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Chapter 16
 
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“Giles!” Anya said, surprised. “What are you doing here? I thought you would be busy being hung over this morning.”
 
Giles sighed. Never again. “Thank you for your concern, Anya, but I really am fine.” He glared at her until she looked away. “I wanted to examine the spell that Willow performed. I presume she found it in one of the books here?”
 
“Oh,” Anya said. “Are you trying to find a way to cure the crazy?”
 
“The … crazy?”
 
“Well…. Buffy threw Willow across the room and then she tried to kill Dawn. That seems pretty crazy to me. Plus I’m not convinced Willow did the spell right.”
 
Giles sighed again. “Please tell me everything you know about how you brought Buffy back?”
 
 
 
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When Buffy woke up, it was almost noon and the house was completely silent.
 
She felt both lethargic and fidgety, like her body couldn’t decide whether it needed to sleep for a week or go out and kill something.
 
Hungry.
 
Still in her pyjamas, she went downstairs. The fridge didn’t reveal any secrets, no matter how long she stared. She ate a pot of yoghurt. That felt … familiar.
 
She wandered around the downstairs, touching things, trying to work out what had genuinely changed while she was dead, and what she just couldn’t remember. It was depressing.
 
Then she remembered she had a punching bag in the basement.
 
She looked down at her still-healing hands. Need tape.
 
Hands taped, Buffy opened the basement door and started down the stairs.
 
Yup. Punching bag’s still here.
 
Buffy froze.
 
Also … sleeping vampire.
 
She hadn’t quite thought through all of the implications of Spike living in the basement. In particular, that he would – as a matter of course – be there, sleeping, in the middle of the day. He was in a single bed she didn’t recognise, twisted around a collection of covers and pillows.
 
She heard him draw in a deep breath, and then he moved.
 
Naked sleeping vampire.
 
 
 
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Xander was more than a little shocked to see Willow. She’d never shown up at the site before. But there she was, at the gate.
 
“Hey, Xand!” She grinned, holding up a large paper bag. “I brought lunch!”
 
“Why’d you do that, Will?” Xander smiled nervously. “Has something horrible happened that you expect me to need comforting about? Because if it has, I’d really rather wait until the working day is over before I find out what it is…. Then at least I can drown my sorrows in beer.”
 
“No, silly!” Willow said. “I just … I wanted to talk to you.”
 
“Ookay.” Xander turned to one of the guys milling around. “Hey, Richard, I’m gonna take off for a bit. Call me if you need me for anything?” Richard nodded, and Xander turned back to Willow. “Okay, Wills. I’m all yours ... for like half an hour.” He smiled sheepishly. “Then I really do need to get back.”
 
Willow smiled in agreement. A few minutes later, they were sitting on the back of his truck, munching on the sandwiches she’d brought.
 
“So,” Xander said, finally. “What’s such a big deal I rate surprise feast-age?”
 
Willow looked at him sideways. “Do you think it’s … okay … now that Buffy’s back, for Spike to keep living in the house?”
 
Xander took a deep breath. Brow furrowed, he said, “I think it’s what’s best for Dawn.”
 
Willow almost dropped her sandwich. “Wha-huh?”
 
“Look, Will, I hate Spike. I’ve lived with the guy, and honestly? I don’t know how you’ve lasted as long as you have.”
 
“Me neither!” Willow agreed.
 
“But Dawn…. We haven’t been very good at taking care of her. I mean, at first we were all grieving for Buffy and … I know I blamed her. For Buffy dying, I mean. I feel awful about it now, but….” Xander stared down at his feet. “It can’t have been easy for her to deal with. Spike – god knows why or how he’s ended up being the one – but … I really think he’s why she … got better.”
 
Willow was looking increasingly horrified. This is so not how I expected this conversation to go.
 
Seeing Willow’s expression, Xander laughed nervously. “It doesn’t make any sense, I know.” He shrugged. “I mean, soulless vampire, tried to kill us lots of times! Totally evil. But now, with that whole sleepwalking thing? It terrifies me that we did that. I didn’t think we were like that, you know? I mean, it was … it was wrong. Maybe even evil. And I know I’m the one who keeps saying that what Spike did before – with Angel – didn’t really happen, but … it’s like Spike’s always been there for Dawn. And lately, we … we’ve hurt her more than he has.”
 
“But—” Willow felt like her whole world was being ripped away from her.
 
“Spike makes her grin. I can’tgo along with something that’ll make that light go out of her again. I just can’t do it.” Xander felt a wave of guilt pass over him. “I think we’ve betrayed her badly enough already. ”
 
“But what about Buffy?” Willow asked, grasping for something to get back to surer footing.
 
Xander remembered how he’d backed away from Buffy in her bedroom, afraid of what she might do to him. That cut on Dawn’s neck…. “Buffy’s … I don’t think she’ll hurt her again.” I hope she won’t.
 
“No! I meant, what about Buffy with Spike in the house, with his whole disgusting crush thing.”
 
Xander laughed. “Oh come on, Will. He’s chipped! It’s not like he can hurt her. If I cared, I’d worry about what she’d do to him.”
 
“He might not be able to hurt her physically….” Willow muttered.
 
“What other way is there for him to hurt her?” Xander asked, confused. He stared at Willow for a few seconds. “What is this really about? There’s something you’re not telling me.”
 
Willow squirmed. “Spike said that Anya said we should start paying rent.”
 
“You’re worried about Spike because Anya asked him to pass on a message you didn’t like?” Xander’s tone was icy.
 
“Um, maybe?” Willow wavered, not quite sure why Xander had gone cold on her. “Why should he get involved in bills and stuff?”
 
Xander’s pressed his lips together. “Spike isn’t,” he ground out. “You mean why should Anya get involved.”
 
“No!” Willow realised her mistake.
 
Xander’s anger gave way to disappointment. “I thought you were past this, Will. Buffy asked Anya to help with the money stuff. It made Anya feel like she really mattered, beyond just being my …” Fiancée. “Girlfriend.”
 
“I am! I love Anya! Well, not love-love, because that’s only for Tara, but, platonic-love, totally! Go Anya with the helping.” Willow made a cheering motion with her fists.
 
“Good,” Xander said firmly. “I’m glad to hear it. And I’m sure Anya will be glad to hear it, too, when you tell her that yourself the next time you see her.”
 
He’s choosing Anya over me. He chose Spike over me. What happened to my Xander?
 
“So, we’re all good?” Xander asked.
 
“Yeah,” Willow said, dazed. “Sure.”
 
 
 
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“Buffy?” Spike mumbled. He was still mostly asleep, not sure whether her scent was real, or something he was dreaming.
 
Buffy ran back upstairs.
 
Naked Spike.
 
She’d managed not to think about him like that while they’d been … sleeping … together. But, suddenly faced with his body, all spread out in front of her like some … feast … just ready for her to dive in and taste. She could feel her nipples going hard, her innermost muscles flexing in anticipation.
 
Overwhelmed by her body’s response, her mind was stuttering. What’s wrong with me?
 
 
 
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“And then she just sort of popped up in the kitchen – actually, that part was a little spooky – and she said she was ‘okay’. But I don’t see how she could have been. I really don’t.”
 
“Right. Did she say anything about where she was?”
 
Anya thought about it. “Just that time passed more slowly, and that she couldn’t leave.”
 
“That could mean anything. I was hoping….”
 
“You think Willow was wrong, don’t you? About Buffy being in a hell dimension?”
 
Giles opened his mouth to reply, but the bell jangled over the door before he had the chance.
 
“Good afternoon!” Anya chirped brightly. “How can I best encourage you to spend your money today?”
 
The man paused in the doorway. “Good afternoon,” he said carefully. Anya thought he sounded Eastern European. “Do you always greet your customers with such … bluntness?”
 
Anya grinned. “Yes. Can I help you find something?”
 
“I had heard that you sold objects … of an unusual nature?”
 
Giles looked up from his notebook. The man didn’t look like their usual sort of client. He carried himself with the easy grace that spoke of years of physical training. His hair was not quite a brush cut, but close. His skin was lined, weathered, but Giles suspected he wasn’t much over forty. You’re some kind of soldier.
 
Getting up from the table, Giles walked towards the man. “We are a magic shop. What sort of object did you have in mind?”
 
The man cocked his head to one side, considering. The Watcher has returned. The Slayer is alive. Do I tell them now?
 
The silence was rapidly becoming awkward.
 
He smiled disarmingly. Not yet. Not yet. “A gift, for a lady friend. Soon it is her birthday, and I had hoped to find something … charming for her.”
 
With Anya’s encouragement, the man bought a simple – but prohibitively expensive – pendant that was charmed to make its wearer a little bit luckier.
 
Giles felt there was something not quite right about him, but Anya refused to hear a bad word about anyone who bought expensive jewellery in cash. She glowed as she counted and re-counted the fat wad of bills she’d just received.
 
 
 
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Tara was outside, waiting, when Dawn left school.
 
“Tara?” Dawn said uncertainly.
 
Tara waved tentatively.
 
“What are you doing here? This is kinda stalker-y….”
 
“Sorry. I just w-w-wanted to talk to you, and I thought it might be … easier … doing it somewhere other than at home. I was thinking we c-c-could go for ice cream maybe?”
 
Dawn narrowed her eyes, and a muscle in her jaw started ticking. “Is this like the Tara version of guilt-cookies?”
 
“No!” Tara said hurriedly. “I just thought … I didn’t think you liked c-coffee. And you’re still too young for b-beer.” Tara shrugged.
 
“Oh,” Dawn said, calming down. “Okay, I guess.”
 
 
 
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“Good god, that’s a lot of shake,” Tara said, awed.
 
Dawn gave a particularly loud slurp.
 
“I mean, I know that was kinda the point, but…. Good god that’s a lot of shake.”
 
“Why isn’t Willow here?” Dawn asked.
 
That was blunt. “Willow has classes all afternoon,” Tara said carefully.
 
“Because, it was her spell, wasn’t it? The rest of you just … went along with it.” Dawn’s eyes narrowed. “Like peer pressure.”
 
Tara smiled weakly. “It was Willow’s spell. But we all went along with it, so it’s all of our responsibility.” All our fault.
 
Dawn nodded and stirred her shake. In a very small voice, she asked, “That was the first time, right?” In a flash, her confident ‘wronged party’ stance had collapsed and she just looked like a frightened little girl. “I mean, it’s not like it’s some regular thing you do every time Spike goes out at night…. Is it?”
 
“Oh, Dawnie, no,” Tara said, reaching out towards her. Dawn pulled back sharply. Tara flinched, and leaned back in her chair to give Dawn space. “I think we were so nervous and scared about bringing Buffy back that we kind of … shut off our brains for a while. Willow should never have suggested it, and I should never have gone along with it. And we’re both so sorry.”
 
Dawn nodded into her shake. “It scares me that you guys could do that,” she said. “I trusted you, all of you. You were practically all I had. And you … you made me into some kind of zombie.” She paused, then looked up at Tara with very wide eyes. “Did you think I wouldn’t want to help bring Buffy back?”
 
“No, not at all. We thought … we didn’t want to get your hopes up, in case it didn’t work. It was so hard for you, with Joyce….”
 
“I guess I can understand that. But … why didn’t you just leave me at home?”
 
“We didn’t want anything bad to happen to you.”
 
Dawn snorted. “That was monumentally stupid.”
 
“Yeah,” Tara agreed ruefully. “It was.”
 
Dawn slurped at her shake some more.
 
“Um …” Tara started. “Is there anything I –Willow – we can do to make things easier? I mean, I want you to always feel safe in your own home.”
 
Dawn looked up, startled. “Spike wanted to kick you and Willow out.”
 
“Is that how you feel, too? Because you know, if it is, that’s okay. You have every right to feel that way.”
 
“The bar … helps,” Dawn said thoughtfully. “I can see as soon as I wake up that nothing happened while I was asleep. You know?”
 
Tara nodded. “I’m glad.” I so wish she didn’t need that.
 
“I don’t want Spike to leave on the weekends anymore,” Dawn blurted out.
 
“Okay,” Tara said calmly. She’d expected that.
 
Dawn was taken aback. She’d imagined way more resistance.
 
“Are you sure you’re … okay with Willow and I living with you?”
 
Dawn stopped and really thought about it. The idea of them leaving had terrified her when Spike had first mentioned it, but she hadn’t been quite sure why, then. “I think I feel like, if you guys move out, then that’s the end. I mean … ‘cause really, you’re Buffy’s friends. Not mine. And … we only ever spent time together because Buffy was dead. Now she’s back … if you guys aren’t living in the house anymore … it’s like we’ll never get the chance to resolve anything, because we’ll just drift, and it’ll always be like this. Me not knowing if I trust you, and you not knowing if I’ve forgiven you.”
 
“Oh Dawn.” Tara’s heart broke a little – she thought Dawn was probably right, but it was such a bleak outlook. Everyone who hasn’t abandoned you belongs to Buffy first. “You’re myfriend, too.”
 
Dawn gave her a withering look. “That’s just a comforting lie.”
 
“Well….” Tara trailed off as she really thought about it. Do I actually like spending time with Dawn? “You can be kinda whiny sometimes.”
 
Dawn pulled back, shocked.
 
Tara giggled at the expression on her face. “And I really wish you wouldn’t shriek so much, ‘cause it hurts my ears.”
 
Dawn just stared at her.
 
“But you have a great sense of humour. Dry. And you’re smart. You have an interesting take on things. So … yeah. I do like hanging out with you. And I’d like to think we’d maybe have been friends anyway, even without Willow and Buffy.” As Tara was saying it, she realised it was true.
 
The first hints of a real smile started twitching across Dawn’s lips. She slurped on her shake. This was a beginning of something.
 
 
 
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Willow found Buffy sitting on the sofa, staring at the spot in the wall where the TV used to be, when she came home at three.
 
“Hey, Buffy,” Willow said, happy to find her alone for once.
 
Slowly, as if she was moving underwater, Buffy blinked a few times then looked up at Willow. “Hey,” she said.
 
Willow smiled and sat down on the sofa. “Having a pyjama day, huh?”
 
Buffy looked down at herself, and snapped out of her trance. “Oh!” she cried, embarrassed as she realised she hadn’t even brushed her teeth. She jumped up from the sofa, and ran upstairs without another word.
 
Willow was stung. The first time she’d had a chance to spend some time with Buffy alone, and she just ran!

Tara and Dawn came through the door, laughing. They stopped, almost guiltily, when they saw Willow sitting alone in the living room.

“Hey, Will,” Tara said, smiling.

“Hey,” Willow said. “So what’ve you guys been doing?”

Dawn glared. “Talking.” She turned to Tara. “I’m gonna go tell Spike.” She ran off towards the basement.

“Tell Spike what, Baby?” Willow asked.

“Dawn wants him to start staying here on weekends. It makes sense.”

Willow opened and closed her mouth a few times.

“I’m gonna make some tea. You want anything?” Tara smiled again.

“No. Thanks,” Willow said, thinking furiously. 

Somehow, everything’s gone Wrong. There must be something I can change so that it’s Right again.
 
Willow ran up to her and Tara’s room and started looking through every spell book they had.
 
She knew exactly what she wanted. She wanted Dawn to forgive her and like her again, and for Buffy to see that the person she really needed by her side was her best friend of five years. She felt sure that if those two things only happened, then Tara and Xander and Giles would finally understand that everything she did was to protect her friends – no, family – and they would be proud and happy again. And Anya and Spike would fade into the background, where they belonged.
 
What she couldn’t quite figure out was the how. She found several forgetting spells that looked promising, but when she tried to work out the logistics of who would need to forget what for her desired results, she realised that forgetting was not the right tool for the job.
 
For a long time, she considered working some kind of glamour on herself, so that everyone would just appreciate her that little bit more. She even started writing out a list of ingredients. But ultimately, it just felt too squicky to make the magical change about her – Jonathan’s augmentation spell was too recent a memory. And this was all about helping Buffy, after all.
 
Then all of a sudden, she had an idea.
 
Willow giggled, then full-out belly laughed the more she thought about it.
 
It’s perfect.
 
It wasn’t even magical.
 
Buffy loves him. Everyone else hates him. Of course she’ll turn to me.
 
Willow picked up the phone and dialled.
 
“Angel Investigations. We help the hopeless.”
 
Maybe I can even find a way to anchor that pesky soul…
 
“Cordy?” Willow said. “You might want to sit down. I have some news….”
 
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