A/N Betad by Carol and dawnofme.



Banner by dawnofme





Chapter Eighteen


Feeling Hungry


Maggie stretched her back, aching from the hours she’d spent painstakingly attaching the metal hand to Michael’s arm, joining nerves, tendons, and muscles so that it would react as if it were his own.


She’d kept him awake throughout the procedure, telling the other staff who were assisting that she’d given him an injection to kill the pain; whereas what she’d actually done was to order Michael not to react to the pain in any way. His face remained impassive and only she knew how much he was hurting. She liked it that way; having power over him.


He was wheeled back to the infirmary ward. She was certain that it would be successful, but it would be confirmed in an hour or so when things had had chance to settle down. She gave Michael a belated shot of painkillers, wanting him to use his arm naturally, without her having to order him to use it. If it continued to hurt him, he’d only use it when she was there.


Michael sighed with relief as the drugs kicked in. He looked at his new hand; at least it wasn’t a demon’s. He closed his eyes.


“Such a shame that I never got to finish working on Number Seventeen before he attacked me.”


A couple of hours later, Maggie was back at his bedside.


“Michael, I want you to clench your right fist. Just think about doing it as if your own hand was still there.”


Michael watched, fascinated, as his metal hand’s fingers formed a fist.


“Excellent. You’ll be back operating in no time. Just practice your grip and control.” She walked away, leaving the next part of his recovery to the regular nurses.


Ooooooooo


“Bloody forgot about me sitting here,” Spike thought grumpily as he waited for Buffy to come back from having something to eat.


He got to his feet then almost fell back down as he swayed violently.


“Bollocks! God, I need a bloody good feed. Been half starved for months. Trouble with humans is they never really know just how much blood a vampire really needs.”


“Is there anything for me round there?” he yelled, tugging angrily at his chains.


“Bloody go out on a limb for the girl I love and she runs off ‘cause the whelp nearly caught her doing the ‘naughty’ with old Spike.”


“I’m coming. Stop yelling,” said Buffy, walking around the corner with a bag of blood.


“’Bout time, love. You had a three course dinner round there, did you?” said Spike, his need for blood making him disagreeable.


“Here,” said Buffy, frowning as Spike swayed as he reached for it. “Are you OK?”


“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, just before his knees gave way and he sat down with a thump.


“No, you’re not! Spike, what’s up?” said Buffy, sitting down next to him. “Are you hurting?”


Spike didn’t immediately answer, but just drained the bag of blood as fast as he could.


“Anymore where that came from, pet?” he asked.


“Yeah, we’ve got a few more bags but I thought you normally just have one at a time?”


“Mm, well, that’s what I usually let you guys see me eat,” said Spike.


“But at The Initiative, they fed three bags a day,” countered Buffy.


“Look, love, that’s just about enough blood to keep a vampire existing, but I haven’t fed properly for over a year and my reserves are nearly gone. That’s why I’ve gone all wobbly. I need a bloody good feed, literally, love, otherwise I’ll be so far gone that I’ll never get back to how I should be. I’ll end up a shadow of what I was.”


“So, shall I get another bag?” asked Buffy.


Spike laughed quietly to himself.


“What? What’s so funny?” said Buffy, snappily.


“How much blood have you got coursing through your veins, pet?”


“Um…well…er…was never any good at biology,” said Buffy.


“You’ve got about nine pints in you, and do you know how many girls I could drain without even feeling full? Three; and that’s in normal circumstances, not when I’m like this.”


Buffy went a bit pale as he spoke.


“Look, pet, vampire, remember? I’m not going to eat any humans, don’t worry, just want you to realise just what I physically need to regain my strength. I’m no good to you if I’m not strong.”


“OK, I’ll go get the rest of what we have and go and get more as soon as I can,” said Buffy.


She had to admit, she was a little shocked by what Spike had said. It was easy to forget he was a vampire most of the time. She returned carrying a blue and white cool box. She put it down next to Spike.


“That’s all we’ve got. I’ll go get some more soon.”


Spike opened the box. There were six bags inside.


“Barely an appetiser.”


But he saw Buffy look at him and smiled at her.


“Thanks, pet.” He took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Sorry for being a git. It’s just I’ve only ever been like this once before, and that was when bleeding Angelus locked me up for two months with no blood at all, in punishment for causing a riot in Morocco one time. It’s not like it was even my fault - just ‘cause Darla got caught and he had to go rescue her and he - -”


“Spike,” interrupted Buffy.


“What? Oh, right. Sorry. Was rambling.”


“Would Slayer’s blood help?” she asked, looking deep in to his eyes.


“Um,” said Spike.


“Would it?” she insisted.


“Well, yeah, pet, but I’m not going to take your blood.”


“Is it better than normal human blood?”


“Look, it doesn’t matter whether it is or it isn’t, just go get me a couple of buckets of pig’s blood and I’ll be fine,” said Spike.


“When you killed the Slayer in China, what effect did her blood have on you?”


“Christ, I was high for a month afterwards. Better than all the drug laden blood I took on board at Woodstock,” said Spike, reminiscing.


“Well then, taking a little from me will help you, won’t it?”


He looked at her and could see she was serious. And she was right, her blood would help to restore him quicker than animal blood alone, but he couldn’t take it.


She stroked her neck provocatively.


“Well, you can either use self service or else I cut a vein and mix it into some pig’s blood, but either way you’re having some.”


He looked at her in amazement. She was willing to do this for him.


“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said quietly.


“Then bite me gently, OK?” She smiled back at him.


“Oh, Christ, Buffy,” he whispered.


He leant forward and kissed her on the lips. She responded eagerly, then he slowly began to kiss along her face to her ear and then down her neck, to the point where he could sense her jugular vein was closest to the surface of her skin. He could feel her pulse beneath his lips.


Between soft kisses, he whispered, “Are you sure, pet?”


She nodded.


He vamped up his features and gently nipped her skin with his fangs. Her body tensed as she felt the sting of his teeth, before relaxing and yielding to him. He caressed her neck on the opposite side, running his hand through her hair. He drank slowly, savouring his first taste of human blood in years. He could feel the potent strength of slayer’s blood begin to course through his body. He was moaning softly as he drank, the experience arousing him. Buffy’s breath was coming in soft pants, her hands wandering over Spike’s body as he drank of her.

Although he wanted more, needed more, he stopped when he’d taken only about a pint, no worse than a visit to donate blood. It took all of his will power and love for Buffy to stop. He gently licked the wound to stop it from bleeding. He leant back so he could see her face, making sure she was OK. Before he could speak, he was hit with a savage punch on the side of his face; the force sending him back against the wall.


“Get off her, you undead bastard!” yelled Xander.


“But…” said Spike, holding up his hands to show no threat.


It didn’t work - Xander followed his punch with a kick to Spike’s ribs. An audible crack was heard as one broke.


Spike couldn’t speak, doubled over on the floor. He was dimly aware of the others running in and staring at him with horror.


“Xander!” screamed Buffy. “What are you doing?” She leapt up and grabbed him, preventing him from aiming another kick. “Leave him alone.”


“How can you say that, Buffy? He was snacking on you, for God’s sake. If it’s not Adam controlling him then he’s turned evil, or is that more evil? What is it with you and vampires, Buffy? You’re supposed to slay them, not let them feed on you!” Xander shook off her hand in disgust.


“Are you finished?” snapped Buffy. “I let him feed on me! I told him to. He needed more than we have to make him up to full strength; he’s been starved for months! I was helping to make my fucking boyfriend better!” Buffy’s voice rising to a shout. “He’d stopped when you hit him, that’s all he was going to take. After all he’s been through, it was the least I could do!”


She knelt down next to Spike who was still laid out on his side, his right arm held protectively over his broken rib.


“Are you OK?” She touched his face.


He nodded in a bit of an unconvincing manner. She pulled up his t-shirt, an angry bruise already showing over his ribs. She touched it and he winced and took her hand in his, pulling it away.”


“I’ll be all right, pet.” He glanced up at Xander who was still standing over him. “Wasn’t the whelp’s fault - it looked bad and he was only trying to keep you safe.”


“You’re defending him after what he’s just done to you?”


“I’d rather he flew to your defence and be wrong than stand back and let you get hurt,” said Spike, kissing Buffy on her cheek.


He caught Xander’s eye and gave a small nod. Xander hesitated for a second before returning the nod; truce agreed.


“Well, you can come with me to get more blood for Spike,” Buffy told Xander.


Willow, Dawn and Giles were standing there, staring at the three of them, not quite sure what to do.


“Can I trust you guys not to stake my man while I’m out?” said Buffy harshly, pushing past them and dragging Xander with her.


“Buffy,” said Willow, as they went out of the room.


“Just look after him, Will,” replied Buffy over her shoulder.


Giles, Willow and Dawn stared down at Spike as wincing, he pushed himself up until he was sitting. Spike caught Giles’ eye.


“Come on then, out with it. May as well hear the lecture sooner rather than later, Rupert.”


Giles just glared at him.


“Willow, I want you to reactivate the chip so the pain kicks in if he attempts to hurt a human,” said Giles.


“What?” said Willow and Spike in unison.


“You heard me. I don’t care what he said to convince Buffy. Now that he’s got a taste, he’s not to be trusted.”


“I’m sitting right here, Rupe. You can talk to me. Don’t act like I’m not here,” snapped Spike.


“But Giles, I can’t do that. I’m sure he’ll be fine and Buffy… she’d never forgive us,” protested Willow.


“She needn’t know. If Spike here does love her, then he wouldn’t tell her since it would upset her, would he?” continued Giles.


“Look,” said Spike, struggling to his feet, still holding his arm over his ribs. “Ow. Look, you’re not going back in my head, that’s out of bounds; not gonna happen.”


“Or what?” said Giles. “You’ll kill us all as we sleep?”


“For God’s sake, how many more times do I have to say it?” yelled Spike. “I’m not going to feed on any of you!” He groaned as his broken rib protested at his yells.


“Guys! Guys!” shouted Willow.


They both looked at her.


“Firstly, Giles, I am not EVER going to do anything with Spike’s chip. It just makes us as bad as the people we’re fighting. Get over it!” she snapped.


She turned to Spike who was looking pretty smug since Giles had been told off. His smirk was soon wiped off his face.


“And you!” she glared at him. “What were you thinking? Sinking your teeth into Buffy? Don’t you get that it is NOT acceptable for you to chew on our friends whether they want it or not?”


“But she said she’d just cut herself and mix it in with the pig’s blood,” protested Spike.


“So, next time let her do that, then! Why didn’t you this time?”


“Well…er…because…um…” Spike’s words trailed away.


“Because it’s more enjoyable to take it from a person than a plastic bag?” supplied Willow.


Spike looked down, unable to meet her eye.


“Thought so. If you bite her again, I’ll stake you myself. Understood?”


“Yeah,” muttered Spike.


“That settles it then. I don’t want to hear another word about this from either of you,” snarled Willow, glowering at both Spike and Giles.


“Dawn,” said Willow


Dawn jumped. “Yes?”


“Go and get some bandages so I can strap Spike’s ribs up.”


“OK,” said Dawn, and she rushed off, glad that she wasn’t the one getting shouted at. Willow was way scary when she got really mad, especially since her hair was still half black.


Willow went to Spike.


“Let me see those ribs,” she said.


“It’s all right. It’s just one. It’ll be fine,” said Spike, slightly backing away from her. She was pretty impressive when she got angry. Spike’s thoughts echoed Dawn’s.


“Stand still, I’m taking a look, OK?”


“Um, OK.” He stood still.


She pulled up his t-shirt and none too gently felt along his ribs. He gritted his teeth to stop a groan escaping from his lips. Dawn reappeared with the bandages.


“You gonna just stand there watching?” snarled Spike to Giles.


“Until Willow is out of your reach, yes,” he replied.


“Bleeding hell!” shouted Spike in frustration. “I. Am. Not. Going. To. Hurt. Any. Of. You. EVER!” Angrily pointing his finger as he said each word. “Oh, what’s the point?” he said quietly, the fight going out of him. He leant back against the wall in defeat.


“Giles, go and get the camping stove on. I could use some coffee,” said Willow in a voice that brooked no argument.


Giles sighed and walked back around the corner, taking Dawn with him.


“Thanks, Red,” said Spike.


“Wasn’t for you, I need coffee,” replied Willow but with a hint of a smile.


She wrapped the bandage around Spike and pulled it tight.


“How’s that?” she asked.


“Perfect. Will heal in no time,” said Spike, gratefully. Broken ribs were a bitch but luckily, something a vampire could heal over a couple of days as long as they weren’t displaced.


“I know you won’t hurt Buffy or any of us. Giles will calm down,” said Willow, softly.


“I’m not so sure about that, pet,” said Spike. “But thanks for saying you believe me. I’d die for her.” His voice caught a little as he spoke.


“I know you would,” said Willow, rubbing her hand against his arm.


“She’s all I think about; the only reason I have to exist. I won’t let anything happen to her or her friends, Even the ones who hate me.”


“They don’t hate you, Spike,” said Willow.


Spike raised an eyebrow at her.


“OK, so they’re not your biggest fans, but they feel protective towards Buffy, too. And you’ve got to admit, walking round a corner and seeing someone you care for getting chewed on has got to make it easy for wrong conclusions to be jumped at.”


“No, I get that Red. I don’t blame Xander. It’s Giles - I just don’t get him. I mean he was good to me when you got me out and sorted the chip, but then today he’s all like ‘get the chip working’. No matter what he’s said about The Initiative, he’d still rather I had the pain chip than be totally free. That’s not going to change. He needn’t worry about me biting him when he sleeps, but I sure as hell don’t ever want him watching my back. If you had agreed to do the chip, I’d be one neutered little puppy again by now, and I don’t think he’ll be happy until I am again.”


Willow didn’t say anything in response. She knew Spike was right, and she just hoped for Buffy’s sake Giles didn’t cause any trouble with Spike.


“I’ll go and get my coffee…here.” She pushed the long forgotten cool box towards him. “Finish this lot off. Buffy will be back with more soon.”


“So you’re leaving these on?” said Spike, gesturing to his chains.


“Yes. You can’t be guaranteed Lorac Bug influence-free until the morning,” Willow replied.


“And then? Will the old git be OK with me loose? ‘Cause I’m bleeding fed up of being locked up Red; had over a year of it. I’m on your sodding side.”


“I know. I’m sure you’ll be unchained, Spike,” said Willow as she turned and walked away.


“Bollocks,” said Spike quietly to himself.


No matter what he did and no matter what they said, they did just rate him as a demon, not a person. They weren’t so different from The Initiative after all. His love for Buffy made him turn his back on being evil and relishing the kill, but it was hard. He had to fight the demon within every second of every day. She was more than worth it, but he just wished her friends could see him as she did; as someone who was good. Willow and Dawn trusted him but the men never would, and though he’d never admit it, it hurt. He’d put his life on the line for all of the Scoobies, not just Buffy, and he thought by now that he should’ve earned a little credit.


He sat down and started to polish off the bags of blood in the cooler.


To be continued…….