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I Am Here, Calling You Back
 
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William smoothed his shirt as he stood in front of the mirror. Mr. Giles had been thoughtful enough to remove the tags from his clothing, but the material still felt uncomfortable against his skin. He was also still not used to the cut of the trousers. He had to refrain from trying to tug them higher.

This was the fashion as he'd seen it on the television. If he was to be trapped in this time, then it would be best if he adopted their customs. Even when he didn't understand them.

It had been a strange and disorienting experience. He'd been walking down the dark London street, shredded bits of poetry in hand, and then he had appeared in that woman's bedchambers. He'd been convinced that he'd been knocked out and was dreaming at that point. He hadn't woken up, though.

As if he hadn't been enough of an outcast in his own time. Everything he did here was subject to ridicule. While people had been kind to him, he could sense their wariness. Miss Dawn, while very friendly, seemed taken with amusement by him. He'd long been used to being the source of his peer's amusement.

He knew a part of their discomfort was his resemblance to this Spike. Even the thought of a demon invading his expired body was enough to cause him to tremble. Whatever heroic efforts might have been made recently, William had no doubt that he would prefer not to know about the violent carnage that had been committed by a creature with his face.

It was distasteful.

He hoped to make it clear to these people that he was not Spike. In his first night here, William had fantasies of astounding them with his written verse. They would surely see his gentleness and creative passion and would appreciate him for it. But every step he took seemed to be the wrong one, and he was forever being corrected by Mr. Giles on the proper way of behaving in this time. William had spent his entire life striving to conform to the standards of his own time.

It would have been easy to class this group as vulgarians. However, William had discovered, while watching television, that their behavior was the norm now. And so William had decided to simply observe without judging. He believed that to be the first step in adjusting to his new life.

For it was a new life. He was trapped here. Plucked out of his own time and stranded in this one. The thought overwhelmed him if he dwelt upon it for any amount of time. Instead, he put his efforts into adjusting and learning. It wasn't as if he had much to miss from his own time, after all.

The only thing that entered his mind was Mother. He knew that he had died the night he'd been brought here. He wondered often how Mother had fared after his death, though he was hesitant to ask Mr. Giles to see if he knew anything. His mother had been ill, and without him to look after her she may not have...

William knew that was a silly thought to have. Regardless of circumstances, his mother had passed away by now. It was, after all, a century later. What did it matter how it happened?

He sighed, rubbing a towel through his hair. He wasn't sure if he would ever get used to the shower. It was like going out into a warm rain shower to get clean. Mr. Giles didn't have a tub, though, so he had to make do with it.

He was not sure as to what his fate would be here. Mr. Giles had spoken of work the day before, but William wasn't certain if he were suitable for any occupations during this time.

Thinking about that led him to wonder why Fate brought him here at all. Surely there must be some higher purpose to him being thrown into the future. William couldn't entertain the thought that random chance heralded his arrival.

He was now in the company of people who took part in extraordinary events of a nature that he had never thought to believe. Perhaps he was to help them in their fight against the demons of the world.

***

Xander held his hands up in front of him to stop the onslaught of explanations. "Wait, wait, wait. Let me get this straight." He turned to Giles. "Buffy made a wish for Spike, the souled wonder, to come back here." He glanced at Willow. "This amulet thingamawhatsit did a little magic thing and brought back William, who is Spike before he caught a bad case of vampiritis." He stopped while facing Dawn. "And you want me to what?"

The story about William's sudden appearance didn't surprise him too much. Xander had spent far too long with the Scoobies to be fazed by wacky stuff like that happening.

"Listen," Dawn said. "He needs people to help him adjust. Giles and I are helping, but you're like a peer, so you can do...you know...guy stuff."

"I don't do 'guy stuff' with Spike," Xander protested.

"That's good!" Willow said. "Cause it's not Spike. Like, really, really not Spike."

Giles just nodded in agreement.

Xander sighed. He'd just flown in from Cleveland. He'd hoped to hunker down and sleep off the jet lag when he got here, but these three had gotten to him first. The last thing he wanted to do was spend quality time with a guy who was almost Spike.

"What about Buffy? I'm sure she's happy having her vampire back," Xander said, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice. So what if Buffy had her Spike back while he was still mourning his own loss?

"Buffy's not going to help on this one," Giles said. His tone made it clear that he wouldn't discuss the issue any further.

Xander rolled his eyes.

If he'd had the amulet, he could have wished for her to be back. How appropriate that she would return to him by a wish.

Stupid thought.

There was a tentative knock on the door. Giles stood from where he was seated behind his desk and opened the door, ushering in a guy wearing some Wal-mart clothes. Xander had had his fair share of clothes from the 'mart. He knew the look well.

"William," Giles said, presenting the guy to Xander. "This is Xander Harris. He's a friend. Xander, this is William."

The guy, William, nodded nervously in his direction. Xander blinked.

No, this was too perfect. This guy standing uncomfortably in front of him with tiny old lady glasses and floppy hair...this was Spike? Spike of the Big Badness and friend-seducing?

Xander giggled, looking around at the others for them to share in his mirth. The giggle turned into an all-out laugh, and Xander found himself leaning on Giles' desk to steady himself.

One of the girls slapped his shoulder, though he couldn't tell which one through his own laughter.

"Xander, stop it!" Okay, that was Dawn.

"Sorry, sorry," he said, biting back his glee. He looked back at William who was staring intensely at his own feet. "William, good to meet you. You're really, really not what I was expecting."

William glanced up at him over his spectacles. "I keep getting that reaction."

Xander stood up straight and clapped a hand on the shorter man's shoulder. "Come on. There's a pub a ways out. We can celebrate my arrival."

"What about not wanting to hang out with Spike?" Willow asked.

"This," Xander indicated William. "Is not Spike. This is William. Keep up, Will." He smiled. "Any of you ladies wanna join, then you can pick up the tab. Uh...same to you, Giles."

The three declined. Xander shrugged them off and went with William to get a drink.

***

He was always surrounded by women. Now, that may sound like a good thing at first. But after seven years, Xander had gotten to the point of latching onto any bit of testosterone he could find. Especially now with all the mini-Slayers being trained.

See, the whole point of being "the only guy" is to have a harem situation with all the girls going ga-ga over you. Xander, to his dismay, just didn't have that. So he desperately wanted some guy company. Giles didn't count as he was old and British. Andrew got along a little too well with the girls. William, well, he was British, but not as old as Giles. Beggars couldn't be choosers.

William didn't drink from the pint in front of him. Instead, he was looking around the quiet pub in fearful wonder. It was still early in the day and the only other people in here were the alcoholics. Xander didn't care. He deserved a drink.

He nudged William. "Don't like beer?"

William shook his head, "I do, however, I haven't had much opportunity to visit an...establishment such as this."

Xander shrugged. "Just a pub. So you're really from the past?"

William focused his attention on Xander. "Well, yes, I am.

"Okay, I gotta ask, because this has always bugged me. But what the hell did you guys do all day without TVs? Seriously?"

"We...um...work. We work and partake in various hobbies and amusements. There are many leisurely ways to pass the time."

Xander shook his head. "I don't get it. Gotta love the TV."

"Yes, Mr. Giles has been having me watch television in order to learn the customs of this time. It's very interesting."

Xander briefly wished that Spike, the real Spike, were back with them just so he could tease him for having been a big dork as a human. Why on earth does he get such great taunting material on the guy after he dies? Life just wasn't fair.

"Just to let you know, but not everything you see there is like real life," Xander said after taking a gulp of his beer. "It's all...TV-like, instead. It's different."

William frowned. "How so?"

"Well, there's a lot to TV. I mean, you probably see people shooting each other and doing all sorts of cool martial arts moves and stuff. Yeah, that doesn't happen. Not really."

William looked confused.

"What have you been watching?"

"The news station."

Xander waved his hands in front of him. "That's it?"

"That's what Mr. Giles recommended I watch."

Xander rolled his eyes. "Leave it to Giles. You won't learn anything from CNN."

"It's actually called the BBC -"

"I know." Xander sighed, running a hand through his hair.

They sat in silence for a few moments. Xander drinking his beer, William conspicuously ignoring his.

"May I ask you a question?" William asked.

"Sure."

"This group of yours," William looked down at the shredded napkin he was holding. "They deal with supernatural occurrences, correct?"

"Well, yeah. That's not normal, by the way."

"I've been told," William nodded in understanding. "What is your occupation with them?"

"Mine?"

"Yes. I've been attempting to figure out how best I could provide support to your organization, though I'm afraid I only have a vague notion as to what you actually do."

Xander wasn't sure how much William knew about the Slayers. Willow had told him that he already knew about Spike and the vampire thing. But some guy from the last century hearing about a bunch of super-strong girls who fought monsters? He wasn't sure how well that would sit.

He shrugged. William would have to find out sometime.

Xander spent the next hour explaining the Slayers and his history with Buffy. William didn't interrupt at all. In fact, the guy seemed to be hanging off Xander's every word. Xander was rarely treated with such attentiveness. Course, William's beer was also getting warm, so Xander slid the glass over to his place and took over the drinking for William.

He concluded with an overview of all the Potentials gaining the Slayer power and then sat back on the bar stool to await William's reaction. The man remained frozen on his stool, and Xander could almost see the gears grinding away in his head. Xander was pretty happy with himself in that he'd managed to avoid all talk of Spike or Anya, two subjects he definitely did not want to get into.

"So these girls..." William said.

"Can totally kick our asses. Blindfolded. With one hand behind their back. While balancing a puppy on their head."

"And Miss Summers...she was the original Slayer?"

"Well, not the original. The first one I met? Yeah. But there were a whole lot of them before her. She just started the whole Slayer craze, basically. So she's in charge." Xander knew he was going to regret asking this, but he was feeling a bit loose from the booze. "So have you and Buffy not met yet or something?"

William looked up in surprise. "No, we've met. She just doesn't want to see me. I upset her."

Xander placed a friendly hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry about it, man. She'll get over it. Sometimes...when you lose someone...any reminder of them hurts. Doesn't make sense, I guess." Xander shrugged. He should probably stop drinking considering he would be the one driving back to the castle.

William looked uncomfortable at where the conversation had drifted, so Xander quickly smiled. "Hey," he said. "Let's play a round of darts?"

***

The jet lag was starting to set in. After a few rounds of darts, Xander had suggested they call it a day and go back to the castle. He dropped William back at Giles' cubby because, apparently, British guys had to live together or something. And then there was one stop that Xander wanted to make before going to his own room and sleeping for the next couple days.

Buffy answered the door almost immediately, and she was dressed in workout gear. He'd obviously caught her about to leave to do some work. Xander held out his arms for a hug.

"You weren't part of the welcome party," he said as she embraced him.

"Yeah," Buffy pulled back. "Sorry. Just had some training. You know how it is."

"I very much do. You about to head back out?"

"Yep. No rest for the Buffy." She smiled, but Xander could tell that it was the smile she used when she wasn't actually happy but was acting like everything was okay anyway.

"So," Xander leaned in the doorway as Buffy started loading things into her gym bag. "I met this William guy. Had a few drinks with him."

She tensed slightly. Somebody who didn't know her as well probably wouldn't even notice. "Wouldn't have thought him to be your type," she commented, not looking up.

"He's fun. More fun than Giles, at least," Xander shrugged. She still wasn't looking up at him. "He doesn't understand why you don't want to see him. I think it hurts his feelings."

A towel got shoved roughly into the gym bag, and then Buffy harshly jerked the zipper close. "I'm sure he'll live."

"I'm just saying - "

"I know what you're saying," Buffy thumped the bag down and turned to face him. "And you, of all people, should know why I don't want to see him. What if it was Anya? What if Anya showed up but it wasn't Anya? It was Anya way back before she turned Orville into a troll or whatever? Would you still want to be with her?"

Xander straightened, feeling the blow to his heart with her words. Even hearing Anya's name was still painful. But he knew the answer anyway. "Well, yeah. Of course I would." Buffy looked skeptical. "It would still be Anya."

Buffy shook her head, picking up the gym bag and slinging the strap over her shoulder. "Xander, you had drinks with him. You know. You know that he's not Spike. Tell me I'm wrong."

Xander stuck his hands in his pockets. He knew the answer to the question, but he didn't want to tell her that she was right. He wouldn't have spent the afternoon at a pub with the guy if she were right.

After a few minute's silence passed between them, Buffy walked toward the door. "I gotta train," she said as she moved past him.

Xander sighed. What a waste of a wish.

***

Night was falling, and William was becoming restless. He'd actually enjoyed the trip to the pub earlier in the day. Mr. Harris - Xander, as he insisted on being addressed - had been surprisingly pleasant company. True, William had been off-put by the gregarious displays of affection that Xander chose to exhibit such as back-patting. However, Xander didn't seem to have that same expectation of him as the others did. Instead, he'd been able to simply be himself as he was without being coddled to "adjust".

It was getting very tiring.

Xander had assured him that pubs were a socially acceptable place to be now even though William, himself, had never been in one. It had been very subdued and unlike the stories he'd heard, though perhaps things had changed from his time. They had ended the outing with Xander promising to show him some "good" television and an offer to go out for drinks again sometime. William was surprisingly agreeable to this.

Now, though, William wished for his newfound friend to be present as he found himself increasingly bored with his activities. The television wasn't very entertaining as he didn't understand the context most of what was being shown, and most of the literature Mr. Giles had was of the demon variety.

William would prefer not to think of those things at this time. He had been shocked to hear Xander's story about these "slayers". Young girls who were possessing of extraordinary strength? The idea was completely contradictory to everything he knew about women. Not that he thought women to be weak. His mother, after all, was quite strong-willed. However, everybody knew that women were the passive sex and not equipped for physical exertion.

It was a well-known fact.

Although, William rationalized that Xander's story didn't necessarily dispute that. By his own admission, these slayers were endowed with supernatural powers. Obviously, that meant they possessed a power above and beyond an ordinary woman.

Why it should be women who were granted these abilities and not men, William wasn't certain. However, he could accept that a small portion of women were stronger than he was.

William sighed. He had meant to ask Mr. Giles for some writing paper so that he could work on his poetry, but he hadn't had the opportunity. He was hesitant to search through Mr. Giles' possessions to find paper, either. He glanced out the window and saw it was a clear night. Perhaps a walk might settle him so that he may sleep more calmly.

***

This night was not helping Buffy calm down. It was bad enough when the amulet had arrived. But then that man who was not Spike popped up. On top of that, Xander was bugging her about being nice to the man who was not Spike.

Buffy plunged her stake into the vamp's heart and stood back while it turned to dust.

She hated her life.

She'd been out patrolling every night since the man who was not Spike had arrived. While this castle had been a Potential training ground once upon a time, a bunch of vamps had moved in when the Watcher's Council had been destroyed by the First Evil. The Slayers had managed to run out most of them to reclaim the castle, but a lot of them still hung around the area, making this a prime hunting ground at night.

Which was perfect for her.

She'd been throwing herself into her work for so long, she was reaching a state of physical and mental exhaustion. But she was scared to stop. Because if she stopped, then it would be real. He'd be gone. And she didn't want that, so she kept working.

That's what he sacrificed himself for, right?

Buffy was about to head back to the castle when she heard a cry in the distance. She cursed as she ran in the direction of the noise. They'd had a lot of untrained baby Slayers wandering out at night in their first couple weeks here. However, by now, everybody knew to stay indoors when the sun went down. What idiot would be traipsing about at this time of night?

Through a thick of trees, Buffy came upon a vampire attacked a young man. Going on instinct, Buffy tore the vampire away from the human, pushing him out of her mind.

Ordinarily she enjoyed the fight. She'd play with the vamp a bit before staking them. But she didn't have the patience right now. She delivered a punch to the nose that had the vampire stumbling backwards. Buffy took the opportunity to hook a leg behind his and send him crashing to the ground.

In an instant, Buffy had staked him as he lay, standing up straight to watch his dust settle to the dirt.

She turned, putting her stake back in the waistband of her pants.

It was him.

She'd saved him.

She was tempted to just turn and go back to the castle, but that wasn't very hero-like. She held out a hand to the man who was not Spike and helped him stand up. He looked completely flustered, all blood drained from his face, and he was taking big gulping breaths.

She didn't want to say anything to him. She really didn't plan to. Really.

"What the hell are you doing out here?" Buffy asked, stepping back from him.

William visibly cringed at her tone. "I...out for a walk...I didn't..."

She rolled her eyes, crossing her arms in front of her. "Not smart. Come on."

She turned without looking back, expecting him to follow her back to the castle.

He must have tripped on something because she heard the sound of a body falling to the ground and a muffled "Bloody hell!" from behind her.

Buffy froze.

It was years ago in a smoky bar. Familiar in setting, yet completely unsettling in the company she had. Playing pool with her mortal enemy, hearing stories about how he'd murdered her fellow Slayers. She was there again.

"Getting killed made me feel really alive for the very first time. I was through living by society's rules." Black leather and bleached hair.

She'd been so entranced by his stories. Entranced and disgusted, every word seared into her memory.

"I was through living by society's rules."


Buffy spun around, eyes wide. What if? She almost couldn't think it. But what if he was still there? Hiding under what society dictated, what if her Spike were still there? All hot passion and anger wrapped in a snarky package. Could she get through to him?

"Can't you walk straight?" She said without hesitation.

William was in mid-crouch as he picked himself up. He paused and looked up quizzically at her.

"It's sad, William, that you can't go two feet without tripping all over yourself. It's almost as bad as that stutter you have."

He stood up straight, avoiding her eyes. "I'm...I apologize...I'm just..."

"Yeah, that's the one," she said. "I bet you're the life of the party. Must take, what, a week to finish a story with the way you talk?"

William was staring intently at his feet, mouth open as if wanting to protest, but no sound actually came out.

She tried again. "Seriously, William. I'm not sure if you noticed, but you're not exactly Mr. Popular here. Nobody actually wants you around. We're all just putting up with you since we're too nice to throw you out." Okay, that was a little too mean. But, dammit, Spike would surely be fighting back at this point.

He looked off to the side, and Buffy could see tears forming in his eyes, though he was trying his hardest not to let them fall.

She laughed. Spike didn't cry at something like this. "You're crying?" No, she was sure he was still in there somewhere. "What the hell are you doing crying?"

"Buffy!"

She turned to find Giles behind her, giving her a look like she was a five-year-old whose hand was in the cookie jar.

"Giles, this isn't -" She said, trying to figure out how best to explain what she was doing. That it was for William's own good.

"I see exactly what it is, and it can stop," Giles admonished. He looked past Buffy to William, though Buffy didn't turn around. "Let's go inside, William. You shouldn't be out here at night anyway."

Buffy was still as William brushed past her, watching as the two men walked away from her towards the castle.

She bit her lip. She refused to feel guilty for that. William had shown her that he was still Spike somehow. He just had to find it. She couldn't possibly be made to feel bad for that.

But she kinda did.

TBC...
 
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