Author's Notes: I don’t have much to say about this chapter, except that I apologize for the lack of Spike and Mr. Gordo—however, the world cannot revolve around them (and should not). This is a pretty introspective chapter, with lots of stuff going on in Buffy’s brain.

If you're one of those people who have told me that you keep skipping the non-Spike and non-Mr. Gordo bits... I hate to say it but you're missing out on a lot of relevant stuff. There's all kinds of important info and foreshadowing buried in those scenes. This chapter is no exception.

Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all recognizable characters, locations, and dialogue belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the various writers. Show writers and any other quoted authors have been credited in individual chapters. I'm making no money from this—it is purely in the name of fun.

Credits: This chapter contains dialogue from the episode "I Was Made To Love You" written by Jane Espenson.

Betaed by Phuriedae

Banner by Phuriedae

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Chapter 26

I Was Made To Love You

In the morning I decide that last night’s Spike-related insanity was a result of hitting that wall just a little too hard. Easy enough just to, you know, not think about it and instead focus on the real problem at hand: robot girls and the men who love them.

I get up early and grab a quick breakfast before heading over to the Magic Box. Willow and Tara come in only a few minutes later, and Anya, Xander, and Giles are already there. It only takes a few minutes to fill Giles and Lydia in on our robo-girl sitch, though they both look dubious.

Because it’s not like I haven’t dealt with really life-like robots before.

"And you're certain she was a robot?" Giles asks, for probably the third time.

"Absolutely," I tell him.

"Well, she practically had 'Genuine Molded Plastic' stamped on her ass," says Tara. We all turn to stare. She blushes and looks embarrassed. "Just…trying a little spicy talk," she says, ducking her head. Willow smiles.

Willow's gone through all the Sunnydale enrollment records but all she's found is one Warren who moved out of the country last year. "I'm checking nearby schools," she says, tapping away on her computer.

"Whoever he is, he knows his stuff. That girl…well, that was a nice looking girl," Xander says. Ugh. Boys.

"It's okay for him to say that," Anya says, leaning on him fondly. "'Cause I know that he really loves me only." Xander squeezes her hand.

"Is there something the rest of us could be doing?" Giles asks. Lydia glances up from her corner where she’s still scribbling translations.

"What can we do?" Xander wants to know.

"Oh! Do you have any books on robots?" Tara asks, looking interested.

"Oh, yes," Giles says. "Dozens. There's an enormous amount of research we should do before—no, I'm lying. I haven't got squat. I just like to see Xander squirm."

Ooookay. Giles is in a weird mood. Almost perky. Maybe he should cut back on the tea.

"Funny. Charming and funny," Xander says dryly.

"Hey!" Willow exclaims. "I think I found him. A Warren Mears. He went to Sunnydale High with us for a semester, and then he went to the tech school over in Dutton. I've got a local address where his folks still live." She scribbles it down for me.

"He's probably home for Spring Break," Tara says, then looks out the window at the snow. "Such as it is."

"Well," I say, picking up the paper from Willow, "Guess I'll go talk to him."

"No, wait, we don't know what you're walking into," Giles says, then startles when he realizes that a customer is waiting at the counter. "Uh, we've no idea what his motive is for building this thing."

I kinda think that that’s pretty obvious, but Giles clearly needs a great big clue-by-four.

"Uh, don't you think she's just…" Tara makes a face.

"Yeah," Willow says, also making a face. "She's just sort of a…"

"She's a sexbot," Xander supplies. "I mean, what guy doesn't dream about that?" Giles just rolls his eyes and heads off to help the customer. "Beautiful girl with…no other thought but to please you…willing to do anything…"

He laughs a little nervously when he realizes that there are five of us females staring at him disapprovingly. Even Lydia is glaring. "Too many girls," he says. "I miss Oz. He'd get it. He wouldn't say anything, but…he'd get it."

"Why would anyone do that if they could have a real live person?" Anya wants to know.

"Maybe he couldn't," Willow says, frowning at her computer screen. "Find a real person."

"Oh come on," I say. "The guy's just a big wedge of sleaze. Don't make excuses for him."

"I'm not," Willow says, looking up. "I'm just saying…people get lonely and…and maybe having someone around, even someone you made up, maybe it's easier."

That…makes me pause.

What if that’s why I dream about Mr. Gordo? Maybe I'm just lonely and…my subconscious has supplied me with an imaginary vampire to …make me less lonely?

"It's so weird," Tara says. "I mean, everyone wants a nice, normal person to share with, but this guy…if he couldn't find that, I guess it's…kinda sad."

And how much sadder is it that, if it's true, if …if Mr. Gordo is something I made up to keep from being lonely…that my definition of a normal person to share with is a vampire?

***

Warren's parents live not too far from the playground. It's easy enough to find. I've walked this beat a thousand times by now. Just, usually not when it's so drifty. The snow machines have been through and there are mounds of the stuff piled along the sides of the road, starting to get dirty from passing cars. Even though it's still freezing, the sun is out, making it one of the nicer days we've had in awhile. Which makes me kinda nervous, like maybe our Ice Demon is in a good mood.

As I go to knock on the Mears's front door, however, it's pulled open by a frantic looking guy with dark hair. He looks vaguely familiar, and about my age. I guess I found Warren. You’d think a robot girl would know his parent’s address. "I have to talk to you," I tell him.

A girl pokes her head around the corner to stare at me. "Who's this?" she asks. Oh, great. He’s got more of them.

"Is this about her?" Warren asks, ignoring the other girl. The way he emphasizes the her tells me everything.

"Yes.”

"Her who? Warren, something's going on here. Strange girls…” the other girl is frowning in a way that I can tell doesn't bode well for Warren. She also doesn't seem like a robot, so that's good. Maybe it’s just the one after all.

"Katrina, please be quiet, okay? This is important. Wait in the kitchen."

Geez. High handed much? But then again, a guy who builds life-size, walking, talking sex dolls probably wasn't an A student in Social Manners.

"And I'm not important? Warren, just tell her to go away," Katrina is looking kinda exasperated right now, which I totally get. Even if she’s a little rude herself.

"I can't," Warren says, finally looking a little torn. Only a little, though.

"You're keeping secrets from me," Katrina says. "Other girls, and who knows what else?"

I sigh. I know that feeling really well. Too well. Warren's days are numbered if he doesn't fess up. Warren, however, clearly isn't that bright.

"Trina, shut up," he says, irritated.

"That's it. Forget it, Warren. I'm gone," she says. Smart girl. Hey, maybe this Warren guy is a bad guy after all and I can hit him! There's a happy thought.

Warren looks torn between going after her and hearing what I have to say. It's freezing out, so I step past him into the house where I can at least wait where it's warm. Finally he gives up on Katrina and turns to me.

"My name is Buffy Summers. We were at Sunnydale High together," I tell him. "Do you know who I am?"

"Yes," he says, in a way that tells me he really does, which is good, cause it'll save some time. "I know. Um…April, did she hurt someone?"

"Not yet," I tell him, then frown, thinking of Spike flying through the window. "Well, no one that matters."

He sighs and runs his hands through his hair. "She's looking for me. You know, uh…she followed me here."

"Kinda figured that out," I tell him.

"No," he says. "No, there's more. Uh…there's something you need to know about her."

"I know," I tell him, but he clearly doesn't believe me.

“No, this is something you can’t possibly know about her,” he says. He heaves a great big breath, bracing himself for what I’m sure he thinks is going to be a dramatic revelation.

"She's a robot," he says, then waits for what I’m sure he thinks is going to be my equally dramatic reaction. I’m pretty sure he’s trying really hard not to go ‘Dun dun DUNNNN!’

"Uh huh," I say, just blinking at him.

"You know?" he says, blinking back.

"Not exactly hard to figure it out," I tell him. "I've got some experience with life-like robots and no, I really don't want to talk about it."

"Huh," he says, still looking stunned. I head for the couch and sit down. This is clearly his parents' place, cause no self-respecting college-age guy would ever decorate like this, but I don't see any parents around. Maybe they're at work.

I fill him in on some of the events from last night. He just sighs and shakes his head. "I shouldn't have made her," he says. "It was dumb, but…I'd been in college for a year and I hadn't gotten a single date, you know? I mean, I tried, I did, but…I just kept getting shot down."

I try to drum up some sympathy for him. I mean, the guy is clearly a little pathetic. "So you have girl troubles, they're not talking to you, you're not getting dates…you start thinking 'hey this isn't fair'…?" I say.

"Yeah, I mean, I felt like I deserved to have someone," he says. "You know, I mean, everyone deserves to have someone."

I wonder if that applies to Slayers with short life expectancies? It’s a nice thought, even if I’m not sure I believe it.

"So naturally you turned to manufacturing?" I say.

"Kinda," he says, looking a little shifty. Why do I feel like there's an explanation that involves beer and 'Weird Science' that isn't being given here?

"And how long did it take you to build yourself that little toy?" I ask, curious; because as robots go, she's pretty advanced. Well, Ted was pretty advanced, too. Maybe there’s like an online class or something that teaches you how to build these things.

"Oh, no, she's not a toy," he protests. "I mean, I know what you're thinking, but she's more than that."

Right. And Spike's not evil anymore. "I'm sure she has many labor-saving attachments," I say dryly.

"No," he says, seriously. "I made her to love me. I mean, she cares about what I care about, and she wants to be with me. She listens to me and supports me. I didn't make a toy, I made a girlfriend."

"A girlfriend," I say. "Are you saying…are you in love with her?" Can you love something that isn't real?

"I really thought I would be," Warren says, looking even more pathetic, if that’s possible. "I mean, she's perfect. I don't know, I …I guess it was too easy, and predictable. You know, she…got boring. She was exactly what I wanted and…I didn't want her. I thought I was going crazy."

"Really? You?" Okay, so, that might have been a little sarcastic. He just gives me a look.

Okay, maybe more than a little.

"Then something happened. Katrina was in my engineering seminar, and she was really funny and cool. You know she…she was always giving me a hard time, real…unpredictable. She builds these little model monorails that run with magnets and…” he trails off, realizing he's losing me with the geek speak. "Anyway, I fell in love with Katrina.”

Ah. Nerd love.

"Swell," I say. "Romance and magnetic trains. But first you decide to take April out of her box, play with her for five minutes, and then what? You got bored, decided to dump her, tell her to go away?"

He gives me a half-hearted response, shrugging nervously.

"And she got mad. She didn't go, huh?" I ask.

"Okay," he says. "I didn't really dump her, as much as I…I, uh, went out, and…uh…didn't come back. I left her, I…left her in my dorm room." He winces at my expression.

"You left her in your dorm room?" I ask, incredulous. Surely he's not that much of a jerk. Only he is.

"Well, I figured I could just kinda get away until her batteries gave out. Which should have been days ago," he explains.

Ugh. Why are boys so dumb? Why is it that their first response to something they don't like and can't deal with is to pack it in and leave? They get a little bored, or they aren’t getting what they think they need from a girl so…they go. I mean, sure in this case the girl is a robot, but still…it's not right, and if he weren't human, he'd be in a serious amount of trouble right now.

Any sympathy I was feeling for the Boy Genius here? It’s pretty much evaporated.

"Did you even tell her?" I ask, furious. "I mean, did you even give her a chance to fix what was wrong?"

He gives me a look like now he thinks I'm the one who's crazy, and okay…yeah, robot, but…

"I didn't need to fix anything," he says, speaking a little slow like he thinks I’m the idiot here. "I mean, her batteries were supposed to run down. Really, they should be completely dead by now."

"So why aren't they?" I ask.

"I don't…I don't know," he says, frowning. "I mean, maybe…uh, she must be recharging them somehow."

Well, duh.

"Warren," I say. "This is important. Is she dangerous?"

He shrugs. "She's only programmed to be in love," he says.

"Then she's dangerous," I say. He clearly doesn't know how dangerous love can be. "Do you have any idea how to find her?"

"Well, she's looking for me, so my guess is she's probably pretty close," he says. I sigh. Alright, time to go hunt down his robo-chick before she can do any major damage.

"C'mon, then," I say. "Let's go find her."

***

We wander the neighborhood, calling her name. I feel a little dumb, like we're looking for a dog, and not a life-size, ultra-realistic robot girl…and not sure that I shouldn't feel dumber about the fact that she's not a dog. Warren's got his hands shoved deep in his pockets and he's yelling as loud as he can. "If the batteries are still working and she hears my voice then…she'll answer," he tells me.

"She's voice activated?" I ask, thinking that could be useful. Maybe he can just shut her down.

"Well," he says with that evasive look again. "I made it so that if she heard me and she didn't answer, it …causes this kind of …feedback."

Feedback. Like…Spike's brain getting zapped when he does something wrong?

"Wait…if you call her and she doesn't answer, it hurts her?" I ask. He manages to look embarrassed. "You're one creepy little dweeb."

The Initiative would have loved him. Spike would probably want to tear his head off.

Warren shrugs, as if he's used to being called a dweeb. "April!" he yells. From over near the playground we finally hear a response.

"Warren!"

It only takes a minute to round the corner, and we both stop and stare at the scene in front of us. April, still in her completely weather-inappropriate dress, is standing in the middle of the playground. Dangling from her upraised hand like a broken doll is Katrina.

"Where have you been?" April asks, ignoring the girl she's choking. "I couldn't find you, and this girl kept lying to me, and…then she went to sleep."

Oh…god. Not good.

"April," Warren rasps. "What did you do?" He honestly looks horrified.

"Please don't be angry Warren, I'm trying very hard to make you happy," April says.

"April," I say. "I want you to put the girl down." She just looks confused.

"Warren? What should I do?" He's just standing there, staring at Katrina.

"Talk to her!" I tell him. I can't tell if Katrina is still alive or not, but we need to hurry.

"Put…put her down!" Warren says. "This is Buffy. Give Katrina to Buffy."

April slowly lowers her and Warren and I rush in and pick up Katrina before she hits the ground. Luckily there's a bench nearby.

"Is she broken?" April asks, curiously.

There's a pulse at Katrina's throat. Faint, but there. "She's alive," I say with relief. Warren and April move off a little, talking and arguing, while I try to make Katrina more comfortable. I finally tune into their conversation in time to hear him trying to convince April to go back to his dorm and wait for him. Jerk.

"Warren!" He glances over at me guiltily. "You have to tell her. And do it right," I tell him.

"What is she saying, Warren? What do you need to tell me?"

"April," he says, "Um…I m-made a mistake."

"You can't make mistakes," she says, laughing. My heart breaks for her a little. This poor thing has no clue what he's about to do to her. I'm not even sure she can understand it. All she wants is to be loved.

"No, I did," he says, sounding a little more sure. "I thought that I made you everything that I wanted, but…it wasn't really what I wanted. I'm sorry…bu-but it's over."

She's still smiling her cheerful, too bright smile. "But…I can be whatever you want. I love you. I'll do whatever you want. Would you like a neckrub?" She steps toward him, but he backs away.

"No, hey…no. See, I…I know that you love me, but the truth is, I can't love you. I mean, it's not your fault but…I don't love you," he says. "I love her." He turns to look at me and Katrina, and something red flashes across my vision. Huh?

April growls.

"She growls? You made her so she growls?" I ask.

He's looking even more nervous. What's wrong? Then April is stalking toward me. She reaches down and grabs me and flings me across the grass. Okay…not good. And remembering how strong this thing is…really not good.

A cracking sound alerts me to her new tactic. She's ripped half the board off of the seesaw and is swinging it at my head. I manage to catch it and kick her, but soon we're tussling, half falling over the bench with Katrina on it who, thankfully, manages to get up and out of the way. I get in a lucky swing with the board, catching April across the stomach, ripping away part of her dress and exposing the machinery inside of her.

Still, she keeps ticking, punching me hard enough to knock me down. I flip and land on my feet, popping back up in time to get in a hard jab at her jaw.

At some point during the fight both Katrina and Warren take off, leaving me alone to battle April. She's strong, but not as strong as she was last night, and it's not until she has me by the throat and is lifting me up that I realize why; her batteries are running down.

"You took my man," she says, as my vision starts to get dark. "I'm going to kill you. I'm going to…I can't…can't crush…so…tired." Abruptly she lets go, and I cough and back away, watching her warily. "Warren?" she asks, sounding lost. "What's happening to me?"

But Warren is gone.

April goes into shutdown, and as she starts to collapse I realize I can't leave her like this, alone in the snow. She lets me carry her over to the swings and prop her up in the seat, protesting the whole time that she was a good girlfriend, that she did everything she was supposed to do. I want to cry for her, for how lost and broken she is. Yeah, she's just a robot but…she's dying, and the man she loves abandoned her because she wasn't good enough.

"Can you cry?" I ask softly, sitting in the swing beside her. "Sometimes I feel better when I cry. But…there might be rust issues."

"Crying is blackmail. Good girlfriends don't cry," she says. That asshole even took that from her. Sometimes I really wish I could hit humans. "I rechecked everything. I did everything I was supposed to do. I was a good girlfriend."

"I'm sure you were," I tell her, thinking of Riley and everything I did …and everything I didn't do, according to him.

"I'm only supposed to love him. If I can't do that, what am I for?" she asks. "What do I exist for?"

"I don't know," I tell her. "It isn't fair. He wasn't fair to you."

"It's getting dark," she says. Only it's not. It's almost noon. The sun is still high in the sky, sparkling off the snow. It's cool, and peaceful. "It's so early to be dark. What if he comes back, and he can't find me in the dark?" she asks.

And suddenly I'm thinking of Mr. Gordo, of the blind room. My imaginary vampire who…I don't know if he loves me. I've never really thought about it before. But he's always there. He listens when I talk. He's…supportive. He spars with me, laughs with me, and…we have fun. And…I'm not sure what I'd do if suddenly I stopped dreaming about him one night. The thought of it makes me ache in ways I don't know how to define. All I know is that, even in the dark, I can find him and he can find me. I wish I could give that assurance to April.

"I'm here," I tell her. "I'll make sure he finds you."

She smiles. "Maybe this is a girlfriend test. If I wait here patiently this time, he'll come back."

I think of Riley, of how I waited. Of how I knew he wasn't coming back. And Angel. Have I been waiting all this time? But the truth is…they don't come back. If you love them, let them go…isn't that the saying? But they don't come back. No matter how much you love them, they don't come back. The ones who really love you…they stick by your side. They don't want to leave.

But I can't tell her that, so I swallow my own pain and try to be reassuring.

"I'm sure he will," I lie, because even though she’s a robot, she’s clearly hurting. "And he'll…he'll tell you how sorry he is. You know, he told me…how proud he was of you and…how impressed he was with how much you loved him and how you tried to help him. He didn't mean to hurt you." She smiles, which eases the weight of the lie.

"He's going to take me home, and things will be right again," she says, with such absolute faith.

"It'll be fine," I promise, around the lump in my throat.

"When things are sad…you just have to be patient…because every…cloud has a silver lining…and…when life…gives you lemons…make…lemonade…” she says, her voice getting slower as her battery finally runs down.

"Clouds and lemonade, huh?" I say.

"Yes, and…and…things are…always…darkest…before…” she pauses so long that I finally turn to look at her. She's gone. Her eyes are still open, her smile is still bright, but whatever kept her going is gone.

I sit with her for a little while longer, looking at the sun shining on the snow and thinking about all the men in my life who have come and gone, and the ones who've stayed, both wanted and un and even the one I didn't know I wanted but who I can't quite imagine my life without anymore, even if it is just a dream. I don't love him. I don't think. But he's my friend. And that means something.

***

I carry her back to Warren's. He's sitting on his porch, looking desolate.

"She left me," he says.

"Now you know how she feels," I say. I carry April inside and lay her on the couch. Aside from the machinery exposed, she looks like a peacefully sleeping doll, after I close her eyes.

I leave him with her and head back into town.

***

I walk for a long time, it seems, turning things over in my head.

I think about Riley, and how he said he loved me, but he didn't really love me as I was. He was everything I had thought I wanted but…he wasn't really. And Riley…he needed me to be things that I just couldn’t be.

I think about Angel and how devastated I was when he left, and how awkward things are between us now. It was just too hard for him to be here.

The place in my heart, where they used to be…it hurts. But I guess what they say is right, about time and wounds. It doesn’t hurt as bad as it used to. I can think about it without crying or even wanting to cry.

Maybe…at some point, without realizing it, I've moved on? I'm not waiting any more, not for them to come back. I don't need a boyfriend to complete me. It would be nice to have one. Really it would but…I'm okay. I have friends and family and…

Someday, maybe, I'll find someone to love again. And maybe he'll love me back, just as hard and just as strong. He won't want to leave me, and we’ll be exactly what each other need without even knowing it. I won't be able to push him away, and even in the dark, we'll be able to find each other.

But in the meantime…I'm okay.

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