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Chapter 20

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“What’d you say?” Spike couldn’t believe his ears. Had the Slayer just said those two words to him?

Buffy shook her head before repeating, “I said that I’m sorry.”

“Okay, sorry for what? For not stakin’ me? ‘Cause I’m not too sorry ‘bout that myself.” Spike was clearly at a loss to understand just what the Slayer’s apology was for.

“Look, Spike,” Buffy explained, “When you showed up at Giles’ door on Thanksgiving, we weren’t very sympathetic or nice.” Before Spike could add his two cents, she rushed to remind him, “You weren’t exactly our good buddy then, so I think we were justified in not exactly killing the fatted calf and giving you the blood or anything.”

“True.” He surprised her with his quick agreement. “Had a bit of a past with you lot.”

“Still,” Buffy continued her explanation, “none of us understood where you had been. Not then.” She was silent for a moment as she pictured the horrors she had seen underground at the Initiative. “We never even asked what they had done to you, and that was unkind. You looked terrible. We should have known it was bad if it caused you to turn to us for help.”

“Didn’t exactly have a boatload of friends to turn to and at least you all were supposed to be white hats--you know, ride to the rescue of the put-upon and all that,” Spike muttered.

Buffy let out a chuckle. “You’re not likely to win Most Popular in the demon world or even Mr. Congeniality, for that matter.” She smiled, taking the sting from the words. “Anyway, I’ve seen that place now. I know the kinds of things they do there. I just want you to know that I think it’s wrong. I have no problem staking vampires or killing demons, but that…,” She closed her eyes at the memory. “It’s just not right on any level. I’m sorry we weren’t able to see that then.”

“’S’okay, pet,” Spike didn’t understand why he felt the need to assuage her guilt, but somehow he did. “Hearin’ the Big Bad got defanged had to have seemed like a real plus to you.”

“It was. It is, actually. Look, Spike, I really think I like it that I don’t need to worry about having to stake you, so I can’t be too sorry about the chip that’s keeping everyone safe from you. But that doesn’t mean that I would have wished that place on you.” Buffy swallowed down the thoughts of other things that had happened between them that never would have had he not been chipped. Memories of soft, passionate kisses and cool, tender hands were swiftly brushed aside. Now was not the time.

As if reading her mind, Spike said in a voice a full octave below his normal voice, “Never would have had a lapful of hot, sexy Slayer either. Guess it was worth it, at least a little bit.” Then in his normal voice, he backtracked, “Not that I don’t want the bloody unnatural thing out, mind.”

Buffy chose to ignore the vibrations in her womb at the seductive tone and words that called to mind being on that lap. She forged on with her planned apology. “We’re going to bring them down. We’re also going to do something about those college boys. You’re right, we are supposed to be against evil and they are evil. “She sighed and was unable to stop herself from asking, “Were you there long?”

“Few weeks.” Spike was warmed by the concern in her voice. “Don’t remember all of it. They drug the blood they feed you to keep you from thinkin’ straight or plannin’ anythin’. Too bad the drugs don’t work on the pain when they’re doin’ the cuttin’ though, just muddle the thinkin’.”

“So they did more than just put the chip in,” Buffy guessed.

Spike knew she really didn’t want the details. The girl had been shocked by what she had seen and he found himself reluctant to add to those images. “Made it out okay. Healed up right fine too, thanks to you lot.”

“I am sorry, Spike. Mom pointed out a few things lately and I think I’ve been judging you without getting to know you first.” Buffy smiled at the dumbstruck vampire. “I hear that you and Giles put the scare into that coach and his pit bull. Tara has you listed as her personal hero now.”

“Felt good to flash a bit of fang and hear the pitter patter of terror in those pillocks,” Spike admitted with a wry grin. “Promised Tara I’d not hurt them even if I could. Don’t break promises to sweet ladies; didn’t even without the hardware in my noggin.”

“Sounds like what my mom said about you,” Buffy admitted. “So…you’re friends with my mom, huh?”

“Right nice lady, your mum,” Spike said with a nod of admittance. “Treats me like a man and not a monster, even knowin’ what I am.”


“Sounds like Mom may know what you are better than we do,” Buffy whispered. “Maybe even more than you know yourself.”

~~~

Tara found it surprisingly easy to open up to Anya for some reason. Perhaps it was because she knew the blunt girl had been a demon and yet was living as a human now. Tara didn’t reveal her own demon background but all else had flown from her lips as though to a much needed therapist.

“I wish I had met you when I still had my power source! Your mother should have called out for me. I’d have been more than happy to take care of her situation, yours too.”


“Mamma didn’t know how bad it was, not for me.” Tara shuddered at the memories flooding her mind. “Daddy was hard on all of us equally. Ruled his castle with an iron hand. Donny wanted to be just like him, heir to the throne. It’s that way with all the men in my family. When it’s all you know, you don’t think of it as wrong. Mamma came from a family just like that too, so it seemed normal to her. In fact, her daddy picked who she married. She never even got to date anyone else. She was only fifteen when she and Daddy stood up before the preacher and he was a cousin to both of them. Even though Mamma was treated terribly, she loved my daddy. He was all she knew, all she thought she deserved.”

“But didn’t she know what your father was doing to you?” Willow asked in horror. She had listened silently and found herself wanting to inflict serious damage on the Maclay males. Tara had been through a horrific childhood filled with abuse and poverty. She had thrown herself into learning, spending hours at the local library to escape a bleak future. She had applied for a scholarship in secret, unable to share the news with her ailing mother for fear that her father would find out and stop her from leaving. “How did you get away?”

“Mamma died just before I graduated from high school. It was only because of her that I got to go to school past sixteen. Daddy wanted to marry me off to a fourth cousin of his, but Mamma stood up to him for once. I don’t know what she said, but Daddy backed down. I think he was a little afraid of Mamma at times. I left a couple of months after we buried her. I hitchhiked to Colorado and worked at a resort for a while until I was pretty sure Daddy wasn’t following me. Then I came out here to start school. Without that scholarship I would never have been able to go to college! Thanks to work-study, I can cover my other expenses.”

“Well, you are safe now.” Anya was thinking of how to make things right and safe for this girl, and she had a couple of good ideas already. Not many people treated her like she was worth their time and this young girl had made her feel accepted as she never had been before. If Anya could help her, she would.

“We won’t let anyone mess up your future. You’re one of us now,” Willow concurred.

Tara blinked back the tears at the thought of how painful it would be to lose their trust and caring once her demon background was discovered. Maybe she should just tell them now, before they found out on their own. Better to lose this wonderful feeling of acceptance now before she got too used to it. She looked at Willow and sighed at the perceived loss to come. True, the girl didn’t know of her attraction, but even if anything more was out of the question, her friendship was already a cherished thing to Tara.

~~~

Buffy and Spike went out to do a quick patrol after their interesting conversation earlier in the day. They discovered that they fought well together, rather like dancing. Spike fought with a glee that Buffy’s inner Slayer reveled in but refused to emulate.

“Got any plans on how to close up the G.I. Joke brigade?” Spike asked as they strolled to the next cemetery on the list.

“Giles thinks the Council will be happy to help bring them down once we prove their plans for me. Travers might hate me, but I am still the active Slayer. They won’t want any other group interfering with me or the mission.”

“Makes sense. Won’t want anyone else playin’ with their toys,” Spike agreed.

Buffy hadn’t even really heard Spike’s reply. She was lost in thought about Spike and Giles and how funny her life was. “That’s twice.”

“Twice?” Spike was clueless about what exactly was twice. Had the Initiative already made a play for Buffy?

“I love Giles” Buffy’s statement seemed to come from nowhere.

“You know, I always wondered about you two,” Spike said with a bleak yet knowing look.

Buffy looked horrified at where Spike’s mind had gone. “Ewwwwwww, Spike, gross!” She missed the look of relief that passed over the vampire’s face. “I mean that Giles is the father I never really had, the only man not to leave me.”

Buffy almost missed the quiet “I’d not leave you, pet.” She chose not to acknowledge his whispered promise just then. “You’ve saved Giles twice now.”

“How’s that, love?” Spike racked his brain to figure out where he had been while rescuing the Watcher.

Buffy grinned at the clueless vampire. She was a bit surprised that he didn’t seem to be aware how some of his own choices had helped so much. Could it be that his instincts were basically good and that was why he truly didn’t realize the good he’d done? “When you and I had that truce going up against Angelus, you stopped Giles from being tortured. Angelus might not have killed him, but he sure was planning to remove some parts, and he would have if you hadn’t tricked him into another plan.”

Spike actually looked a bit embarrassed at his actions being called a ‘rescue’. “Old geezer was holdin’ up fine without me.”

‘Huh, a bit of modesty! Who’d have expected that?’ Buffy was startled but continued her explanation. “Then just the other day you were the reason he found Ethan Rayne. You even kept Giles out of an Initiative cell! I can’t imagine what would have happened if they had grabbed him while he was all demony! I think of what I saw there in those labs and think of Giles having things like that done to him and it makes me a little crazy.”

“Gave me a chance to lead those wankers on a merry chase. Had a good time makin' monkeys out of the lot of ‘em,” Spike chuckled. “As for that mate of the Watcher’s, he was a right bit of fun but a loose cannon. Not good for anyone to let that sort run tame. Magic makes me nervous on a good day, but in the hands of someone like that Rayne bloke, it makes my blood run cold…if my blood ran, that is.”

“Whatever your reasons for helping, I just want you to know I won’t forget it. What you did for us, for me…that was real, Spike. I think I’d like to start from scratch, get to know you, the real you. Put all the history behind us and start over. There’s more to you than just hunt and kill. There’s hope for you yet.” Buffy looked him right in the eye as she spoke and before he knew what was happening, she leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips.

~~~

Anya left vowing she knew how to take care of the whole boatload of problems in one act. Willow and Tara watched her whirlwind out the door and wondered just what the ex-demon might be planning. Willow was more than a bit nervous at the different prospects but decided not to worry her lovely friend with her thoughts.

“She’s quite a take-charge person, isn’t she?” Tara gave a half grin of amusement.

Willow looked bemused. “Anya does tend to just charge in. That’s how she won Xander…it was more attack and capture than subtle seduction. It’s effective if messy.”

“Wonder what she has in mind?”

“Call me clueless, ‘cause I’m not even sure I can buy a vowel to figure that one out. We’ll just have to wait and hope she doesn’t plan anything that will lead to death and dismemberment.” Willow shuddered at the thought of Anya going proactive. “Diseases would be of the bad too.”

Tara was so grateful to have people wanting to take up for her and stand by her that she wasn’t too worried about whatever plan Anya might be cooking up. “I almost think I’m going to wake up back in Alabama and this…all of you…will be just a dream. I never thought I’d have friends that cared and suddenly….” She got choked up with years of need and couldn’t finish the thought.

“We’re not exactly a dream here in Sunnydale. Some might think it’s a nightmare, actually. Still, it’s real. We’re real. We care, Tara, and you aren’t alone anymore.” Willow impulsively pulled the girl into an embrace offering comfort and the promise of belonging.

Willow had never reacted to a simple hug the way she did with Tara. It was like finding something that she didn’t even know was lost. She felt a gigantic hole in her soul begin to fill with something wonderful. She felt like she was coming home. Willow sighed inwardly as the hug began to slowly turn into more of a caress. It was right, ‘made for you’ perfect, and she wasn’t going to blow it by rushing her fences. This wasn’t some rebound thing. This had substance and would be worth the wait. No scaring off the one person who made her feel alive and worthy.

Tara was atremble with hope. Perhaps she truly had finally come home with this wonderful girl and the world she represented. Perhaps there was love to be shared, even for one as cursed and damaged as she.

And on the Hellmouth, hope took wing and flew.