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As the morning sun broke over the horizon, Buffy awoke slowly. She could just see the new rays of morning behind the tightly closed curtains, as she pondered her new found fortune.

She had the power to make everything right – as it should have been.

She could prevent Willow from going over the deep end with her magic, could prevent the deaths of Tara, Anya, and most importantly, Spike. She could change so many things for the better.

Better for whom? a nagging voice in the back of her head asked – opening the door to a host of confusing, troublesome ideas that slowly began to flood her mind.

If she prevented Tara from dying, then Willow would never be with Kennedy. Was that a bad thing? Willow had been happy with Tara. But then – she was also happy with Kennedy now. Did she really have the right to play with people’s lives and futures like that?

Why not? another voice whispered, beginning an argument in her head. Everyone else played with yours.

Buffy heard a small snore behind her. Turning on her side, she took in the sight of a slumbering vampire with a sense of wonder. A small giggle escaped her lips as his snoring got louder – shattering the wonder, perhaps, but not by any means her mood.

Who knew vampires snored? Was Spike the only vampire that had so many human qualities? It didn’t matter; he was her vampire. She didn’t really need to find out.

“Spike,” she whispered, trying to get him to wake up.

He only grumbled something she couldn’t understand, and turned over.

“Spike, wake up!”

When still he gave no response, Buffy laughed. Spike slept like the dead.

Well, he is dead, isn’t he?

I’ll make breakfast, Buffy decided, slowly getting out of bed, careful to not wake her vampire.

Blueberry pancakes. He liked those.

~~~~~

The light was blinding in his eyes. He could actually feel the heat of the light on his skin. He was burning from the inside, with no escape from his fate. It wasn’t fair. He had just found love with Buffy, only to have it ripped away so soon.

“Buffy,” he called softly.

He barely heard her call his name before the light splintered out of his body in all directions through the amulet. He opened his eyes and saw the Hellmouth disappear in a flash of light. The uber-vampires were dusting, as the slayers started running for the exit.

He saw Buffy as she ran toward him. He could feel how tired and scared she was through their bond.

“I can feel it Buffy.”

“What?” she asked, slightly distracted as she looked around for a way to get him out of the light.

“My soul,” he looked at her with eyes full of wonderment. “It’s really there. Kind of stings.” Spike gazed out across the expanse of the Hellmouth as it began to crumble.

Buffy needed to leave. All of the other slayers, save Faith, were already gone.

“Go on then,” he urged her, wanting to get her out of this hell as quickly as possible, before she lost her life to it.

“No!” Buffy cried, shaking her head in denial. “You’ve done enough. You can still...”

“No!” he cut her off, his voice sharpened by his concern for her. “You’ve beat them back. It’s for me to do the clean up.” The Earth shook again, this time with more power.

He had to get her out of there!

“Buffy, come on!” Faith cried, running up the rest of the stairs that led out to the real world – the world Spike was saving with his very life.

Buffy looked back at Spike with fear in her eyes. She couldn’t let him go – not now. She had only just gotten him back!

“You’ve got to move, lamb,” Spike told her, a small smile gracing his lips. “I think it’s fair to say, school’s out for the bloody summer.”

As the Earth shook with even more force than before, Buffy felt the pain her mate was in. She had to get him to come with her. “Spike!” she cried out, moving toward her mate.

“I mean it!” he cried, bringing his hands up in front of him. “I’ve got to do this.” He closed his eyes. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Buffy – knowing that if he did, he might not have the strength to do this – and he had to do this. If he didn’t, Buffy would never survive. He had to be strong – for her.

All of this was for her. Nothing else mattered.

Buffy felt helpless. The man she loved was dying. He was going to save the world – but would there -- could there – be a world for her without Spike?

He was in so much pain by now.

The pain she felt – the small amount she experienced with him through the bond – was almost too much for her to bear. He was burning up from the inside. There was no way that she could help him.

That thought alone made her want to cry, to scream with just how wrong it all was! He couldn’t die! He couldn’t leave her alone!

Buffy looked at Spike’s hand in front of her. As her hand touched his, she had a feeling that it would be the last time she would be able to hold him, to touch his skin with her own. As she intertwined their fingers, she watched Spike watch their hands together. Suddenly, their hands burst into flames and their bond burst open.

He could feel everything – how much she loved him, how much she needed him, how much she didn’t want him to do this.

He also felt how proud she was of him, and how much this sacrifice would mean to her in the future.

God, he didn’t want to do this.

He wanted to be with her, to love her forever. Spike watched as their hands burst into flames. The pain was there, ever present, but with it a sense of peace. He and Buffy would finally have the peace they had fought so hard to gain – but he would not be with her to enjoy it.

His Buffy was in pain.

The smell of her flesh burning almost made him push her away – but then he saw the look on her face. She was smiling at him, her beautiful green eyes looking at him with love and devotion. She was going to burn up right along with him if he didn’t get her out of here.

She knew what he was thinking.

Her grip on his hand tightened just as he was going to push her away. Her face suddenly became serious as he looked at her.

“I love you.” Buffy told him, her eyes wet with unshed tears for her dying mate.

Spike felt his chest tighten at her words.

Figures my slayer would wait until I’m bloody well dying to finally say those words to me.

But he did believe her.

He could feel the truth of her words.

“No, you don’t,” he choked out, his voice thick with emotion. “But thanks for saying it.”

The small quip wasn’t lost on Buffy. He could feel the mental punch to the nose she wanted to give him, but didn’t have the time.

The Earth shook again, with even more force. He felt their hands disconnect as Buffy was thrown from him.

“Now go!”

Buffy gave him one last, loving look before she left his sight forever. He could feel her sending her love to him as the light began to burn his flesh. “I want to see how it ends,” he whispered to himself, laughing as the flames overtook his flesh.

He might be dying, but he was dying for the woman he loved.

He was dying for Buffy.

That made everything worth it.


Spike woke with a start on sweat drenched sheets.

He was burning.

It was the only way to describe the pain that he felt coursing through his body. He was shaking, trying to calm his over-stretched nerves.

What in the bleeding hell was that?

He had never had a dream that was so vivid. Every emotion, every pain he felt in his dream, was still with him. It was almost like a memory. Still shaking, he brought a hand up to run it through his hair. Something stopped him. It was the hand that he had touched Buffy with in his dream. Inspecting it more closely, he saw burn marks between his fingers – the fingers that had laced with Buffy’s.

Something akin to panic bubbled up in his chest, accompanied by slightly hysterical laughter. It wasn’t possible. There was no way in hell that what happened in his dream was real – was there?

Buffy burst through the door, a panicked expression on her face. “What happened?” she asked, moving toward the bed. “Spike, what’s wrong?”

Spike looked at her with a closed expression. “Why don’t you tell me?”

Uncertainty flickered in Buffy’s eyes. “Tell you what?”

Spike flung the covers off his body, exposing his naked chest and jean-clad legs. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he arrested Buffy with an accusing expression. “Tell me why I have these burn marks on my hand, and why I am dreaming that I died?”

Buffy found it hard to speak with Spike’s gaze boring into her. “You – you died?” Buffy asked, stalling for time as she swallowed against the grief that tore through her heart afresh.

You knew you would have to tell him everything eventually.

Spike nodded. “Yeah, I died,” he said, looking at her with a peculiar expression. “But you already knew that, yeah?”

Buffy could only nod. “Um…I guess I need to tell you something.”

“Yeah, I guess you do.” Spike stood up, pausing for a moment, sniffing the air. “But right now, I smell pancakes. I’m a bit peckish; how about we suss this out over breakfast?”

“Okay,” Buffy agreed, moving toward the door. “I’ll just give you some time to get dressed, and then I’ll tell you everything.”

“Why do I have a feeling that I don’t really want to hear this?” Spike asked as he pulled his shirt up over his head.

Buffy just smiled and shut the door behind her.

~~~~

Buffy paced the floor of the kitchen, trying to think of what to say.

What could she say, really, to sum up the last two years?

Hey Spike, you loved me, I was a bitch, you still loved me, I was still a bitch, you tried to rape me, I told you I could never love you, you came back with a soul, you still loved me, I finally realized I loved you, we claimed each other, and then you died…

Oh God, a world of no!

Buffy shook her head, trying to clear the cobwebs from her brain. She had to tell him the truth; he deserved that much. He deserved to know what she had done to him – what he had done to her. The mistakes of the past would not be repeated, if Buffy had anything to say about it.

Spike entered the kitchen with a sense of trepidation. He had not missed the look on Buffy’s face in her bedroom. She knew exactly what was going on. He also knew that she didn’t want to tell him what she knew. Did what she had to tell him have something to do with why she didn’t want him to leave the night before?

“Buffy,” Spike greeted her guardedly, taking a seat on one of the kitchen chairs. “I think we need to talk.”

Buffy nodded, taking the seat next to him. “We will, I promise. Just let me get Dawn off to school, and I will explain everything.”

“Alright, we’ll wait until Nibblet gets to school, but we will talk, Buffy. I need to know what the hell is going on,” Spike told her, digging a cigarette out of his duster pocket.

Buffy nodded, grateful for the small reprieve. “You can smoke in the basement.”

“Right.”

~~~~~~

Dawn came downstairs not five minutes later, grinning like a cat and ready for school. Buffy made sure she was fed, and five pancakes later, Dawn announced that she was going to see Spike after school.

“I don’t think that is such a good idea, Dawn,” Buffy told her, looking down at her food.

“Why?” Dawn asked, gulping down her glass of milk. “Did you and Spike have a fight or something?”

“No,” Buffy replied, finally looking up at her sister. “I just don’t think he’s going to want much company after I tell him a few things.”

Dawn pulled a face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Buffy told her, picking at her food. “He is just going to need some time alone to process some things. When he wants to be around us again, he will come. Don’t worry, Dawnie. Spike loves you more than anything.”

Dawn smiled, putting her glass down. “I can think of a few things Spike might love more than me.”

“Like what?”

“You,” Dawn answered, getting up to put her dishes away. “He loves you more than anything in the world. Any idiot can see that.”

“Bloody hell!” a voice from the basement cried. “Can’t a bloke keep any secrets in this miserable world?”

Dawn squeaked, turning an accusing glance at Buffy. “You didn’t tell me he was here!”

Buffy smiled, turning toward the sink. “You didn’t ask.”

Spike made himself present at that moment, honing in on Dawn. “You listen here, Bit. Don’t be going on telling people things that are none of their business. You understand me?” When Dawn said nothing, Spike became irritated. “Do you understand me, Dawn?”

Dawn looked shamefaced. “Yes, I understand, Spike. I’m sorry,” she told him, looking away from his face.

“Good,” Spike replied, opening his arms to her. “Now give me a hug before I bite you.”

Dawn laughed, throwing herself into the arms of her favorite vampire. “Like you would bite me.”

Spike pulled back, looking at her with a critical eye. “No, you’d barely even be enough for a snack. You know that, Bit? You’re no bigger than you good ole sis over there.”

“Hey!” Buffy exclaimed, a small smile playing across her lips as she watched the interaction between the vampire and her sister.

“What?” Spike asked, releasing Dawn and making his way over to Buffy. “You got a problem being my snack, Slayer?” Spike asked, stopping only inches from Buffy’s chest.

Buffy felt her skin flush and tingle at the nearness of her vampire. God, the things he did to her. “I don’t think I’d appreciate being anyone’s snack, Spike,” she replied, her voice carrying a breathy air that she had not quite intended.

Spike’s teasing smile turned into a leer. “Is that so?” he asked, his tongue curling behind his teeth. His hands moved to the counter, effectively caging her between the steely strength of his arms. “So, you don’t want to be my snack, Buffy? Are you sure about that?”

Dawn was momentarily forgotten by both of them. “Why don’t you find out?” Buffy breathed, her hands finding their way to his chest. “You want to know, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Spike whispered, his right hand finding its way to her hip. “I do want to find out, Buffy.”

“Um, hello?” Dawn huffed, stomping her foot. “Are you guys done flirting? I am still here, you know!”

Buffy laughed, bringing one of her hands to her mouth. “I’m sorry, Dawn,” she snorted, pushing Spike away to give herself more room. “What time is it?”

“7:35. Xander should be here soon,” Dawn huffed, feeling a tad left out.

Spike looked down at Buffy, winking. “I guess I should make myself scarce before the whelp gets here.”

“No!” Buffy and Dawn cried simultaneously, shocking the bleached vamp.

“Gah! Bossy bints, aren’t you?” Spike chuckled, laughing as Buffy’s slap connected with his chest.

When he saw her hand, Spike’s laughter stopped cold.

“What the hell is that?” Spike questioned, grabbing her hand in his. As he inspected more closely, he saw identical burn marks on her hand to the ones on his own – and on the same hand that he had held in his dream. Anger bubbled up inside him. “What are you hiding from me, Buffy?” he demanded, his voice taking on a nearly deadly edge.

When she said nothing, his anger increased. His grip on her hand tightened to the point of pain. “Tell me, Buffy. What in the bleeding hell is going on?”

“That’s what I would like to know,” a voice called from the kitchen door.

Buffy cursed inside.

Xander