Disclaimer: Joss said to write fan fic...so that’s what I’m doing.

Thanks to Copy for the ‘constipated’ line.
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Chapter 6: Angel Breath.

Spike looked at the woman he loved with a awed expression on his face. The fact that she knew it was him... Well yes he had dropped some hints...

Buffy reached up and put her hand on Angel’s cheek. It was amusing to think that Angel had another expression other than constipated.

“Buffy?” questioned Spike.

“I know it’s you Spike. How could I not? You called me pet, you...look at what you’ve done to Angel!”

Spike snickered.

“I’m sure that there is some deep seeded resentment against him, but really? Pink hair?”

“What can I say, love? I was inspired.”

Buffy shook her head sadly, then tried desperately to stifle a yawn.

“Right knackered you are.”

“Maybe a little,” she admitted sleepily. “Come back to the lab with us. I want you in your own body.”

“Now why would you want that pet?” he asked innocently.

“Why do you think?”

Spike raised his eye brow in that suggestive way he had.

A frown passed over Buffy’s face.

“I won’t be doing anything that you are thinking about while you are in Angel, Spike. It’s just weird.”

Spike rolled his eyes.

“Come back with me?” she asked. “Please?”

“And do what? Watch you sleep?”

“Hey! I’m not...ok, maybe I was going to, but...Hey!”

“What possible use could we be in a soddin’ Science lab?”

Buffy pondered that for a moment.

“We’d probably just blow things up,” said Buffy wistfully.

“Maybe we can blow up the whole ELF building?” suggested Spike.

“Oooh you are evil.”

“What can I say baby, I’ve always been bad.”

Buffy started to laugh.

“What?”

“It’s just so wrong when it comes out of Angel’s mouth.”

Buffy grabbed Angel’s hand and pulled Spike back towards the lab.

“Luv?” he said stopping her. “The tights were a right fine joke to play on the poofter, but they really are starting to itch....”

Buffy snorted.

“Fine go change. But I want you back in the lab ASAP!” she ordered.

Spike smiled. “Very well fair lady, to the Angel cave, away!” he said with a flourish, turning and bounding down the hallway.

Buffy snuck back into the lab earning looks from everyone assembled. Well everyone except Xander and Andrew, who had fallen asleep.

“Everything alright, Buffy?” asked Wesley.

“Yep, everything’s just great,” said Buffy. “How goes the de-ghostifying of Spike?”

“Nothing yet,” said Fred.

Buffy turned and looked at Angel who was pacing the room very Spike like. Buffy thought about exactly how horrible it must be for Angel to be not only trapped as a ghost in Spike’s body but knowing and seeing what exactly Spike was doing to his body.

Buffy made a mental note to buy Angel some brown hair dye.
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Spike came back into the lab, wearing normal Angel type clothes, and Buffy could almost hear the breath of relief that Angel exhaled out of Spike’s ghostly form. The pink hair was still far too bright, she couldn’t look directly at it.

“So, uh any leads?” asked Spike, Angel like, sans accent.

“Wesley and I have a theory,” said Fred.

“Out with it then,” Spike spouted eagerly.

“We postulate that the absorption of slayer blood into the amulet itself will increase the rate at which William the Bloody’s ghost will rematerialize,” said Wesley.

“I have to bleed on it?” asked Buffy eyeing the jewel.

“Yes, just until Spike can make contact with this dimension. Then the blood will be needed to ingested directly until complete materialisation.”

Buffy didn’t understand.

“So I bleed on it, and everything gets better? No funky chanting, or incense, or me getting gooified?” she asked.

“No, it’s goo free,” said Fred happily.

“It does appear that Spike will be tied to the amulet for the rest of his unlife. Which shouldn’t be a problem, really,” continued Wesley.

“Just don’t lose it and you can go where ever you want,” explained Fred to Angel, who was still pacing.

“I‘m still in Spike’s body!” shouted Angel, though no one could hear him but Spike. “Why don’t you tell them what’s going on?”

Spike turned away from Angel and grabbed Buffy around the waist.

“Let go!” she said playfully. “Not in front of the others!”

Spike smiled and turned to wink at Angel.

Angel smiled. “She still thinks you are me, you know,” said Angel smugly. “You think she wants you but it’s me she really wants.”

Spike knew it wasn’t true, but he let Angel think his words affected him. That is until Buffy let out a yawn.

“You’ve had a hard day Buffy. Why don’t you get some rest?” said Spike, very Angel-esque

Buffy nodded and let Spike lead her out of the room.

Spike found out where Harmony had booked Buffy, the whelp and the guestage to stay that night, sitting on Harmony’s desk along with details about Xander’s eye operation the next day.

“Have plans tomorrow?” asked Spike, his accent returning now that they were alone.

“Besides bleeding on a gaudy necklace? Not really. You?”

“Embarrass Peaches, part deux.”

“Oh yes, you know he’s going to kill you when he gets solid again.”

“Perhaps pet, but that’s why I have these...” Spike slipped into Angel’s office and brought out a package of photos.

Buffy’s eyes went wide. “Can I see?” she asked grabbing the envelope from Angel’s hands and starting to go through the pile.

The clothes shop, the stylist, the piercing parlour, the bouncer (named Percy, informed Spike), the Purple Banana, Conga line dancing, the Magnificent Poofter.

Buffy wiped a tear of laughter from the corner of her eye and pushed the photo’s back into the envelope.

“Oh Spike, he’s really going to cut off your head.”

“Perhaps, Love, but it’ll be well worth it, just to see you smile,” Spike reached up and caressed her face with Angel’s bulky hand. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen you so carefree.”

“Not in a good long time,” she agreed. “Are you going to take me to my hotel or what?”

Spike tried a leer, but unfortunately came off as something incredibly odd, coming from Angel’s perpetually broody face.

“Ug, I’m so not sleeping with you in his body Spike. I thought we talked about this.”

“We did pet, we did.”

“You’ve got Angel breath...”
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“Any change?” asked Buffy as she walked into Fred’s lab the next day. It was empty except for Fred typing away on a computer.

“Not really, but does he seem more, less see-through to you?” said the brunette.

Buffy peered closely at Spike’s transparent body.

“Little bit,” Buffy agreed. “So when do I get to bleed on stuff?”

“I think once everyone gets here. Welsey’s bringing coffee.”

“And Xander brings doughnuts...everywhere.”

Fred nodded and turned back to the computer.

“Has...” Fred began. “Has Angel ever acted this weird before. I mean I’ve only known him for a few years and all...”

Buffy smiled. “No, Angel’s never acted this weird since I’ve known him. But I haven’t known him all that long. Eight years really. Not long when you think that he’s 240 something.”

“Ya, guess it’s just one of his phases.”

“Phases?”

“Oh you know, brood, hate the world, brood, kill my friends, brood, join evil law firm...”

“E.L.F.”

“Huh?”

“Evil Law Firm...E.L.F. ELF. Like the keeblers or the Liv Tyler version.”

“Orlando Bloom,” drooled Fred for a second.

“With the platinum blond hair and piercing blue eyes...” babbled Buffy.

“Uh, Orlando Bloom has brown eyes...”

“Not in my world,” said Buffy.

“I think you like a certain blonde vampire.”

“Nah, you think so?” asked Buffy sitting on the edge of Fred’s work table.

“Does Angel know?”

“Kinda, sorta. We had not so pleasant words after Sunnydale collapsed.”

“When Spike died.”

“Yep, and now he’s back and I can’t touch him,” Buffy pouted.

“Soon you will,” said Fred, giving the slayer a smile.

Xander entered the room. “Beware one eyed scoobies bearing doughnuts,” he said happily. “Though my one eyed days are numbered. Today, the last day anyone will be able to get away with all the pirate jokes.”

“Aren’t you worried at all?” asked Fred helping herself to a glazed pastry of goodness.

“What can go wrong?” said Xander happily munching away.

“Ooh coffee,” exclaimed Buffy as Wesley came into the room with trays of coffee. “Where’s Andrew?”

“The Dungeon Master decided to check out the mail room,” supplied Xander.

“The mail room?” asked Welsey.

“Seems The Magnificent Poofter’s side kick, Video Boy was once formally known as Carlos from the mail room,” explained Xander.

“Do we know where the Magnificent Poofter is?” asked Buffy, only to wish she hadn’t said the words as Angel, in Spike’s body walked through the wall.

“Excellent, William the bloody has graced us with his presence,” said Wesley, slightly more sarcastic than Buffy would have liked.

“I’m not Spike!” seethed Angel, though no one could hear him.

Wesley set about explain what the ritual would entail. It was simple enough, BUffy would bleed on the member of the Liz Taylor collection while Fred would monitor Spike’s ghostliness. Buffy was holding the knife about to slit her palm for the blood needed when through the door in walked Angel, or rather Spike in Angel’s body, sporting today’s masterpiece.

“Holy crap!” shouted Xander, holding on to the arms of his chair.

The room erupted into giggles and snorts as Spike, keen on making the most of the event, turned around for everyone to view.

Angel, champion of the powers that be, was decked out in a bright red loud Hawaiian shirt, that clashed horribly with his pink hair, which was now teased into dread locks. He wore green short shorts and flip flops. And to top it all off, Spike had painted Angel’s fingernails and toenails sparkly purple.
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tbc...