A/N: Hello! This story is finished (finally)! It has some 15,000+ words over 7 chapters. I’ll try to post a chapter per day over the next week. Reviews are appreciated, and of course, I don’t own any recognizable characters or places. I barely own the concept, it’s been re-hashed so many times. This is my version ;)

Crossposted all over creation.

Chapter 1
 
Spike’s alive. He’s alive.  Buffy clutched the phone in her hand, her heart racing as she listened to Vi’s report. “What? How? Where is he?”
 
“He’s here, in LA. He’s with that other vampire, Angel? I guess he’s been here a while, helped Angel start this whole mess. I don’t know anything else yet, but I could find out if you want.” Vi’s sweet drawl came over the phone, but Buffy could barely process what the younger slayer was saying. Her mind was stuck on a loop: Spike’s alive. Alive. Oh, god, he’s alive.’
 
“Did you tell Giles?” Buffy hadn’t spoken to Giles much since the collapse of the hellmouth. She’d been prepared to let everything go—all the treachery committed against her at the hands of her watcher and her friends, even her sister. And at first, she really had. Things had been good between them all. But slowly—or maybe not so slowly, although it had seemed like it at the time—Buffy became aware of the whispers behind her back, about Spike and her inability to stop mourning his sacrifice, about her lack of interest in actively patrolling, and about her decision to pursue a friendship with The Immortal after finding out about some of the extra special side effects of Willow’s resurrection spell. Giles and Willow were the worst of the group. She hadn’t caught much from Xander’s end, although she suspected that was because he was too busy mourning his own demon and berating himself for his own crimes against their relationship. Her sister, unsurprisingly, had stood staunchly in Buffy’s corner, supporting her right to grieve for Spike as well as her right to research The Immortal’s life and the choices he’d made, as well as what he’d learned from those choices.
 
Buffy had subsequently distanced herself from her high school friends and her watcher. It wasn’t that she had purposely set out to do so, she just found herself having less and less reason to talk to them about anything not slayer-related. They, in turn, had been shutting her out from much of the council business, which suited Buffy just fine. She still got reports from the major battles from her top slayers, such as Vi, and she still went out from time to time on patrol.
 
“No. I only told him about the battle. Should I have?”
 
Buffy’s mind had wandered so far in the few seconds of silence that she had to frantically review what had been said.  ‘Oh yeah. Giles.’  “Um, no.” Buffy’s mind flashed a remembered scene of Giles distracting her whilst Wood attempted to murder her… Her what? Her lover? They hadn’t been intimate in so long… Her main support? That seemed too cold, and not an accurate description of what she felt for him. Her vampire? “God, I can’t believe this. You’re sure?”
 
Vi laughed. “Yeah. So… See you tomorrow?”
 
Buffy was giddy. After confirming that she’d be in LA as soon as she could, she hung up and shouted for Dawn. She ran to her sister’s room and knocked on the door, opening it without bothering to wait for an answer.
 
Rather than her sister, she found Andrew digging through Dawn’s belongings under the bed. At Buffy’s entrance, he jumped up guiltily, stuttering about misplaced video tapes and comic books.
 
“I doubt she hid them under her bed, Andrew.” Buffy rolled her eyes. Having the resident ‘guestage’ around was annoying, but the Summers sisters had somehow become accustomed to his presence. “Anyway, not important.”
 
“You’re not going to kill me?”
 
“Why bother, when she can do it herself? Besides, I just found out the best news!” Buffy flashed a huge smile and shocked him with a tight hug, causing him to wince at her exuberance.
 
“Um, you’re sure you’re not trying to kill me?” Andrew squeaked.
 
“Spike’s alive! He’s alive and in LA with Angel!” Buffy stepped back and frowned slightly. “I don’t know why he’s in LA with Angel. Or why he’s not here. Maybe he doesn’t know where I am.”
 
“Oh.”
 
“‘Oh?’ That’s all you have to say? Just ‘oh’? Why are you not making with the lame analogies that I don’t really get?”
 
“Uh, please don’t kill me?”
 
Buffy’s voice turned stern. “Andrew? What’s going on?”
 
Andrew made an attempt at bravery, pulling himself to his full height and squaring his shoulders. “I saw the Heroic Vampyre when I went to fetch the Rogue Slayer, Dana. And again with the Dark Vampyre when they came looking for you.”
 
“What?!”
 
Andrew ran to the other side of Dawn’s bed. “Please don’t kill me?”
 
“Andrew, what do you mean you saw him when you got Dana? That was…  months  ago. And—and he was here? Why didn’t you tell me?” What the  hell  was going on here?
 
“I was sworn to secrecy by the Vampyre.” He winced. “And I got in so much trouble the last time I told a secret.”
 
“Andrew, you got in trouble because you videotaped Council meetings.” She took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself. “What happened? What did he say? Why did he tell you to keep it a secret?”
 
Andrew straightened his shoulders. “He said that he wanted to tell you himself.”
 
“Oh.” She sat heavily on Dawn’s bed, and Andrew warily approached her. “So why hasn’t he?”
 
“I don’t know. Maybe he wanted to wait until he completed his heroic mission of redemption, like the great—”
 
“Never mind.”
 
Andrew bit his lip. “He wanted to see you when he was here. I’m sure of it. I don’t know why he didn’t wait for you; I told him you love him…” He trailed off uncertainly as Buffy hunched her shoulders.
 
“Yeah. Well, I’ve got to pack. I told Vi that I’d help with the cleanup crew. Ah, if you see Dawn, tell her that Spike’s in LA and that I’m going, if she wants to come. Just in case I don’t see her.”
 
“Sure, Buffy. Anything you want.” He finally sat next to her and hesitantly wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “I’m sure… I’m sure he has a good reason. He loves you; I know it. Yours was the greatest love affair since Han and Leia. Greater, even. Like… Spock and Kirk. Or, wait—I mean…” He groaned. “I don’t know. I’m all flustered and can’t think of anything. But I know it will all be okay. It just has to.”
 
She smiled softly at him. He’d actually become a pretty good friend, for all his nerdiness. He was more loyal than she ever would have thought he could be, and she’d come to appreciate that quality after all the betrayal she’d felt in her young life.
 
*~*~*
 
Fifteen hours later, Buffy and Dawn stood in front of the Hyperion. Dawn glanced at her sister as Buffy breathed deeply, her eyes closed.
 
“Coming?”
 
Buffy cracked one eye open and peered at Dawn. “Just, you know, preparing.”
 
Dawn snorted. “For what? Seeing the great broody one?”
 
“Among others.”
 
“Come  on . You know Spike’s going to be over the moon to see you.”
 
“Yeah. But what if he’s not? I mean, he’s been back for  months , Dawnie, and he hasn’t even made so much as a phone call. I’m scared,” Buffy admitted.
 
“Sheesh. You don’t bat an eye at huge nasty demons, but you’re all freaked out by seeing the guy you love?”
 
“Well, yeah.”
 
“Come on.” Dawn grabbed Buffy by the arm and started dragging her toward the building.
 
Slayers milled around the hotel lobby, chatting and giggling. Someone had cordoned off a section for use as a makeshift infirmary, but the majority of the girls only had cuts and bruises. Five of them were in casts, and two were laid out on beds with more serious injuries. Vi had told Buffy that the team had suffered one casualty, a girl that Buffy didn’t know but nonetheless mourned, and three had needed to stay at the hospital although Buffy was assured that they would be okay.
 
Vi spotted Buffy and Dawn standing awkwardly in the door way and broke away from the group of slayers that she’d been talking to. She hugged them both, saying, “You guys must be exhausted! I made Angel save you a room on our floor. I hope that’s okay. Come on, let’s get you a key; he locked himself in his office after we made tonight’s sweep.” She giggled, rolling her eyes. “I think all of us slayers made him nervous.”
 
Dawn looked at Buffy apologetically. “I’m going to go say hi to some of the girls.”
 
Buffy waved her on, muttering, “Traitor.”
 
Vi led the way to Angel’s office with a continuous stream of speech. “So, the sweep went well. Leanne fractured her arm, but only because she was too reckless. It wasn’t bad; she should be fine by tonight. She keeps thinking she has something to prove, and refuses to follow formation. I swear I’m going to tell Giles that I don’t want her in my team anymore. And Stacy was knocked out when a Gn’lsh demon got the drop on us. Again, Leanne’s fault for breaking formation. She really is a liability. She’s certain she’s ready for team leader. She’s had plenty of field time, but she just doesn’t understand that slayers don’t stand alone. Every time we try to tell her, she brings up you and Faith—never mind that it used to  only  be you and Faith. Gabby’s doing really well, though, and I think I’ll recommend her for a leader position soon…”
 
Buffy listened fondly as Vi prattled on. Whereas Faith had always maintained that slaying made her hungry and horny, Vi obviously dealt with the adrenaline overload by chatting. Buffy couldn’t help but sigh in relief when they reached Angel’s office, where Vi left her with a wave.
 
She knocked on the door and opened it when Angel called out a terse “What” from inside.
 
“Buffy.”
 
“Angel.” She stared at her hulking ex, vaguely wondering when her heart had stopped fluttering at the sight of him.
 
“What are you doing here?”
 
“Well, hello to you, too. I heard this nasty rumor that you’d started an apocalypse. Came to find out if it’s true.”
 
“Didn’t start one. Prevented it by taking out a council of beings intent on causing it. Now you know, you can go.”
 
Buffy exhaled and rubbed her forehead. “Angel, I’m sorry. I wasn’t going to act all bitchy. I came here to help and to see—you.”
 
“See me? Or to see Spike?”
 
“So it’s true? Spike’s here? Why didn’t you tell me?”
 
“Because you deserve the normal life that you always wanted.”
 
“Don’t you think that’s for me to decide? Yeah, I wanted a normal life. When I was sixteen. As I recall, the first time I said much about having a truly ‘normal life’ was right after a career week at school, when I realized I’d never have a normal career. I didn’t think I’d live long enough. After you came back from hell, I was all for an  ab normal life. With you. ”
 
“Damn it, Buffy, I left so that you could follow that dream.”
 
“I tried. And that worked out  so  well.”
 
“Well, you can now!”
 
“No. I can’t. Look, I really don’t want to argue. Dawn and I just got in. We’re tired. Can we stay here, or not?”
 
Angel regarded her, his thoughts morose. “I gave you 300 and 301. They’re across the hall from each other on the floor I gave the slayers.” He slid two keys towards her across his desk.
 
“Thanks, Angel. We appreciate it.” She briefly thought about asking where Spike was, but threw the idea out, figuring that one of the girls would know—and be more gracious about telling her.
 
As she turned to leave, he blurted, “I have someone in my life now. You know, in case you thought…”
 
Gripping the door knob, Buffy had to roll her eyes. Did he really think that she was looking for a relationship with him?
 
Turning, she forced a smile to her lips. “Good for you. I’m glad. Just—be careful, okay?”
 
He frowned at her lack of reaction. “She’s great. Really understands what it’s like.”
 
“What what’s like?”
 
“Living with a demon. She understands.”
 
“Oh. Well, that’s good, I guess.”  ‘What, is she another vamp?’  Buffy wasn’t so naive anymore to think that a soulless creature was incapable of love, but she still doubted that Angel, with all his hang-ups, would date someone like that. So, not a vamp. Something else, maybe. Werewolf, perhaps? Buffy smiled slightly as Oz’s face flashed through her mind.
 
“Her name is Nina. She’s great.”
 
“Uh, yeah. So you said.”
 
“I was just about to call her.”
 
“Okay. I’ll let you get to that, then.” She turned back to the door. She sighed when Angel spoke again.
 
“I just wanted you to know that I moved on. I’m not waiting anymore.”
 
Facing him again, Buffy mentally shrugged her shoulders. If he wanted to rub her nose in his relationship, she’d let him. It’d make it easier for him to deal with her reunion with Spike if— when —it happened. “Really, Angel, I’m happy for you. We’ve been over for a long time, even if it took me a while to admit it.”
 
He glowered, disappointed. “You’re going to try to be with Spike, aren’t you?”
 
Scowling, she said, “If you must know, yes. I love him. I told you that a year ago.”
 
“You said he was ‘in your heart’.”
 
“Uh-huh. And then, after… after Sunnydale, I told you I was in love.”
 
“But you were just—I don’t know, feeling sorry for him because he died!”
 
She winced. “No, that wasn’t it at all.”
 
“Well, it’s too late now.” He paused, and then plunged ahead, eager to cause her as much heartache as she’d caused him. “He moved on, too.”
 
“No.” Her voice was firm, but her heart shuddered as he nodded his head and an odd expression— was that sympathy, or something else? —came into his eyes. “No, I don’t believe you. No one loves like he loved me and then just—just  gets over it. ”
 
His demon roared in satisfaction at the new tremor in her voice. “Well, I guess he didn’t love you like you thought.”
 
Buffy shook her head and closed her eyes. “Why are you doing this, Angel? Why are you trying to hurt me? If you’re as ‘over me’ as you say you are, then why?”
 
Angel pushed away from his desk and leaned back in his executive chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “I still care about you, Buffy. I’m only trying to protect you. Stop you from making a fool of yourself over him.”
 
She trembled. This was her worst nightmare, come true. “No.”
 
“Yes. I’ll prove it.” Before she could protest, he grabbed her roughly by the arm and dragged her out of his office. He briefly scanned the lobby before narrowing in on a strange blue woman who was standing in a corner, her head cocked to the side as she gazed at a fake plant.
 
The woman spoke as Angel approached her, towing Buffy in his wake. “This confuses me. I do not understand its purpose.” She turned sharp eyes to Buffy. “You are The One.”
 
Angel spoke before Buffy could. “Illyria, please tell Buffy about your relationship with Spike.” He held his metaphorical breath and desperately hoped that Illyria would give Buffy a description that would suit his needs.
 
“The white haired one is my pet.”
 
‘Good,’  he thought, nodding. “Uh-huh. And why is that?”
 
Illyria cocked her head in a gesture that starkly reminded Buffy of Spike, although her eyes came nowhere close to conveying the emotions that were so obvious in his. “He is a passable warrior for a lower being. He has stamina, and is enjoyable to play with.” She abruptly faced Buffy fully, and Buffy felt as though the woman’s stare pierced her soul. “This distresses you. Why?”
 
Pain blossomed in Buffy’s chest, and she felt sure she would discover a gaping wound visible upon her breast if she were to look down. Her mouth opened to speak, but she shut it abruptly, uncertain of what to say. Before she could piece her thoughts together, Angel was once again dragging her away, leaving Illyria staring after them.
 
“You see, Buffy,” he was saying, “you really don’t want to let yourself be more hurt than you already are. And I wouldn’t approach Illyria if I were you. She’s a god.”
 
“I’ve taken on a god already, and I’m still around,” she mumbled distractedly.
 
He looked at her sideways. “Yeah, and you died.”
 
She shook her head vaguely. “Glory didn’t kill me; the fall did.”
 
“Buffy.” He said her name gently now that he felt that he had ensured that she wouldn’t go chasing after Spike. “Maybe you should just go.”
 
“I promised Vi that I’d help her with some clean up. She didn’t call in another team because I said I’d be here. I can’t go.” She smiled wanly at him, attempting to hide her pain. “I’m tired. I think I’ll go to my room.”
 
She turned from him abruptly and fled upstairs, leaving Dawn to find her own way to her room. She needed to be alone, needed to sleep, needed to process the thought that Spike might still be lost to her despite his return to the world.
 
TBC

A/N: I have been working on this story for quite some time—it’s survived the transfer between three computers, two jobs, a marriage, a pregnancy, birth, and first birthday. Every once in a while I would open it up and re-read it and maybe add a few lines. It’s been sitting in my documents file under the name “Untitled post NFA slight angst” for so long that I honestly thought about not coming up with a real title.
 
So… This novelette has a special place in my heart. But since it is unbeta’d, which poses a bit of a problem when I know the story so well. Please, drop me a line if you spot any glaring errors. I hope you enjoyed this story.