~*~

Spike hadn’t been so out of it that he hadn’t noticed all the long whispered conversations between Angel and Buffy. He noticed the gentle touches and how Buffy seemed to lean on Angel as she had once before, when just a teen in the first throes of love.

Buffy saw it quite differently, of course. Spike didn’t realize those conversations all centered around HIM and their desire to help him. Buffy hadn’t discussed her feelings with Spike again since that last night together, the first real night of lovemaking between them.

Buffy was noticing a relationship between herself and her first love that she had never expected and would have doubted possible only a few months prior. They were becoming friends. Real, confide-y, concerned friends.

Her "undying love" for Angel had radically altered, just as her disgust and dislike for Spike had changed. She had finally put the great, neverending, angst-ridden love in the past and learned to embrace the real man that Angel was. The embrace was that of a loving friend only.

The fire and passion of their love story seemed to have been doused by the real thing. Buffy would always love Angel, but knew she was not IN love with him and hadn’t been in a long while. She had even begun to suspect that neither she nor Angel had ever really seen the actual person they professed to "4eva" love. The rose-colored glasses were off and Buffy loved him still, but ONLY as a friend. She suspected that came as a relief to Angel rather than a heartbreak.

In fact, Buffy had a suspicion that Cordy was in for quite the surprise when Angel returned to LA permanently. She had seen Angel in love and knew the looks, the signs. Unless she was wide off the mark, his feelings now centered on Buffy’s old rival.. Buffy genuinely wished them both well. With his soul anchored, Angel could at last have the love he so desperately wanted and needed.

Buffy was glad for a multitude of other reasons. There was Angel’s son in the picture, a son Cordy already loved as her own. Buffy was not missing the idea of playing mommy to a teen. Since Angel had managed to reproduce, Buffy wasn’t ruling out a little Spike or Buffy one day, but she had NO desire to start with a ready-made family centered on a teenager. No, far better to let Queen C have that honor.

As Spike continued to refuse her touches or words of love, Buffy started losing patience. She had a hard enough time tapping into that part of herself without having it rejected when she DID summon it. Love was the hardest thing for her to express or accept. She understood Spike’s withdrawal was about how he felt about himself, not her, but still it drove her crazy.

"Look, you always used to make fun of Angel, calling him Brood Boy and going on and on about him and his perpetual guilt. You’re just as bad! It’s not the soul, ‘cause the rest of us have them and we don’t go around all ‘I’m terrible, you should hate me’.

You killed people, I get that. I’m the Slayer, Spike, I know what vampires do. You survived a long time as a vampire, so you did it well. I really do understand that you hate the things you did, I do. But, Spike, IT’S IN THE PAST!" she nearly yelled. "You can’t undo your history. Besides, you had already changed before the soul. You haven’t killed anything that wasn’t evil and needing killing in years. You’ve helped all of us, saved lots of lives, helped to save the world a couple of times even. You can’t bring those people back no matter how sorry you are."

"You think I don’t know that? You think I don’t wish I could undo it all? Any good I’ve done, I’ve done for YOU, Buffy. Not really noble at all, not good. Even if my motives had been better, it doesn’t make up for the harm I’ve done", Spike replied with a sigh. "How I ever thought I could be good enough for you I’ll never know. I’m beneath you. Shoulda listened to you long ago".

"That’s enough, mister. I don’t let ANYONE talk like that about my boyfriend, even my boyfriend. You aren’t beneath me or anyone else, you dope. Okay, you may have started changing to score points with me, but you kept on even when you weren’t getting any credit. You didn’t go back to being the Big Bad. You kept on helping, changing and doing good things. You are the one who agreed to take this damned soul back! How bad could you really be if you actually wanted that? Can you see Angelus agreeing to accept his soul? I don’t think so.

You have to stop dwelling on things you can’t make right and start working on now and the future. You can’t save any of those already dead, but you can continue to keep others alive just like you’ve been doing. You’ve made a difference already, Spike. Just keep it up and it will make it a good thing that you survived all these years. If you weren’t here, how many of the people you save now would die? You feel bad because of what you did to live this long? Make it count for something", Buffy said.

Spike blinked in surprise. Much of what Buffy had said made sense. He couldn’t bring anyone back to life, but he could stop others from dying.

"You said you wanted to be a good man. Fine, be a good man, Spike. You have it in you. I’ve watched you fight the demon within you and win most of the time. Now with this shiny new soul it should be easier to do that. Use that soul for something more than a whip to punish yourself", Buffy said.

"All right, you’ve made your point, Slayer. Don’t mean to be some Shakespearean tragedy here. Had a lot to take in. Not wantin’ to wander around eternity like a cheap Angel knock-off, all dour and broody.

How’s the wanker doing, by the way? Since he’s been going back to LA on weekends, he hasn’t said how things are there. He’s been actin’ way too cheerful to be the sire I know and loathe. I think he even managed four separate facial expressions in one conversation", Spike joked.

He was curious about Angel’s mood, but he really wanted to stop talking about himself and his brand new soul.

"Yeah, he’s really happy since Willow’s spell anchored his soul and he doesn’t have to worry about Angelus popping back in the picture now", Buffy said. She smiled fondly at the memory of how very pleased Angel had been once the implications had finally hit him.

"Huh, didn’t know ‘bout that". Now Spike understood all the touching and the whispered, serious, conversations between Buffy and her first love. "Makes sense now. He said he’s bringin’ his whelp back with him this time. Guess they’ll be lookin’ to move back here soon. They movin’ in here or are you going to find a new place for the little family?" Spike asked. His voice only shook a little and he prayed that Buffy hadn’t noticed it.

Poof had his soul all safe-like and Romeo could finally be with Juliet. Such a happy ending, so why did Spike feel like curling up in a ball and crying? "Well, I hope you are all really happy, Buffy, truly. No one deserves to be happy as much as you do. Can’t say that for Peaches, but I know it’s your dream come true and all."

Buffy stared at Spike as if he’d lost his mind. "What part of ‘I love you’ did you not understand? Does this new soul of yours make you stupid?

Listen up, idiot, I Love YOU! Sure, I love Angel, but as a friend. He’s bringing Connor here because we all want to meet him and we thought it might help them get closer, too. My best guess is that he and Cordy will be the ones house hunting.

What’s the matter with you, Spike? The only reason I haven’t been sharing your bed every night is because you haven’t let me. You are the one who has drawn away from me in some misguided attempt to protect me from the ‘evil vampire’ you’ve decided you are. I guess I’ll just have to stop babying you and these weird-ass moods you’ve taken to. Geesh, Spike! Me and Angel? Sooooo last century!"

The look of amazement on Spike’s face was priceless. He felt as if he had just been given new life. Buffy’s love was so new to him and so unexpected that he had trouble believing it wasn’t something he had made up or misunderstood. Buffy had been pretty clear this time. Not only did she love him, Spike, but she had chosen him over Angel. She had a real choice and picked HIM. Spike’s mind boggled. Maybe he WAS worth something if a woman like Buffy found something worth loving in him.

If she was right, Angel had moved on as well and wouldn’t be trying to win back Buffy’s love. Spike’s experience with Dru made that possibility an area of insecurity only time might heal. Spike didn’t remember much about the Cordelia, just that she’d been a pretty bint with quite a mouth on her.

Yes, he and his sire were lucky blokes indeed to have stumbled into this town and had their unlives turned upside down. Who would have thought it possible for two of the worst vampires in history to turn out this way and be loved by two beautiful, incredible women. It didn’t make sense really, but Spike was tired of looking a gift horse in the mouth.

"Sorry, Buffy. I don’t want to push you away any more. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything or anyone. Die without you in my life, be glad to at that. The worst part of all my time in those labs was thinkin’ no one would even notice or care what happened to me. It’ll take a bit of getting used to, being loved. I might need you to pinch me every so often, pet.

Funny getting everything I ever wanted just at the time I get the one thing that’s tellin’ me how much I don’t deserve any of it. Gonna take it, though. All of it--you, your love, a life with you. Gonna take it and do right by you. Gonna be a man you can be proud of, not embarrassed that you love. Even gonna be nice to Xander", Spike promised.

"Well, don’t go totally crazy here, Spike", Buffy said with a laugh. "You might scare Xander if you’re too nice to him. I am proud of you, all you’ve accomplished even without the soul or any encouragement from any of us. I’m not embarrassed. I
think the life you plan for us will finally make it okay to have been pulled from heaven. I think we’ll make a piece of heaven right here."

More prayers than just Dante’s had been answered of late. Spike had traveled from hell to purgatory only to find his own Beatrice waiting in the only heaven he cared about. The biggest miracle was Buffy, Spike’s Beatrice, waiting with arms opened to him offering her love. Somewhere in the eternal, an old poet smiled.


Spike leaned in and kissed her willing lips. She pressed herself as close to him as possible as her tongue sought entrance to his mouth. She had been hungering for his touch, his taste and now her enforced starvation diet was at an end.

They had only made LOVE those few times after he had healed from the torture, now that was all they would do when having sex.

Every emotion Buffy found hard to express with words would be shouted with her body, and often. In time she might be able to be as good with words as Spike. She would try.

Spike kept whispering, "I love you, Buffy, I adore you", between kisses. She wondered how she had ever doubted the truth of that or his ability to love at all.

They kissed their way up to her bedroom, soon to become theirs, not releasing contact with each other. They had the house to themselves, but didn’t want any interruptions to their lovemaking.

"Think I need to redecorate since my frilly stuff is sooo not you, baby. I'm not saying we go with skulls and cobwebs either, sweetheart, but I want it to show its yours too. Didn’t you offer to help me once a while back?", Buffy asked.

"Yeah, but if you’re in the room, it’s decorated just fine, pet. Perfect even. I’ll be glad to help though, if you really want me to". His mind reeled at the terms of endearment she had directed at HIM.

"Well, since I plan on it being OUR room from now on, I think you should have some say in how it looks. You’ll also need to move your stuff in. Maybe make some changes throughout the house. I want it to be OUR home, Spike--yours and mine. Willow and Tara will be moving out after this semester. They’ve kept most of their stuff in their room anyway. This is our place, our future.

But now……" She led him into the room in question, closing the door with her foot as her hands were already busy removing his t-shirt.

They undressed each other with the same speed they used to when it was all about the sex then slowed down when skin met skin without any barriers. Buffy was ready, really ready with no need for Spike’s talented foreplay. Time enough for play next time. Buffy sat on the bed and drew Spike to her. She lay back on the bed and looked up at her lover with lust-filled eyes. "Now, Spike. I need you inside me now."

Spike moved between her spread legs and leaned down to touch his hardened cock to her dripping quim. He entered her quickly, causing her to gasp in pleasure. His thrusts were hard and deep and moved her body further on the bed until he lay atop her. She had come almost at once and was well on her way to another orgasm when Spike slowed the pace and flipped her over so that she was on top. She took over the tempo then and moved up and down on his willing cock with the force needed to bring her off again. Spike used his ever so talented fingers to tweak her clit as she was coming, leading to an orgasm that seemed to go on forever.

Buffy collapsed on him and eagerly plundered his mouth with hot kisses. They rolled to face each other, side by side, and Spike resumed thrusting in her. This time he was moving slowly and deeply, stopping when fully sheathed to move his hips and grind his pelvis to her clit. She rocketed to her third orgasm on his fifth thrust.

Her inner walls did their dance on his cock, driving him ever closer to his own orgasm. Buffy moved onto her back, pulling Spike with her without breaking their kiss. He began to pound into her again, this time not holding anything back as he reached for his own pleasure while giving her a fourth orgasm at the same time.

Afterwards, they lay spooned together, each touching as much of the other’s body as possible. Spike was running one hand through Buffy’s hair while his other hand drew lazy circles on her belly. She was caressing his arm as he drew the invisible circles. Her deep sigh spoke of utter contentment.

"So, you think this will ever get old?" she asked.

"Buffy, beloved, it will only get old if I do, and that’s not likely to happen. Even if vamps could age, there’d always be Viagra. Brilliant use of science, that".

"What about when I get old?" Buffy asked.

"Well, since my goal in life is to make sure you DO get old, I’ll be the happiest vamp in the world. You will also still be the most beautiful, desirable woman that ever existed. You will always be my whole world, Buffy. That’s not gonna change because some calendar changes. Gonna love you forever, pet, already do.

You’re gonna be the sexiest ninety-year-old that’s ever lived, and I’m gonna be right there still adoring everything about you", he promised.

Finally, Buffy knew her vampire well enough to know that when it came to love, he was never just all talk. She basked in the sure knowledge that he was more than able to do exactly as he said. "Finally, a guy who’ll never leave. Who’d have thought it would be you back when we first met?"

"First time I saw you, dancing like music lived inside you, I knew then that I didn’t want to leave. Didn’t know why for a while, but didn’t want to leave. Wanted to dance. Kept comin’ back. Belong here, love, at your side. Glad you agree now", Spike said and kissed her hair.

Buffy spent the remainder of the day showing him how very much she did agree and Spike learned that loving was even finer with the soul there to give suggestions. Seemed his soul was quite creative, too, when allowed to voice its opinion.

Spike had his heaven, his 'Love that moves the sun and the other stars' and happily led Buffy on a journey of discovery of her own. This time, the Bloody Awful Poet got it all right.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Epilogue:
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

London: Headquarters of the Council of Watchers:

Quentin Travers looked up from the ancient text he was studying as his secretary knocked politely on his office door. "Come in", he said.

"Mr. Travers, sir, Bentley from the laboratory is requesting an interview with you. He said it is most imperative that you give him at least ten solid minutes of your time. Rather impertinent, in my opinion", the secretary offered with a sniff.

"I’ll see him. Lucky for him I’m at a good place for a break in this research project. I’ll speak to him about his attitude as well, Greta", Travers replied.

Bentley’s information proved to be important enough to earn him a reprieve from the attitude adjustment promised. The medical and scientific teams had the results from their experiments and tests on the young American, Colonel Finn.

Finn appeared to have been fully human prior to the alterations that were begun by the late Dr. Margaret Walsh.

After her death, further augmentations were done, apparently without the subject’s awareness. The end result was a hybrid of sorts, human and mechanical. The medications given to allow the human parts to accept the mechanical had caused psychosis and extremely violent behavior. Bentley was certain that his team had refined the entire operation, including the glitch with the medicine. They were ready to try the process on a subject of their own.

"So, Mr. Travers, have you decided on who the lucky subject is to be? Perhaps one of the potential Slayers would be a good candidate", Bentley offered.

"Actually, we have a suitable volunteer. He has already allowed himself to be used in our cloning experiments with wonderful results. We spoke just yesterday about that and your current work. We feel using the clone will be the safest way to test our results. If it becomes necessary to terminate the experiment, it will be far more ethical to destroy the clone and we can start again with an identical subject using one of the other clones at hand. You did some work on that project, Bentley. I’m sure you will work well with Roger Wyndham-Pryce. He’s getting on in years, but still of great value to the Council in spite of the embarrassment involving his son. I think his clone will be ideal for this experiment", Travers decided.

"Yes, quite! Indeed, the idea of utilizing the clones is a wonderful one. Perfect DNA matches in the event of mistakes. Wyndham-Pryce is willing to sign the necessary waivers?" Bentley asked.

"Of course. No one is more faithful to our mission than Roger. Would have had my job if it hadn’t been for the trouble with his son’s Slayer all those years ago.

Too bad, really. Not his fault. I think being the linchpin in this work has gone a great distance in making him feel he has made a significant contribution to the Council. I’ll get the papers ready and get Roger to drop in immediately", Travers said.

~~~~~~~~

Sunnydale, California. Bedroom of acting Slayer, Buffy Summers:

Buffy woke with a start, her spasming body waking the sleeping vampire at her side. "Buffy, love, are you all right?", Spike asked. He had come to full alert status with the jolt from his lover.

"Just a dream. I don’t think it was a Slayer dream, it was way too silly. Well, it was scary in places too, but mostly it was silly", Buffy said.

"Yeah? What happened in yours? Couldn’t be sillier than mine. I was dreamin’ of being in some theater production and being made to wear some godawful jewelry that had been donated by Liz Taylor", he shivered in horror at the thought.

"In my dream, there was some Big Bad and an apocalypse coming. You saved the whole world somehow and I found a way to share my Slayer power with all the Potential Slayers in the world. I didn’t have to be the ‘One’ anymore, but I was bored out of my mind and making stupid dating choices. Crazy dream, huh? I mean, as if I’d share all that power with a bunch of snotty teenagers that might turn out like Faith". Buffy shuddered at the thought. "You want to hear the craziest part? Angel was the head of some rich and powerful law firm!"

"Well, Angel’s always been an evil bastard. Law firm’s not that big a stretch", Spike opined.

The two lovers snuggled back into their cocoon of blankets and held each other as they drifted back to sleep.





~fin



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Some Authors notes on the song and poem that inspired parts of this story:




Story title inspired from the song: "Dante’s Prayer"
from the CD "The Book of Secrets" by Loreena McKennitt

"When the dark wood fell before me
And all the paths were overgrown
When the priests of pride say there is no other way
I tilled the sorrows of stone
I did not believe because I could not see
Though you came to me in the night
When the dawn seemed forever lost
You showed me your love in the light of the stars
Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me

Then the mountain rose before me
By the deep well of desire
From the fountain of forgiveness
Beyond the ice and the fire
Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me

Though we share this humble path, alone
How fragile is the heart
Oh give these clay feet wings to fly
To touch the face of the stars
Breathe life into this feeble heart
Lift this mortal veil of fear
Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears
We'll rise above these earthly cares
Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me..."



~~
On The Divine Comedy (epic peom):

Nearly twenty years after the event, Dante relates a vision granted to him (for his own salvation when leading a sinful life) during the Year of Jubilee 1300. In Dante’s vision, he passed through hell, purgatory and paradise over the course of seven days. Dante spoke with the souls in each realm and heard what the Providence of God had in store for himself and the world.

Virgil, representing human philosophy acting in accordance with moral and intellectual virtues, guides Dante by the light of natural reason. They journey from the dark wood of alienation from God, where the beasts of lust, pride and avarice drive man back from ascending the Mountain of the Lord, through hell and purgatory to the earthly paradise-- the state of temporal felicity, when spiritual liberty
has been regained by purgatorial pain.

Beatrice, representing Divine philosophy illuminated by revelation, leads him up through the nine moving heavens of intellectual preparation into the true paradise, the spaceless and timeless empyrean, in which the blessedness of eternal life is found in the fruition of the sight of God.

There her place is taken by Saint Bernard, representing the loving contemplation in
which the eternal life of the soul consists. Bernard commends Dante to the Blessed Virgin, at whose intercession he obtains a foretaste of the Beatific Vision.

The poem closes with all powers of knowing and loving fulfilled and consumed in the union of understanding with the Divine Essence, the will made one with the Divine Will, "the Love that moves the sun and the other stars".


source: the Catholic Encyclopedia