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Where Do I Stand? by Thianna
5 - Always
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Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.


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CHAPTER 5 – Always

Dru was dancing all around us, smiling and happy. She eventually stopped beside me and placed her right hand behind my back. “Do you not want talk to my new baby? My Dark Knight should meet the new Princess,” she cooed in my ear before she urged me forward with a gentle push.

I took a tentative step forward wondering what was on Elizabeth’s mind. She wouldn’t look at me and I was afraid that she abhorred me now. But this wasn’t my fault. This was beyond my control. I didn’t wish this on her. Wouldn’t have done this to her unless she asked for it. I should have known something was up when they sent me and Angelus away. Bloody fucking bints.

I saw Darla give Elizabeth a little nudge in my direction and she made her way towards me, but still didn’t lift her eyes.

“Pet?” She still said nothing. She was silent and cold. Where has my warmth gone?

“Perhaps she just needs to feed, William. The night is young. Go take her. I’m sure we’ll find something to amuse ourselves here.” Angelus said as he eyed both his child and sire.

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes in disgust at him. Unfortunately, he was right. There were other things to worry about now. There were a lot of things Elizabeth and I had to talk about and I hoped that maybe being alone with me would help her relax. She seemed nervous and the fact that she still wouldn’t look at me was unnerving.

Darla fastened a hooded cloak around Elizabeth’s neck as I grabbed my coat from where I left it. I firmly took her hand in mine and led her out into the cold London night.

She walked with me in eerie silence and I couldn’t help but steal glances at the woman by my side. She was beautiful with her hair intricately brushed up and pinned exposing her delicate neck. The dress she wore I could only imagine was Darla’s since I doubted Elizabeth had the means to buy anything so fancy with what she earned in selling vegetables. I wanted to talk to her, to figure out what was on her mind but I couldn’t seem to form the right words to say. And so we walked side by side in silence, her eyes still downcast. My only comfort was that she kept her hand in mine.

Then she stopped in mid-step. She gave my hand a gentle squeeze and I caught the subtle trembling of her lower lip.

“Elizabeth?” I asked with concern.

“Blood.” She said. That was the first word she uttered tonight as she lifted her eyes. Her gaze was not directed on me though. Her eyes rested on a lad of around fourteen or fifteen who was trying to keep himself warm.

With a comforting smile I bade her to slink back into the shadows. I made my way to the youth, thinking up of a way to lure him to come with me.

“Boy, feel like earning a pound or two?”

He looked at me warily. “And what would I ‘ave to do to earn it, sir?”

“My wife and I just arrived from Paris and we were headed towards the hotel over there when she clumsily twisted her ankle. I have to carry her and need an extra pair of hands to carry our luggage. Could you do that me, boy?”

I saw him think about it but for a moment before he nodded and followed me back to Elizabeth. The promise of money and a few minutes of warmth inside the hotel was enough incentive for him.

Elizabeth’s eyes danced with delight as she saw the lad walking towards her. When he was close enough for her reach, she moved quickly, flinging him against the darkened alley knocking the poor boy unconscious. She was on his neck in a blink of an eye. I watched in fascination at how easily she had taken to feeding. Darla and Drusilla must have taught her about her nature. The boy’s limp body fell to the ground as she turned to face me. Her tongue slowly licked the blood of her lips as her demon faded to reveal her angelic face once more. I moved closer to her, my hand reaching out to wipe away a smidgen of blood that had marred her cheek. Still she wouldn’t look at me.


“I’m not your angel anymore.” She said sadly.

“Wot? Why do you say that, luv?”

“I just killed that boy. I’ve killed others too. My Sire showed me that it was the way.”

I wondered for a moment why she felt guilty over the kill. She seemed to relish in it since I heard her moaning when she drank just minutes ago.

“You said I was your angel. You told me that I was your sweet and caring angel I was your sunshine. I can’t be your angel anymore. I can't be that angel anymore.” She said with sadness in her eyes.

And then I realized that it was not guilt over the kill that made her look away from me, but guilt that she was no longer the woman I placed in such high regard. I placed two fingers on her chin and lifted her head to make her look at me. I looked upon her with tenderness and then bent down and pressed my lips against hers. "Never say that, luv. Never ever say that about yourself. You are my angel. Always ..."

She searched my eyes to see if I spoke the truth. Her eyes lit up. Then she leaned into me and we kissed with the same fervor that we had shown each other each and every night that we were together the past month. She pressed herself against me, wanting to melt into our mutual embrace.

"I missed you." She said huskily between kisses.

"Will you forgive me for leaving so suddenly, luv?"

"You don’t need to apologize. It doesn't matter now. You're here. You’re with me." She pulled me down to her lips once more.


We finally made our way back to the house about an hour or so before sunrise. Between kisses and feedings she told me how she was turned and what had happened to her the week while I was away.

Darla and Dru had approached her as she was packing up her stall and told her that they were my sisters. They said that I was truly sorry that I couldn’t meet up with her since I had business to attend to out of town. They said that they knew that their brother was in love with a farm girl and they told her that I was actually considering making her my bride. With sweet words and gentle hugs, they assured her that they were not opposed to such a union despite the difference in our stature because they had never seen me so happy before.

Elizabeth admitted that she felt flattered that I had professed such love for her. But then Darla weaved the tale that our “Mother” might not approve of the union despite the feelings we had for each other. They wanted to help her become a proper lady. They wanted to teach change her and make her more presentable to society. Elizabeth had agreed and said she would do whatever was needed to be closer to me. They had lured her into a fantasy before draining her dry and then Drusilla turned her.

It was all a lie and I was angered that they took her and made her without her full knowledge of what her life was to be now. But it was done and I couldn’t deny that part of me was also overjoyed that now she could be with me for all eternity. At least they were kind enough not to have buried her. That was an experience I wouldn’t have wanted her to feel.

We made our way up the stairs and I escorted her to her room. She kissed me once more and with her wonderful smile bid me good night.

So much has happened in the span of day and my mind was exhausted trying to absorb everything that had transpired. Elizabeth was in my life now. She was truly in my life. No more hiding. No more secrets. But it seemed like my day was hardly over when I found Dru in my room and sitting on my bed.

“You’re back. My Spike is back.” She said running towards me and flinging her arms around my neck.

“Yes luv I am.”

“Mummy is so proud of ‘er babies. Do you like ‘er Spike? Do you like my present?”

I gave her a warm smile. “Yes Dru, I love my present. … But why?”

“Spike shouldn’t question why. I made ‘er … made ‘er perfect for you.”

“It wasn’t right Dru. None of that was right!”

“But you were sad and I could see her swimming about.”

“Did she even want this? She was perfect the way she was!”

Dru just shook her head. “No she was not. Now she is. I didn’t want to see you sad. I know all about feeling sad … all about being alone. I want all of us to be ‘appy.” She said brushing her lips against mine. “But I know you’re ‘appy now. She’s yours now and yours alone. Show me your ‘appy Spike. Show me ‘ow much you love me.”

I lowered my head to nuzzle her neck and went about through the motions that I knew she wanted from me. Though her touch made my body move of its own accord, my thoughts seemed to be somewhere else. It wasn’t here. It wasn’t with Dru as I knew she thought of someone else as well. In my mind it was Elizabeth who was wriggling beneath me and squealing in delight. I was with my angel -- the woman I had yearned for when I was away … the woman that fate had so graciously given to me.

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