giles remarked, his gaze fixed on her now, “And do you have the ability to control which memories you access?”

“Not really. It’s either the dreams…or sometimes like daydreams. Depends on if Spike’s thinking about it as well. God, this is so weird.”

She sighed and sank back on the sofa, covering her face with her hands.

“I’m sure we’ll find something, Buff,” Willow soothed and she looked at her friend, smiling weakly.

“The sooner the better.”

Bloody Watcher better have an answer.

She froze and sat up, looking towards the door.

“Spike’s outside,” she spoke up and all eyes fixed on her and then went to the door. A few seconds later, there was a knock at the door and with a bewildered look at her, Giles went to the door and let in the vampire.


Spike came in and frowned at the assembled group, his eyes finally settling on her.

“Thought you were only telling the Watcher?”

“More brainpower,” she answered with a tiny shrug.

Brainpower, right. Watcher boy’s the only one here with any brain at all.

“Hey!” she protested, even before she could realise what she was doing and Spike’s head whipped towards her. Instead of saying something though, he just smirked and she rolled her eyes.

“So, Rupert, any idea of how to get the Slayer out of my noggin? Not sure I like her havin’ access to all my thoughts and such.”

“We’re working on it.”

“I don’t see why we should help him!” Xander remarked.

Whelp.

“Because we’re helping me,” Buffy replied, shooting a glare at Spike in warning.
Xander sighed and gave in, glaring at the vampire before turning to Giles expectantly.

“Yes, well…I’ve found a few books on the subject. We’ll have to study them further.”

Hours of bloody fun.

She couldn’t stop herself from giggling at Spike’s sarcasm and he quirked an eyebrow as she took the book Giles handed to her. She smiled and pressed her finger to her lips, indicating to him to be quiet as she turned to the book in her hand.


They sat in silence and she frowned as she came across a whole sentence she couldn’t understand. She shifted and leant over the end of the sofa towards Giles.

“Giles, what does this mean?” she asked, pointing to the impossible sentence.

“It’s in English,” Giles answered in bemusement.

“It’s not in an English I know.”

Giles smiled and took the book from her. She sighed and propped her elbows on the sofa, leaning over to follow her Watcher’s finger across the page.

What a nice arse.

“You are sick, Spike!” she blurted out, “If I find you looking anywhere near me, I will rip your eyes out.”

She heard him chuckle and then looked round at the circle of bewildered Scoobies.

“I really want to be out of his head,” she got out, smiling weakly as they turned back to their books. She sank onto the sofa and glared at the smirking vampire, wishing all manner of painful deaths on him.

“Maybe staking you would just be easier,” she commented lightly.

“Oh, you can’t do that, Slayer,” he drawled, smiling at her.

“You wanna bet?”

He laughed, stretching out his long legs in front of him.

“You couldn’t do it, Slayer. Claim wouldn’t let you.”

“What?! You’re kidding me.”

“Nope. You couldn’t touch a hair on my head ‘coz it’d hurt you too. Not physically ‘course, but it’d hurt.”

“This is so wrong,” she moaned.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


They had made no progress in finding a way to cancel the claim and she needed a break. Needed to be away from Spike. Giles agreed and promised to continue the research while she went home. Well, not exactly home- halfway home, she changed her mind and instead made her way to one of the fraternity houses. She was directed to Riley’s room by a group of laughing guys and she ignored their jibes as she climbed the stairs. Frat boys, she thought with a roll of her eyes. She knocked on Riley’s door and then he was there, smiling down at her.

“Buffy!”

“Hey,” she answered with a soft smile, “Thought I’d stop by.”

He smiled and held the door open, beckoning her in. She looked around the clean room and smiled, settling on the bed.

“How’s it going?”

“Yeah, good.” Except for the fact I claimed a vampire. “You?”

“Good,” he replied, settling on the bed beside her with a smile, his hand resting next to hers, “I had a really good time the other night.”

“Me too,” she whispered, looking up at him under her lashes.

“So maybe we could do it again some time?”

“I’d like that.”

He smiled softly and his eyes just flicked to her lips. She felt her heart skip a beat and she tilted her head up as he bent down towards her. His lips met hers and he kissed her softly, his hand running down her arm. She let her hand come to rest on his shoulder and moved closer, enjoying the feel of his soft mouth against hers.


Suddenly a jolt of pain went through her and she parted from Riley with a start.

“Buffy?”

She felt that pain again and realised then that it was coming from Spike. Stupid vampire! Ignoring the pain, she smiled and leant into Riley again and kissed him gently, her hand on the back of his neck as his arms wrapped around her. As much as she tried to ignore it though, the pain was increasing and with a groan, she tore herself away from Riley.

“I’m really sorry. I have to go.”

She saw his face fall but then his beeper went off and she smiled.

“Guess you’ve got something to do too.”

“Yeah,” he answered and she rose to her feet quickly.

“I’ll see you soon.”

“Definitely.”

He was conducting her quickly to the door and it was only her own rush that stopped her from noticing his. He leant down and kissed her one last time and then she was rushing out of the room and racing down the stairs. All the way, in the back of her head, she could feel the pain coming from Spike and it spurred her on. She’d be very glad when she had her brain to herself.

Caring

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She raced across town and into Restfield cemetery. The door to Spike’s crypt was open and she frowned, slowing as she approached it. She could just discern voices from inside it and then she felt a flash of pain from Spike and before she could stop herself, she rushed into the crypt. She stopped dead just past the threshold, taking in the soldiers pinning Spike to his armchair as another hit him while another two stood watch. She didn’t have to ask to know these were the military-types responsible for the chip in Spike’s head.

The cell was completely white with a glass window in front. She frowned as two masked soldiers stopped outside the cell but before she could speak, everything went black.


“What the hell is going on?!” she exclaimed, sweeping an expert’s eye over their weapons.

“She’s human,” one of the soldiers reported and she frowned at him before addressing the one who had been hitting Spike.

“What are you doing here?”

“Now, Miss, this is government business.”

“Beating the crap out of a helpless vampire?”

M’not helpless.

For the first time, she was relieved to hear Spike’s voice in her head- she could just see his bloodied face and hadn’t been sure if he was conscious.

“Miss, I suggest you leave.”

“I don’t think so,” she answered, staring down each of the soldiers in turn. She stopped on one to her right and frowned.

“Didn’t I just see you at the frat house?”

“Miss, you need to leave,” the one who appeared to be in charge replied, “This vampire is a threat and all we’re waiting on is our commanding officer.”


“Okay, what’s the situation?” a voice boomed out and she saw the soldiers straighten and salute and she spun round, a feeling of dread in her stomach. She’d recognised that voice. And there, framed in the doorway, was Riley Finn.

“Riley,” she got out in a low voice.

“Buffy! What are you doing here? You need to get out of here.”

He was already moving forward and had a hand on her arm but she shook him off.

“I’m not going anywhere. Get your men- they are your men, right?- get them away from Spike.”

“Spike?!” he repeated in shock, his eyes going to the vampire, “You’re friends with a vampire?”

“Not exactly.”

His gaze returned to her and she stared him down until finally he made a gesture and she heard movement.

“Sir?” one soldier questioned.

“Leave him.”

The soldiers were soon proceeding out of the crypt and she watched them go, sensing Spike’s relief.

Cheers, love.


“Buffy, I think we need to talk.”

“I think we do,” she replied seriously, “But first, I need to…help Spike.”

“Buffy?”

“I’ll explain later,” she stated and before Riley could say anything, she turned away from him and walked over to Spike, crouching down before him.

“You still dead?”

“Just about.”


She soon dug out cloth and water and began to clean the vampire’s wounds. He protested but she cut off his protest.

“Look, I have to do this. You were right about the claim. I couldn’t let you get hurt.”

“S’weird, innit?”

“Beyond weird,” she replied with a smile, touching the wet cloth to his cheek.

They fell silent and she found her thoughts straying to Riley. Riley was one of the soldiers, the people that had taken Spike away and stuck a chip in his head. She was sure it was just this claim that suddenly made her uncomfortable with the idea. She sighed and swept the cloth against his hand, cleaning the blood from it.

“So, Captain Cardboard, eh?”

She raised her gaze to the vampire’s and was surprised to see his eyes softer than ever, full with something like…sympathy?

“I obviously don’t have good instincts for finding normal,” she answered with a wry smile.

“You gonna at least hear the guy out?”

“Guess so,” she sighed, cleaning his knuckles where he had helplessly struck out at one of the soldiers.

“Might be easier with no secrets.”

Her eyes flew to his again and she frowned in confusion.

“You know, it almost sounds like you’re encouraging me to be with someone whose soldier buddies just beat you to a pulp.”

He gave a shrug that was more of an effort than he let on.

“The guy’s boring as hell but if you like him, you might as well give it a go. You’re never gonna be happy with normal. Might be able to guide the boy down a less violent path as well.”

“You mean if I went out with him, you think he might leave you alone.”

“Could be.”

She smiled and cleaned off the last of the blood on his hand.

“We’ll see.”

Spike reluctantly agreed to let her help him down into what soon turned out to be his bedroom and she was surprised to see that it was actually quite homely. She helped him to sit on the bed and looked round the room.

“It’s surprisingly nice down here.”

“Cheers,” he muttered, letting out a groan as he bent to unlace his boots.

“Are your ribs okay? Do you want me to strap them?”

“M’fine, Slayer.”

“You’re a liar.”

“S’lot easier when someone’s not got access to your head. Look, I’ll be fine, Slayer. You go off and make up with Soldier Boy.”

She frowned but turned towards the ladder.

“I’ll, err, come check on you soon.”

“M’fine.”

“The pain in the back of my head says otherwise.”

He chuckled and she laughed, climbing up the ladder and quickly leaving the crypt, heading for Riley’s once more.


Riley let her in once more and she moved to sit on the bed where she had been just a little while ago. Back when she had been ignorant and things had been a lot easier. Riley moved to sit on a chair opposite her, his eyes searching hers.

“Buffy, what’s going on? How do you know Hostile Seventeen?”

“Sorry?”

“Spike.”

“Oh. Long story, but…well, he’s been a pain-in-my-ass for the last three, four years.”

“He’s a vampire.”

“Yeah. Hence the pain-in-my-ass bit.”

“So…you know the truth about Sunnydale? About the…supernatural elements.”

“Yeah. Have done since I was fifteen. That’s why I moved here.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Okay, the thing is…top secret, right?”

He nodded and she took a deep breath before continuing.

“I don’t know how long you’ve been dealing with demons…but I’ve been doing it since I was fifteen. I’m the Slayer. I got chosen to fight all the demons and with Sunnydale being Demon Central, it wasn’t long before fate brought me here.”

“So you fight demons?”

“Yeah.”

“But not Spike?”

This was where it got complicated.

“Well, we used to fight. Got pretty close to killing each other a few times.”

“And now?”

“I can’t fight him anymore. The chip-“ she watched him closely as she mentioned his buddies’ device- “It’s not a fair fight.”

“And you could only kill him in a fair fight?”

“Yeah. It’s…I don’t know, an honour thing, you know? Doesn’t seem right to kill him when he can’t go out with a big fight.”

Riley was silent and she bit her lip, watching him.

“And you actually want to help him now?” he spoke up after a pause, his eyes searching hers.

“Not exactly. It’s…well, it’s a long story.”

“I’m listening.”



“Right so, Willow is a witch and she did a spell…and you and Hos- Spike were engaged.”

“Yeah.”

“And you claimed him as your own?”

“Something like that. Main point is, he hurts, I hurt.”

“And you can tell what he’s thinking?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s…I just can’t believe it. I never knew about any of these things…Slayers, claims, magic spells…”

“I know. It sounds pretty strange.”

“And all your friends help you out?”

“Yeah.”

“I…I don’t really know what to say.”

She smiled wryly and got to her feet.

“I’ll leave you to, err, process things. I said I’d go check on Spike again.”

He rose to his feet though, stopping her.

“Buffy.”

“Yeah?”

“I…I really like you. I want you to know that. And I…well, I’d like to maybe get to know you better. All this Slayer stuff…”

“Really?” she asked, surprised.

“Yeah.”

“I…well, that’d be good. D’you wanna maybe come by tomorrow afternoon and we’ll talk some more?”

“I’ll be there.”

She smiled and he led her towards the door. She stood on the threshold, unsure of how to part from him, but he soon solved that issue by leaning down and kissing her softly.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Buffy.”

She nodded and with a smile, skipped down the stairs. Maybe Spike had been right about getting the truth out.

A Resolution

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This is Giles. He’s my Watcher,” she explained, smiling as Giles stepped forward and shook hands with Riley.

“It’s nice to meet you, Riley. Buffy has told us a great deal about you. I really would be very interested to know about your work.”

“Erm, sure,” Riley got out hesitantly.

“Giles, give the guy some time to take it all in, will you?” she teased.

“Yes, quite,” he replied, moving away and polishing his glasses.

“And you know Willow. And this is Xander.”

“Are you a witch too?” Riley asked her friend and they all burst out laughing.

“No. No. Xander’s my…well, my manpower and, err, carpenter-type…and all sorts of useful things.”

Xander smiled and shook Riley’s hand. Well, so far her friends seemed to be taking to Riley and he seemed to be taking in this whole Slayer thing surprisingly well. Maybe Spike had been right about her not being happy with a normal guy. Speak of the devil, she thought as there was a knock at the door.

“It’s Spike.”


She felt the vampire tense a tiny amount when he caught sight of Riley amongst the group but he soon shook it off, turning to Giles.

“Please tell me you’ve found something. Who knows what secrets the Slayer might’ve found out?!”

“I’m saving it all as ammunition,” she answered sweetly and he narrowed his eyes for a second before smiling hesitantly. He sank onto a chair, draping his arms across the back of it. He seemed more relaxed now but she didn’t miss the slight darting of his eyes towards Riley.

Hope the Slayer hasn’t made a mistake.

“Me too,” she whispered under her breath and Spike’s eyes flew to hers and she smiled before turning to Riley.

“So, welcome to the research team.”

He smiled and she took his hand, guiding him to sit on the sofa beside her as Giles handed them a book each. She flicked through her book absentmindedly but her eyes soon drifted to the man beside her. He was frowning, obviously trying to puzzle something out.

“I never understand what these old guys are going on about,” she whispered, nudging him slightly.

“This is all in rhyme. Like a poem. A really bad poem.”

She smiled and leant over to look at Riley’s book.


There was raucous laughter and she felt a burning in her stomach. She scrunched a bit of paper up in her hand and moved away from the laughing men.

“And that’s actually one of his better compositions.”

“Have you heard? They call him William the Bloody because of his bloody awful poetry!”


She turned to the vampire with wide eyes, almost wanting to laugh. William the Bloody…William the Bloody Awful Poet.

“I can’t understand any of it,” Riley whispered.

“No, me neither. Poets, huh? Bloody awful.”

Spike’s eyes flew to hers with a look she had never seen on his face before: fear. He jumped to his feet like a man possessed.

“Slayer, need a word.”

He nodded toward the kitchen and before she could even get to her feet, he had disappeared into the next room. She smiled and with a slight caress on Riley’s arm, she moved through to the kitchen. She was barely through the door before Spike caught her arm, dragging her fully into the room.

“Slayer, m’not sure what you saw, but if you tell anyone-“

“I won’t.”

“What?” he blurted out, obviously thrown off.

“I won’t tell anyone.”

“But-“

“It wouldn’t be right.”

He didn’t seem to know what to say and released her arm, staring at her.

“Look, I don’t like this either. It’s invading your privacy and I want it solved as soon as possible.”

He was silent for a long moment and then his eyes met hers.

“Slayer, I don’t know if they’re going to find anything,” he said in a low voice, “But…look.”

He moved closer, his hand just settling on her arm once more.

“The only thing I know…if the claim is a two-way thing, it’s easier to control. You can…ignore it easier.”

Two-way thing. That didn’t sound so good.

“Are you sure?”

“Don’t see Dru racing to my rescue, do you?”

She paused and looked at him, studying his face.

Trust me, Slayer.

“Look, just think about it, Slayer. It might be the only way.”

She hesitated and then heard her name being called from the other room.

“Be right there.”

She turned to the door but paused, just glancing back at Spike.

“I’ll think about it.”


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


She wasn’t naïve: she knew exactly what making the claim a two-way thing involved. Spike would have to draw her blood and say the magic words. But she was afraid. It wasn’t that she feared Spike would try to kill her- his chip would stop that and she knew somehow that he wouldn’t even attempt it. No, what scared her was the fact that he would have access to all her innermost thoughts and feelings.

The whole of her would be laid open for his inspection- and she really didn’t like the sound of that. She didn’t want him to see how much she had loved Angel, didn’t want him to know her secret fears. She would be left vulnerable to his mocking, that knowing look, that unnerving smirk and she just didn’t know if she could cope with it. But then, her brain reminded her, you have the same access to his mind. You’ve seen things that would embarrass him- if he said anything, you could just tell everyone about William the Bloody Awful Poet. Somehow, she knew she wouldn’t be able to do that though. Would the claim have the same effect on him? And was he telling the truth- would she be able to ignore it completely? Block out his thoughts and feelings? She sighed and slumped down on her bed, burying her head in the pillow. Why did her life always have to be so complicated?


“I do see you. That's the problem. You're nothing to me, William. You're beneath me.”

The woman walked away, leaving her with a burning sensation in her chest. She stumbled to her feet and out into the street, ripping paper as she went, until finally she sank to the ground with a choked sob. She buried her head in her hands as she trembled, tears running down her cheeks.

“And I wonder, what possible catastrophe came crashing down from heaven and brought this dashing stranger to tears?”

Her head flew up to look at the dark-haired woman.

“Nothing. I wish to be alone.”

The woman wasn’t listening though- she was talking again.

“I see you. You’re a man surrounded by fools who can not see his strength. His vision. His glory,” she breathed, “That and burning baby fish swimming all around your head.”

She frowned at the woman’s strange words and pushed herself to her feet.

“That's quite close enough. I've heard tales of London pickpockets. You'll not be
getting my purse, I tell you.”

“Don't need a purse,” the woman said dreamily, pointing to her heart and then to her head, “Your wealth lies here... and here. In the spirit and... imagination. You walk in worlds the others can't begin to imagine.

“Oh, yes! I mean, no. I mean... mother's expecting me.”

The woman leaned over, her hand running over her chest to her collar.

“I see what you want. Something glowing and glistening. Something... effulgent.”

“Effulgent.”

“Do you want it”

“Oh, yes! God, yes.”

The woman’s face changed and then she moved forward, biting into the flesh of her neck as she cried out in pain. Soon after, there was nothing but darkness.

When she awoke, what seemed like an age later, she cried out when she realised she was in a dark, confined space and began to hit out at the wood around her.


She bolted upright, gasping for breath as she clutched the covers to her. She so didn’t want Spike’s dreams anymore. Before she knew exactly what she was doing, she climbed out of her bed and pulled on the first clothes she could find, before rushing out of her room.


“Dru, I told you about bringing home strays.”

“He’s my white knight.”

Angelus strode up to her and looked down at her with a sneer. Then he lashed out and she collapsed to the floor.

“Welcome to the family, William.”


She shook her head, trying to drive the vision from her head, marginally aware of the tears that were coursing down her cheeks. She had to find some way to stop this. She couldn’t take it anymore. She rushed through the town, hugging her cardigan around her as she raced towards Restfield cemetery.


Spike’s crypt came into view and she only increased her pace, practically sprinting towards the door. For a moment she stopped at the door in the fear that he might not be alone, but then she pushed the door open and headed straight for the ladder to the lower level. She climbed down the ladder and turned, starting slightly when she saw that he was asleep in his bed. He was sprawled out beneath the covers, his chest bare, his hair ruffled. She couldn’t stop now though; she moved forward and bent over the bed, resting her hand on his arm.

“Spike?”

Suddenly, his other hand reached out and grabbed her arm, holding her tightly as his eyes opened slowly. He blinked in confusion and then loosened his grip.

“Slayer?” he asked sleepily.

“I want to do it,” she whispered, “The claim. I can’t take it anymore.”

“You sure?” he asked, pushing himself up onto his elbows.

“I…I don’t want to be in your head. I want to…You said if it was two-way you can ignore it. Will it…will it stop the dreams as well?”

“I don’t know. Probably.”

He looked at her for a long time in silence and then sat up, the sheets around his waist, his hands just resting on her arms.

“You okay? You look a bit shaky.”

“Look, Spike, I just want to do it. I don’t want to see things in your head anymore.”

“Okay, breathe. Calm down and we’ll talk about this.”

She nodded and ran her hand over her face, all the while breathing deeply to try and calm herself.

“Mind turning away, Slayer? Need to put some clothes on. Figure you don’t want an eye-full.”

Her eyes flew to his, down to the covers at his waist and then away again quickly. She turned her head from him, staring at the wall opposite her as she felt him move from the bed.

In no time, he was at her side again, sitting on the edge of the bed. She noticed his bare feet and smiled a small smile at the normalcy of it in all this madness. Here she was, sat in a vampire’s crypt in the middle of the night, asking him to bite her and claim her. His cool hand took hers again and she looked up to meet his bright blue gaze.

“You have to be sure, love. There’s no going back.”

“Will…I have to know, will I be able to stop you? From reading my mind, I mean.”

“I guess so. Slayer, I…you don’t need to worry about me searching out all your secrets. I wouldn’t.”

She studied his face and knew, somehow, that he wasn’t lying.

“And no…no telling other people things we might find out.”

“Of course not. But look, Slayer, if you’re that worried, we’ll wait ‘til your friends find something.”

“What if they don’t? This…it’s driving me crazy. I can’t sleep without seeing things. And I…it’s too real,” she trailed off, raising her hesitant gaze to his steady one before continuing breathlessly, “It felt like…like I’d woken up in my own coffin…and I couldn’t breathe. It was horrible.”

“Hey, shh,” Spike soothed and before she knew it, she was in his arms and he was comforting her, his hand just rubbing against her back.

She was trembling and sagged against him,
screwing her eyes up tightly in a vain attempt to block out the images swimming just behind her eyelids.

“Shh, it’s okay. We’ll do it, if it’s what you want.”

She nodded against him, her shaking hand clutching his shirt.

Reciprocation

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She forced herself to calm down but remained in Spike’s surprisingly comforting embrace. She was nervous now about what she knew had to happen and she was a little uncertain about how it would work. It didn’t have to be exactly the same as last time, did it?

“Just relax, love,” Spike whispered, his hand stroking over her hair, “The more relaxed you are, the less it’ll hurt.”

“Hurt?”

“Just a li’l bit. Don’t want a migraine, after all, do I?” he joked, still in a low voice- as if speaking any louder would shatter this moment. She laughed lightly and moved away from him, meeting his bright gaze. His hands ran over her shoulders and down her arms and her eyes fixed on his.

“Nervous?”

She nodded with a tiny smile and he smiled too, his fingers stroking against her skin.

“Just have to trust me. I’m not going to hurt you.”

There was something so soft, something she had never seen in his eyes before and she nodded, trusting him almost instinctively. His hand moved up to her neck and he brushed her hair aside, his eyes going to her neck.

“You’ve been bitten before,” he whispered and her eyes met his.

“Yeah. Angel. He, err, he got poisoned and Slayer’s blood was the only cure.”

“Must have hurt. It’s a bloody big scar,” he whispered, his fingers just grazing her skin.

“He almost killed me.”

His eyes met hers again and fixed on her, understanding lighting up his eyes.

“M’gonna do my best to make this not hurt.”

She nodded and took a deep breath before closing her eyes and tilting her head slightly, exposing her neck.


She felt him move closer, his hands on her arms and she inhaled sharply when his breath brushed against her skin. She forced herself to stay calm, even as she felt every ingrained Slayer sense screaming at her to fight. His mouth grazed her skin and she breathed out shakily, her hands twisting together nervously.

His hand slid down her arm and caught her hand and he laced his fingers through hers. He pulled back a tiny way and she raised her gaze to his, surprised to find him still in human guise.

“It hurts…or you want me to stop…you can break a finger or two,” he whispered with a hesitant smile and her eyes widened with the unexpected gesture.

“Thank you,” she murmured, squeezing his hand lightly in hers and meeting his eyes for a long moment before she closed her eyes again and arched her neck towards him. She couldn’t stop her body from tensing as she sensed him slip into game face but the soft stroke of his fingers against her arm and his cool hand in hers calmed her. Then she felt his fangs scrape her skin and there was the tiniest pinprick and he paused for a moment- she felt the small pain shoot through his head- before closing his mouth over the tiny wound. She felt him drawing on her blood and sank towards him, glad that he was holding her up.

“Mine,” he whispered.

“Yours,” she whispered, her hand clenching in his as his tongue passed over the wound, healing it.


He pulled back from her, looking at her with worried eyes. She forced a shaky smile and squeezed his hand in hers. That was nothing like what she had expected. Nothing like the last time.


“Angel, please.”

Finally, he gave in and his fangs tore into her throat as she gasped, clinging to him helplessly. His arms locked around her and all she could feel was the insistent pull on her blood. And somehow, she knew it was too much as she began to feel light-headed.

“Angel.”

He would not stop and she wavered in and out of consciousness, before finally succumbing.


She raised her eyes to Spike’s and saw the shock and- anger?- in his eyes. His hand rose to her neck, just touching the place he had wounded.

“He really hurt you.”

So it begins, she thought, realising that he had seen the same flashback as her. It was only fair after all she had seen though. Even as she thought it, she noticed that her own mind seemed a lot calmer. She knew Spike’s mind was racing with thoughts but it was only with effort that she was able to sense what he was feeling. Doubt, fear, hunger. The hunger was the strongest element and she realised just what self-control it had taken for him to stop the demon inside him from taking its third Slayer. And then she felt a burst of worry from him.

“It’s okay,” she spoke up, touching her hand to his arm, “I asked you to do it.”

He nodded slowly and his hand just squeezed hers.

“There’s no way out now, you know that.”

“I know.”

“You won’t be able to kill me.”

“Spike! I don’t want to!”

They both froze at her words and she saw the surprise in his eyes.

“Look, just…try not to annoy me too much, okay?” she remarked with a smile, “No popping in my head just to let me know you’re bored or whatever.”

“Fair enough.”


“Guess I should get going,” she murmured, rising to her feet- and wavering slightly. His hand flashed out and caught her and she frowned, steadying herself.

“You alright?”

“Just a bit dizzy. Must just be…well, that was pretty intense.”

He nodded and released her arm, rising to his feet beside her.

“You take care, yeah Slayer. No getting yourself into trouble.”

“Sure thing.”

She moved towards the ladder and had one foot on it when he spoke up again.

“If you, err, need anything, just…well, I’m here.”

She glanced back at him and smiled slightly, nodding.

“Thanks. See you around.”

“Bye, Slayer.”

She climbed the rest of the way up the ladder and made her way out of the crypt with a slight smile. She felt so much calmer now, a lot more at ease and knew that she would be able to sleep tonight for the first time since she had claimed Spike. Now they had come full-circle and she had claimed him. But no-one could ever know.

Lies

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“How are you today, Buffy?” Giles asked as soon as she stepped inside his house, her hand in Riley’s.

“Erm, fine. Good, even.”

“Any more dreams?”

“Actually, no,” she commented lightly, glancing around her, “I think it’s fading.”

“Fading?”

“Yeah. I mean, I haven’t heard anything from Spike’s end for hours. And I’m pretty sure he’s not dead…dead-dead.”

“Fascinating,” Giles remarked and she forced a smile, sinking to the sofa and rearranging her shirt to make sure no-one would see the small wounds on her neck.

“Well, Spike did say that can happen. It’s only if you keep, you know, reaffirming the claim, that it stays strong.”

“Well, I bet you’re glad to be out of a psycho vamp’s head!” Xander exclaimed and she laughed.

“Sure. It’s nice to have normal dreams that don’t involve people dying.”

Her friends laughed and she sank against Riley, smiling weakly. She hated lying to them but she knew things would be a lot worse if she told them what she had done.


Things seemed to be getting back-on-track now and she had an introduction to the huge operation that was the Initiative to look forward to.

“Professor Walsh is really interested in what you can do.”

“What?! Wait!” she exclaimed, halting Riley in his steps, “Professor Walsh is part of the Initiative?!”

“Yeah. She’s our top scientist.”

“Was she the one that put the chip in Spike’s head?”

“I, err, I don’t know,” he answered awkwardly and she realised that mentioning Spike probably wasn’t a good idea right now.

“Never mind. I’m excited to see your secret base and all. It’s very Batman.”

“Sure is. I should get a cape.”

She laughed and twined her fingers in his, letting him lead her towards the fraternity house and the top-secret entrance to the Initiative base.


After a gruelling Initiative initiation, during which she definitely seemed to have impressed Professor Walsh with her ability to take out several of her men without losing her breath, she was glad to go back to Riley’s room and relax.

“You were amazing,” he exclaimed, sitting beside her on the bed.

“Well, you know, four years of training.”

He smiled and brushed her hair from her face.

“And despite all the running about and fighting, you still look beautiful.”

She smiled somewhat shyly and gladly received his kiss, locking her arms around him as his mouth moved against hers. Their kiss grew hungrier and she felt her whole body tense in anticipation. She parted from Riley hesitantly though, smiling softly to cover her nerves.

“I’m just going to, err, freshen up.”

He frowned in confusion but before he could say anything, she jumped up and went to the ensuite bathroom. She sat on the edge of the bath and tried to stop her hands from shaking.
She was a grown woman now- you’d think she’d be much less like a silly schoolgirl when faced with the prospect of sleeping with a man she cared about. But it’d gone wrong before.



“Was it me? Was I not good?”

“Oh, you were great. Really, I thought you were a pro.”


She could still see Angel’s face smiling at her in amusement and she shook her head. Riley wasn’t a vampire, he wasn’t going to go evil overnight. But then Parker hadn’t been a vampire and he had turned out to be pretty evil.

Slayer, stop stressing and live a little, for God’s sake.

How? Spike? Maybe he had sensed her confusion and was sending her a little encouragement. Whether it was actually him or not, it spurred her on and she made her way back into the bedroom.

“Sorry about that,” she murmured, moving to sit beside Riley again, “Where were we?”

Before he could speak, she leant up and kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck.


She woke and smiled softly, before turning and looking at the man next to her. He was fast asleep still, his arm draped across her waist and she ran her fingers lightly over his arm. It was so much nicer to wake up and find the person you had gone to bed with still there. She was so glad she had taken a risk. She sent out a silent thanks to Spike and moved closer to Riley, resting her cheek against his chest. He mumbled something in his sleep and his arm tightened around her as he awoke.

“Morning,” he murmured huskily and she felt him press a kiss to her forehead.

“Morning.”

She pulled back and looked up at him with a soft smile. His hand stroked over her cheek and then he leant down to kiss her gently. She sank against him, wrapping her arm around him as she moved closer. Finally, something in her life made sense.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She thought it was strange that Professor Walsh had sent her off on her own to deal with a demon in the sewers- they usually operated in teams of no less than six- but maybe they had realised that she was quite capable on her own. The weapon they had given her hung at her side as she climbed down into the sewers in the location Professor Walsh had indicated.

One demon to kill seemed a pretty easy task and when she was done, she could go to Riley’s and spend some quality time with her boyfriend. She smiled at the thought of him and moved on through the sewers, decidedly ignoring the awful smell. She was close now and she dropped down into an opening, searching for signs of demon habitation.

Suddenly, there was an ear-splitting roar just to her left and she winced. Think I found him. Then there was the sound of heavy footsteps and soon a large demon joined her in the opening.

“About time,” she quipped.

The demon roared once more and flew at her, big arms flailing. She ducked them with ease but she knew they were going to run out of room. If she could just lead him out of here and find somewhere more open. She rolled under his arm and raced for one of the tunnels- but to her dismay, a gate suddenly came crashing down, blocking off the tunnel. She turned and looked around her, she was trapped. Only one thing for it. She raised the gun and levelled it at the demon, pulling the trigger. There was a pulse of energy but nothing happened and she stared at the weapon in confusion.

“What did I do?”

An Unlikely Saviour

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While she was trying to figure out why the weapon wasn’t working, the demon had got to her and she was unable to stop it from lashing out, two of its long claws scratching her abdomen. She cried out and threw the weapon aside, throwing herself at the demon in the hopes of throwing it off balance. It used her momentum against her though and she went flying to the floor, her arm jolting painfully on landing. She got to her feet again quickly and faced off against the demon. It roared- even louder than before- and she had to hold her hands over her ears.

The demon used it to his advantage and those sharp claws sliced across her thigh. Grimacing at the pain in her leg, she kicked out with the other one, catching the demon in the middle. It stumbled back but did not fall and she frowned, moving forward again. She just managed to duck a blow and began to punch it as hard as she could but it caught her arm and threw her against the wall so hard her head spun. She groaned and pushed herself to her feet.

“That’s it, Roarey-boy. I’m tired of this.”

She flung herself at the demon and managed to send it flying back into the gate, causing a large dent in the structure. It righted itself and roared again, coming at her and catching her on the arm with its claws, using her moment of weakness to send her flying into the wall again. She scrambled to her feet, her whole body throbbing in pain and squared up against the demon, searching for any weakness.


The neck was usually a good bet and she took a deep breath, launching herself off a wall and onto the demon’s back, her arms locked around its neck. It stumbled back, trying to crush her against her wall and she gasped, sure she would have a few broken ribs. Still, she did not let go though and she finally felt the demon weakening. It roared, trying once more to throw her from its back but she held on and finally it sagged to its knees and collapsed to the floor. She loosened her arms and crawled free, her arm around her damaged ribs. She managed to get herself to the wall and propped herself against it, assessing the damage.

She had a large gash on her stomach and another on her leg, her arm was hurt and bleeding and she might have a few broken ribs. Her eyes rested on the weapon just to her right and she frowned. The Initiative’s technology was supposed to be unbeatable. And it was, she realised with a start- this weapon had failed to work because someone had made it that way. And she had a pretty good idea who. She crawled forward, her eyes fixed on the small blinking light of the weapon’s camera.


“Bad idea, Walsh. I really don’t die that easily. You’re going to regret this.”

Despite her fierce words, the pain in her ribs was increasing with every movement and she still hadn’t figured out how to get out of here.

“Slayer!”

She looked up in surprise, never so glad to see Spike in her life.

“M’gonna get you out, okay?”

He had got some sort of iron pole and he used it to tear the gate from the wall, creating a hole big enough to get through. He rushed to her where she sat and knelt beside her.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m okay,” she got out with a weak smile, “Just a few minor injuries. What are you doing here?”

“Best distress signal you’ll ever have,” he explained with a small smile, tapping his own head.

She smiled and took his hand gratefully as he helped her to her feet. She gasped at the pain in her ribs and held her middle tightly.

“Hurting?” Spike asked, his hand just resting over hers on her middle.

She nodded and his worried gaze met hers.

“Come on, let’s go and get you fixed up.”

He wrapped an arm around her- carefully avoiding her ribs, she noticed- and helped her towards the tunnel.


He took her to his crypt and helped her to sit on the bed. She peeled off her bloody cardigan as he went in search of a first aid kit.

“What happened?” he asked, rifling through a chest of his belongings.

“They set me up.”

He whirled round to face her, surprise in his features.

“Who?”

“The Initiative. Professor Walsh.”

“Bastards.”

She nodded in agreement and hissed when her cardigan caught the wound on her arm.

“I think they wanted me out of the way so I wouldn’t mess with their top agent.”

“Captain Cardboard?”

“Riley,” she answered pointedly.

He smiled and moved to sit beside her, placing the first aid kit beside him. Then he was gently passing his fingers over the cut on her arm and then tracing the small cut on her cheek. His hands then moved to her waist but he paused just before he touched her.

“This okay?”

She nodded and his fingers gently pressed against her ribs and she gasped.

“Might have to bind them.”


She nodded and hesitantly raised her top up as he searched out some bandages. He moved closer again and wound the bandage tightly around her ribs, finally securing it and sitting back. Despite his casual movements, she could feel the anger flowing off him and she caught his hand, drawing his gaze to her.

“I’ll be fine,” she whispered, unsure why she felt the need to comfort him.

“S’just wrong. How dare they try to off you!”

“Your job, right?” she teased and his eyes met hers, all seriousness.

“I couldn’t kill you. Wouldn’t want to,” he murmured, his thumb just stroking against her hand and she realised it was still in his and quickly pulled it away, fiddling nervously with the bandage.

“I could kill them,” he continued in a low voice, “For what they tried to do.”

“Except you’d end up in a lot more pain,” she pointed out and he smiled reluctantly, shifting to look at her again.

“What about the cuts?”

“They’ll heal soon enough. Just need cleaning.”

“Want me to?”

She was half-tempted to accept his offer on behalf of her aching muscles but she shook her head instead.

“Think I’m gonna go shower and then wallow for a few hours.”

He smiled and helped her to her feet, handing her her cardigan.

“You take care, Slayer.”

“I’ll try.”

Shared Anger

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When she got back to her room, Riley and Willow were both waiting for her and jumped up when she came in.

“Buffy!” Willow exclaimed as Riley moved towards her.

“Buffy, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

“It’s fine,” she murmured, smiling weakly, “Slayer needs a few attempts to kill her to keep her on her feet.”

“What were they thinking?!” Riley burst out angrily and then softened immediately, turning to her and resting his hand on her arm. She couldn’t stop the hiss of pain as his hand rested over her wounded arm and he stepped back, watching her worriedly.

“Buffy?”

“Just some scratches,” she explained, “They’ll be fine in a day or two.”

She pulled off her bloody cardigan and threw it onto her bed.

“Right now, I really just need to clean up and relax.”

She sank onto her bed, feeling their worried eyes on her as she bent to pull of her boots. Her ribs ached at the movement and she moaned lowly, resting her hand on them.

“Buffy? What is it?”

“Just some cracked ribs. They should be okay soon. All bandaged up and healing nicely.”

“Where did you get bandages from?” Willow asked curiously and her eyes moved to her friend and she hesitated a moment before answering.


“Spike.”

She saw Riley’s eyes fix on her as she spoke and she smiled wryly.

“He sort of came to the rescue.”

“How did he know?”

“I figure he was around and heard the fight.”

“In the sewers?” Riley asked sceptically.

“He does use them to get around sometimes,” Willow commented absentmindedly and Buffy was glad to see her boyfriend relax.

“Yep, so he helped me out and bandaged me up and then I came home.”

She didn’t know why she was setting out all her movements but somehow she sensed Riley wanted to hear it: she hadn’t missed the hint of suspicion in his gaze.

“I can’t believe Professor Walsh did this,” he murmured, half to himself.

“How did you know?” she asked, suddenly curious as to how he had known before she had got home.

“I was at the base. She was trying to...console me.”

She felt a wave of anger flow through her and realised with a jolt that it was Spike’s anger too. She clenched her fists and took a deep breath, forcing herself to calm down.

“I think I’m gonna go shower now,” she got out quietly, rising to her feet.

Riley turned to her and she smiled wryly before grabbing her things and leaving the room to escape to the privacy of the shower.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


She was still sore the next day when she told Giles about the Initiative’s attempt to get her killed.

“It really is extraordinary. I must admit though, I’m glad you are now a free agent.”

She looked to her Watcher in surprise, raising an eyebrow in question.

“I’m not sure I like the Initiative’s way of working. I’d much rather you stick to your own methods.”

“I think I agree. It was all far too organised for my liking.”

“Do you think they’ll try to get to you again?” Willow asked worriedly.

“I’m hoping Riley can persuade them not to. Tell them I’ll quite happily leave them to their business and keep their secret. In fact, hopefully he’s doing that right now.”

“Well, just be extra-vigilant over the next few days.”

“Always.”

“I must say, I’m still surprised that Spike came to your aid.”

“Well, he’d rather have the pleasure of killing me himself, wouldn’t he?” she countered with a smile, but knowing that somehow that wasn’t true. This connection had done something to both of them and had changed their relationship forever.


Suddenly, she felt a wave of anger- not hers this time- and heard raised voices from outside.

“Get out of my way, vampire.”

That was Riley’s voice and she glanced at her friends before jumping to her feet and racing to the door. She flung it open and stared at the two males in the courtyard. Spike was stood up close to Riley, blocking his path, in game face. When he spotted her, Riley shoved the vampire aside and came to her.

“He’s insane. He’s trying to blame me for what they did.”

“Well, you’re one of them!” Spike bit out, still in game face.

“Err, Spike,” she got out softly, waving towards her own face, “Little less grr, please.”

He slipped back into human guise and she turned to Riley.

“Can you give us a minute?”

Riley looked at her in bewilderment and then glanced at the vampire before finally heading into the house. She pulled the door shut behind her and moved towards Spike, sitting on the wall close to him as he pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

“I appreciate the sentiment and everything,” she said softly, “But threatening my boyfriend isn’t going to solve anything.”

“Made me feel better,” he answered with a shrug and the tiniest hint of a smile.

“He could have hit you and you’d be helpless.”

“Could’ve got a hit in before the chip knocked me out.”

She smiled and rolled her eyes, swinging her legs as he took a drag on his cigarette.


“How’s the ribs?” he asked quietly and she turned to him with a smile.

“Better. Thanks.”

“And the cuts?”

“Pretty much healed up,” she explained, just lifting the sleeve of her top to show him her arm.

“And what you gonna do about the soldier boys?”

“Nothing right now. Leave them to do what they do and get back to doing what I do best.”

“Not worried?”

“I’ll be fine. After all, I’ve got my very own handy alarm,” she joked, tapping her head with her finger.

“Anytime you need me, I’m there.”

“Voluntarily?” she asked with a laugh.

“Couldn’t sit around while you got hurt,” he answered lowly, his tone more serious than hers.

“Oh yeah...claim wouldn’t let you, right?”

He hesitated for a moment and she looked to him, meeting his bright gaze. He seemed about to say something else but then lowered his gaze and took another drag on his cigarette.

“Yeah, the claim.”


They fell silent, somewhat awkwardly, and she frowned, studying him silently. There was something off about him but try as she might, she couldn’t seem to read him. He turned to her and smiled ever so slightly.

“Don’t fancy letting you in right now, Slayer.”

She was confused and watched him with a frown as he got to his feet.

“See you around, Slayer. Look after yourself.”

He disappeared out of the courtyard and she shook her head, pushing herself to her feet. Something strange had just happened here and she had no idea what it was. She smiled slightly and headed back into the house.

“Got rid of the vampire then?” Riley asked pointedly as she shut the door behind her and she frowned at his tone.

“Yeah. He was just checking I was okay.”

“Spike was checking you were okay?!” Giles asked in surprise.

“Well, just ‘coz I needed bandaging up and stuff. Doesn’t want me dying before he can finish me off, eh?” she covered lamely.

Her Watcher nodded and she moved towards the sofa, sinking onto it next to Riley. He was giving her a strange look but when she smiled at him, he softened and smiled back.

A Rescue

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Something was wrong, she could sense it, and it had her on edge all through patrol. Riley was at her side, talking, but she could not focus on anything he was saying.

“Buffy?”

“Huh, sorry what?”

“Nothing,” he got out and she paused in her steps with a frown, reaching out for his hand.

“I’m sorry. I’m a little out of it. Bit nervy after the whole set-up thing.”

“I am sorry-“

“You don’t need to be. I just hope Professor Walsh realises that she can’t mess with me.”

He fell silent and she moved on, feeling him fall into step beside her. Something was wrong though and she realised then that maybe it wasn’t her that was in trouble. She soon persuaded Riley to head off home and made her way instantly to Spike’s crypt, going through the slightly ajar door with a frown.

“Spike?” she called out, but there was no answer.

She climbed downstairs and froze when she saw the mess. More particularly, signs of a struggle. And blood on the floor. She dropped to a crouch near the spatter and frowned. Something had happened here but she could sense no pain, no alarm from Spike. What was going on?


She decided to wait and hope that Spike would turn up and headed for Giles’s house, where her friends were lounging around. She sank onto a chair and tried to join in the conversation but she just could not be at ease. And then, she felt a jolt of something- panic- rush through her and she knew it was Spike. And that he was in trouble. She closed her eyes, hoping for some sort of indication as to the trouble he was in. And all she saw was a white cell. Her eyes flew open again and she jumped to her feet.

“Buffy?” Giles got out in astonishment.

“Spike’s in trouble,” she got out, every part of her focussed on the dull ache at the back of her mind.

“Buffy, what on earth are you talking about?”

A flash of pain rippled through her and she glanced at her friends before racing to the door.

“I have to go.”

She was across town and at the fraternity house in no time, knocking on Riley’s door. He opened it and stared at her in surprise.

“Buffy?”

“Can I still get in? To the base?”

“I’m not sure. Professor Walsh might have revoked your clearance.”

“Then you’ll have to be my clearance.”

“Buffy, what’s going on?”

“I need to see something. Will you help me?”

“I...of course.”


Riley led her to the secret elevator and they made their way down into the base. It was almost empty as they walked along the corridor and Riley turned to her.

“Where are we going?”

“The containment cells.”

“Buffy, what’s going on? I want to know.”

He caught her arm and she turned to him, hesitating to tell him the truth. He really wasn’t going to understand why she was doing this.

“They’ve got Spike.”

“You don’t know that,” he answered quietly and she studied him silently, her eyes scanning his face. And then she saw what she had hoped not to see and she stared at him.

“And you knew,” she got out.

“Buffy-“ he started, catching hold of her arm again.

“No!” she bit out, shaking him off and striding away from him.

Oh God, how could Riley do this? He knew what Spike was to her. But then, did he? Did she even know? She hurried her steps and found the containment area but just before she could reach the steps, a siren started to go off and she watched on in horror as the cell doors opened and demons came flying out.


She spotted a blonde head among the crowd and called out to him.

“Spike!”

He turned and spotted her and began to push his way towards her as she rushed down the stairs. Luckily, the demons were too busy trying to escape to bother with her and she met Spike at the bottom of the steps.

“Are you okay? I- I felt it and I knew they had you.”

“I’m fine,” he reassured her, “What the hell’s going on?”

“I don’t know. It wasn’t me.”

Spike’s gaze slid upwards and she turned to follow his gaze, staring in horror as she spotted a demon. Except it wasn’t a demon: it seemed half-man, half-monster.

“I think it was him,” Spike spoke up behind her.

She nodded and suddenly spotted a group of armed soldiers heading for the monster.

“Freeze!”

“We need to get out of here,” Buffy whispered, turning and grabbing Spike’s hand, following the straggling demons. Just as they reached the door, she looked back and saw the monster impale one of the soldiers with a large tusk in its arm. Funny, it looked just like one she’d seen on a demon she had caught just weeks ago.

She shook the thought off and followed Spike out of the door and through the winding corridors, until finally he gestured to a ladder and she climbed it as quickly as she could, the sound of sirens ringing in her ears.


They emerged just outside her dorm, as luck would have it, and she quickly led the vampire into the building, rushing to her room. They went in and Willow jumped up from her desk.

“Buffy!” she exclaimed, her gaze then moving to her side, “Spike.”

Buffy dragged the vampire in and shut the door behind him, collapsing against it.

“What the hell was that thing?” she asked Spike as he perched on her bed.

“Not rightly sure. Some sort of experiment, no doubt.”

She sighed and moved to her chair, sinking onto it, her eyes still fixed on the vampire.

“How did they get you again?”

“Got me when I was asleep.”

“But why?”

“Curiosity. Turns out they saw me, err, help you out. Wanted to know why.”

She nodded and sank her head in her hands for a moment. Couldn’t life ever be simple?

“Buffy, what’s going on?” Willow asked.

She raised her head to her friend and smiled wryly.

“I have no idea. Something big’s going down at the Initiative though.”


Suddenly there came a knock at the door and she jumped, looking to the other two in the room before moving to answer it. Riley stood on the other side, cradling his arm against him.

“God, Riley, are you okay?” she asked, guiding him in, all of her anger gone in a matter of seconds. He frowned when he saw Spike sat on her bed and she quickly nodded to the vampire to move, helping her boyfriend to sit, her eyes running over his wounded arm.

“Will, get the first aid kit.”

She turned back to Riley and his eyes moved from the vampire back to her.

“What happened?”

“We were trying to fight this thing. It was too strong.”

“The monster?”

He raised his head in surprise and nodded.

“We saw it,” she explained, “What was it?”

“It used to be Adam,” he said quietly, “Now it’s...an experiment gone wrong. Professor Walsh created him.”

“Well, bet that’s taught her not to play with demons,” Spike quipped and Buffy shot a look at him, silencing him.

“Adam killed her.”

They fell silent and when Willow returned, Buffy tended to his arm as best she could and then they decided to go to Giles’. This monster had to be stopped before it did any more damage.

The Truth Revealed

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She walked alongside Riley, trailing just behind Willow and Spike as they made their way across town.

“Why did you save him?” Riley spoke up and she knew without asking just who he was talking about.

“He did the same for me.”

“He’s a monster.”

“No, he’s not!” she blurted out and then sighed, “Look, it’s complicated.”

“Are you sleeping with him?”

Riley’s words were so out of the blue that they stopped her in her tracks and she turned to him with wide eyes.

“Excuse me?!” she bit out.

“You heard me,” he answered lowly and she found herself clenching her jaw to control her anger.

“I can’t believe you would even think that,” she got out.

“I know you’ve been spending time with him. And what’s with all this helping each other out? He’s a vampire. You’re supposed to kill him.”

“You know what?” she bit out, “I’m not having this conversation. This is insane. I can’t believe you actually think that about me.”

Before Riley could answer, she strode off in front of him, hardly caring if he caught up to her. How dare he?!


No-one could miss the tense silence between her and her boyfriend as they finally reached Giles’ but she couldn’t bring herself to talk to him after what he had accused her of. She was seething inwardly and she didn’t realise just how worked up she was until she felt Spike’s hand rest on her shoulder and heard his soothing voice in her head.

Calm down, Slayer. Now’s not the time.

She nodded and took a deep, calming breath, running a hand through her hair as she perched on the arm of a chair.

“So this creature- Adam- is extremely strong?” Giles asked.

“He’s been made from the best bits of every demon we’ve killed in the last few months,” Riley explained in a low voice, his eyes just darting to Buffy’s and then away, “He was supposed to be a weapon for good.”

“Well, he killed a few of your men. I’d say that was good going,” Spike commented and Buffy glanced at him.

“Spike,” she warned in a low voice and he rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.

“We saw it kill some soldiers. With a big nasty...tusk thing.”

“You were in the Initiative at the time?” Giles asked curiously.

“Yeah,” she replied, biting her lip, “On a rescue mission.”

Her eyes met Riley’s briefly but then she looked to her Watcher again.

“Rescue mission?”

“Well, s’only fair after I helped with that nasty thing the other week,” Spike answered for her and she met her Watcher’s surprised gaze squarely.
“Well,” he blustered, polishing his glasses, “I suggest we start thinking of a way to fight this Adam.”


She knew she had not escaped though and when she went through to the kitchen to have a glass of water, Giles followed her, his eyes following her worriedly.

“What is it, Giles?” she asked tiredly, leaning against the worktop.

“What on earth is going on with you and Spike? He saved your life, you rescued him. He’s still dangerous, Buffy. I hope the claim didn’t alter your view of him.”

“You know what, it has.”

And she realised too late that fatal use of the present tense.

“Buffy,” Giles got out, shock and anger mixing in his voice, “Please tell me you’re kidding?”

She sighed and placed her glass down on the worktop.

“The claim never faded, Giles. And it wasn’t going to. So I dealt with it.”

“How exactly did you deal with it?” Giles asked quietly, his anger barely suppressed.

“By being claimed.”

Before she could stop her Watcher, he had burst out of the kitchen and she could only follow in his wake as he went to the vampire, hauling him to his feet and pinning him to a wall.

“You animal! How dare you touch her!”

All eyes flashed to her and she grimaced, avoiding their gazes as she quickly went to her Watcher, putting her hand on his restraining arm.

“I asked him to do it, Giles.”


There was a silence and at her pleading look, Giles released the vampire and stepped back, taking his glasses off and polishing them.

“Why would you do such a thing?”

“Because, don’t you see? It was the only way to make it go away. Sort of.”

Giles didn’t look quite convinced but at least he wasn’t threatening Spike anymore.

“I’m not in his head anymore. Unless necessary. It’s a good thing, Giles. He saved me.”

Her Watcher’s eyes moved past her to glare at the vampire and she turned to him too with a small sigh.

“You better go.”

He met her eyes and with a nod, made his way to the door. The whole room remained in silence long after the door shut behind him and she turned back to Giles, her eyes begging him for understanding.

“Giles, I had to do it. It was driving me crazy. Just like the telepathic thing.”

There was silence again but then Xander spoke up.

“Err, what’s going on?”

“It’s quite obvious,” Anya said, “Buffy let Spike claim her so it would stop hurting her head.”

“What?!” Xander burst out, turning to stare at her in bewilderment, “You let Spike claim you? As in, you let Spike bite you?”

She sighed and took a deep breath. This was going to be a long night.


After what seemed like hours of persuading, her friends seemed halfway to accepting that she had done what was best for her mental health- and she was exhausted.

“Look, guys, can we worry about this another time? Right now, there’s some freaky science monster out there that needs dealing with.”

They relented and soon began to discuss possible methods of dealing with Adam. She could hardly focus on their words though: she could feel Riley’s gaze burning into her and she just wished he would understand. Despite the tension between them, she offered to walk home with him and he agreed reluctantly. Much of the way was spent in awkward silence, until finally she couldn’t bear it any longer.

“Riley, please don’t be mad. I did what I had to do.”

“With Spike. With a vampire!”

“I know. But I had no choice.”

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“I just...I’m not an idiot, Buffy. I realise you must have to be pretty intimate to do something like that.”

“You still think I’m sleeping with him!” she got out quietly.

“What else am I supposed to think? He bit you and now you’re his.”

“If I was his, I wouldn’t be with you.”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t be.”

She froze at his words and stared at him, wide-eyed.

“Wh- what are you saying?”

“I think we should spend some time apart. I’ll help with Adam...of course...but as a friend.”

“Riley-“

“I’m sorry, Buffy.”

To her horror, he walked away and she could only stare at his retreating back, tears prickling her eyes.

Solace & Betrayal

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her feet led her unerringly to the place she wanted- needed- to be: Spike’s crypt. She stumbled down the ladder and Spike turned to her as she stepped to the ground.

“Buffy?”

“Hey,” she got out weakly, sinking to the bed.

“Buffy, what is it?” he asked with a frown as he took a step towards her.

“Nothing. I’m fine,” she lied, trying to block him from her troubled thoughts.

“Buffy,” he coaxed and she couldn’t stop her lip from trembling, biting down on it hard. He took another step forward and she turned her head away. He reached out a hand and rested it on her shoulder.

“Buffy?” he murmured, even softer.

She couldn’t keep up the show anymore though and a sob broke from her helplessly, even as she tried to stop it by covering her mouth. She could feel Spike’s eyes on her and then she heard him move and he settled on the bed next to her, his bright eyes watching her with concern.

“Buffy? Love, please...what is it?”

She wiped a tear from her cheek frustratedly and tried to force a smile, but it was no good.


“Riley. He...he broke up with me. Because of the claiming thing.”

She couldn’t hold back anymore and she buried her head in her hands, her whole body trembling with the effort to restrain her tears.

“Oh, Buffy.”

Then Spike’s arms were around her, holding her tightly as she buried her head against him, unable to stop the tears any longer. And was it wrong that she had wanted this- had come here for this?


“He’s a fool,” Spike murmured into her hair, his hand stroking her back.

“They always leave,” she sobbed and he held her tighter, shushing her gently.

“Then they’re all idiots.”

She choked out a pitiful laugh and clung to him tighter, drawing solace from his strong embrace and gentle caresses. She knew it wasn’t right to stay there though, however much she wanted to, and she finally forced herself to sit up and wiped her cheeks. Spike stroked her hair from her face and she looked up into his worried eyes.

“What happened?” he asked softly.

“He thinks I slept with you.”

“He’s a fool. As if I’d go near you, eh?” he teased.

She smiled weakly, wiping the back of her hand across her cheek again.

“He just doesn’t understand. And I think...I think he’s jealous.”

“Well, I am very handsome.”

She laughed and wiped her sore eyes.

“Come on now,” he soothed, “He’ll come round. If he doesn’t, I’ll bite him.”

“It’d hurt you,” she mumbled, leaning into his embrace as he put an arm around her shoulder.

“Yeah, but it’d be worth it.”

She looked up at him and smiled softly.

"Thanks."


She rested her head against his shoulder, weary from the long day and her outpouring of emotion.

“Spike...can I stay here tonight?”

He hesitated for a moment and then his hand was stroking over her hair.

“Of course you can.”

“Thank you.”

“Come on then, think you need to rest.”

He stood and she rose beside him, standing by as he cleared the bed.

“Not quite hotel-standard,” he joked, smoothing the covers back and she smiled weakly.

“There you go,” he said softly, just reaching out to run his hand over her arm, “If you need anything, just yell.”

He moved to the ladder but she reached out for him, stopping him.

“Will you stay? Just until I fall asleep?”

His bright eyes met hers and then he smiled softly and nodded. She smiled and sat on the bed, pulling off her boots and then getting under the covers. This should feel weird, she thought- but somehow it didn’t. She shifted over and Spike settled on the bed next to her, leaning against the headboard.

“You get some rest.”

She nodded and sank her head against the pillows, curling up beside him. She felt the tentative stroke of his hand against her hair and she let out a sigh, closing her eyes.

“It’ll work out right, love. Captain Cardboard’ll come crawling back in no time and everything will get back to normal,” he murmured softly, his fingers threading through her hair. Her last fleeting thought before she drifted to sleep though was: How can anything be normal again if I feel so comfortable here in your bed with you?



She woke to a dark room- the candles had gone out- and she sat up, for a moment not remembering where she was. She remembered with a start as her arm brushed against a form beside her. She turned and finally made out Spike’s form in the dark- he had obviously fallen asleep beside her. He was still propped up against the headboard and she smiled, just nudging his shoulder.

“Spike?”

He started awake, grabbing her hand, and relaxed when his bright eyes fixed on her.

“Buffy? You alright?”

“I just wanted to let you know I’m going home. I didn’t want you to worry.”

“You gonna be okay?”

“I hope so.”

She realised her hand was still in his and with a small squeeze, extracted it.

“You should get some more sleep. That doesn’t look comfortable.”

“You take care, Slayer.”

“Always. I’ll let you know when we find anything to fight Adam.”

She paused, realising that she had been assuming he would help.

“I mean, if you want to help-“

His finger found her lips in the dark, silencing her.

“You just let me know what you need me to do.”

She nodded and smiled.

“Night, Spike.”

She crawled off the bed, found her boots and pulled them on and quickly made her way out of the crypt.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


After cleaning up and changing her clothes, she headed straight for Giles’ house. The group was already assembled and she gave them a weary smile as she sank onto a chair.

“Riley not with you?”

It was a perfectly reasonable question for Xander to ask but she had to bite her lip to stop another breakdown like the one last night.

“Err, no. Not in any way, actually.”

“Buffy?” Willow asked quietly, sadly and she turned to her friend with a forced smile.

“He seems to think there was more involved in the whole claiming thing than there actually was...so, err, yeah...he’s probably not going to be around so much.”

“Are you okay?” Willow asked softly.

“I’ve been better. It’s not the funnest thing to be accused of sleeping with someone else by your boyfriend. But hey...monsters to fight. Yay.”

No-one seemed much convinced by her attempt at humour but she was glad when they left it. She just didn’t want to go into the ins and outs of her break-up with Riley. Right now, it just didn’t seem quite real- and it hurt.


They weren’t making much progress at all and she knew she wasn’t being much help- but her mind was racing with Riley’s words. Why did he have to do this to her? She hated being weak and if it weren’t for Spike, she wasn’t sure if she’d have bothered to do anything today. And that was a worrying thought. She shook it off as she felt his presence close and a few seconds later, he burst through the door, covered in a blanket. He slid to a stop and looked around at them, his eyes resting on her.

“Slayer, you’ve got a problem.”

“What is it?” she asked, sitting up.

“I got a visit from that monster-thing. Trying to strike a deal. Seems he’s very keen on getting the Slayer out of the way.”

“What sort of deal?” she asked, her eyes fixed on his.

“I bring him the Slayer, he deactivates my chip.”

For an awful second, she felt sick- he had betrayed her. But then, something changed in him and he spoke up again.

“’Course I told him I’m no-one’s lackey and if he wanted the Slayer gone, he’d have to do it himself. He wasn’t too happy ‘bout that.”

He moved his jacket and she now saw the hole in his side that had been covered.

“Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine,” he answered, “That’s not your only problem.”

“What is it?” she asked.

“Think your former’s on the turn.”

“Riley? What happened?”

“He was there. With Monster Boy.”

“What?!”

This betrayal hit her hard and she sat back, her mind racing.

“If it makes you feel better, he didn’t quite seem himself. Even blander than usual. Don’t think he was controlling the reins, if you know what I mean.”


Her mind was reeling- Riley was working with that monster? It just couldn’t be true. There had to be something more to it. She looked up and realised all eyes were on her.

“Slayer, that thing’s coming after you,” Spike said quietly and she met his gaze with a nod and a sigh.

“Looks like we’ve got work to do then.”

She left the others to investigate a spell they thought might help as she went through to the bathroom with Spike to patch up his wound. He slipped off his jacket and laid it down on the toilet seat carefully before peeling his top over his head with a hiss of pain. She perched on the bath at stomach-level and grimaced at the large wound.

“Got you with its tusky thing?”

“Yeah.”

She frowned and began to clean the wound.

“I’m sorry about Cap- Riley.”

“Me too,” she sighed, bandaging his wound.

“You gonna be okay?” he asked softly, his hand just resting on her arm.

“Sure. Big nasty to focus on.”

She looked away but Spike caught her, his fingers on her chin.

“It’ll work out right.”

“What makes you so sure?” she whispered sadly.

“Got this far, haven’t you? Fought worse baddies.”

“Never had to-“ she stopped herself. She had been about to say she had never had to fight her boyfriend before, but of course she had.



She swung the sword at Angelus and he met it with his own, smiling widely.



“S’not the same,” Spike whispered, drawing her attention back to him, “Captain Cardboard’s got himself into something, but you’ll get him out. And then it’ll be all happily ever after, white picket fence and all that.”

She laughed and pushed herself to her feet.

“I wish.”

He raised an eyebrow but she just shook her head with a smile.

“Better get back in there.”

The Eve Of Battle

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They had devised a plan of sorts, but she still felt uneasy about the whole thing. What if Riley was there? She really didn’t want to have to fight him. That wouldn’t exactly help their getting-back-together prospects either. Right now, that was the least of her worries though. The first part of the plan involved Spike pretending to go along with Adam’s deal and bringing him to a meeting place. If that went wrong, they could end up with a dusted vampire- something she was unusually uncomfortable with- and an even angrier monster. Then, the second part would rely on magic which she was always wary of- especially considering her recent experience of magic. But, she would just have to have faith and hope it all worked out.


Still, the night before they would put their plan into action she was on edge and after a short patrol, she made her way to Spike’s crypt. To her surprise, she found him perched on top of it, smoking a cigarette. She climbed up and sat beside him, her legs over the edge.

“How you feeling about tomorrow?” he asked, blowing a cloud of smoke from his lips.

“Nervous. There are so many things that can go wrong.”

“Hope you don’t have any doubts about me.”

“No,” she answered honestly, turning to look at him, “I’m glad you’re involved. It makes me feel...well, backed-up, you know.”

He smiled and blew another cloud of smoke out into the night sky before stubbing his cigarette out on the roof.



Sunnydale looked surprisingly beautiful from this new viewpoint and she smiled to herself.

“What?” Spike asked and she turned to him.

“It doesn’t look like a hellmouth from here. It looks almost normal.”

He laughed, leaning back on his hands.

“Appearances can be deceiving.”

She smiled and glanced at him. He was, after all, a perfect example of deceptive appearances: under all that leather and attitude was a surprisingly sensitive man. A man who had once been a poet. She laughed a little, shaking her head; she would never understand him, even with her exceptional insight.

“Spike?”

“Yeah?”

“You won’t turn on me, will you?”

“What?!”

He seemed so genuinely hurt by the suggestion that her eyes flew to him.

“I just...I’m already worried about Riley and what the hell he’s up to. I really don’t want to worry about you too.”

“Slayer-“

“I do trust you,” she blurted out, stopping him, “I just...it would hurt. If you did.”



She was silent for a moment, almost waiting for a mocking comment, but then she felt his hand on hers and she turned to him hesitantly.

“You don’t need to worry about me, Slayer. I’m on your side.”

She smiled softly and squeezed his hand in hers.

“Thanks. I really...I kinda need you there.”

His eyes widened in surprise and she smiled.

“Strange, I know. But true.”

He said nothing for a long time and then his eyes dropped to their joined hands. For the first time, she did not rush to get out of his grip and she squeezed his hand gently. His eyes rose to hers again, shining in the darkness, and before she quite knew what she was doing, she leant over and kissed him. It was the briefest, gentlest caress but she instantly realised what she had done and pulled back with a start, unable to meet his gaze.

“I’m so sorry. I must be losing it.”

She tugged her hand out of his, still avoiding his gaze.

“I better go home. Big day tomorrow and everything. See you then.”

Before he could say anything, she jumped down from the crypt and strode through the cemetery, silently cursing herself for her foolish actions.



Oh God, what had she been thinking? She had just kissed Spike, completely free from magic. She raised her fingers to her lips, remembering the coolness of his lips, and then drew them away quickly, ashamed at herself. She was definitely losing it. Just because she had this connection with Spike, didn’t mean she actually wanted him. It was just...momentary madness. A rebound thing. A moment of weakness. It meant nothing. She was just glad Spike hadn’t said anything, hadn’t mocked her, hadn’t teased her with some attraction that didn’t actually exist. Hopefully, he would just forget it. After all, if he embarrassed her, she could do the same. Tomorrow, she would face him with her head held high and they would just move on, fight the monster. She would be back with Riley in no time and everything would be back to normal. Reassured, she undressed and got into bed, falling asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.


She walked into the crypt and there he was, waiting for her.

“You came back.”

“There’s something I need to do.”

Before he could say a word, she stepped forward and took his face in her hands, drawing his mouth down to hers. The instant their lips met, his arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her close against him and she let out a moan. He pulled away though, blue eyes burning.

“You want me,” she whispered, trailing her hands over his chest, “I know you do. I can see it...feel it.”

Her mouth met his in another hungry kiss and his hand twined in her hair, holding her close as his mouth battled with hers, his tongue tangling with hers.

Suddenly, she was on his bed and he was there, on her, his mouth on her, burning her.

“I can give you what Riley can’t. I can give you what you need,” he whispered, his breath tickling her ear.

His mouth dropped to her neck, his tongue passing over her skin- and then his fangs pierced her skin and she cried out with pleasure.



She started up from her bed, breathing heavily, her chest heaving. Her hand crept up to her neck instinctively, touching the spot where he had bitten her in her dream - on his mark.

“Oh God,” she whispered, “Oh God no.”

Combined Strength

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After her somewhat erratic night’s sleep, she was on edge the next day and took to pacing the length of Giles’ living room.

“Where’s Spike?” Willow asked and Buffy stopped in her pacing, frowning.

“I don’t know. Why would I know where he is? It’s not like I keep tabs on him or anything.”

Willow frowned in confusion at her outburst and she looked away, annoyed that she was getting so worked up about nothing. It was just a dream. But then, you also kissed him in real life.

“Well, I thought...with the claim...”

“I don’t know,” she bit out.

Luckily the tense silence created by her strange behaviour was soon broken as the door opened and the vampire himself appeared. She just glanced at him but looked away again quickly, her cheeks blushing.

“We all set?” he spoke up and she forced herself to at least look in his direction, even if she was afraid to meet his eyes.

“Yeah,” she answered, “You get him to the base and we’ll be waiting with the spell.”

“Right, here goes then.”

She felt him hesitate for a moment and forced herself to meet her gaze. He narrowed his eyes at her but she forced a smile and with a reluctant smile, he turned and left.



They left not long after and she took to her pacing again as the others set up the spell, idly playing with the chains that she would have to pretend to be tied up with.

“Buffy?” Willow said softly, suddenly at her shoulder, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I’ll be even better when this is over.”

“Are you worried about Riley?”

“Riley? Yeah. Yeah, of course.”

Willow smiled reassuringly and squeezed her shoulder, before moving back to the setting-up.

“Right, I’m going to tie myself up,” Buffy announced with a wry smile.

“Be careful,” Giles warned and she nodded.

She took a deep breath and left the room, shutting the doors behind her friends and going to the room she had agreed with Spike. She laced the chains through a pipe and then wound them loosely around herself- loosely enough that she would be able to get out quickly but tight enough to look realistic. The next few minutes of waiting were like torture, until she finally heard voices.

“Yeah, it was no problem. See, Slayer thinks I’m on her side.”

She steeled herself against Spike’s words- after all, he had to act the part- and then the door burst in, Adam appearing with Spike at his side.

“See? One Slayer, just like I promised. Now, ‘bout my chip...”

“Later,” Adam ground out, “Leave us.”

Spike’s eyes just met hers and she heard Be careful, love and then he left the room, shutting the door behind him.



“Slayer.”

“Hi, nice to meet you,” she said perkily, smiling.

Adam just growled and moved towards her and she quickly worked her way out of her chains. He looked amazed and she shrugged with a little laugh.

“Oops.”

He growled again and moved toward her and just before he could get to her, she felt a burst go through her, filling her whole body with strength. That was the spell working then. She flew at the monster and was glad when he stumbled back with her hit. Using her advantage, she began to barrage him with kicks and punches.

It was amazing, she had never felt this strength before and she spun and kicked him, sending him flying through the door. He stumbled but did not fall and she flew at him again, attacking him viciously, her heart singing with the violence. She let out a cry and flew at him one last time, plunging her fist through his stomach and yanking out his power source.

He collapsed to the floor with a thud and she smiled triumphantly, looking up to meet the shocked gazes of her friends. She didn’t even have time to wonder why there were not performing the spell before the burst that had been fuelling her suddenly went and she collapsed to the floor.



“You’ll find out on Saturday.”
“What happens on Saturday?”
“I kill you.”


“I told you. I want to stop Angel. I want to save the world.”


“You’re not friends. You’ll never be friends. You’ll be in love ‘til it kills you both.”


“I wonder what went wrong. Were you too strong? Did you bruise the boy? Come to think of it, seems like someone told me that. Who was it? Oh, yeah. Angel.”


“I hate you.”


“I don’t know what to say.”
“Make me the happiest man on earth and say yes.”


“Mine.”
“Yours.”



A barrage of images and words hit her and she started awake with a sharp intake of breath.

“Buffy?”

She turned her head to meet the worried gazes of her friends.

“God, what happened? Is Spike-“

“Bloody hell,” he groaned from somewhere in the room.

“Take that as a yes.”

She sat up, holding her spinning head and looking around Giles’ living room. She had been laid out on the sofa and she soon spotted Spike, sprawled on the floor, holding his head too. Their eyes met and she saw that same rush of images behind her eyelids.

“What happens on Saturday?” she whispered and he smiled, pushing himself into a sitting position.

She turned back to her friends.

“Well, I remember kicking Adam’s ass, so that’s good. What did I miss?”

“Buffy.”

She turned to the side, for the first time taking in the person she hadn’t expected to see here: Riley.

“Riley. Are you...What are you doing here?”

“It turns out Riley had a chip too,” Giles explained and she looked between her Watcher and her boyfriend- ex-boyfriend- in confusion, “One that made him obey Adam’s commands.”

She looked to Riley and he nodded slowly.

“I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” she whispered and turned back to the group.




“Wow, what was in that spell? That was amazing!” she remarked with a slight smile.

“Err, well, yes, we wanted to talk to you about that. The spell didn’t quite go as planned.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“Well, it was supposed to channel our power,” Willow explained, “But instead, it, err, got Spike’s.”

She looked to the vampire and he smiled wryly, pushing himself to his feet.

“Guess that explains why I passed out,” he commented.

“Yes. It seems the spell took your strength and passed it to Buffy through the, err, connection between the two of you,” Giles explained.

“Wow,” Buffy breathed, “So that’s what vampire strength feels like.”

Spike smiled slightly, settling on a chair close to her.

“Although the eyes were a bit freaky,” Willow exclaimed and Buffy looked at her in confusion.

“Eyes?”

“You had yellow eyes.”

“That’d probably be me then,” Spike remarked.

Buffy suddenly thought of something and laughed to herself slightly and the vampire raised an eyebrow in question.

“I did wonder why I was enjoying the violence so much.”

He smiled and she shook her head, turning back to her friends.

“So, do we get to celebrate now?”

Break With The Old

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She was at the edge of the room, smiling as she watched her friends, when Riley approached her and she looked up at him warily.

“Can I talk to you?”

She nodded and they went outside into the courtyard. Spike was sitting on the wall, smoking, but when he saw them, he quickly stubbed his cigarette out and rose to his feet.

“’Scuse me. Wonder if Rupert’s got any good liquor.”

His eyes met hers as he passed her and then he went into the house, leaving the two of them alone. She sat on the wall, watching Riley warily as he sat beside her.

“Buffy, I...I’m sorry.”

“I told you, it wasn’t your fault Adam-“

“Not about that.”

“Oh,” she breathed, falling silent and looking at her feet.

“I just...maybe I overreacted but you know, it seems that everything seems to revolve around Spike, ever since that spell.”

“I can’t help it, you know. It’s the claim,” she answered in a low voice, “I can’t let him get hurt.”

“Is it just the claim though?”

Her eyes whipped to him, narrowing.

“What are you trying to say, Riley?” she asked sharply.

He sighed and turned away for a moment, but then turned back and took her hand.

“Look, forget it. I’d like to try again. With us.”



Before she could say anything, he was kissing her, his hand on her arm.

“Riley,” she protested, pulling away.

“We’ll go away. On holiday. Get away from Spike.”

“Riley-“

“It could be good. If you just stay away from him.”

He leant in and kissed her again but she pushed him away, rising to her feet.

“You don’t really expect me to just welcome you back with open arms?!” she exclaimed, crossing her arms. Part of her was amazed at this gut reaction: after all, just days ago she had wanted him back. But now, something felt different.

“Buffy-“

“You accused me of cheating!”

“Look, I- what else was I supposed to think?”

“Err, you could have trusted me!”

“I do,” he protested weakly, “But he...I mean, he might have an influence on you. With the claim.”

She shook her head in disbelief and he rose to his feet, his hands on her arms.

“Buffy, I really like you. I...I love you.”

She looked at him in silence for a long moment and then turned her face to the side.

“Well, I’m sorry. I just don’t think this will work.”

“Buffy-“

“I think you should go.”

He stumbled backwards, watching her with wide eyes.

“Is this because of him?” he bit out.

“It has nothing to do with him, Riley! Why can’t you just get over this?!”

“He’s done something to you. You’ve changed.”
“Riley, just go,” she bit out.

He looked at her helplessly and then turned his back on her and left the courtyard.



She wanted to break down but somehow she held herself together and went back to the house. She opened the door and noticed the sudden movement and talking and knew they had heard at least some of her and Riley’s dispute.

“I’m going home,” she announced quietly.

“Buffy,” Willow said softly.

“I’m fine. I just want to...I want to rest. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Before anyone could say anything, she left the house again, shutting the door behind her. She wandered home slowly, tracing a path through the cemeteries in the vain hope of finding something to kill to relieve the tension in her.

“Slayer.”

She jumped at Spike’s soft voice and stopped in her tracks, turning to find him leant against a crypt, watching her with bright eyes.

“Spike, I just want to be alone right now.”

“I understand. But I think we need to talk.”

She raised her eyes to his and found herself trapped in his bright gaze. And then a horrible thought hit her: did he know about her dream? She faked a calm she did not feel and moved to lean against the crypt next to him. She could feel his bright eyes on her but did not dare to meet his eyes.

“Look, love, I just wanted to say...you want me gone, just say the word.”

That wasn’t what she had expected and her head whipped up, her eyes meeting his.

“What?”

“Well, this claim-stuff seems to be causing you no end of trouble with your friends...and Soldier Boy. If you want me gone, I’ll go.”

“Spike, I...”

She did not know what to say and just stared at him, her mind reeling. Finally, she found the words she wanted to say.

“I don’t want you gone.”

“I don’t wanna mess things up for you. This is all pretty weird anyway, innit?Slayer...vampire,” he commented, gesturing between them.

“I think it’s pretty...nice.”

He raised an eyebrow in surprise and she smiled wryly.

“I like knowing you’re there. Even if maybe you don’t want to be.”

“Buffy-“

“I understand it’s not cool. Big Bad and all that. And if you want to, you know, go back to the evil stuff...well, I won’t stop you. Can’t really. I’d prefer that you didn’t...but you know, if it makes you happy, well I-”

She was suddenly cut off as his finger pressed against her lips.

“Get the point, love.”

She smiled softly and moved away from his touch, leaning back against the wall.



“You alright, Slayer?” he asked softly, after a pause.

“Guess so.”

“Regretting giving Soldier Boy the heave-ho?”

“Not really,” she murmured with a wry smile that he returned, “I’m not sure we’re really...compatible.”

“’Course not. He’s a mere mortal. You need a bit of monster in your man.”

I can give you what he can’t. I can give you what you need.

She shook the disturbing memory of her dream away and smiled slightly.

“Yeah, ‘coz that worked out so well before.”

“You know, if you’re going to measure everyone against Peaches and that catastrophe, you’re going to end up sad and lonely, Slayer.”

She stared at him for a long moment, taking in his words.

“Yay for me,” she got out.

“Buffy-“

His voice was soft and his fingers just grazed her arm and she forced a smile, drawing away from him. She didn’t want his sympathy.

“Hey, Slayerdom and all that. S’long as I make it to twenty, I’ll be happy.”

Those bright eyes were watching her too knowingly and she turned her head away, blocking him from her head at the same time.

“I should get home.”



She pushed herself away from the wall and brushed her hands over her front somewhat nervously.

“Thanks for helping with Adam,” she commented, not even turning back to the vampire for fear that he would see the vulnerability she was too tired to hide.

“Slayer.”

He caught her arm and she reluctantly turned to him, carefully avoiding his bright gaze.

“You need anything, I’m here.”

Her eyes flew to his of their own accord but she could see no mocking in his eyes. She smiled slightly and moved her arm out of his grip.

“Thanks. See you round.”

She finally turned and made her way through the cemetery, feeling his eyes on her- and feeling a rush of something she couldn’t quite figure out through the connection.

Strange Feelings

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As after every threat to the world’s safety, there was a supernatural lull after their fight with Adam, which gave her some much needed time off. She needed time to order her thoughts and think about what was going to happen now. She had somehow maintained an awkward friendship with Riley in the last few weeks of term but now she was glad of the freedom away from him. A freedom that she somehow could not attain from the vampire who had claimed her.

She found her feet leading her to his crypt with increasing frequency- but what could she do? It was like something inside her was driving her onward, driving her to spend time with the vampire who, just weeks ago, she could not bear to be anywhere near unless they were exchanging punches or insults. He was a constant in her life now though and she would not give that up, however much the Scoobies protested. They just didn’t understand that things were different, that the claim gave her a whole new viewpoint of William the Bloody. She might even call him a friend now- not that she would admit it to the vampire himself though. He was someone she could always talk to- about the smallest, most insignificant thing- and she somehow knew that he would always be there.



She weaved a path through the cemetery, humming lowly to herself as she approached Spike’s crypt. She wanted his advice on next year’s options for her course. She pushed open the door - and started in surprise, mouth gaping.

“Oh God, sorry!” she gasped, quickly turning away from the sight of Harmony perched on Spike’s lap, her mouth on his neck and one hand heading south as his hands ran over her. Something in her lurched and she held her hand to her stomach. She was probably just hungry. She heard Harmony make a sound of discontent but then there was movement and shuffling and then she heard Spike’s voice.

“It’s safe, love.”

She turned around hesitantly, blushing helplessly and avoiding both vampires’ gazes as they rearranged their clothing.

“Slayer?”

Her head jerked up at Spike’s voice and she realised he was waiting for her to say something. Her eyes met his and she struggled to find the words.

“It- it doesn’t matter. I’m sorry. I’ll see you later.”

She was already turning towards the door when Spike caught her by the arm, stopping her.

“Come on now, love. You sit down and talk to me.”

He was already guiding her to sit on the sarcophagus and there was little she could do to protest.



“Harm, how ‘bout you wait downstairs?”

The blonde smiled and moved forward to press a kiss to his cheek.

“Sure thing, Blondie Bear.”

Harmony sashayed away to the trapdoor and disappeared into the lower level, leaving them alone. Buffy could admit to a small amount of annoyance that he hadn’t just got rid of the vampiress.

“What’s up then, love?” Spike asked, slipping into his armchair once more and pulling out a cigarette.

“It’s nothing, really. I didn’t mean to bother you. Just...popping by, you know,” she got out lamely.

He narrowed his eyes and she turned her head away, hating the way his eyes bore into her. It was bad enough that he had access to her head- she didn’t want him having any more opportunity to delve into her thoughts and feelings.

“You seem edgy. Something wrong?”

“I’m fine, Spike,” she protested, somewhat more sharply than intended.

With a sigh, she pushed herself to her feet.

“Look, just forget it. Go have fun with Harmony.”



He was in front of her before she could blink, his hand tight around her arm, his eyes searching hers.

“Slayer-“

“My name’s Buffy,” she bit out and he blinked in surprise, his hand loosening on her arm. And now she felt like an even bigger fool. What the hell was wrong with her today?

“Look, just...I need to go.”

“Buffy-“

She shook her head, cutting him off, and moved towards the door before he could stop her.

“I’ll see you some other time.”

She shut the door behind her and quickly strode through the cemetery with a sinking feeling in her stomach. She could feel Spike reaching out to her through the connection but she blocked him, heading for home. So much for a relaxing summer.



She got back to her house and perched at the kitchen worktop, staring into space.

“You’re home early, Buffy.”

She jumped at her mother’s voice and then turned to her with a nod.

“I thought you were going to see Spike.”

She had told her mother the bare necessities of her new somewhat-altered relationship with Spike- and to her surprise, her mother had been quite understanding. She was even pleased that her daughter was spending time with ‘that nice, young man’.

“He’s busy,” Buffy answered sharply, not even wanting to think of what he was busy with. She’d have thought he’d have better taste really; Harmony wasn’t exactly a Mensa candidate.

“Obviously not that busy,” her mother commented and she looked up in surprise- and followed her mother’s gaze to the kitchen door. The vampire was just climbing up the porch steps and with a small smile, knocked and opened the door.

“Evening, ladies.”

“Hello, Spike. It’s so nice to see you again. Do you want some hot chocolate?”

“No thanks, Joyce,” he answered with a smile, “Just came to have a chat with your daughter.”

He smiled at her but she lowered her head, staring at the worktop.

“Well, I’ll leave you two alone.”



Her mother left the kitchen, leaving them in silence- and she sure as hell wasn’t going to be the first to break. She’d already made a fool of herself. She sensed him move and he slid onto the stool to her right, his hands resting on the worktop.

“Buffy?”

She slowly raised her head, meeting him with an expression of indifference.

“Yes? What are you doing here? Not busy with Harmony?”

It was only then that she noticed his slightly ruffled hair and she frowned, turning her gaze to the side. To her surprise, he laughed and her eyes flew to him.

“You jealous, love?” he asked, his voice rich with laughter as he placed his hand over hers.

“As if!” she got out, pulling her hand away and crossing her arms.

He just laughed again, leaning towards her ever so slightly.

“I know you, Slayer,” he murmured, his finger just tapping her temple.

“Spike, does this visit have a purpose?”

“Well, all I’m getting from your end is anger and I thought I’d come and find out what was wrong.”

“Oh, sorry, am I interrupting your bedroom time?”

“For someone who claims not to be jealous, you’re very stuck on my bedroom activities.”

“Spike, you’re a pig. Will you just go?” she asked in exasperation.

“Fine,” he acquiesced, rising to his feet beside her, “But this conversation isn’t over, Slayer.”

She turned away from him but felt his hand brush over her hair and then she was astounded as she felt him press a kiss to her head.

“Night, Slayer.”

He slipped out of the house into the darkness and she exhaled, her fingers going to the spot he had kissed.

“It’s Buffy,” she mumbled.

Magical Mishaps

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I want you,” she gasped, sighing as his lips grazed her neck.

“I know,” he laughed, his hand sliding down her back and moulding her close to him.

“Please, Spike.”

She held him tightly, afraid that he would leave.

“All in good time, love,” he whispered, his breath brushing over her skin. His mouth then caught hers and she moaned, clinging onto him as his mouth moved against hers.



Her eyes flew open and she moaned, burying her head in the pillow.

“Stupid dream,” she mumbled, thumping the pillow in frustration. It must be Spike, finding some way to mess with her through her dreams. Why couldn’t he just stay out of her life? That’s never going to happen now. You belong to each other. She sighed and rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling. Suddenly, movement caught her eye just outside her window and she turned towards it, frowning at the waving branch of the tree.

“Bloody hell.”

She only just heard the whispered curse but bolted up straight away and raced to the window, catching sight of a familiar blonde head of hair as Spike dropped to the ground beside the tree. Anger and disgust rushed through her and she rushed out of her room and down the stairs before she could even stop to think. She threw open the door and the vampire turned to her in surprise, frozen in place as she strode over to him, the grass cool under her bare feet.



She stopped just a few paces from the vampire and crossed her arms.

“What the hell is going on?” she bit out.

The vampire smiled somewhat hesitantly,
running a hand through his hair.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about, love. Was just passing by.”

“And decided to climb the tree outside my window?” she got out angrily, fixing him with a look of disbelief.

He sighed, softening- or giving in- and stepped forward ever so slightly, his bright eyes fixed on hers.

“You’re not sleeping well, Slayer. Something’s bothering you,” he murmured, his hand just brushing against her arm.

“Like I told you before, I’m fine,” she stated, shaking his hand off.

“Don’t seem fine to me.”

“You don’t-“

“Know you? Maybe I don’t. But I know you’re not happy. And you not being happy makes me not happy.”

She sighed, tightening her arms around herself, a chill coming over her.

“Buffy,” he coaxed softly, “Talk to me.”



She looked at him for a long time and then she succumbed.

“Fine. Come in. It’s cold out here.”

He followed her silently into the house and she sank onto the sofa, her arms still wrapped around her as he sat down beside her, watching her steadily. She was silent for a long time, trying to order her thoughts, and finally she took a deep breath and spoke up.

“I don’t really know what’s going on anymore. Nothing makes any sense, you know?”

She glanced at him, meeting and holding his bright gaze for a second, and then looked at her bare knees.

“All that stuff with Riley...and, and this...”

She gestured between the two of them with a wry smile.

“You’re not supposed to be the only person I can talk to, you know. I don’t even like you.”

He smiled, his eyes sparkling in amusement.

“Not even a little bit, Slayer?”

She turned to him, unable to suppress her smile.

“Not at all.”

He laughed, leaning back on the sofa and stretching out his legs.



They were silent for a pause and she drew her legs up onto the sofa, tucking them under her.

“Cold?” he asked softly, his hand coming to rest on her shoulder.

“Kinda dashed out of bed without much thought for practicality,” she answered wryly, looking down at her pyjamas, “Which reminds me, you still haven’t properly explained why you were spying on me.”

“Was worried about you, Slayer.”

“See what I mean? This just isn’t normal!” she exclaimed with a smile.

“Normal’s boring,” he answered lazily and it was only then she noticed the soft, lazy caress of his fingers over her shoulder. Her eyes rose to his, wide and unsure, and he smiled softly, just catching her hair between his fingers.

“Spike.”

Something suddenly went through her and her eyes fluttered shut. She felt the softest touch of cool lips against hers and she sighed, leaning into the caress. A thumb brushed against her cheek and she leaned closer, reaching out and resting her hand on the chest just inches from her. The kiss became more insistent and she sighed again, losing herself in the magic of this moment. Her eyes fluttered open- and she bolted upright at the same time as Spike, quickly putting distance between them.

“What the hell?!”

“It wasn’t me!” he protested, his fingers just pressed to his lips.

“Get out of my house!”

“Buffy-“

“No.”

She grabbed him by the arm and dragged him to the door, forcing him outside and shutting the door behind him, slumping against it.

Slayer, please.

Go away!

After a long moment, she finally felt him leave and she sank to the ground, her fingers touched to her lips, her eyes wide. What the hell? Although she wanted to blame Spike, she could feel the confusion coming from him and she frowned. She pushed herself to her feet slowly and climbed the stairs to her bedroom, collapsing on her bed.


“Oh Spike! I don’t know what to say!”

“Make me the happiest man on earth and say yes.”

“Yes! Yes of course!”

She drew him to her, wrapping her arms around him tightly as their mouths met in a hungry kiss.

“I love you.”

“I love you, Buffy. God, so much.”

His mouth was cool against hers, his arms tight around her. And now, suddenly, they were on her sofa again, his hand at her face, his mouth moving against hers tenderly.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


She had her suspicions as to the strange episode with Spike but they were not confirmed until she was talking to Willow over coffee one day.

“So, Buff, have you met any nice guys lately?”

“Not really. I haven’t really had muchos time for that, what with the joy that is slaying.”

“But it’s been quiet.”

“Guess it’s just a habit,” she answered with a shrug, taking a sip of her coffee, “Don’t worry about me."

“I guess so. I just wish you’d find someone. I want you to be happy.”

She froze, watching her friend carefully.

“What?” Willow asked nervously.

“Have you talked about this before? With someone else?”

“Well, me and Xander were talking about the whole Riley-thing the other day.”

“What did you say?” she asked quickly, “Did you actually say those words? That you wished I would find someone?”

“I...I might’ve,” Willow admitted hesitantly.

“Oh God,” Buffy sighed, resting her head on her hand. Magic, again. Messing with her life.

“Buffy?”

“Haven’t you learnt anything from the last time you did a spell?” Buffy hissed, unable to prevent her outburst.

“Buffy!” Willow protested, her eyes wide and hurt.

Shaking her head, Buffy stood and quickly left the café, her mind reeling.

Unbound

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She was angry, hurt, confused. Why did magic keep throwing her and Spike together? Why did Willow keep messing with her life? Despite her embarrassment, she knew there was only one person she could talk to now and her feet led her unerringly to Restfield cemetery. It would be awkward, no doubt, but once Spike understood that a spell had been involved, it would be okay. Wouldn’t it?

Biting her lip, she went up to the crypt and knocked lightly on the door, before pushing it open. Spike was sitting in his armchair and turned to her in surprise as she entered, watching her somewhat warily.

“Slayer, didn’t expect to see you tonight.”

“Expecting someone else?” she bit out before she could stop herself and the vampire raised an eyebrow- whether in surprise or amusement, she could not tell.

“Not expecting anyone,” he answered smoothly and she sighed, moving to lean against the sarcophagus.

“Look, about the other night...”

Her eyes met his and she froze, her gaze locked on his. Suddenly, the words she had planned to say didn’t want to come. Spike finally broke the silence, turning away from her as he did.

“S’alright, Slayer. Just forget it, right? Losing our marbles and all that.”

She frowned at his biting tone, studying his features and trying to read him. He seemed...angry?

“Spike...it was a spell,” she said quietly and he slowly turned his face towards her.

“A spell?”

“Willow made a wish...I think. And then...well, it was a spell.”

“Right. Thanks. That it?”

She opened her mouth, ready to lash out and ask him why he was being so funny when she spotted the wound on his neck. It was large, barely-healed- and it looked like a bite.



Something drove her forward and she walked over to the armchair, crouching down beside it- knowing that, although he would not look at her, Spike was following her every move.

“What happened?” she whispered, brushing her fingers against his neck- feeling him stiffen automatically. Why hadn’t she felt this? Because you’ve been busy blocking him out, her mind prompted.

“S’fine. Battle wound,” Spike mumbled, shifting away from her touch.

“Spike-“

“I said it’s fine. Leave it, Slayer.”

She recoiled at his harshly-spoken words and rose to her feet, hiding her hurt with anger.

“Whatever. I don’t care.”

She spun on her heel and was halfway to the door when he stopped her.

“Buffy.”

His voice was soft, wary, but it was the uncommon use of her name that struck her. She turned back to face him and noticed the weariness in his face- as if he hadn’t been sleeping. She stood in silence, waiting for him to speak and he fidgeted nervously, pushing himself to his feet and going over to a chest and pulling out a bottle. He took a swig and turned back to her, his eyes burning.



“Got a visit,” he said softly, his eyes fixed on hers, “From Dru.”

“Dru?” she repeated numbly, scanning his face. Why had Dru come back? For him? She felt a burning in the pit of her stomach and held her hand to it, watching the vampire avidly.

“What happened?”

“Got a beating...insulted for turning white hat...for caring- well, anything Dru could think of.”

“Why would she do that?”

“’Coz I’m a failure...a disgrace to the good name of Aurelius. Doesn’t matter that her precious Daddy’s been waltzing around with that soul, doing good for years...No, William wasn’t supposed to play nice.”

He sounded almost crazed and he was pacing now as she watched him worriedly.

“Never was good enough, anyway. Why should she be surprised that I turn out even worse than her ‘Daddy’? No soul and yet here I am, sitting around, actually caring if the Slayer gets herself offed.”

He froze, his eyes meeting hers in a blaze of emotion and she inhaled sharply.

“Shouldn’t be like this,” he got out, seemingly half to himself, “Why don’t I want to kill you?”

He threw a glance at her and then continued his pacing as he took a swig from the bottle. Forcing herself into motion, she stepped into his path, holding out her hands as he came to a stop just inches from her.




“Spike, what happened?” she whispered, her eyes scanning his.

“See this?” he murmured, pulling the collar of his shirt aside so she could see the full extent of the bite on his neck, “This is to remind me who I belong to.”

Her eyes moved back to his, wide and searching.

“You mean...”

“Claim’s been overridden, Slayer. You’re out of my head...just like you wanted.”

“But you said...you said it didn’t work like that.”

“S’different...it’s Dru...and her claim is stronger. Blood…lust...love. Things you wouldn’t know about, Slayer.”

She found herself taking an unconscious step backwards, her arms crossing over her chest as if to defend her from his cruel words.

“I think I should go. You obviously need some time alone.”

She stepped back again but at the same time, he stepped forward, catching hold of her arm with his free hand.

“Slayer,” he almost growled and she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

“Spike, let me go,” she whispered, trying to prise his hand from her arm.

“It’s not right,” he murmured, his eyes burning as he looked down at her, ignoring her plea, “Sunshine doesn’t feel like this. This...this is hell.”

She watched him with wide eyes, not understanding what he was talking about.

“Burning right inside me and I can’t get rid of it, no matter what I do. What have you done to me, Slayer?” he whispered desperately and before she could react, his lips were on hers, hard and demanding.



She was trapped in his grip, his mouth moving roughly against hers- and yet somehow she couldn’t find the strength to push him away. He yanked her closer, his other arm snaking round her waist as he kissed her hungrily, his teeth catching her. She moaned in a mixture of pain and pleasure and he pulled her tight against him, his mouth ravishing hers, his tongue sliding against her lips, teasing her. She still had not moved, her hand still on his where it held her arm, only shifting as he released her and his hand slid up her arm to bury in her hair. He tilted her mouth towards his, his tongue teasing hers and she moaned, quickly coming back to reality.

She hefted him away, breathing heavily as she stared at him, her fingers pressed to her lips. She pulled them away to see small spots of blood staining them and her eyes flew to his again. He was watching her with dark eyes and she forced her gaze away, unnerved by his actions.

“I have to go,” she got out shakily.

“Slayer- Buffy.”

“Please...I-I have to go.”

Without another glance at him, she rushed out of the crypt and raced home, barely aware of the tears crawling down her cheeks. She reached her house and let herself in, going straight to her room before her mother could stop her. She flopped onto the bed and touched her fingers to her lips, trembling as she curled up into a ball. She was overwhelmed and eventually cried herself silently to sleep, her fingers pressed to her swollen lips.

Falling Apart

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


She woke with an aching head and immediately pressed her fingers to her lips, remembering the night before with vivid clarity. She had no idea what had got into Spike, but it scared her. He had been so angry, so violent- but at the same time, confused. And now she had no way of knowing what was on his mind. She found herself unsettled by the idea- did this mean she and Spike would no longer share a closeness? Her side of the claim was still working, she assumed, but maybe he would just block that out. But then, he had always understood her without needing to be in her head anyway.

She sighed and rolled out of bed, rubbing her hand over her face. When did everything start going wrong? She didn’t exactly want to face the vampire but she knew she would have to at some point. She felt uneasy not knowing where she stood and what he was thinking. And he had been so upset about Dru. She sighed again and pushed herself to her feet, pulling on her robe and going through to the shower, mechanically readying herself for another day as her mind raced with thoughts. She would face Spike; she would go to him and speak to him and find out what was going on. Tonight. She couldn’t put if off or it would drive her mad.



First, she headed towards Giles’ and found the Scooby gang assembled, lazing around.

“Did you encounter any new demons on patrol last night?” Giles asked as soon as she walked in and she shook her head.

“Just a few vamps.”

“It is extraordinarily quiet lately.”

“I guess they’re on demon holiday or something.”

“Speaking of demons, where’s Spike?” Xander asked.

She stiffened at the vampire’s name but took a deep breath, forcing herself to relax.

“It being daytime, I imagine in his crypt, sleeping.”

“I half-expect him to be following you round on some sort of leash,” Xander mused and she smiled weakly.

“I don’t think that will ever happen. Especially not now.”

“Why not now?” Willow asked and she frowned, biting her lip- and stopping herself when it stung.

“The claim...it’s been broken.”

“What?!” Giles blurted out, “Why didn’t you tell us? When did this happen?”

“I don’t know exactly. But I only found out last night...Drusilla’s been to town it seems.”

“And that affects the claim?” Willow asked.

“It does if she reasserts her own claim.”

“So...no more claim?” Xander asked, somewhat hopefully.

“Well, no more claim for me. Spike can still...I mean, he’s got access to my head. But I guess that doesn’t affect me.”



She felt a strange sensation in her stomach- like disappointment- but forced it away, meeting her friends’ gazes openly.

“So, we finally sorted that problem. Just like you wanted.”

“You wanted it too,” Willow pointed out and Buffy turned to her, pausing for just a second before she replied.

“Of course. Of course I did. This is...great.”

It didn’t feel great though. For the first time in weeks, she felt completely and utterly alone- like something was missing. And it scared her that her bond with Spike had filled that empty space. Now, though, they would surely revert to how they had been before, if slightly more civil. And she could not explain why her heart sank at the thought. She shook it off as Giles spoke up.

“Maybe we should accompany you on patrol tonight.”

“Huh?”

“Well, as it is quiet, I’m sure there will be no trouble. And it’ll be good for you to have some company, I’m sure.”

Had he sensed her sudden loneliness? She guessed he was right though- company was always a welcome distraction on patrol. She smiled softly and nodded.

“Sure thing. We leave at sunset.”



The gang was trailing her as she made her way through the cemetery, lost in her thoughts. Thoughts mainly involving a certain blonde vampire. She shook her head, driving the thoughts away as she scanned her surroundings. She could just hear her friends’ chatter from behind her but tuned it out as she focussed on the dark, seemingly-quiet cemetery. She could really do with some violence right now to distract her from her worries. She turned back to her friends, but as she did, she felt a stabbing pain in her shoulder and found herself face-to-face with a tall, slimy demon. She glanced at her friends and frowned as they waved to her casually. She stumbled backwards as the demon punched her and as she went to right herself, her head spun. She shook her head, trying to clear her suddenly blurry vision.

She tried to throw a punch at the demon but it easily ducked her arm and landed its own hit on her. She cried out and stumbled backwards again, looking to her friends for help. They were chatting, glancing at her only occasionally and when she waved, they just waved back. This was not good. She returned her focus to the demon but her head spun again and she moaned, holding her hand to her head.

“What the hell?” she whispered, feeling dizzy but using a gravestone to hold herself on her feet. The demon lunged at her again and she cried out, falling to the ground. She tried to trip the demon as it came for her, but her legs felt heavy and it easily stepped over her, leering down at her as she tried to scramble to her feet. She looked to her friends in panic now but they were still engrossed in conversation, seemingly oblivious to her distress. The demon lashed out and hit her around the face, its claws ripping through her skin and making her cry out. She held her hand to her face, trying to claw her way away from the demon. She could just see a large, sharp branch a few feet from her- if only she could get to it.



The demon obviously had other plans though and it kicked her in the stomach, making her moan with pain. She held one hand to her stomach as she continued to edge her way backwards but the demon stopped her, bending low and hauling her to her feet, only to send her flying into a crypt and to the floor again. It caught up with her again, trapping her against the stone, its hand cutting of her breathing. Struggling helplessly, her hazy vision flicked between the demon and her unmoving friends and she moaned, trying to throw it off, but to no avail. As she began to struggle to breathe, the demon was suddenly dragged away from her and she collapsed to the floor. Her blurred eyes could barely focus on the figure in black, moving so quickly as it fought the demon. She closed her eyes, letting out a moan and holding her hand over her stomach.

“Slayer.”

She moaned again, feeling herself being lifted into a sitting position. Her head was spinning painfully and her vision was blurring in front of her and she struggled helplessly against the grip around her.

“Stay still. It’s gonna be okay.”

She felt a sharp pain in her shoulder again and cried out. But just like that, her senses returned and she found herself cradled in a pair of strong arms, her face resting against a black shirt as she breathed in the unmistakeable scent of tobacco.

“Spike,” she whispered gratefully.



She was guided backwards and found herself looking into familiar blue eyes, scanning her with concern. His fingers just came to rest against the cut on her cheek but then he snatched his hand away and she heard Willow’s voice.

“Oh God, Buffy! Are you okay?”

She turned to her worried friends, pushing herself to her feet- all too aware of the supporting hand at her back.

“What happened?” she asked, touching her fingers to her sore cheek as she turned to Spike.

“Lokhra demon. They use poison to stun and confuse their victims. And they project an image around themselves so no-one can see what’s really happening.”

“It just looked like a normal fight,” Willow breathed, “It even looked like Buffy was winning.”

Ignoring her friends, she turned to the vampire, placing her hand on his arm.

“Thank you.”

“It was nothing. Was just passing by. You’ll be fine,” he answered somewhat abruptly, moving away from her touch. He glanced at her friends and then back at her and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“Anyway, I got stuff to do.”

Without another word, he strolled away from their small group and she was left staring after him, not quite sure what had happened. One minute, he had been worrying over her and the next, coldness. She frowned and crossed her arms over her chest, turning back to her friends.

“You better head home. I’ll finish up here.”

“Are you sure?” Giles asked.

“Sure.”

Her friends turned in the direction of home and she turned in the opposite direction, heading for Restfield cemetery. It was time to face the music and she couldn’t put it off any longer after Spike’s strange behaviour.

Sweet Surrender

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


As Spike’s crypt came into view, her courage began to fade but she forced herself onwards. She had to do this now, or she never would. She had no doubt that the vampire would be in, despite his claim that he had ‘stuff to do’ and she knocked on the door and pushed it open slowly. The door swung shut behind her and she paused for a moment, taking in the flickering candles that threw a soft light over the whole room. Her eyes finally came to rest on the vampire: he was sitting in his armchair, swigging from a bottle, his eyes fixed on a spot in front of him. He did not even turn to her or acknowledge her and she frowned, stepping forward into his line of vision.

“What the hell is going on?”

He raised his eyes to her and took a swig from the bottle before replying.

“What do you want, Slayer?” he asked, half-tiredly, half-angrily.

“I want to know what’s going on.”

“What, ‘coz you can’t just pop into my head anymore? Feeling out of the loop?”

“What’s wrong with you?” she whispered, staring at him as if he were a stranger.
Those startling blue eyes met hers and narrowed, burning into her.

“Just bugger off, will you Slayer?”

“What is your problem?!” she exclaimed, even as she turned to leave.

“You know what my problem is?!” he retorted, jumping to his feet and catching her arm, “You. You’re my problem.”



He softened, his grip loosening on her arm.

“Why can’t I hate you?” he murmured, his fingers rising to brush over the cut on her cheek.

“It’s just the claim,” she whispered hesitantly, her eyes fixed on his.

“Why do you even come here, Slayer?” he asked, his grip tightening on her arm again, “To torment me?”

He stepped forward, closer to her and she forced herself to stay still, her eyes locked on his unwaveringly.

“I know why you come. I’ve seen your dreams, remember?”

Her eyes widened at his words but she did not move, holding his gaze as his fingers ghosted over her arm.

“You come because you want it...but you’re too afraid to ask for it.”

“You can’t always have what you want,” she murmured, lost in the spell of his eyes.

“Guess not... You want normal,” he murmured, his fingers brushing over her hair.

“You don’t have a soul.”

“You don’t have a heart,” he retorted, his voice a silken whisper as his fingers brushed over her shoulder.

“I don’t trust it anymore.”

There was a pause and then he spoke.

“Just give me one night,” he whispered, his breath brushing against her ear. She felt a shiver run through her and she froze, her wide eyes meeting his as he pulled back. If she succumbed now, she’d be lost- but she was helpless to stop him as he moved closer and his lips touched hers, sending an electric shock jolting through her. She had expected his kiss to be hungry, passionate, but instead his lips moved against hers almost tenderly, a barely-there caress.



The Slayer in her was screaming that those same hands that were holding her, caressing her skin, threading through her hair, those hands had killed and hurt so many; that mouth that was moving against hers so softly had brought death to hundreds- but somehow it didn’t matter anymore. Her mind put up a fleeting, half-hearted protest but it was all drowned out by the pounding of her heart. She was right where she wanted to be: lost in the embrace of the man she yearned for.

There was nothing but the feel of his arms around her, the brush of his fingers against her skin, his cool mouth on hers. She was truly lost and if this was what it felt like, she wasn’t sure she wanted to be found again. She clung to him, fearful to let go lest he disappear and this turn out to be another dream. It felt a thousand times more real than her dream though- and at the same time, she could hardly believe she was here, wrapped up in the arms of her erstwhile enemy.

She wouldn’t trade this night for all the world though: his bright eyes met hers, his fingers grazing her skin with teasing, burning touches and she raised her hand to his face, drawing his mouth back to hers.



She had fought for a long time but her surrender was a complete one: with just one kiss, months of pent-up desire had been released and she was helpless to fight against her own will. She gave herself up to him completely, not putting up the slightest bit of resistance when knowing hands guided her clothes from her with the gentlest of caresses. She followed his guiding touch blindly, lost in a world away from this one; a world where this night would last forever. It was like the connection between them had never been severed and when their eyes met, she was bombarded with a rush of emotions and memories.

His mouth brushed over the place where he had once marked her and she felt a burst of sensation. She knew she would never forget this perfect night and when his eyes locked on hers, she saw the same wonder in his eyes. There would always be a bond between them, even without a claim to join them. They were part of the same world, the world of darkness; they were the two sides of the same coin. Light and dark, good and evil, love and hate- blended and mixed and moulded into two people who could not resist the link between them; could not resist the pull that had brought them together on this night. And, perhaps, did not want to fight it anymore.



She lay by his side, watching the flickering candlelight playing over his features. How could something evil be so beautiful? She let her fingers ghost over his tousled hair and down his cheek, memorising his features. She would have to leave- and soon. It was already morning and she needed to get home, but she was loath to leave. They both knew that last night had been a one-time thing, but somehow, she couldn’t bear to leave his bed. It would make it a lot harder if he was awake before she had gone though. With a sigh, she sat up and moved to the edge of the bed, pulling on her clothes mechanically. She turned back to him, her eyes tracing his features- and she knew that he was awake. He kept his eyes closed though and somehow she knew it was for her that he kept up the charade. She leant over him and pressed her lips to his tenderly.

“Thank you,” she whispered, grazing his cheek with her fingers.

She pulled away and with one last look, she turned and made her way out of his crypt.



The cemetery was coated in early-morning sunshine and she peeled her jacket off, weaving her way through the gravestones as she thought: after all, she had plans to make. It was amazing how, in the space of a few hours, everything could change- and yet, nothing could change at the same time. She was in love with the wrong man, again, but this time she would not make the same mistakes. She and Spike would always have a connection, they would always share the memory of last night- but in the real world, they could have nothing. They both knew the rules and would have to live by them. She would let no-one suspect her true feelings for the vampire and no-one would know, except maybe him. In poker, a good bluff always saw you right, and that was exactly what she needed. And she knew exactly where to find one.

It surprised her how rationally she was able to think all of this through, even as she felt her heart sinking. Last night had rocked her world and brought it crashing down around her, and now she would have to rebuild it as good as new. And no-one would ever know it had changed, except the man who had broken down her walls. She would never forget that night, she was sure, but she would move on. She had to move on to save herself, even if it was killing her with every step she took away from his crypt. She had another man to see.

One Step Forwards, Two Steps Back

((A/N: Please don't hate me!!))
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She climbed the familiar steps, as always ignoring the jeers and catcalls, and knocked on the door. After a few seconds, it opened and Riley appeared, obviously taken aback to see her.

“Buffy.”

“Hey,” she answered softly, “Can I come in?”

“Sure,” he murmured dazedly, stepping back to let her in.

She moved into the room and perched on his desk chair with a slight smile as he settled on the bed opposite her.

“How are you?” he asked politely.

“I’m fine. You?”

“Yeah, good. A bit, you know, lost. A lot of free time with no Initiative-stuff to do.”

She smiled wryly and fixed her eyes on him.

“Riley...I, err, I owe you an apology about...before.”

His eyes rose to hers, watching her intently.

“I was a bit...tense, you know. What with Adam...and Spike bugging the hell out of me.”

“Willow told me the claim...it’s gone.”

“Pretty much,” she admitted, continuing with forced cheerfulness, “I’m so glad I don’t have to listen to every single thought he has anymore.”

Riley smiled and she reached out to take his hand in hers.

“I’d really like if we could at least be friends,” she murmured, “And, you know, you could help with patrol...if you wanted something to do.”

“I’d like that.”

She smiled softly and slowly retracted her hand from his.

“I guess I’ll see you soon.”

“Definitely.”

He conducted her to the door and when the door finally shut behind her, she let out a sigh of relief.



Her next port of call was her friends. As usual, they were taking up space in Giles’ house, doing nothing in particular.

“Hey Buff!” Xander greeted her as she came through the door, “How’s it going?”

“I’m good.”

“You look worried. Sure all is well?”

“Oh yeah, I’m good, promise. I just...I went to see Riley. Mainly to apologise.”

“Riley?” Willow repeated, picking up on their conversation.

“Yeah. I kinda...missed him, you know. I know he wasn’t ultra-sensitive guy about the claim thing, but now it’s gone.”

“You think you might get back together?”

She gave a careful shrug as her heart clenched in pain.

“Maybe. It might be...nice.”


“Well, he’s still really into you,” Willow exclaimed with a smile, “And I think he missed you too.”

“Well, we’ll see what happens. I’m just happy to go with the flow.”
And try to forget about an amazing night spent with the man I really love.



They were in the Bronze later that night and she forced a wide smile when Riley joined them at their table, even as she felt her heart sinking. Her plan was working sure enough- and breaking her heart in the process. When Riley asked her to dance, she plastered on another soft smile, throwing a glance at her beaming friends, and took his hand, letting him lead her onto the dancefloor. She forced herself to stay close to him as she danced, even when his hand came to rest on her waist and made her want to cringe. She had to do this. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath- and was bombarded with images of the night before. She quickly snapped her eyes open again, trying to calm her pounding heart. Then, Riley was speaking to her, his mouth close to her ear.

“I really missed you, Buffy.”

“I...I missed you too,” she lied, moving into his embrace.

His arms wound round her, cradling her against him, and she wrapped her arms loosely around him, resting her head against his shoulder. She forced her body to relax but refused to look at him, keeping her eyes on the crowd. And then she felt it- that tingle at the back of her neck- and she knew Spike was watching her.

She didn’t want to see him but somehow her eyes singled him out in the crowd: leaning against a wall, the light of his cigarette illuminating his features, his blonde hair standing out from the darkness around him. And even though she didn’t want to see it, she didn’t miss that pain and anger in his eyes, mixed with something that might have been understanding. She dragged her eyes away from him, her whole body tense. She was doing this for both of them.



She should have known she’d have to face him: she just didn’t expect to be confronted just outside Giles’ the next night.

“Slayer,” he ground out, stepping into her path.

“Spike, I don’t have time for this.”

“Can’t bear to be away from Captain Cardboard?”

“Get out of my way,” she answered, pushing him out of the way and getting a few steps closer to Giles’ door before he caught her arm, stopping her.

“What are you doing, Slayer?”

“You only asked for one night. You had one night. That’s it.”

He seemed stunned by her words and for a long moment, said nothing. She took the moment to pull her arm free, turning towards the door.

“Never knew you were a slut.”

She tensed at his words, trying to resist the urge to hit him.

“Never knew you were this pathetic.”

She moved forward but he caught her arm again, spinning her around to face him, his features dark with anger.

“Bitch.”

“Oh, sorry. Expected me to be all over you, right? Last night was just wrong,” she bit out, hating herself with every word.

“You felt something, I know you did,” he got out, his voice unsteady and she hated herself for that flash of pain and uncertainty in his eyes.

“Yeah, I felt pity. That was it.”

His eyes flashed with pain and she tore her arm away.

“You bitch. You’re lying. This is just wrong.”

He was confused and angry but she was already at the door, opening it and turning back to him.

“Boo hoo. Go write a poem about it, William.”

He recoiled as if she’d slapped him and she slammed the door shut on his face, holding back a wave of sickness in her stomach.

“What on earth was that about?”

She jumped at the sound of Giles’ voice and spun round to face the group in the living room.

“Nothing,” she lied, “I just really hate him.”

Retaliation

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She should have known it wouldn’t end there though. When had Spike ever really given up on a fight with her? She was out on patrol a few nights later when she was set upon by a trio of vampires. They were strong but she was able to take one out within seconds, spinning and driving her stake through his chest. But then one tripped her and the other one pinned her to the ground and she was unable to move. She struggled as much as she could, especially when she felt one lean closer, but it was no good. His fangs pierced her neck and she cried out, resuming her struggle with all the energy she had left.

To her surprise then, both vampires retreated, standing above her as she held a hand to her neck and stared up at them in confusion.

“Spike sends his love,” one of them spat out and then they both laughed, turning and disappearing into the dark. It took her moment to process just what he had said, and what it meant, but as soon as she felt her strength return, she pushed herself to her feet, wavering ever so slightly. She held her hand to her neck, her mind reeling. She had known Spike would find some way to get to her – especially after that William comment which still made her cringe at her own viciousness – but she had not expected this. She didn’t know whether to be angry or whether to laugh out loud at the stupidity of it all.

Finally, after a few moments of stillness, the former won out and she began to stride in the direction of Spike’s crypt. She kicked the door open and marched in. He was slouched in his armchair watching television and didn’t even look up as she moved into the crypt. She let out a sigh and moved to stand between him and the television.

“Mind moving, Slayer? I’m watching this,” he murmured, without even looking at her. It hurt – but she knew she deserved no better after her treatment of him.

In answer, she turned and switched off the set, crossing her arms as she turned to face him again. Lazily, he raised his gaze to hers, his eyes just resting on her neck for a moment.



“What the hell is this?” she got out shakily, gesturing to her neck.

“Looks to me like someone took a bite out of you,” he countered with a smirk.

“I’m not playing, Spike. Didn’t have the guts to face me yourself? Oh wait, you’re impotent.”

“Now, we both know that’s not true,” he commented with a leer.

She took a deep breath, forcing her gaze from his and trying to calm herself. Getting angry was just going to make things worse, not better – and things were bad enough as it was.

“Look, I know you’re, you know, part of the same crazy family as Angelus, but really? Copying the whole sleep-with-a-girl-and-then-drive-her-crazy thing?”

“Driving you crazy, Slayer?” he murmured, tongue between his teeth.

She exhaled sharply, the energy to fight suddenly gone.

“I don’t want it to be like this,” she sighed.

“Well, you should’ve made a better move, Slayer.”

She sighed and turned from him, beginning to pace.

“Surely you agree it’s a much better idea to go back to how we were before?”

“Find I don’t much care for that idea.”

Her eyes found his and she found herself softening even more.

“Spike, in what universe do you really think there could ever be...that we could ever be?”

“So you’re running off with Soldier Boy? Just gonna pretend that it never happened?”

“I have to!” she cried out and instantly sagged, “Don’t you see?”



He was on his feet, inches from her, before she could react and he reached out to brush a hand over her hair.

“No, I don’t see. We’ve got something, Slayer.”

“Even if we have,” she protested, trying not to let him see just how much effort it took not to lean into his touch, “We can’t do this.”

“Why not?”

“Because it would never work. It’s wrong in so many ways.”

“Name them,” he challenged in a low murmur, his hand still in her hair, his fingers grazing her skin.

“You’re a vampire. With no soul. And I’m the Slayer.”

“Wouldn’t really matter. No...you’re just worried about what your precious friends might think.”

“Maybe I am,” she exclaimed, moving out of his touch, “Either way, this isn’t happening. We had one night. That’s it.”

She turned, hoping to hide from him just how hard it was to say the words.

“Slayer,” he whispered, moving close behind her, making the hairs at the back of her neck stand up, “Just tell me it meant something.”

Her heart ached at his soft words, his tone more uncertain than she had ever heard.

“Of course it meant something,” she murmured, tears threatening to overwhelm her, “Everything. But I have to go. Please understand.”

She felt his hand brush her arm but he did not stop her as she moved forward and made her way out of the crypt. She fought against the tears all the way home but when she was finally alone in the darkness of her room, she finally sagged and let them come, trying to silence her sobs in her pillow. It hurt so badly but she was helpless to change that.

She could never give herself to Spike – and she was still reeling from the fact that he wanted her to, never having guessed the intensity of his feelings, even after their night together. Her head was spinning, pounding and she couldn’t stop the tears from coming, soaking into her pillow as she hugged it to her. Why did life as the Slayer have to be so complicated? She didn’t know how long she stayed awake, tears crawling down her cheeks as her thoughts just went round and round, trying to find some way out of her dilemma but seeing none. She knew she had made the right decision- but why did she feel so bad about it?

Living The Lie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After two weeks of keeping his distance, Spike showed up during her patrol and fell into step beside her.

“Alright,” he greeted nonchalantly, lighting up a cigarette as they walked.

“Hey,” she said quietly, meeting his bright gaze for a brief few seconds before looking away. Reassured that there was going to be no fighting or lashing out at each other, she let herself relax and admitted- silently- that she had missed him. Of course, she had been thinking of him almost constantly, but it wasn’t the same as having him at her side. It made her feel warm and safe to walk side-by-side, the smoke from his cigarette dissipating into the air in front of them, his scent surrounding her. There was still tension there, but he seemed to have accepted what she had said and was making no move to push her.

“So, how’ve you been, Slayer?”

When was the last time he had actually used her name? She knew it was another way of keeping his distance, but she missed the silky sound of her name on his lips.

“Okay, I guess.”

“And Soldier Boy?” he asked tautly.

“I think it’s probably best for both of us if we avoid that subject, don’t you?”

He gave her the tiniest of smiles and she returned it, turning her attention back to the ground in front of her.

“S’long as he’s treating you good. Or I might have to kill him.”

“We’re...okay.”



They continued on in silence, but she was ever aware of his presence beside her and it set her heart to pounding in ways it really wasn’t supposed to. The bluff was going according to plan, somewhat to her dismay, although she had been carefully distant with Riley on one point: their physical relationship. Somehow, she just couldn’t bring herself to sleep with him and part of her knew it was because she was still clinging onto that one perfect night with Spike. In the midst of her thoughts, she realised Spike had spoken and was now looking at her expectantly.

“Huh?”

“I said, you want the big one or the little one?”

She was still confused until he nodded to the side and she spotted two demons, one larger, one smaller.

“Big one,” she answered automatically- she needed something to kill to relieve some of this tension.

If she had been more in control of her senses, she would have paused to calm herself, but instead she flew forward and attacked the demon viciously. Both demons turned out to be more of a challenge than expected and she was using every trick in the book to fight it. She glanced to her right and for a moment, she was stilled.

She had never really watched Spike fight before- usually pretty caught up in fighting him back- and it was intoxicating, the way he moved: all that passion and energy. She was quickly snapped back to the present when her demon howled and swung a rather large branch at her.



Before she could even think, she heard a growl and soon found herself on the ground, covered by Spike as the branch barely missed the top of his head. Luckily, he seemed to be more in control of his motor skills than she was and he rolled them both over as the demon swung again and then jumped to his feet, dragging her with him. However much she might have preferred to stay that close to him, there were more important things to be dealing with right now. She launched herself at the demon, managing to snatch the branch from it and smash it round the demon’s head. His demon long dead, Spike jumped in and with one sharp motion, broke the demon’s neck, sending it sprawling to the floor.

“Almost got yourself hurt there, Slayer,” he murmured half-angrily, one hand just grazing her arm.

“I got...distracted.”

“I noticed,” he commented, “But try not to, eh? I much prefer your head on your shoulders.”

She nodded meekly, pondering briefly the madness of the last few minutes, and then her gaze rose to his again.

“Well, I better get home. But, err, thanks for watching my back.”

“Anytime.”

She turned to go but his quiet voice stopped her.

“You take care, Slayer.”

“Sure,” she whispered with a weak smile.



“On your way home?”

So caught up in thoughts of the evening, she jumped at the sound of Riley’s voice.

“Riley! You scared me!”

“Sorry. You okay? Not like you to be that easy to scare.”

“Just thinking, you know.”

“Maybe you should stop thinking so much,” he murmured, reaching out to brush a hand across her hair tenderly. As always, she tried not to think of Spike’s cool touch and forced a weak smile.

“You know me.”

“Sometimes,” he said, brown eyes fixed on hers, “Other times I feel like we’re on two different planets.”

He was doing that slightly hurt look and it made her feel all sorts of guilty. Sure, he didn’t know that those times when she was supposedly on a different planet, she was usually getting lost in thoughts of Spike but she still felt bad.

“Sorry. Just, you know, slaying and stuff.”

“You won’t talk to me about anything.”

“I guess I’m just not really a talking person, Riley. I’m sorry.”

He sighed but finally moved and she fell into step beside him, knowing he would walk her home whether she wanted him to or not.



“Did you see Spike tonight?”

Coming completely out of the blue and during a particularly awkward silence, she was surprised by Riley’s question.

“Huh?”

“Spike. You smell of smoke.”

“Oh. Yeah. He helped me patrol.”

At her boyfriend’s look of surprise, she continued.

“Excuse to hit something, I guess.”

“Oh, right.”

He was silent again and she narrowed her eyes, watching him.

“You’re not doing it again, are you?”

This time he was the surprised one and he turned to face her.

“Doing what?”

“Deciding I’m sleeping with Spike.”

“No,” he protested weakly, “I just...I don’t like him being around you.”

“He can’t hurt me.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about.”

She was silent, waiting for him to explain that particular sentence, and he finally turned to her, sighing.

“I don’t think Spike’s as unselfish as you think. I think he’s interested in you. And I don’t like it.”

“Don’t be silly, Riley. This is Spike you’re talking about. Frankly, I just think he likes annoying me...and he probably hopes he can at least witness the moment someone kills me, since he can’t do it himself.”

Riley frowned but said nothing else and they finally reached her house in silence. She bore his kiss but soon excused herself and fled into the safety of her house.

Awkward Visits

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The problem with mothers is that they always want to know what is going on in your life. And if you have a new boyfriend (or a newly-reinstated boyfriend anyway) they feel it necessary to make sure they have their part of the action. As soon as her mother had heard she was back with Riley- although being slightly confused by the turnaround- she had insisted that Buffy bring him home at least once so she could actually get to meet him. She made some typical mom-like comment about wanting to meet him at least once in case he got dumped again soon. Buffy wasn’t sure how to take that comment but decided just to do what her mother said.

So, sure enough, here she was walking by Riley’s side to her house after a quiet patrol. The walk so far had been almost painfully silent and she breathed a sigh of relief as they reached her house. They made their way up the steps and she pushed the door open, gesturing Riley in behind her. As soon as she stepped inside, she heard lowered voices and when she rounded the door, she was floored to see Spike sat on the sofa, chatting with her mother.



“Hi,” she got out, her eyes fixing on his before darting to her mother. She could practically feel the tension coming off of Riley to her side and didn’t need to look at him to know he was probably scowling at the sight of the vampire.

“Time I got going.”

Her mother looked like she wanted to stop Spike and Buffy wished she would but instead, he rose to his feet without protest.

“See you later, Joyce.”

“Do come round...whenever. You’re always welcome.”

He was moving towards her now and her eyes met his again and she felt her heart jolt.

“I’ll, err, walk you to the door,” she suggested quietly and his eyes widened a tiny amount in surprise, “Mom, this is Riley.”

Her mother took her cue and rose to her feet, launching into a frenzied questioning of Riley’s origins as she and Spike made their way through to the kitchen. They stood next to each other somewhat awkwardly and she raised her eyes to him, scanning his face.

“How are you?” she asked quietly. After all, it had been an agonising ten days since she had last seen him. Not that she was counting.

“Just fine, Slayer.”

Again, that name that cut in so many ways.

“And you?” he asked, his eyes softening as they met hers.

“Can’t complain,” she murmured with a soft smile.

There was a moment of silence and it seemed like he was going to say something but then he sighed, glancing towards the door.

“You better go save Soldier Boy from the interrogation.”

“Yeah,” she answered uncertainly.

“Bye.”

Before she could answer, he was gone and she turned back towards the living room.



She strolled back into the living room and found her mother settling in for a nice, long interrogation, it seemed.

“So, you go to UC Sunnydale as well?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re studying Psychology? You were the assistant of that Professor Walsh?” her mother spat out- disgusted with the woman who had tried to hurt her daughter.

“Err, yeah.”

“Mom,” Buffy tried to cut in but her mother continued.

“And did you know about her other work?”

“Mom, I told you before. Riley was part of the Initiative.”

“Right, the soldiers who tried to do your job.”

She wanted to laugh out loud at her mother’s words but instead smiled and settled next to Riley.

“The soldiers who put the chip in Spike’s head, right?”

Her mother was definitely on the offensive now and she could see Riley looking more and more uncomfortable.

“Mom-“

“It’s true though, isn’t it?”

“Well, ma’am-“

“Mum, why don’t you tell me how it’s going down the gallery?”

For a moment, she feared her mother wouldn’t take her hint but she did and eventually the conversation was steered down a much less dangerous route.



Riley left not longer after and she slumped down on the sofa next to her mother, letting out a deep breath.

“Wasn’t so bad, was it?” her mother asked.

“You mean except for the bit where you accused him of being a vampire-torturing evil thing?”

“I said nothing like that.”

“You were thinking it though,” Buffy answered with a smile and her mother laughed.

“I’m sorry. I just really don’t like the idea of them doing that to Spike.”

“Me neither,” she admitted, “What, err, what was he doing here earlier?”

“Just ‘popping by’, he claimed. I think he might have been looking for you but he stayed to chat, which was nice. I think he’s a bit lonely.”

Despite her insight into Spike’s life she had never imagined him being lonely- and she was suddenly struck with the idea, and with guilt. He was a vampire outcast and he’d been pretty much pushed out of their group as well. He had no-one, not even just to hang with. She was pretty much taking it for granted that he hadn’t invited Harmony around lately, because it hurt too much to imagine it otherwise.

“You think?” she breathed, frowning.

“You two don’t seem to be spending much time together lately.”

She snapped out of her daze and sat up straight, avoiding her mother’s bright gaze.

“Well, you know, I’ve got Riley... and slaying and stuff. I’ve just been busy.”



After her conversation with her mother, she couldn’t help the pangs of conscience that kept hitting her and so, somewhat reluctantly, she made her way to Spike’s crypt the next night. As she came close to the door, she felt a wave of nerves come over her- and overwhelming memories of that one perfect night. Pushing aside memories of that night, she knocked lightly on the door and pushed it open, moving inside. There was no sight of him at first and she frowned, but realised that she could feel him close.

“Spike?” she called out.

And then he appeared from the lower level, pulling on a shirt and running a hand through his messy hair. He looked mouthwateringly good but she finally forced a small smile and spoke up.

“Hey.”

“Slayer. Haven’t seen you round here for a while.”

There was something- a challenge- in his voice but she ignored it, avoiding his eyes.

“Yeah, just thought I’d...err...” -she was lost for ideas and grabbed for the first one she got- “I thought I’d say thanks. For, err, visiting my mum. I think, err, she likes it when you visit.”

He seemed just as unimpressed with her excuse as she felt but finally, he smiled softly and settled into his armchair.

“Yeah, well, she’s a good woman. Nice to have some company.”

She felt that pang of guilt again and her eyes went wide when his narrowed on hers.



Before she could even speak, he was on his feet.

“Bugger off, Slayer.”

“What?” she breathed, not quite grasping what was going on as he took her arm and began to lead her to the door.

“I said, bugger off. Leave me alone. Don’t need you coming round here pitying me. Gracing me with your company.”

“It’s not like that,” she protested.

“Bloody well is, and you know it.”

She was at the door and he had one hand on it, ready to close it behind her no doubt- but she stood her ground.

“I...I just wanted to see you.”

“Why?” he asked sharply, drawing her eyes to his.

“I...well, I kind of...miss you.”

The last came out in a whisper and even as she spoke it, she realised it was true. She missed the easy friendship they had shared back before everything had got complicated. She remembered with a pang now the long hours she had spent in his crypt, talking about everything and nothing. Lost in her thoughts, she hadn’t even noticed how he’d got closer until his hand pushed a hair back from her face.

“Miss you too, Slayer.”

“Buffy,” she whispered, lost in the blue of his eyes.

“Buffy,” he echoed.



For a long moment, neither of them moved but then her treacherous body- prompted by her even more treacherous heart- leant towards him. He was so close, she could smell him, could feel his light breathing against her lips. Her eyes met his and locked and she felt his fingers graze her arm. Her eyes flew to his lips- those deceptively soft lips- and she found herself licking her suddenly dry lips. God, she wanted him so much.

Suddenly, reality came crashing down around her as his arm wound around her and with a gasp, she pulled away from him, somehow wiggling out of his embrace.

“We can’t,” she mumbled, afraid to meet his gaze.

“Buffy-“

“I’m sorry. I was so stupid to come here.”

“Please-“

His hand was on her arm, his eyes pleading her not to go- but how could she stay?

“I have to go, Spike.”

“No, you don’t.”

“You know I do. We can’t do this.”

“Why the hell not?” he growled, but with less anger than she might have expected. She sighed but despite his protest, he released her, allowing her to step back.

“I’m so sorry, Spike.”

She turned to the door, feeling his eyes on her- almost willing her to turn back- but forced herself onwards, closing the door behind her.

Foreboding

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Mom, you were in love with Dad, right?”

Her mother looked surprised by her sudden question but turned to her, eyes scanning her in an unnerving mother-like way.

“Yes,” she answered finally, “I was. Very much so.”

“What was it like?”

Her mother looked even more surprised by this, but continued nonetheless, her eyes fixed on Buffy.

“Being in love?”

Buffy nodded and she smiled somewhat fondly.

“One of the best feelings in the world. You want to be with that one person so much it’s like an addiction. And when you’re around them, you feel, just, alive. They make everything seem...right.”

There was a long silence and Buffy sighed, sinking her head on her hand.

“You’re not in love with Riley.”

It wasn’t a question and her head snapped up, her eyes pained.

“No.”

“Sometimes, you know, you do things because you think it’s the right thing to do. But with matters of the heart, you shouldn’t listen to anything but your heart.”

“Not always easy,” she muttered.

She raised her head and smiled wryly at her mother, who was watching her with a concerned expression.

“You’re young still, Buffy. You shouldn’t be worrying about pleasing everyone else.”

She smiled wearily and slid from the stool.

“Well, time for patrol.”



She strolled through the cemetery, slowing her pace as she passed Spike’s crypt, hoping to stumble upon him. There was no sight of him though and she sighed as she moved on, twirling her stake in her hand. It seemed that nothing could drive thoughts of the vampire out of her head- especially when she was with Riley. And she knew Riley had noticed by the number of times he mentioned her distractedness and the hurt look on his face.
She tried to show more affection than she felt, but even she knew it seemed forced. And it seemed everyone else was noticing. Her mother seemed to know more than anyone and Buffy feared just how much her mother had figured out. Her friends, too, had mentioned how distracted she seemed lately.

But no amount of forced smiles could hide the fact that she was hurting; that she was yearning for something she couldn’t have. And as if her thoughts had brought him, she saw Spike break out of the trees just to her right. She came to a halt and he spotted her, gaze turning serious as he headed towards her.



He stopped just in front of her, hands stuffed in his pockets.

“Slayer. How’s things?”

“Okay, I guess,” she murmured, her eyes searching his for some clue to his strange mood.

“Not seeing Captain Cardboard tonight?” he asked, and she could have sworn something flashed in his eyes as he asked.

“No. I’m...well, I’m avoiding.”

“Yeah?” he prompted, one eyebrow twitching, a hint of amusement in his expression.

“Yeah,” she admitted, not willing to explain it any further, but knowing that he understood her- as always.

“Want some company then?” he asked in a low voice.

“Always.”

They fell into step side-by-side and she tried not to let on how much his closeness affected her.

“How you been, Slayer?”

“Okay. You?”

“Not much to report.”

He flashed her a somewhat tired smile and she met his eyes for a second too long.



He reached out and took her hand, suddenly achingly close, his touch burning her skin.

“Buffy...”

She was lost: lost in that endless blue gaze, lost in the feel of his tight grip. And getting lost was so not an option.

“Spike,” she got out, nowhere near as firmly as she had intended.

“Don’t push me away,” he murmured, his eyes locked on hers, “I need...God, Slayer, I can’t...”

She had never seen Spike at such a loss for words and she stared at him helplessly. His bright eyes bore into her and when his fingers grazed her cheek, she let out a tiny sigh.

“Spike.”

Before she could make any move, his lips were brushing hers achingly softly and for just a second, she succumbed. She leant towards him, arching into his touch, desperate for more. But all too soon, she was pushing him away, staring up at him with pleading eyes.

“Please,” she whispered, “Don’t make this harder than it already is.”

“Harder!” he exploded, “It’s already bloody agony!”

During his outburst, he caught hold of her arm again, holding her close. She wasn’t afraid of his anger- instead, it tugged at her heart. She had made them both miserable by giving in.



“We can’t go on like this,” she whispered and his grip loosened, his eyes narrowing on hers, “It’s too hard.”

“Make it easier then,” he bit out, his eyes shining with anger.

“I’m trying. We should...we should stay away from each other.”

She saw his anger fade, replaced with weariness and something that looked like sadness.

“Can’t, Slayer. I just can’t.”

“You have to. We both have to. This is just going to drive us crazy.”

“Too late for me, I fear, pet.”

She raised a hand to his cheek, unable to resist the contact.

“Go away. Get away from me...somewhere where you can be you again.”

“You don’t want me gone, Slayer.”

“No. But I don’t know what else to do.”

“Get rid of Soldier Boy.”

“Spike-“

“He’s not good enough for you.”

“He’s human.”

“And?” he challenged, staring her down, “You don’t know what that boy’s capable of.”

She remained silent, waiting for him to continue.

“You want to know?”

“I-“

“You ever get the urge, go to West Street. Alley just past the butcher’s. Big house on the right. You’ll see what Captain Cardboard’s really like.”

Without another word, he released her arm and strode off in the opposite direction, leaving her staring at his retreating back.



She didn’t even want to think about what Spike had suggested about Riley and so she made her way home, only to find herself easily distracted by her mother’s obvious pain. She found her mother curled up on the sofa, one hand held to her head, the lights low.

“Mom? Are you okay?”

“It’s just a headache, honey. I’ll be fine.”

“You’ve been having a lot of headaches lately.”

“I’m sure it’s just stress.”

Her mother winced then, closing her eyes tightly as her face contorted with pain.

“Mom, promise me you’ll go to the doctor. You’re scaring me.”

Her mother slowly opened her eyes and nodded numbly, one hand still on her head.

“I’m fine, Buffy. I’m sure it’s nothing.”

She smiled weakly, accepting her mother’s words- but deep down, she felt unsure, wary.

Comfort

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Her mother was ill- seriously ill- and nothing she could so would change that. She was lost. She knew how to save the world, knew how to fight demons...but how could she fight a lump in her mother’s head? It was operable and the doctors had every faith in Joyce’s recovery, but something was gnawing at Buffy, making her uneasy. On top of that, she had to deal with Riley’s increasingly erratic behaviour- and more than once, she found Spike’s words coming to mind. Did she really know Riley Finn? He was at her side annoyingly often, but she could draw no comfort from his presence and she was soon to dismiss him- knowing even as she did so that it only exacerbated their already awkward, tense relationship.

Everything was threatening to overwhelm her and she had no-one to turn to, no-one she could share her aching, her worries with. When her mother went to bed with a bad headache just a few days before her operation, Buffy crept out the back door, intending to slay something to make herself feel better. As soon as she closed the door behind her though, she froze, staring out at the garden and then back to the kitchen again.

Suddenly weary, she sank to the steps, drawing her knees up in front of her. She wished there was something she could do, but all anyone could do was wait and it was killing her. She buried her head on her knees, feeling the start of a wave of tears she had desperately held back for a week now. Hating herself even as she gave in, she felt the tears begin to crawl down her cheeks.



She didn’t know how long he had been standing watching her when she finally sensed his presence and looked up quickly, wiping the tears ineffectively from her cheeks.

“Spike,” she whispered, blurred eyes meeting his worried gaze.

“Buffy? What is it?” he asked, his voice husky as he moved forward, hesitating just in front of her.

“My...my mom. She...she’s ill.”

He said nothing and she ducked her head, helplessly brushing her tears away. She felt him sit beside her and gave a sniff, trying to rein in her emotions. When his arm slid round her shoulder though, drawing her into him, she collapsed against him, her tears returning full-force as she finally gave in to the pain. It hurt so much and all she could do was cry, burying herself in Spike’s shoulder and taking a small amount of comfort from the soft stroke of his hand over her hair.

“I can’t lose her,” she choked out.

He squeezed her tighter and she felt his lips brush over her hair. She twisted her hand in his shirt, trembling as she sobbed against him, letting his strong embrace wash away all of her pain.



Even as her tears finally seemed to dry up, she couldn’t bear to move away and she stayed safely cocooned in his embrace, breathing in his familiar, comforting scent.

“She’s a strong lady, your mum,” Spike murmured, his voice shaking just a tiny bit, “Stronger than you sometimes.”

“I’m so afraid of losing her.”

“I know, love.”

She did not miss the fact that he was giving her no empty platitudes about her mother being fine and she was grateful that he wasn’t trying to make it simpler, wasn’t lying to her. He simply held her, his hand brushing over her hair as she took long, calming breaths.

And being so wrapped up in his closeness and the comfort he was giving her, she failed to notice her boyfriend approaching until he was standing right in front of them, glaring at her.

“What the hell’s going on here?”

Spike released her and she raised her aching head, meeting Riley’s angry gaze.

“What?” she got out numbly, wrapping her arms around herself to drive away the pain that had returned as soon as Spike had moved away.

“What are you doing with him?!”



She stared at her boyfriend, then glanced at the vampire, and turned back to her boyfriend.

“Huh?”

“I’m not stupid. I just saw you, Buffy!”

Finally realising what he was trying to suggest, Buffy sighed.

“Riley, I really haven’t got time for this.”

“Just tell me why you were happily cuddled with that thing!” Riley bit out angrily, shooting an angry glare at the vampire. Buffy sighed and raised her tired eyes to his.

“Riley, my mom’s ill. I was upset.”

“Oh.”

Instantly he softened and she regretted telling him anything.

“Is she okay?”

“Not really,” she answered wearily, finally pushing herself to her feet.

“Do you want me to-“

“No. Just go home, Riley.”

“But Buffy-“

“Please. I just...Please.”

With another short glare in the vampire’s direction, he turned and made his way back out of the garden again.



She turned to the vampire and smiled softly.

“I need to kill something. Wanna come?”

He paused for just a second, before nodding and falling into step beside her as they left the garden. In silence, they crossed the town and headed for the cemetery. As they strolled around the headstones, she could feel Spike’s eyes on her and finally dared to meet his gaze.

“You alright? With Soldier Boy and everything?”

“I really don’t want to talk about him.”

“Fair enough,” he murmured, falling silent again.

Luckily, what she was searching for finally made itself present in the shape of two burly vampires and without even waiting for Spike, she flew at them. The taller one had dark brown hair and if it weren’t for the fangs and the distorted features, he would have looked like Riley. Which only prompted her anger, causing her to let rip on the dazed vampire.

She flew at him, lashing out with her fists, punching him over and over again. He quickly dropped to the floor and she dropped with him, unable to stop her violent assault. Caught up in thoughts of everything that was going wrong in her life, she continued to beat the now-unconscious vampire, unaware of the tears tracing down her cheeks.



Suddenly, a pair of strong hands seized her and pulled her roughly to her feet and she soon found herself sheltered in a familiar embrace. Her hands twisted in the fabric of Spike’s T-shirt as she buried her face against him, sobbing harshly.

“S’okay. I’m here. Everything’s gonna be okay. Let it all out.”

“I can’t...it’s too hard...”

“Shh,” he soothed, one hand rubbing her back as he pressed a kiss to her hair, “I’m right here with you.”

“Spike,” she choked out, raising her blurry gaze to him, “Please...make it go away.”

“Buffy-“

“Please,” she whispered, already leaning into him as she spoke.

He was painfully still for the briefest of moments, but then he moved, dipping his head and finding her lips with his. She let out a choked sigh and clung to him, kissing him back, pouring all of her pain out into the kiss. His arm twined round her back, holding her close as his other hand cupped her cheek gently. It was only when he pulled away that she realised that the tears were still tracing down her face and she raised one hand to wipe them away. Raising her gaze to his again, she sniffed back her tears, her eyes pleading him.

“I can’t go home tonight. Please...can I stay with you?”

She saw him swallow hard but then he nodded and one hand linked with hers.



They did not speak a word all the way back to his crypt and remained silent as they went in and climbed down into the lower level. She stood to one side awkwardly as he cleared the bed, remembering the night she had spent in his bed after her break-up with Riley. So much had changed since then, but one thing remained the same: she knew she could not rest without the comfort his embrace brought her. When he turned back to her, she kicked off her boots and slipped her jacket off, draping it over a nearby chair. He did the same and then held a hand out to her and she took it, letting him draw her into his embrace. He held her only briefly and pressed a kiss to her forehead, and then pulled the covers back, gesturing for her to get in.

She climbed under the thick cover and scooted over, leaving plenty of space for him. She saw him hesitate for just a moment but when his eyes met hers, he gave a little nod and climbed into the bed, drawing her into his arms as soon as he was settled. She curled up against him and soon fell asleep to the lulling sensation of his hand stroking slowly over her hair.

Getting Harder

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once again, she left early the next morning, her heart aching as she dressed quietly, her eyes fixed on the sleeping vampire. She would have given anything to stay wrapped up in his comforting embrace but she knew she simply could not: if she stayed, she would no longer be able to fight the part of her that was trying to stay strong, to play her role in the ridiculous farce her life had become. She had to be the Slayer, the hopeful daughter, the good girlfriend.

Sometimes she was tired of it all but something in her felt that there was meaning behind all this, even if sometimes it seemed far from her comprehension. It was harder to remember when every little part of her heart was screaming at her to forget this charade, to give it all up and throw herself in with Spike. She had no doubts that he would let her down- but she also knew her duty. Knew what was right. And she would keep playing that role as long as she could.



She was playing the role of a perfectly happy daughter now as she accompanied her mother to the hospital. She tried to pretend that nothing serious was happening; that her mother was just here for a few days to rest- almost as if she was staying at a spa. Of course, the illusion was harder to keep up when they got her mother into a bed and began to hook her up to all sorts of monitoring machines, but she ignored it as best she could.

“Do you want me to bring you anything?” she asked brightly, “I’m sure it’s compulsory to bring grapes...I could bring you a book as well...although you might be tired...Maybe I could-“

Her mother’s hand on hers stopped her ramble and she looked up to meet her mother’s calm gaze.

“I’ll be just fine, Buffy. I’ll be back home in no time.”

Buffy nodded, unable to put that agreement into words.

“Some grapes might be nice though,” she added with a smile and Buffy nodded.

“Grapes, right. I can do that. And anything else you need...you just let me know. I’ll be fetching girl.”

Her mother squeezed her hand and she dropped her head for a moment, blinking back tears.

“You’ll be alright by yourself?” Joyce asked, “I don’t mind if you want one of your friends to stay. Willow maybe...or even Riley.”

Buffy’s head snapped up and she shook her head.

“No. No, I’ll be fine by myself.”

Her mother smiled softly and settled back on her pillows, her eyelids drooping.

“I should leave you to sleep.”

Joyce nodded and smiled again, yawning slightly.

“I’ll be back tomorrow. After the operation.”

“Goodnight, Buffy.”

“Night, Mom. I...I love you.”

“I love you too, honey.”



Before she could break down in front of her mother, she quickly pressed a kiss to her cheek and fled the room, taking deep calming breaths. She rounded the corner and almost collided with a body, stopping just inches from the figure and raising her head to frown at the person in her way. Her frown faded when her eyes met Spike’s and she smiled slightly.

“Hi.”

“Hey,” he got out, eyes searching her, “You okay?”

She gave a little half-shrug and attempted a smile.

“She’s just been checked in.”

He nodded and reached out to rest his hand on her shoulder in a gentle caress.

“She’ll be okay.”

She nodded again and blinked back another set of tears.

“Want me to walk you home?”

She looked up at the vampire, hesitating for a moment, and then nodded, falling into step beside him.



They made their way back through Sunnydale in silence, but she took comfort in his presence beside her. Somehow, she needed him by her side to keep her going, back to her lonely house. They reached the house and lingered on the porch and although she avoided meeting his eyes, she could feel them on her. He reached out and touched her arm and she hesitantly raised her gaze to his.

“You gonna be okay, love?” he asked softly.

She gave a little nod and what must have seemed a very pathetic attempt at a smile because he squeezed her arm gently, those blue eyes searching hers.

“Do you...maybe you could come in? For a bit?”

He hesitated and she spoke up again, suddenly not wanting to be alone.

“Please. I just want some company for a while.”

He nodded, still silent, and she opened the door, letting them both into the house. They went through into the living room and she gestured to the couch, smiling softly as he perched on it awkwardly. She brought her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, resting her chin on her knees. He glanced at her and with a slight smile, relaxed somewhat, settling back on the couch.

“Do you want to watch TV?” she asked quietly.

“Sure,” he answered with a smile, just glancing at her, before turning back to the television.



Somehow, during the programme, their hands had shifted and although there was still some distance between them, her fingers were laced round his tightly. His thumb was stroking gently over the back of her hand, soothing her frayed nerves and lulling her into sleepiness. Suddenly though, there was a knock at the front door and she bolted up, pulling her hand away from his. She saw the pain flash across his face and turned away, rising to her feet and going to the door. Wiping a hand across her tired face and pushing her hair out of the way, she opened the door- and started at the sight of Riley on the other side.

“Riley,” she got out tiredly.

“Hi, Buffy. How are you? How’s your mom?”

He was already moving into her house- without an invite- and she turned to answer him but saw that he had already stopped in the doorway to the living room.

“What are you doing here?” Riley bit out.

“Riley,” Buffy warned, coming up to his side, “He just came to check on my mom.”

“I should get going,” Spike exclaimed, getting to his feet, his eyes barely meeting hers. She wanted to beg him to stay but could say nothing, frozen on the spot as he moved towards her. He stopped just before her and went to reach for her, but with a glance at Riley stopped himself.

“Let me know how it goes.”

She nodded and then he was gone, disappearing silently out of the front door.



She was drawn back to Riley as he placed a heavy hand on her shoulder, moving closer.

“How are you?”

“I’m fine, Riley. I’m just tired. I should get some sleep really.”

She went to move away but his arms wrapped round her and she tensed as she felt him press a kiss to her neck.

“I could stay with you,” he suggested lowly.

She slipped out of his embrace, crossing her arms around herself.

“I’m sorry, Riley. Now really isn’t a good time.”

“And when will be?” he snapped and she spun round to face him, shocked by his outburst. He stepped forward and caught her by the elbow, drawing her close to him. He was quite visibly angry, but at the same time, she could see the pain flashing in his eyes.

“We haven’t shared a bed since we got back together, Buffy,” he bit out, “Why won’t you let me in again?”

“I just...I need time,” she lied, her voice shaking.

“I love you, Buffy, but I can’t take this much longer.”

Before she could say anything, he released her and quickly left the house, the door closing loudly behind him. Sinking onto the sofa, she drew her legs up to her again and leant her head on the arm, blinking back tears.

The Devastating Truth

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“How are you feeling?” she asked her mother the next evening as she sat at her bedside, her eyes running worriedly over the bandage on her head.

“I’m just fine, Buffy. A little woozy from the anaesthetic still, but they said it was a success.”

“Good,” she answered softly, squeezing her mother’s hand in hers as she forced a weak smile, “When can you come home?”

“Maybe the day after tomorrow.”

“That’s good,” Buffy whispered with another smile, “I’ll tidy the house up real good for when you come back.”

Her mother was silent for a moment and then squeezed Buffy’s hand gently.

“Are you okay? You look tired.”

“I’m fine, Mom. Just worried about you.”



“We should spend the day together when I’m better. Just you and me.”

“Sounds good.”

They both fell silent and Buffy turned her gaze to the window, looking out into the darkness as her mind went round and round in circles.

“Is it time for you to patrol?” her mother asked, drawing her attention back to the room.

“Pretty much. I haven’t done much slaying lately,” she replied, thinking of her violent, painful breakdown the last time she had been out patrolling. Which unerringly led to thoughts of Spike and the comfort of his embrace. She shook her head and turned back to her mother.

“I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Good night, Buffy.”

“Night, Mom.”



After leaving the hospital, she wandered the streets in a random pattern, hoping to happen upon some demon. The streets were eerily quiet though, leaving her to get lost in her thoughts. When she looked around her, she realised she was close to the Bronze and when she looked closer, she realised she was on West Street. Spike’s words flew through her mind:

You ever get the urge, go to West Street. Alley just past the butcher’s. Big house on the right. You’ll see what Captain Cardboard’s really like.

Following her feet blindly, she moved along the street, spotting the butcher’s shop and taking the next right into a dark alley. A man stumbled past her, seemingly drunk, and she frowned as she moved further into the darkness, searching for some sign of what she was supposed to find in this dark, rat-infested street. She spotted what must be the house Spike meant and approached it slowly, her Slayer sense going wild as she got close to the door.

The house was full of vampires and she pulled a stake out of her waistband, clutching it tightly as she moved closer. She paused at the door and listened for a moment, before pushing open the door and moving into a dimly-lit room. Her first reaction was to grimace at the sweet smell of blood, permeating the whole room- and then she spotted the man it appeared to be coming from. He looked far from in pain though- and far from dying too.



With a frown, she looked around again, really taking in the mixture of vampires and humans around her. Few of the vampires had registered her presence and those that did ignored her and went back to what they were doing- feeding. It looked like feeding anyway, but as she struggled to comprehend what she was seeing, deep down she knew this was a whole world away from feeding. There was a cry but even as she spun to search out the source of it, she recognised it as a cry of pleasure rather than pain.

Sickened, she stumbled backwards, hitting the door and tripping out into the street again, taking deep breaths as she tried to calm herself. All the while her head was chanting: No, no, no. Holding a hand to her mouth, she stumbled further away from the house, her mind swarmed with images of what she had seen in the few short moments she had been in there. She shook her head, trying to drive them away and trying to deny what they meant as her feet led her out of the alleyway and down the street. The next thing she knew, she was in Restfield and she could see Spike’s crypt.



She knocked on the door timidly and slowly pushed it open, moving into the dark crypt and looking around for the vampire.

“Spike?” she called out weakly, moving further into the crypt.

There was no answer but she spotted flickering candlelight in the lower part and climbed down the ladder. She turned to find the vampire asleep, spread out on the large bed, his head nestled on a pile of cushions. She took a moment to just watch him, smiling slightly despite her inner turmoil. He must have felt her watching him though because he stirred and opened his eyes, looking at her in confusion.

“Buffy? Love?”

Her eyes met his and she almost broke down at the softness in his expression but instead she looked to her feet as she took a calming breath.

“How many times?” she whispered shakily, trying to hold herself together.

“Buffy?” he asked, his tone full of confusion as she forced her eyes to his.

He sat up and moved to the edge of the bed, watching her with concern.

“What’s going on?”

She took a breath and bit her lip to stop it from trembling as she took a step closer to him.

“How many times have you seen Riley go to that place?”



The crypt was deadly silent for the space of a moment and she saw realisation dawn in the vampire’s expression, his eyes softening as he reached out a hand towards her. She stumbled forward and dropped to the bed beside him, burying her head against him as he wrapped his arms around her.

“Oh, Buffy,” he whispered, “I should never have said anything.”

A sob escaped her and he held her tighter, his hand stroking against her back.

“I’m so sorry, love.”

She shook her head, clinging to him tightly as she raised her eyes to his.

“It’s not your fault,” she got out, “I just...God, how could I be so stupid?”

He pulled her back against him as a sob burst from her and held her tightly, shushing her gently.

“I knew he was...but I never imagined...God.”

“Shhh. He’s an idiot.”

She coughed out a laugh and sagged against him, breathing in the familiar scent of Spike. She raised her head and met his soft gaze.

“This changes everything,” she whispered.

“Buffy?” he breathed.

Instead of answering, she leant forward and kissed him, losing herself in the taste of him, in the gentle touch of his lips, the soft caress of his hand. He pulled back though, studying her intently.

“Buffy, what are you-“

She cut him off with a finger to the lips, her eyes wide and brimming with tears as she looked at him.

“I love you. Do you hear me? I love you,” she got out, the last words choked on a sob as she struggled to rein in her emotions.

“Oh, Buffy,” he breathed, leaning forward and kissing her again, his hand against her cheek, holding her close. He parted from her, his eyes shining as they scanned hers, his fingers brushing over her skin.

“I love you,” he murmured in awe, leaning back in and kissing her again.



She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close as she got lost in the feel of him, the taste of him. She had been aching for this closeness again ever since she had walked out of his crypt after their one night together and now that she had given in, she was overwhelmed. He kept pulling back and looking at her as if she would disappear and she smiled softly, tearfully, her hand pressed to his cheek.

“I love you,” she repeated, drawing him close again.

He guided her gently back on the bed and she tightened her arms around him, kissing him hungrily as his hand trailed down her side.

“God, Buffy,” he breathed, pulling away and burying his head in her neck, “I love you. My sweet, precious girl.”

He pressed a kiss to her neck over his mark and she arched against him, gasping with the sensation that flooded through her.

“Spike, please,” she breathed, clutching him tightly.

He pulled back again, his hand rising to caress her cheek as he looked down at her with eyes wide with awe.

“Buffy...” he breathed, his thumb brushing over her lip, “I tried to stop feeling this way, you know. But every time I looked at you...”

“I know,” she whispered, “I felt it too.”

He leaned down and kissed her harder then, his body pressed against hers as she clung to him like a drowning woman.



She woke with a start but relaxed again as she felt the reassuring weight of Spike’s arm over her waist. She turned over and looked at him, her eyes tracing the lines of his face, softened in sleep. Her heart felt like it would burst just looking at him and her fingers moved to her neck, tracing the already-healing bite on her neck. Her hand moved then to him, her fingers grazing the small mark on his neck. Her mark. She felt him stir then and blue eyes fixed on her, swimming with love and desire.

“Buffy.”

She smiled softly and leant over to kiss him gently, her fingers still resting on his neck. She parted from him and buried her head against his chest, smiling again as his arms wrapped around her as he rested his mouth against her hair.

“You’re still here.”

“I always want to be here,” she whispered, her fingers tracing a pattern on his chest.

“It won’t be easy,” he murmured and she tensed for a moment before relaxing with the soft caress of his hand at her back.

“I know. But I can’t...I can’t pretend anymore.”

His arms tightened around her and he pressed a kiss to her hair.

“Me neither, love. It’s killing me.”

She nodded against him and raised her head, drowning in his expressive eyes.

“I’m scared,” she whispered, “Is that crazy?”

“Not after everything you’ve been through,” he answered, brushing a hand over her hair, “But I want you to know...I’m here. Always.”

“I know,” she murmured with a smile, leaning up to kiss him again as her fingers came to rest over her mark once more.

Confrontation

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


She walked into Giles’ house with her head held high, her hair pulled back and the mark on her neck free for everyone to see. She just didn’t care anymore- and her feeling of disinterestedness increased when she spotted Riley among the group. He rose to his feet at the sight of her and moved towards her with a smile, leaning down to kiss her. She evaded his kiss and he pulled back with a frown.

“Buffy?”

His eyes drifted to her neck and his expression softened.

“Buffy, are you okay?”

“I’m just fine,” she answered sharply, avoiding his touch as he reached out for her.
She moved round him and headed for her friends, hoping he would not provoke her into something she was hoping to do without an audience.

“Buffy,” he called and she turned back to him, her expression carefully blank, “What happened?”

“Nothing happened.”

“You got bitten.”

“Yes,” she replied simply, refusing to explain.

His eyes narrowed, flicking to her neck and back to her eyes again, and he frowned.

“Funny how you’re not fussed about it.”

She glared at him, unable to hold back her anger anymore.

“You’d know how it feels, I guess.”



The room was completely silent as they stared at each other and she could feel more than one concerned gaze on them. So much for doing this without an audience.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Riley answered uncertainly, unable to hold her gaze.

“Roll up your sleeves.”

“Buffy-“ he started softly.

“Roll up your sleeves,” she repeated in a hard tone, “Or I’ll do it for you.”

He took a step towards her then and lowered his voice.

“Look, let’s go somewhere else and talk,” he murmured, taking her arm.

She shrugged him off and stepped backwards, glaring at him.

“I don’t want to go somewhere and talk. I want to see the bites you got from those whores.”

There was more than one audible gasp from behind her but she could not stop and she stepped forward, taking his arm and ripping the bottom of his sleeve to reveal two barely-healed bites. With a look of disgust, she stumbled backwards, her stomach churning with the confirmation of what she already knew.

“Buffy, I can explain-“

“I don’t want to hear any explanations, Riley. I can’t believe I... You have no idea what I gave up for you!” she bit out, trying hard to rein in her emotions, “And now, when my mom’s ill and I’ve got enough to worry about, I find out that you’ve been sneaking around my back with...with vampire whores!”



There was silence after her outburst and she took several deep breaths trying to calm herself, her eyes trained on the floor.

“How did you find out, I wonder?” Riley asked bitingly and her gaze rose to his, taking in the anger in his expression.

“It doesn’t matter how I found out.”

“It does if he told you!” he ground out, “How do you know he’s not lying?!”

“Because I trust him.”

“I’ll kill him,” Riley burst out, already moving to the door, but she darted forward and caught his arm, slamming him into the wall and placing one hand on his chest.

“You go anywhere near him and you’ll regret it, Riley,” she murmured, her voice low with menace. His eyes widened with surprise and then narrowed with anger.

“I knew it. I knew you had a thing for him.”

She moved away from him, releasing him from her hold and turned her back to him.

“Just get out of here, Riley. I don’t want to see you ever again.”

There was a moment of silence before she heard movement and then the opening and closing of the door. She raised her head to meet the shocked gazes of her friends and promptly crumpled to the floor in tears.



“Buffy?”

She came back to herself at the sound of Willow’s soft voice but did not lift her head from what she now recognised as her friend’s shoulder.

“When did everything go so wrong?” she whispered, closing her eyes as tears threatened to overwhelm her again, “I never wanted it to be like this. I never asked for this.”

“Riley’s just...he’s stupid.”

She laughed at her friend’s childish insult and nodded weakly, brushing her wet cheeks.

“I tried. I tried to be what he wanted...tried to be normal. But I just...I can’t.”

“It’s okay,” Willow soothed.

She took a deep breath and lifted her head to find Xander, Anya and Giles watching her from a safe distance. She forced a shaky smile and with Willow’s help got to her feet.

“Well, Buffy-breakdown fun, hey?” she quipped, unable to meet any of their gazes.

“Buff, are you okay?” Xander asked hesitantly and she threw him a wry smile.

“I’m not really sure. But I...I need to go see my mom right now. And then I...” Then I want to go back to Spike.

“Buffy?” Willow prompted.

She looked at her friend and knew then that there would be no easy way of telling them her feelings for the vampire. And right now, she just did not want the added stress.

“Nothing. I’m gonna...I’m gonna go visit my mom.”

“Send her our regards,” Giles spoke up and she met his eyes, almost instinctively shying away from his gaze. She nodded jerkily and then moved towards the door, quickly leaving the room.



She sat by her mother’s bed in a daze, staring out of the window as her mother slept. Joyce had been tired but apart from that, she already seemed much better. Suddenly, a tap at the door drew her attention and she turned, her heart thumping as she met Spike’s gaze through the window. She rose to her feet as he entered and moved towards him, reaching out and touching his hand, desperate for contact. He caught her hand and, with a quick glance at the bed, raised her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to it.

“How is she?” he whispered, lowering her hand but keeping his fingers twined around hers.

“Better,” she answered with a smile, “We’re both much better today.”

He smiled softly and she leant forward into his embrace, sighing as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“You spoke to Soldier Boy today.”

It wasn’t a question and she nodded.

“I felt it. How angry you were...and upset.”

“He knows, I’m sure he does. I’m afraid he’ll try to hurt you.”

“I’ll be fine, love,” he murmured, pulling back to meet her gaze, his blue eyes boring into her as he cupped her cheek.

“Spike!”

They jumped apart at the sound of her mother’s voice and she turned with a blush, avoiding her mother’s gaze as she moved back to her seat.



“How you feeling, Joyce?” Spike asked, moving to the other side of the bed.

Her mother glanced between her and Spike- too knowingly- and then with a smile, turned to face Spike.

“I’m feeling much better. Thank you.”

“S’good.”

Joyce nodded and he glanced at Buffy before clearing his throat and turning back to her mother.

“Just thought I’d pop by and see how you were doing. But I should let you rest.”

Buffy opened her mouth to protest but before she could, her mother spoke up.

“Oh, I’ve been sleeping all day. I’d be glad for some company. And I’m sure Buffy doesn’t mind.”

His eyes moved to hers and Buffy smiled softly, holding his gaze. She forced herself to turn back to her mother though and didn’t miss the suspicious look on her face.

“Um...how about some TV?” Buffy spoke up, hoping to distract her mother.

“If you want, honey.”

She stood and went to the television, pressing the buttons and groaning in frustration when nothing seemed to be working. She felt Spike at her side and glanced at him as his hand brushed against her back. He bent and plugged the television in at the wall and gave her a smile.

“I knew that,” she mumbled, blushing.

“Sure you did,” he answered, his eyes holding hers.

She quickly looked away before she could get lost in his eyes and moved back to her mother’s side, throwing him a wary smile as she settled back in her chair.

Danger

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


She guided her mother to sit on her bed as she moved around the room, opening the curtains and placing her bag down on a chair. Her mother had finally been given the okay to go home and she was so relieved to have her mother back where she needed her. The previous night had been a long one as she had worried so much alternatively about her mother and about Riley’s reaction and even Spike’s embrace could not soothe her enough.

Instead, she had spent a restless night curled up against him on his sofa, dozing for short periods as the television murmured in the background. He hardly slept either and she left him early in the morning to go and meet her mother, urging him to sleep and promising to see him later. She began to put her mother’s clothes away, but stopped abruptly when her mother spoke up.

“You’re in love with him.”

She froze and stood, still facing away from her mother.

“Me and Riley-“

“I wasn’t talking about Riley.”

She sagged and placed the top she had been folding aimlessly on top of the dresser, smoothing it out mindlessly.

“We broke up.”

“Because of Spike?”

“Yes and no,” she answered with a sad laugh.



She fell silent and dropped her head, biting her lip to control herself. Suddenly, she felt her mother’s hands on her shoulders and she turned towards her hesitantly. Joyce reached up and brushed her hair away from her face.

“I love you, Buffy, and I want you to be happy more than anything.”

“He’s a vampire,” she murmured weakly.

“I know. And there was a time when that would have scared me...But I know Spike...and I can see how much he cares for you.”

She raised her eyes and met her mother’s open, honest gaze.

“He loves you, Buffy. I think he has for longer than he even knows.”

“It’s so complicated though, Mom. I...I tried to be normal...to have a normal life.”

“My beautiful girl, there’s no such thing as normal.”

With a smile, Buffy collapsed into her mother’s arms, hugging her tightly as tears streamed down her cheeks.

“I love him so much, Mom.”

“Oh, honey.”

“I tried not to. I know it was wrong.”

Her mother pulled back and cupped her face in her hands, her eyes soft with concern.

“Buffy, you want to be with him. There’s nothing wrong in that. Do you hear me? I told you once to follow your heart and I meant it.”

She nodded numbly and sank against her mother again.



“I’m so afraid of losing him,” she whispered, curled up against her mother where she lay on her bed, “What if I’m not good enough for him?”

“How could you not be? You’re a beautiful young girl. You’re sweet and you’re strong...and I’m so proud of you.”

She closed her eyes, basking in her mother’s praise. Suddenly though, her eyes snapped open as a flash of agonising pain went through her.

“Oh God!” she cried out, jumping to her feet.

“Buffy?” her mother called, panicked, “Buffy, what is it?”

“It’s Spike!” she got out, pulling on her shoes roughly, “He’s...someone’s hurting him. I have to go.”

She grabbed her jacket from the chair and threw it on, struggling to get her arms into it and heading for the door.

“Buffy!” her mother called out and she paused for a moment, turning to her, “Be careful.”

She nodded and rushed out of the room, running down the stairs and out of the door, using every bit of Slayer speed to propel her across town to Spike’s crypt.



She had a pretty good idea who would be trying to hurt Spike and it spurred her on even more. She reached the crypt and burst through the door, stopping as she spotted blood on the floor by Spike’s armchair, which was upturned.

“Spike?” she called shakily.

She heard a groan coming from behind the sarcophagus and rushed towards it, rounding it- and freezing as she spotted Riley. He was bleeding from a deep wound in his neck and seemed to be bordering on unconsciousness. She had no time to worry about him though and she righted herself again, scanning the room.

“Spike?!”

She spotted the closed trapdoor and went to it, hauling it open and dropping to the dark room below. She sensed Spike immediately and heard a moan from his bed.

“Spike?” she whispered fearfully.

“Buffy,” he choked out and with a suppressed cry, she moved to the bed, reaching out and finding him in the darkness.

“Oh God, Spike. What happened?” she got out, holding his hand tightly as her other hand found his face- only to find it covered with a wet liquid. He moaned again and she got to her feet.

“One minute, baby,” she whispered, “I just need to light some candles. I can’t see anything.”

He groaned and she quickly found his lighter, moving around and lighting the candles. She lit the last one and noticed with horror the blood staining her hand. She whirled back round to face Spike and was almost sick at the sight of him.



“Oh, Spike,” she gasped, moving back to his side and taking his hand- much gentler than before. He was covered in blood, half of his face stained red from a cut on his head and his clothes bloody and dirty. Looking over towards the ladder, she could see where he had tumbled to his bed and collapsed.

“Oh, baby,” she whispered, reaching out and stroking his cheek gently, “What happened?”

She could see that he was having difficulty speaking and one eye was swollen and bruised so much she doubted he could see out of it as he turned his head painfully towards her.

“Ri-ley.”

“I know. I saw.”

“Is he...” Dead?

“No,” she answered, only half-realising that the end of his question had been in his head, not out loud.

She took another look at him and swallowed hard.

“Do you think you can move?”

He gave her a painful half-shrug, his one good eye shutting as he grimaced in pain.

“I don’t want to leave you here...with him. I need to get you home...get you fixed up.”

He nodded helplessly and she moved closer, carefully threading her arm around him and lifting him into a sitting position. He groaned loudly and she bit her lip, hating how much pain was in.

“I’ll be as gentle as I can...but I don’t want to wait.”

He nodded again and she hefted him to his feet as he moaned and almost collapsed again. She wrapped an arm around his waist tightly, draping his arm across her shoulders and holding onto it tightly.

“It’s gonna be okay, baby.”



Somehow, she managed to get Spike across town- probably helped by the fact that he kept slipping into unconsciousness- and stumbled up the steps of her porch.

“Mom?!” she cried out as she managed to open the door and push it open with her shoulder, her arm still wrapped around Spike.
She guided him inside as he moaned lowly, lolling against her helplessly. She heard footsteps and her mother appeared on the steps. As soon as she saw Spike, she let out a gasp and hurried down the stairs to them.

“Oh God, Buffy, what happened?!”

“Riley,” she choked out, “I need to fix him up.”

“Get him to the spare room, I’ll get some things.”

Being as gentle as possible, she got him up the stairs and helped him onto the bed in the spare room. She eased off his heavy boots and put them by the side of the bed, her worried eyes running over him.

“Spike, are you still with me, baby?” she whispered, moving to his side again and touching his cheek.

He groaned again and she shut her eyes, feeling his pain as if it were her own.

“We’re going to make you all better, ‘kay?” she breathed, desperately trying to hold back her tears, “He won’t hurt you again.”

She took his hand in hers, stroking it gently, trying to subdue her body’s helpless trembling.



Her mother appeared and soon took over, cleaning his wounds and bandaging his ribs as Buffy sat by helplessly, her hand still clutching his tightly. He had fallen unconscious again and she was almost glad, hoping it would help him to heal quicker.

“Will he need blood?” her mother asked worriedly, laying a hand on Buffy’s shoulder as she rose to her feet.

“Yeah,” Buffy whispered, her eyes meeting her mother’s.

Her mother said nothing but nodded in understanding and soon left the room after reminding Buffy to get some rest herself. After her mother had left the room, Buffy stretched out on the bed beside Spike, her hand clinging to his as she rested her head on the pillow beside him.

“S’gonna be okay,” she whispered, leaning over to press a kiss to his cheek.

She ran her hand over his bruised face and finally settled down beside him, her eyes fixed on him until finally she felt sleep calling her.

Pain

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She dozed for only a short while, more than aware of the pain Spike was in, even in his unconscious state. She woke and pushed herself up on her elbow, looking at his bruised face. She felt a wave of anger pass through her and she clenched her jaw tightly. Everything in her was screaming to go after Riley and make him hurt for what he had done to Spike. Right now, though, the vampire in question was her priority and she needed to make him better.

The sleep had helped him only a small amount and he still looked bad. She pushed herself up, leaning against the headboard as she stroked her fingers through his hair gently. He moved into her touch in his sleep and she smiled tearfully.

“Spike, baby?” she murmured, tracing her fingers over his cool skin.

He shifted ever so slightly and she winced as she felt a rush of pain. He let out a low hiss of pain and she called his name.

“Spike?”

He moaned, slowly coming round, and his one good eye finally found hers.

“Buffy,” he breathed in surprise.

“Hey,” she whispered, unable to stop from stroking his hair.

He tried to move and groaned and she placed her hand to his chest gently.

“Don’t try to move. You’re still not healed up.”

He groaned again and fell back against the pillows, closing his eye in frustration.



“You need blood,” she murmured meaningfully and his eye fixed on hers again as he frowned.

“Buffy-“

“Don’t even try to stop me,” she answered with a smile, already rolling the sleeve of her top up, “You need it.”

“But I-“

She glared him down.

I’ll make you drink it if I have to.

He said nothing, closing his eye again and she shifted closer, sensing his acquiescence- really, he was too weak to resist. She raised her wrist to his lips and let out a tiny sigh as his tongue darted out and traced her skin.

She felt more than saw his fangs descend and let out a little gasp as they pierced her soft skin. A golden eye met her gaze and she smiled, raising her other hand to cup his cheek. He took no more than five long pulls from her wrist, each making her headier than the last, and finally passed his tongue over her skin, sealing the wound. He pressed a kiss to her skin and she dropped her arm with a smile.

“Better?” she whispered with a shaky smile.

He smiled softly and she lay back down on the pillow next to him, unable to stop her eyes from watering as he turned to her. His beautiful face was still bruised and she reached out a hesitant hand and traced his swollen cheek.



“I hate him so much,” she whispered, her voice shaking.

“Buffy,” he murmured soothingly, one hand shifting to graze her arm.

“I want him to hurt. I hate what he did to you. I wish I’d been there. I should have-”

“Stop it,” he got out painfully.

She bit her lip and turned her gaze from his, trying to rein in her emotions. She felt his touch on her cheek and her eyes snapped back to him.

“Not...your fault.”

She dropped her gaze from his but nodded.

“I know. I just...” I can’t bear to see you like this.

I’ll be better in no time.

She shook her head and leant forward, resting it tentatively against his chest.

“I love you.”

“Love you,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to her head.

“I was so afraid I was going to lose you.”

“Never lose me. M’right here.”

She was unable to stop a new rush of emotion though and she struggled to hold back her tears.

“Shh.”

She nodded but was still unable to stop, brushing the tears from her cheeks helplessly.



His hand touched her hair and she raised her watery gaze to his, sniffling helplessly.

“C’mon...s’okay.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, brushing the back of her hand over her eyes in vain.

“Nice to know you care so much.”

She smiled sadly and nodded.

“I do. And I...I’m sorry I lied about it for so long.”

“Shh. S’not the time for...blaming.”

She nodded and sniffed again, finally calming.

“You need to rest some more and heal up.”

“Feel rough,” he admitted.

“You looked it when I got you here. I’m just glad my mom was here to fix you up.”

“Joyce?” he asked in surprise and she smiled.

“Turns out she’s very pro-us.”

“Yeah?” he asked with a tiny smile.

“Apparently so.”

He smiled softly and she sat up, brushing a hand over his cheek.

“Now rest. I’ll be back in the morning to check on you.”

“Where you going?”

“I’m too antsy to rest. I’m gonna go watch some TV or something.”

He nodded helplessly, his head lolling against the pillow. With a smile, she pushed herself off the bed and made her way downstairs.



She found nothing on the TV to distract her sufficiently and made her way into the kitchen, sitting at the worktop idly. Most of all, she wanted to be out there, hunting Riley down and making him hurt as much as she was hurting – as much as Spike was hurting. She clenched her fists at the thought and felt her nails digging into her skin. Only the wish to stay near Spike in case he needed something kept her still and she took several deep breaths to try and calm herself.

She finally raised her head – and started as she spotted movement at the kitchen door. She was on her feet in seconds and she shoved the door open, her eyes turning cold as she spotted the figure lingering just outside.

“Riley,” she spat out, and she felt a little thrill at just how scared he looked. He was unsteady on his feet and his neck was sloppily bandaged. She crossed her arms, remaining in the threshold as she stared him down, having to force herself with every bit of her self-control not to attack him.

“Buffy,” he got out weakly, “I needed to talk to you.”

“I don’t think there’s anything you can say that I want to hear,” she bit out, her hands clenching into fists unconsciously.

“Maybe you do want to hear this,” he murmured quietly, raising his eyes to hers, “I’m leaving.”

She was silent and with a nervous look, he continued.

“The military want me back.”

“Well, good for you,” she got out sarcastically.

“Buffy...” he started, and then trailed off, his eyes scanning hers.



“I never wanted this to happen.”

“What, so you just happened to turn up in Spike’s crypt...and accidentally beat him to a pulp?” she bit out, reaching out to grip the doorjamb in a tight grip to steady herself.

“He’s changed you.”

“No, I’ve changed myself! I realised that I was living a lie...being with you... It makes me sick to think I ever wanted you.”

He paled and she stared him down, never wavering.

“I was never enough for you.”

“No, you weren’t,” she commented, not missing his wince, “You could never give me what I need.”

“And he can?”

“Yes.”

He was silent and she took a deep breath.

“So, you can just go, Riley. And if I ever see you anywhere near anyone I love again... you won’t get away with one little bite,” she warned, her hard gaze falling to his neck.

He turned slowly, glanced back at her, and then moved away into the darkness. She exhaled sharply and sank to the floor, leaning her head against the doorframe, all of her energy sapped.

Despair

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, Spike was much better and even though she did not want him to go, he insisted on returning to his crypt, telling her that she needed to spend some time with her still-recovering mother. She acknowledged his point but couldn’t stop herself from walking back across town with him. Halfway to his crypt, she finally got up the courage to reach across and twine her fingers in his and he looked down at their hands in surprise before smiling up at her, letting her feel his love flow through their connection.

They reached the crypt and went in, both of them passing their gaze over the blood pooled on the floor. She tensed and his fingers squeezed hers.

“I won’t let anyone hurt you again,” she whispered solemnly.

She had told him of Riley’s visit and he had been more than pleased to hear that ‘Soldier Boy’ was leaving town. He pulled her into his embrace and she hugged him as tightly as she dared – still more than aware of his injuries.

“Same,” he murmured, brushing a kiss against her hair.

She gave a sigh of content and buried her head against him, wishing she could just stay there all evening.

“You need to be getting back to your mum,” he whispered as if in answer and she sighed, pulling away with a wry smile.

“I know. But I’ll be back tomorrow.”

He smiled and leant down to give her a tender kiss and she sank against him, revelling in the softness of his touch. He pulled away with a sigh and she righted herself, her eyes meeting his soft gaze as he reached out to brush a hand over her hair.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” she whispered, smiling softly.

“’Til tomorrow then.”

She nodded jerkily and couldn’t resist claiming another kiss before she finally left him.



She made her way back through the town with a slight smile on her face. Spike was flooding the connection with feelings of love and affection and it made her whole body feel light and warm. She skipped up the porch with a smile and went into the house.

“Mom? I’m back!” she called, pulling off her jacket and hanging it up by the door. When there was no answer, she frowned and called out again.

“Mom?”

Her mother had been preparing dinner when she had left and she realised now that, strangely, she could smell nothing cooking. She moved towards the kitchen with a frown, switching on the hallway light to throw light into the now dark house.

“Mom?”

The kitchen was dark too and she switched the light on – and recoiled in horror when she saw her mother on the floor.

“Mom?!” she called out in panic and rushed to her side, crouching beside her.

That was when she saw her eyes – open yet unmoving - and a jolt of horror went through her.

“Mommy?” she whispered, reaching out with a shaking hand to touch her mother’s shoulder.



She didn’t know how she made it to the phone, nor how she remembered Giles’ number as she began to tremble all over, her wide eyes fixed on her mother.

“Hello?”

“G- giles,” she whispered painfully, unable to tear her gaze away from her mother.

“Buffy?”

Trembling, she dropped the phone to the ground and sank to the floor, her back against the wall, her eyes fixed on the unmoving form of her mother. She shook her head over and over again, begging it not to be real. No, no, no, no, no, she chanted in her head, unable to comprehend what was going on.

A single tear traced its way down her cheek but she remained still, her arms wrapped around her knees tightly, rocking back and forth ever so slightly, still shaking her head. No, no, no, no, no. The one tear was followed by another, and another … and before she knew it, they were pouring out of her in a silent flood as she huddled on the floor.

She was barely aware of the crash of the door opening and did not even flinch as heavy footfalls approached her. She didn’t even really hear Spike’s voice as he called her name softly. She continued to rock, shaking her head and when he dropped next to her, pulling her into his arms, she sank against him, still hugging herself tightly. He rocked with her, whispering to her, his hand stroking over her hair, but it all seemed very far away as she continued to stare at her mother’s dead form. No, no, no, no, no.



That was how Giles found them twenty minutes later as he barrelled into the house and came to a horrified standstill as he spotted Joyce. His whispered ‘oh God’ went unnoticed by the shell-shocked Slayer but drew the vampire’s attention to the man. He raised pained eyes to the Watcher without relinquishing his hold on the Slayer and they shared a look of horror, pain, grief. The Watcher eventually tore himself away from the dreadful sight and forced himself through the necessary duty of phoning the coroner, leaving the two blondes alone once more.

Spike tried in vain to coax the Slayer out of the kitchen, away from that horrible sight, but it was useless and so he only held her tighter, his heart aching with every sob that was torn from her. She clung to him desperately, every little bit of pain filtering through the connection to him and magnifying his own. He held back the tears though, somehow, and put all of his effort into trying to soothe the heartbroken Slayer.

By the time the coroner arrived, the Scoobies had been informed and were gathered in a solemn group in the hallway, eyes flicking from the still form to the two blondes and back again, remaining silent. When the coroner had finished, it was Giles who signed the necessary papers after Spike had been unable to coax Buffy from her spot on the kitchen floor. Even as her mother’s body was taken away she did not move, clinging to the vampire, her eyes fixed on the spot where her mother had lain.

No, no, no, no, no.

Living

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She didn’t know how she made it through that long, long night. Even when her whole body had gone numb from sitting on the floor, she could not bear to move from her position, or from Spike’s tight embrace. He had growled at her friends when they had tried to intervene and she was glad to hear them retreat to the living room, leaving her with her pain and her grief. She just sat there, rocking slightly, her eyes fixed on the tiled floor as Spike murmured soft words of comfort to her, his hand stroking her hair and her back over and over again.

When finally sleep threatened to claim her though, she shifted uncomfortably and as if sensing her need, Spike helped her to her feet and then led her upstairs to her bedroom. She could not look at her friends as they passed them and instead kept her eyes on the floor, knowing that if she looked at them, she would break down again. She felt Spike’s arm tighten around her waist and she clung to his free hand, desperate for the soothing touch of his skin. He disappeared for a few short minutes but returned shortly afterwards and helped her to change into her pyjamas, before guiding her into her bed and curling up behind her, his arms wrapped tightly around her.



The funeral was even worse and she barely knew how she had stayed on her feet that long. When the grave had been lowered into the ground, she had wavered and had felt Spike’s arm twine around her waist, holding her upright as she dipped her head, trying to hold back her tears. She was infinitely glad then of the overcast day that had meant the vampire could be by her side.

The wake was one of the worst experiences of her life and she had had to escape after a short time, fleeing upstairs to the safety of her room and breaking down in the arms of the vampire as he held onto her tightly. She had not ventured downstairs until after most of the guests had left and had downed more wine than she could handle, even though Spike stopped her from having a fourth glass. He had guided the bottle away from her and she had met his eyes with a pained look but he had run his hand over her arm and she had relinquished her glass, her head already pounding. She slept like a log in the arms of the vampire.



If all of that hadn’t been bad enough, then selling her mother’s house threatened to send her over the edge. Once again, it was only the vampire’s presence that kept her upright as she signed the papers. She moved into a small apartment in the centre of town, urging the vampire to move in with her almost instantly so she would not be alone. Surprisingly, the Scoobies took this as a matter of course and even threw the pair an impromptu housewarming party. Whether it was because they truly accepted them as a couple - as they so obviously had become - or whether it was because they knew she was too fragile at that point, she would never know. They accepted it though and it made just one aspect of her life a tiny bit easier.



Somehow she made it through those first few months without her mother and she knew it would not have been possible without the unfailing devotion of the vampire – and, to a lesser extent, the support of her friends. The vampire she thanked on an almost daily basis, wanting him to know just what it meant to her that he had stayed by her side.

“’Course I was at your side,” he would reply, drawing her into his embrace, “Always will be, love.”

“I know it wasn’t easy for you.”

“You shush now. Was just glad you let me be there.”

She gave in and wrapped her arms around him tightly, breathing in his unique scent.

“Spike?”

“Yes, love?”

“You’ll never leave me?” she whispered, unable to keep the tremor out of her voice.

“Never,” he answered instantly, tightening his arms around her, “I’m yours, Buffy. Always will be.”

She nodded and clung to him even tighter, her heart beating faster at even the thought of losing the most important person left in the world to her. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and she let out a shaky sigh.

It’ll be alright, love.

She nodded again and when he guided her mouth to his, she kissed him hungrily, wrapping her arms around him tightly and letting him guide her to their bed. He laid her down on the covers and peeled off her clothes with soft, reverent touches, his eyes never moving from hers. He shucked off his own clothes in half the time and then he was covering her, his skin cool against hers as he enveloped her in his tight embrace. His forehead pressed to hers, his eyes fixed on hers, he entered her and she let out a sigh of content.



They moved achingly slowly at first and she wrapped her arms and legs around him, tears welling up in her eyes at the love in his. He opened up the connection between them and the sensations of love and desire flowed back and forth, overwhelming her. She closed her eyes, revelling in the sensation of his body against hers and the feel of completion that it always gave her when they were joined. How could she have ever denied her feelings for him? Every time she looked at him, she thought she would burst with the love that swelled up inside her.

It was no different now as he moved against her, breathing heavily even though he didn’t need to, his eyes tinged with golden as he struggled to suppress his demon. She guided him to her neck though, arching against him as his fangs scraped her skin.

“I love you,” she whispered and it was all the incentive he needed as he buried his fangs in her skin. He pulled on her blood, sending her careening over the edge and released her quickly.

“Mine,” he growled, his arms crushing her against his chest.

“Yours,” she gasped, her body following his into another earth-shattering climax, “Yours. Always yours.”


THE END