Chapter 10 – Free to Go
“Got to run,” Willow said, gathering up her books and paraphernalia for studying and performing magic. “You and Spike have a lot to talk about.” Willow was out the door before Buffy could protest.
“What have you done?” Buffy said, “You got me knocked up!” Buffy was sure she was going to faint, or hit Spike really hard.
“Me! It wasn’t me using the zap box. You were the one zapping me every time you got a hormone surge.” Spike did not look a bit happier about the news than Buffy.
“Now, it’s my fault. I suppose you didn’t want to have sex with me.” Buffy burst out crying. This was all too much to bear. First, Evil Dead got her pregnant, then he made it sound like she was the only one who wanted to have sex. He acted like he was doing her a big favor. She seemed to remember him enjoying having sex with her when sexage was happening.
Spike crushed out his cigarette, and went over to the bed where Buffy had been lounging during Willow’s Secret-Government-Plot-Revealing-Conversation and was now sobbing into her pillow. He sat down and pulled her into his arms. “Don’t cry, Buffy. I wanted to have sex with you. I never wanted anything more in my life, uh, unlife. Besides, I took the batteries out of the box last night while you were sleeping.”
“You did?” Buffy whimpered and hiccupped. “So, all those times, this morning and this afternoon, were because we wanted …”
“Yes, luv. We both wanted to be together. Making love together was good. Remember? Besides, you don’t know if you’re pregnant. Maybe the experiment didn’t work.”
Buffy, who had been somewhat mollified by Spike’s confession that he’d disabled the box and had had sex with her because he wanted to, did not care for his comment about the experiment not working. He was saying he wanted to have sex with her, but he didn’t want to be responsible for any consequences, such as being saddled with a baby. Her baby.
“You don’t want our baby and you’re only saying nice stuff to make me stop crying.” She cried harder. Insensitive jerk. What did she ever see in him besides incredible sex, which was how she got in this predicament?
Spike told the lie he was sure all self-respecting men who’d received this surprising news for eons past had told. “Of course, I want the baby. A girl like you would be nice, wouldn’t it?”
Buffy felt soothed by Spike’s words and the idea of having a sweet baby girl that looked like her, only with natural blonde hair, was appealing. She wondered if her mother would be willing to spring for some designer baby clothes.
She allowed Spike to stroke her hair and kiss her to prove he meant the big fat lie he’d just told. She appreciated the lie. He’d sounded very sincere.
Spike felt relieved the crying part was over and wondered if some make-up sex might be possible. He deserved a reward now he was about to become the laughing stock of the entire vampire community for putting a bun in the Slayer’s oven.
Buffy stopped sniffling when an awful thought passed through her brain. What if the baby wasn’t a girl? What if the baby was a boy, like Spike? What if her baby was a vampire? She howled with misery.
“What now?” Spike didn’t understand what brought on this fresh storm of tears.
“The baby’s going to be a vampire,” she wailed. She threw herself back on the bed and refused to allow Spike to comfort her.
Spike gripped his head with his hands. Buffy’s crying shrieked in his sensitive ears. The sound was almost as painful as when the chip fired off. He thought he might have to dust himself if she didn’t stop. Spike gave up on pacifying her and resumed pacing around the room.
After a half hour, Buffy got tired of crying. When Spike saw she was taking a break from sobbing, he brought her a glass of water and sat down next to her on the bed.
“Feel better, ducks?” he asked. He was afraid to say anything that might bring on another bout of tears and recriminations.
“I suppose,” she said. She wiped her nose on her sleeve. “You can leave. I’m all right.”
Leave? What was this new Slayer nonsense? Leaving hadn’t crossed his mind. He’d gotten quite comfortable hanging around the Slayer and having sex with her almost as often as he wanted. “I wasn’t planning on going anywhere. Don’t you want to finish up the project so you can get your grade?”
Don’t you want to be with me and have more sex? That was what he wanted to ask.
As if I care about my grade now, Buffy thought. How could she worry about a stupid old grade when she was going to be an unwed mother with a vampire child? She imagined herself feeding a baby bottle of blood to a tiny baby boy with bright, blue eyes, fangs and bleached blonde hair. The baby was dressed in a black leather sleeper and wearing tiny Doc Marten’s boots. Did Doc Marten’s come that small?
She snuffled her nose and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. There was no way Big Bad would want to be tied down with a Slayer girlfriend and baby. She wouldn’t want him to stay if he was only hanging around out of some misguided sense of duty to their unborn child. She would be noble.
“You don’t have to stay. I know you were only spending time with me to get out of Giles’ bathtub. It’s okay. You’re free to go.”
Was she saying she didn’t want to have sex with him all those times? He didn’t believe she hadn’t wanted to have sex with him for a minute, but he wanted to hear her say so.
“Luv, it wasn’t the chip, you know. We both wanted to make love. We would have got around to it eventually. I wanted to be with you. Didn’t you want to be with me?”
Buffy did not care to admit she’d ever had the slightest interest in Spike. It wasn’t true. Spike proved she was interested in him by taking the batteries out of the black control box, but she thought the whole situation would be less painful for them both if she cut things off. She would let Spike go while he still liked her. They could be friends.
It wasn’t as if she loved him, was it?
Or, she thought, Spike could get back in bed with her right this minute and prove he meant that stuff he said.
Spike looked at Buffy and wondered if he could touch her without getting staked.
When he didn’t move, she decided he hadn’t meant anything he said, any more than he meant to ask her to marry him when they were under Willow’s spell. She hadn’t meant to agree to marry him, either. Had she? There was only one thing to do.
“Please go, Spike,” she said. “It’s over.”
Spike wanted to argue with her, but he didn’t know what to say. He’d planned to shag the Slayer senseless for the next six weeks, and now he wasn’t going to get to. They’d had a good time and he was sorry their time together was ending so soon.
It wasn’t as if he loved her, was it?
He pecked her on the cheek to say goodbye and put on his leather coat. As he was leaving, he spotted the black box. He nicked the box while she wasn’t looking, thinking it might come in handy, and left.
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