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I Know So Much I Will Forget
 
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Giles raised the damp cloth to the scrape on William's forehead. The younger man's injuries weren't very extensive. He did seem badly shaken, however, even after Giles had taken him back to his room and made some tea.

"What happened?" He asked.

William was silent as if considering his answer. "I suppose I was attacked by a vampire."

"Yes, that's why it's not a good idea to wander around outside after dark. That's my fault. I should have informed you."

William nodded, and Giles had a feeling that the vampire attack wasn't what had badly shaken William.

"And what happened with Buffy?" Giles prompted.

William jerked away from Giles at the question but steadied himself. "That must have been my fault. I was in a state after the attack and fell while following her. I'm afraid I used some coarse language in my frustration. It must have offended her."

Giles raised an eyebrow, but William wasn't looking at him. "I suppose that's a possibility. Regardless, she shouldn't have spoken to you like that. I will speak to her - "

William's hand darted out to grab Giles'. "Don't," William looked at him. "Please, don't interfere. She's obviously upset, and I don't wish to distress her anymore."

Giles refrained from pointing out that William didn't know the full situation. It was important, for his self-esteem, to respect his wishes in this matter. Besides, Buffy was an adult now and didn't need him nagging her about how to behave. He'd already made his opinion on her actions known when he'd interrupted them.

He nodded, standing and pulling away from William's grasp. "Very well. Why don't you go to bed? You're probably very tired."

William nodded, looking thoroughly exhausted.

***

Buffy stared at the clock from her place on her bed. The night had moved so slowly like some gooey molasses time thingy. She went patrolling to help her sleep, but the incident of last night completely screwed that plan up.

It was her fault. She'd come on too strong and ended up hurting the guy. She didn't mean to. Okay, yeah, she did. But she'd expected him to fight back, so that's okay, right?

She sighed, burying her face in the plushy pillow. She'd been scolded by Giles - something that hadn't happened in a long time - and she'd been miserable with guilt all night.

She'd never thought much about what William would have been like. She'd never made much of a connection between the vampire and the human that had come before. If she'd been made to think about it, she'd have thought that Spike was probably some sleazebag criminal who had a reputation for killing people in bar fights or something like that. When William had appeared, all those thoughts had scampered off and she found herself faced with a man who, on the surface, was nothing like the vampire she'd recently lost.

But last night had shown her something. It was the smallest glimmer of something, but it was there, and it was enough for her to hope that, through William, she might be able to get Spike back in some form. She'd acted rashly last night by lashing out at him. That was dumb. No, she'd have to be more careful from now on.

That's provided, of course, that he'd ever want to see her again. All he'd seen of her was her being a total bitch. He was probably scared of her. And she'd rather find another apocalypse to avert than face him again.

There was a knock at her front door that she ignored. It was 8:30 in the morning. She'd gotten maybe an hour of sleep. They could train without her today. It's not like she was doing much anyway.

The knocking repeated itself a couple times before the visitor opened the door to let themselves in. Buffy rolled her eyes, still sprawled on her bed. Unfortunately, they hadn't been able to equip the doors with locks in this castle. Most people respected the privacy of others, but a few people close to her would feel that they had the liberty of just walking in. One of those people, of course, was -

"There you are!" Dawn entered the bedroom. "You didn't come down to training so people were wondering about you."

Buffy shrugged, turning away from her sister and burrowing into the blankets. "Not working today. Need sleep."

"Okay," she could hear Dawn behind her fidgeting. "You'll be all rested tonight, right?"

"What's tonight?"

"Party at my place. You know, to celebrate Xander's return."

Buffy rolled back over, propping herself up on her elbows. "Who all's going?"

"Well, just the gang. Me, Xander, Willow, Giles, Kennedy...William, you know, the usual."

Buffy felt her stomach lurch at William's name. This would be the perfect time to make amends. It would also be the perfect time to start ignoring the problem again and hoping it went away on its own. "I'm not gonna go, Dawnie."

"Buffy! It's for Xander! Come on. We'll have Monopoly and drinks and music. It'll be fun."

"I'm not really feeling well. I think I picked up that stomach flu that was going around," Buffy said, trying her best to sound convincing.

Dawn crossed her arms. "It's cause William's coming, right?"

Buffy looked down, biting her lip. She didn't know if Dawn knew about their confrontation last night. Most likely not. Giles wasn't one to gossip, and she'd be willing to bet William would be too embarrassed to talk about it. "I just don't want to see him right now."

"Buffy," Dawn waved her gangly arms. "You can't just ignore him. He's here. He's not going anywhere. And I think it's important that he be included in this. I'm not asking you to be dance partners with him or even talk to him. But you can be in the same room without freaking out, right?"

Apparently not if last night were any indication. But Buffy realized that her sister sometimes had way more courage than she did with this sort of thing. She sighed. "I'll be there."

Dawn smiled, bouncing on her heels. "Good. Be there at seven. It'll be fun!"

She spun around and left the room as Buffy fell back onto her pillow.

Oh yeah. Tonight would be lots of fun.

***

It was a puzzle. Giles had expected William to be the expressive sort. Spike had been, after all. He would have expected him to be pacing back and forth, babbling about how unfair everything was. William, however, gave very little hint as to his inner feelings. Giles couldn't tell what, if any, effect Buffy's words had on him, and he was reluctant to ask.

So they'd gone shopping so that William may get out of the castle. William had spoken to him of wanting something to entertain himself with while Giles was working. The request wasn't unreasonable, and Giles was surprised when William had mentioned writing poetry.

Giles probably couldn't afford to take the day off, but he allowed himself this one indulgence. He did have some responsibility for William, and this was a pleasant enough way to pass the time before Dawn's get-together.

William's attention was drawn to a small florist's at the corner. Giles stood outside while the young man went in, presumably to get flowers for the hostess tonight. Giles had provided William with a council credit card with a strict daily limit. It was easier than trying to explain the new way of counting money in this time. William knew, by now, to present the card and sign the slip and then give the receipt to Giles.

It was good to give him that sort of freedom. They still hadn't discussed the possibility of work for William, though Giles supposed that they should do so soon. William was getting restless, and Giles was certain they could find some task to occupy him with.

William emerged from the florist's holding a small bouquet consisting entirely of pink budded flowers. Giles smiled.

"What type are they?" he asked.

William looked at him as if the answer were obvious. "Sea thrift. Armeria maritima."

Giles nodded as if that meant something to him. The flower seemed familiar, and he supposed it was common over here. Dawn would like them.

They continued walking down the sidewalk. "What was your occupation in your own time?" Giles asked.

"I was a clerk at the bank. Sorting accounts."

A paper-pusher. Well, it was better than a drunken brawler, which is what he would have guessed of Spike. Giles tried to think of some way to apply those skills to their work at the Council. Thanks to Dawn and Willow, pretty much all of their files were computerized now, and there wasn't much use for somebody to file papers.

"I've been considering what type of job you might be suitable for here with us," Giles said. "Do you have any other skills?"

William was quiet for a long while. Then he was quiet a little more. When it reached the point of awkwardness, Giles broke the tension.

"We'll think about it," he said. He thought William might have let out a sigh, but it was nearly imperceptible.

They went into a bookstore so William could choose a journal of his preference along with a fancy writing instrument. William seemed pleased with the leather-bound book that he had chosen, and they didn't discuss the issue of work any further.

***

It was not what he'd been expecting. William had actually been dreading this party that Miss Dawn was hosting. He'd attended parties in his own time due to social pressures, and he'd always found them to be unpleasant. The evening would always end with a game of Magic Music or The Dumb Orator which he would, inevitably, lose and have to pay some humiliating forfeit. He expected much the same from Miss Dawn's party.

He didn't get it. It was a strange affair. She had cleared an area in her living room for them and had some music playing. William was fascinated with the new style of music that they played on the television. He and Mr. Giles had arrived late so everybody else was already there. Mr. Harris - Xander - greeted him warmly while Miss Rosenberg smiled and waved. There didn't seem to be a dinner table set up, but a large number of snacks were set up on a table.

And in the corner was Miss Summers. The other Miss Summers. She was sitting in an armchair talking quietly with Miss Rosenberg. William felt an odd sense of shame wash over him when he saw her. She glanced up quickly at his arrival but then averted her eyes. He felt bad to cause her so much discomfort.

The incident of last night had left him badly shaken. While he'd accepted the existence of vampires, he'd never actually seen one. Being attacked as he'd been was a frightening experience. He'd still been in a state of shock when Miss Summers had verbally lashed out at him. He knew better than to take her words at face-value. After all, she was upset and mourning. However, she had struck a nerve with what she had said and had touched upon concerns that he'd had already. Couple that with his awkward conversation about his skills with Mr. Giles and William was feeling like something of a burden to these good people.

And yet, they seemed to genuinely enjoy his company. Miss Dawn was enthusiastic in her greeting and led him over to fill a paper plate with crisps and such for him. Xander quickly took over William's attention, weaving some humorous story about his trip to Cleveland.

William didn't understand most of the references. Xander had a habit of dropping pop culture sayings throughout his conversation. William managed to work around them, for the most part.

His eyes kept drifting over to Miss Summers. She looked tired. In fact, she looked as if she would rather not be here. He imagined that she was still uncomfortable in his presence. He wished to resolve that somehow.

"It's just taking forever," Miss Dawn was complaining to Mr. Giles.

"Can't you use some of the girls to do it?" Mr. Giles replied.

Xander turned to include himself in the discussion. "Do what?"

"Transcription duty," Miss Dawn rolled her eyes, displaying her opinion of how much fun that would be. "Old scrolls and books that are falling apart need to be copied over by hand. We'd prefer to have hardcopies of them. Just...nobody wants to do it."

Mr. Giles glanced at William. "How's your penmanship, William?"

He was startled by the question. Transcription? Copying scrolls? It was a menial task, surely. However, it was better than nothing. "I always got high marks for it," he said.

Miss Dawn's eyes widened. "You wouldn't mind? I mean, it's kinda boring."

"We'll pay him for his services," Mr. Giles said.

"Hey," Xander patted his back. "You're employed!"

Miss Dawn set down her drink suddenly. "Speaking of employment, let's play Monopoly!"

***

Buffy sucked at Monopoly. She always had. Tonight was no exception, especially as William's presence was making her nervous. Even now, he sat across the table, completely not looking at her as if nothing had happened. It made her want to run out of the room with the tension, but she fiddled with her money instead.

Xander had volunteered to partner with William since William had never heard of the game. Obviously cause it hadn't been invented until, like, the 50s or something. If she ignored William completely, it wasn't an altogether bad evening. Hanging with the gang. She and Willow had talked girl stuff, which is something they didn't often do anymore. Kennedy couldn't make it because she got called away on Slayer business.

Yeah, if it weren't for William, the honking great reminder of Spike, sitting across from her, she might actually enjoy the evening.

As it was, she had Baltic Avenue and was constantly landing on Dawn's Park Place. Life sucked.

"But why do we keep charging him money?" William asked Xander.

"Cause he keeps landing on Tennessee, which is ours," Xander explained while taking the money from a disgruntled Giles.

"It seems somewhat cruel. He has so little money."

"That, Will, is the point of the game."

Willow's head snapped up from where she was sorting red hotels and green houses. "Huh?"

Xander looked between Willow and William. "Ah, bad nickname. Very confusing. We'll just call him 'William'."

"It is my name," William said.

"Yeah, but I'm lazy with the syllables sometimes. Sorry, Will. And Will." Xander smiled at his own lame joke.

They were enjoying his company. They joked with him in a way they never had with Spike. Buffy remained quiet. This game was going to defeat her. Dawn's room suddenly felt very small and oppressive. She was in it and William was in it and her friends' laughter echoed off the walls as they enjoyed themselves, but she was miserable.

"You know what?" Her chair scraped stone as she quickly stood up. "I fold or quit. I'm losing anyway, so..." She looked around at the blank faces staring back at her. "Um...I gotta go."

She escaped very quickly. Probably not her best exit, but she'd had worse. Dawn's cubby was by a balcony type thing so Buffy took advantage of it to go out into the cool night air.

She wasn't sure what the problem was. They were all moving on with their lives. Even Xander, who'd lost Anya, was happily playing Monopoly with the others. But Buffy couldn't. Not as long as he was sitting right across from her. She hated it.

And last night, when she'd tried to do something about it, had backfired. She didn't know if she had the resilience to try something like that again. Or if it were even worth it to try. What if there weren't anything of Spike in William? Outside of the swearing, he'd certainly not acted like Spike last night at all. She didn't want to give herself false hope over this.

Her mind kept going around in circles until she was confused as to what she even wanted.

She sighed as she leaned against the stone wall that served as a railing. It's times like this that she missed the back porch of her Sunnydale house. It would be nice to sit on that right now.

Buffy heard a shuffling footstep behind her and turned her head slightly. She'd been outside for a while and none of the guys had come out to talk to her. She assumed that they'd decided to leave her alone, which was probably for the best. But now...

It was William. He was looking at her in that scared bunny way he had as if she were gonna bite him.

"May I join you?" he asked.

If she told him no, he'd probably go away without question. It would be way less stressful. But he obviously wanted to talk to her, and she owed him so she shrugged. "Okay."

He approached, standing beside her. He didn't lean against the stone, but stood straight instead. He held up a hand, presenting a small bouquet of pink flowers.

"I hope you don't find this forward, but I bought these for you."

On instinct, Buffy accepted the flowers, bringing them to her face to smell. Why the hell was he buying her flowers? Shouldn't this be the other way around as some kind of apology or something? "Thanks," she said. "I'm not sure why you bought me flowers after what I said last night."

He looked down, shifting his weight uncomfortably. "About that -"

"No," she held up a hand. "No, wait. I'm sorry. I was out of line, and you didn't do anything to deserve that. So...sorry..." She wasn't good at delivering apologies, but she supposed that was as good as any.

He looked back up and gestured towards the flowers she held in one hand. "Those are something of a peace offering, actually. I'm sure I must have done something on some level to upset you."

She opened her mouth to object but he cleared his throat. "My father passed away when I was a small child. I remember my mother being so distraught over his death for a great length of time. She was prone to lashing out at me in her grief. However, once her time of mourning was past, she was able to move on."

He stopped abruptly as if he hadn't expected to be allowed to speak for so long. A heavy silence fell over the two of them. Buffy knew it would sound lame to apologize again, and he seemed to be kinda understanding.

She turned back to lean against the wall again. "When you came here, was your mother...I mean, was she..." Okay, she should have thought more about that question before opening her mouth.

He smiled though. "Yes, she was still alive. We got on very well."

"Good," she nodded.

"You probably have me at a disadvantage, Miss Summers - "

"Buffy," she interrupted. "'Miss Summers' sounds weird."

"Buffy," he said though he frowned. "Anyway, you probably know quite a bit about me already."

He probably thought Spike had told her about himself. But he hadn't. And whatever the Council had had was obviously wrong. She shrugged. "Not really. Maybe we should pretend we know nothing about each other. Start clean. Obviously, you don't know much about me. And I can pretend I don't know what little I actually do know about you."

He smiled, turning towards her. "That sounds like a reasonable plan to me."

Buffy smiled back. Clean slate. Right. The guy beside her was not her Spike, but it didn't matter because she could enjoy his company anyway.

As long as she didn't make him cry again.

"So," she said. "Why do they call it the 'Victorian era' anyway?"

TBC...
 
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