Chapter 8

With newfound determination coming from her talk with Spike, Buffy sought out her next suspect as he was crossing the quad between classes. It was easy for her to find him, since she’d memorized his entire schedule back when she’d been deluded enough to think that he was actually boyfriend material.

“Parker!” she called out, hurrying to catch up with him.

“Hey, Buffy,” he replied in a casual, disinterested tone.

Buffy ignored his brush-off attitude and asked, “Hey, you remember the party at Lowell House a few weeks ago?”

“Yeah…” he said cautiously. “What of it?”

“Where did you go after I saw you?”

He scoffed. “Why? Are you jealous?”

“Where. Were. You?”

Even under the fierce glare of the Slayer, Parker exuded a brash confidence. Letting out a put-upon sigh to illustrate that he was merely humoring her, he said, “If you must know, I went home with Cindy Pritchard.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. She should’ve known he’d gone home with a girl. “And she’ll back up your story?”

“Am I being accused of a crime?” he asked flippantly. “Do I need an alibi or something?”

“Something like that.”

Slightly more serious, he said, “Yeah, she’ll back it up.”

“What about your buddy, Kevin?” Buffy pressed.

Parker raised his eyebrows, starting to look annoyed. “We’re not playing twenty questions here. What about him?”

“What happened to him that night?”

“How should I know? I was busy with Cindy Pritchard.” He laughed. “What’s the matter, Summers? Can’t remember who you hooked up with?”

It wasn’t really the truth, but it was close enough to make Buffy’s face turn bright red.

“Oh, man. You can’t!” Parker exclaimed, clearly amused by the prospect. “Well, well, well. Looks like I taught you something after all.”

His smug smile and his knowing leer finally pushed Buffy over the edge. She dropped her books and slugged him as hard as she could without actually causing permanent damage, sending him sprawling on the grass.

“All you taught me is that you’re a creep.”

“Buffy –” Parker gasped, struggling to get to his feet, but falling back to the ground.

“And by the way,” Buffy finished triumphantly, collecting her things, “Cindy Pritchard has chlamydia!”

*****

Kevin was her next target, but he would be more difficult to pin down. She had a vague recollection that he was in the same Psych class where Riley was a TA, so she headed in that direction and hoped for luck.

She was almost to the building when someone suddenly grabbed her from behind, his hands tightening around her waist. Acting purely on instinct, she reached back and seized her attacker, bending forward at the waist to flip him over her shoulder. He landed on his back in front of her, hitting the sidewalk with a thud.

“Ow,” Riley groaned.

“Oh, God! Riley!” Buffy rushed to his side, dropping to her knees to check him for injuries. “Oh, my God, I’m so sorry. Are you hurt?”

He sat up, wincing and rubbing his lower back. “Mostly my pride.”

Guiltily, she helped him to his feet and picked up his books, now scattered on the ground. “I’m sorry. I’m… a little jumpy.”

“So I noticed,” he replied, rolling his shoulders uncomfortably. “Uh, you don’t see any pieces of my spine lying around there, do you?”

“Riley, I’m serious. You can’t just sneak up on me like that. Not after…”

“I get it, Buffy. Believe me, the body slam into the pavement made that perfectly clear.”

His irritated tone only served to get her hackles up further. “Well, what did you expect me to do? When you grab at me like –”

“Like what, Buffy? You think someone’s going to haul you off in broad daylight? How paranoid can you be?”

“How…?” She stared at him in disbelief. Conscious of the students passing them on their way into the building, she dropped her tone to a harsh whisper and said, “Riley, I was raped! I think that earns me the right to be a little damn paranoid.”

Riley just shook his head. “I gotta get to class.”

“Wait a minute!” she cried, catching his arm before he could walk away. “Look, I said I was sorry. What more do you want from me?”

He gazed at her for a moment, his expression one of sadness and regret. “A little trust would be nice,” he said quietly, taking one last look at her before going inside.

*****

Her encounter with Riley had made her completely miss Kevin, which meant she had to hang around for an hour and a half until the class was over. She was relieved to see him come out of the building before Riley, so that she was able to corral him without getting sidetracked by her boyfriend again.

“Hey, is that class any good?” Buffy asked, falling into step with him as he headed toward the campus center. “I was thinking about taking it, but my boyfriend’s the TA, so it’s kind of unethical.”

“It’s all right,” Kevin shrugged. “Walsh is as much of a hard-ass as ever. Friggin’ drill sergeant.”

You have no idea, Buffy thought, suppressing a smile. “So… you’re friends with Parker, right? I saw you together at that party. You remember, don’t you?”

“The one at Lowell House?”

She pasted on a broad grin. “Yeah, that was it!”

Kevin gave her an appraising sidelong glance. “Sure I remember. You were smokin’ that night, Summers.”

“Well… thank you,” Buffy replied awkwardly. “Um, is there any chance that you liked what you saw so much that you, uh, wanted a free sample?”

He paused in the doorway of the campus center, staring at her in disbelief as another student elbowed past them, grumbling that they was blocking his path. “What the hell does that mean?”

Buffy dragged him through the door and ducked into a quiet corner near the student mailboxes. “Did you do anything to me while I was drugged or unconscious?”

“Did I do anything to you? Are you fucking accusing me of…? This is bullshit!”

He started to storm past her, but a strong hand on his chest shoved him back up against the wall of mailboxes. “I want the truth, Kevin.”

“The truth? I didn’t touch you, you crazy bitch!” Shaking his head, he let out a wordless noise of disgust. “God, Parker was right about you. Give a girl a fucking compliment and you get accused of rape.”

Buffy slammed him against the wall harder than before. “Someone raped me that night, and acting like a sleazeball sure isn’t helping your case.”

“Oh, please. Last time I saw you, you were draped all over some dork in a Hawaiian shirt. Is that your excuse? You act like a slut and then call it rape when they give you exactly what you were asking for? Get over yourself, Summers.” With that, he succeeded in breaking free of her grasp and left her gaping at the wall, muttering as he walked away, “Fuckin’ hate girls like that.”

She’d gotten a lot of reactions to the news she’d been raped, mostly ranging from sympathy to shock. But no one else had outright accused her of lying, of deliberately bringing it on herself.

His opinion doesn’t mean anything, she tried to tell herself. He doesn’t know me. He only knows what Parker’s told him, so why should I care if he thinks I’m a slut? What does it matter if he doesn’t believe me?

And yet, for all her reasoning, Kevin’s words ripped open a raw, aching wound, and the mailboxes in front of her blurred as her eyes stung with tears.

“What’s the matter?”

Blinking, Buffy turned her head to see a pimply freshman looking at her curiously.

“Did you forget your combination?”

*****

“Two strikes, huh?” Willow said later that night as the gang gathered at the Bronze. “That’s a bummer.”

“Yeah,” Buffy sighed. “Parker and Kevin may be jackasses, but I’m pretty sure they’re honest.”

“They’re not exactly the type of guys to pass up a chance to brag,” Xander pointed out. “If it was one of them, you’d know about it by now.”

“Why don’t you ever brag about our sex?” Anya asked him.

“Because – that – it – Will, help?” he stammered helplessly. Willow just gave him a dubious look.

Still wrapped up in her own issues, Buffy leaned her elbows on the table and dropped her head in her hands. “The problem is, this leaves me right back where I started.”

“Did either of them say anything that might be a clue?” Willow asked.

“Actually… Kevin said he saw me with a dork in a Hawaiian shir–” Her eyes came to rest on Xander. “Oh.”

“Well, there were plenty of people at the party,” Willow offered helpfully. “I’m sure if you keep asking around, somebody’ll know something. Hey! I could help. I’m great at interrogations.”

“Wait, Kevin called me a dork?”

“Thanks, Will,” Buffy replied, unable to match her best friend’s enthusiasm, “but I’d rather do this on my own. Besides, I’m not exactly looking to spread the word around, you know?”

“If I still had my powers, I’d give him boils for you,” Anya cut in, in a tone that was clearly meant to be comforting.

“Can we please go back to the part where Kevin called me a dork?”

Buffy gave her a wary smile. “Thanks, Anya, that’s… thoughtful of you.”

“Or I could make his penis fall off. Anything you wanted.” Her face fell slightly. “If I was still a vengeance demon,” she finished with a dejected shrug.

“It’s the thought that counts, honey,” Xander assured her.

“Hey, where’s Riley?” Willow glanced around, as though she’d only just noticed he was missing.

Buffy winced. “We kind of had a fight. I don’t think he’s gonna show.” The Scoobies made concerned noises at her news, but she shook her head. “I don’t really want to talk about it. I’m heading to the bar, anyone want anything?”

When the others declined her offer, she set off for the bar by herself. There was a crowd three deep waiting for drinks, so instead of trying to fight her way through it, she took a detour and made her way to a dark, secluded corner where she could catch her breath.

She was glad she’d opened up to her friends, shared the results of her investigation, however fruitless they were. Spike was right – she should be going to them for support, no matter how hard it was to talk about what she was going through. But there was still a part of her that wanted to keep this to herself, and her friends’ eagerness to help could get overwhelming after a while.

She hadn’t told them what Kevin had said to her. Just thinking about it made her feel sick, the idea that someone could look at her and judge her, could call her a slut and a liar. And as much as she knew deep down that none of it was true, there was still this irrational nagging fear that her friends might actually agree with him.

She’d just registered the tingle at the back of her neck when a voice breathed in her ear, “Want some company?”

Buffy turned around, a genuine smile creeping across her face for the first time that night. “Hi, Spike.”

“Saw your mates over there. Givin’ them the slip?”

“Just taking a breather.”

He took a step back. “You want me to leave you alone?”

“No,” she said, with a shake of her head. She reached out and took his hand, pulling him closer. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Something’s worrying you. We could talk about it, if you like.”

“No,” she said again. “Just…” Without thinking, she slipped her arms around his waist and rested her forehead against his chest. Instantly, Spike’s arms were encircling her, drawing her against him. With one hand, he smoothed down her hair and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

Buffy closed her eyes and sank into his embrace. The world was upside down and inside out, because this was where she felt safe, hugged to a killer’s chest. The ones who should have been there for her brought pain with their comfort, the ones who should love her made her feel judged. But he didn’t judge, and he didn’t make demands, and he couldn’t hurt her.

She no longer had the energy to fight it, to pretend that they were still enemies. Something had changed between them, and she knew that they could never go back to the way things were before.

Above her head, Spike gazed out into the crowd, a pained look on his face as he held her close. He knew he didn’t deserve this, didn’t deserve her, but each passing day made it that much more difficult to face the truth. He couldn’t risk losing her now.

*****

Unnoticed by the couple, Riley stood off to the side of the dance floor, his chest tight with anger and hurt as he watched his girlfriend seeking solace in the arms of a monster.

He knew he’d acted like a jerk earlier, and he’d come here tonight hoping to apologize, so that maybe he and Buffy could start to get back on the right track. He wanted to believe that she still cared about him, that they could still salvage the relationship they’d had before the party.

Instead, he found his worst suspicions confirmed.

Following his friend’s gaze, Forrest came up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder. “How’s your back feeling now, buddy? Think you’ll be up to a mission tomorrow?”

Without taking his eyes off Buffy, Riley nodded grimly, his jaw clenching. “Yeah. I’ll be up to it.”