Day One (Part Two)



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By the afternoon, she was ready to explode at the next person who complained or whined. The electricity had cut out earlier that day and with no television to distract them, tension was quickly reaching breaking point. Several times she had to catch herself from snapping and she was finding it harder and harder to resist. No-one seemed to want to help her with anything and she was almost tempted to leave, flood be damned. Her nerves on edge, she was glad to distract herself with a search for candles ready for when night fell. When Spike silently joined her in the attic, she sent him a strained smile and went back to her search with him at her side.



After a significant pile of candles had been built up, she sat back, dusting her hands down on her jacket and letting out a shaky breath. Spike settled beside her and she ran a hand through her hair, giving him a wry smile.

“I think I might be going mad.”

“A little electricity to the brain is starting to look quite pleasant if it means peace,” he murmured and she laughed lightly, leaning back on her hands.

“I’m sure I should be discouraging you from the slaughter of my friends…”

She smiled widely and he grinned, leaning back beside her, propping himself against a support.

“They don’t play so well together.”

“Not anymore, no.”

“Tensions have been brewing all summer,” he said quietly, giving her a knowing look, and she sat up straighter.

“Really?”

“Power vacuum at the top, wasn’t there? Leader gone… someone has to step up… But not everyone was happy when the Wicca decided she was the boss.”

“Willow has got quite…”

“Overbearing? Power hungry?”

She smiled wryly and leant forward to wrap her arms around her knees.

“Everyone’s changed,” she murmured.

“Not all for the bad though?” he suggested and she flashed him a genuine smile.

“Not all bad, no.”

He smiled softly and a companionable silence settled over them. She rested her head against her knees, closing her eyes and relishing the momentary respite.



“Buffy?”

She jolted awake and after a moment’s disorientation, she sat up quickly.

“What-“

“You drifted off,” Spike explained with an affectionate smile, withdrawing the arm that had been around her.

“I haven’t been sleeping so good,” she admitted after a moment’s pause.

“Bad dreams?”

“Sorta.”

She shrugged and with a sigh, sat up straighter.

“I guess we’d better get back downstairs before they send out a search party.”

Before she could get to her feet though, Spike caught her arm and she turned to him.

“You don’t always have to worry about them, you know.”

“I know,” she whispered, “But I do.”

His expression softened into one of love and something like awe and she quickly looked away, unnerved by the depth of emotions she could read in his eyes. He was dead, and yet he felt more than she did – was more alive than she was.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Dinner was a tense, awkward affair, passed in almost complete silence. Willow and Anya had had another argument, resurrecting old tensions, and their respective partners were watching them nervously, waiting for an explosion. And she just couldn’t care less. She ate her food in silence, watching the scene unfold, waiting too. But the explosion never came and in fact, a silent truce seemed to have been formed.

As she carried the dirty dishes through to the kitchen, she heard Willow striking up a conversation with the ex-demon.

“Here, let me help you.”

As usual, Spike’s sudden appearance made her jump and she almost dropped the pile of plates she was carrying; she would have, if not for his steadying hand. He took the plates from her and placed them down on the side.

“You really don’t have to.”

“Rather be in here with you,” he murmured, flashing her a shy look and turning quickly back to the plates, sliding them one by one into the soapy water. She smiled somewhat bemusedly and moved to his side.

“Not worried about prune hands?” she asked with a smile.

“I think they’re very sexy,” he teased.

She laughed and took a plate from him, drying it.



They were joined a moment later by her sister, who flounced into the room and plonked herself down on a stool.

“How come you guys always seem to escape before everyone goes psycho?!”

Buffy sent her sister a wide smile and took another plate from the vampire. A short silence fell over the trio, but sure enough Dawn soon broke it.

“Could you two get any more domestic?” she asked with a laugh.

Vampire and Slayer shared a bewildered look and, blushing, Buffy turned to her sister.

“It’s nice that someone offered to help with the dishes,” she commented pointedly.

“Geez, don’t have a cow. I was just saying.”

After a moment’s huffy silence, Dawn slid out of her stool.

“Well, this is as fun as out there. I’m going to my room.”

She disappeared and a few seconds later, the house echoed with the slam of her bedroom door.

“Ahh, to be the guardian of a teenage girl,” she murmured, wiping another dish ferociously.

“You handle it well though,” Spike remarked, never taking his eyes of the dishes.

“You think?!” she asked in surprise and he turned to her with a soft smile.

“I know.”

“Here was me thinking I was being totally un-guardian-like. I can’t seem to stop snapping at her.”

“She’s more than a handful,” Spike replied with a wry smile.



She paused in her movements, watching him for a moment, before she went back to her task, her eyes deliberately averted from his.

“I never got round to thanking you for what you did. For, you know, being there for Dawn, when I… well, you know.”

“I made a promise,” he said quietly.

“You could have broken it. I wouldn’t have known.”

He turned then and she forced her eyes to his.

“I don’t break my promises,” he said seriously, eyes locked on hers, “I may be a monster, but I’ve got some honour.”

She reached out and placed a soothing hand on his arm.

“I know, Spike. I really do.”

She held his gaze for a few seconds longer and then forced her eyes away, her heart racing and her skin flushed.

“We should, err, finish this up and go set up the candles. It’s getting dark.”

“Right you are.”

The rest of the chore was carried out in a silence that wasn’t completely comfortable but wasn’t quite awkward either. She could almost feel the change happening between them, sense all the tiny little things that were shifting, rearranging into something new. Things between them would never go back to the way they had once been, she realised that now. Their world had changed and so had they – and she felt like she was clinging onto the last vestiges of familiarity but failing. Things would be different now.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


She was relieved when finally, late that night, her friends retired to their beds. The rest of the evening had been passed pleasantly enough but she was feeling the strain of putting on a 24-hour show of strength for them. She could not relax completely though until she heard Dawn’s low snore and she let out a long breath.

“That bad, huh?” Spike whispered from his position lying beside her.

“That bad,” she replied, turning her head, struggling to make out his features in the darkness.

“Tired?”

“Not at all,” she groaned quietly, rolling onto her side, facing him.

She thought she might have seen a smile but his features were still not quite clear.

“Tired of putting on a show?” he whispered.

She gave a ghost of a smile and sighed. Damn him and his perceptiveness.

“So tired.”

He was silent for a moment before she heard him shift in his sleeping bag then she could just make out his bright gaze, fixed on her.

“Don’t have to pretend with me.”

“I know. Thank you.”



She let out another imperceptible sigh and rested her head against her pillow.

“One day, my life is going to go right and it’s going to be great,” she whispered with a tiny smile.

“I’m sure.”

“The only way is up and all that, huh?”

She saw the white flash of his smile and then he was cloaked in darkness again, except for a few rays of moonlight which illuminated his already bright hair.

“It will get better, love. Not at first… these things take time… but it will.”

“Voice of wisdom now?” she teased lightly.

“Had a lot of thinking time lately,” he murmured.

She frowned and buried her head in her pillow, letting out a sigh into the material.

“I wish I’d never come back,” she whispered, daring to voice her most secret desire in the veil of darkness. Spike was silent for a long moment before she heard him exhale and then he spoke.

“Can’t say I wish the same thing. Wish you hadn’t… I mean… I dunno,” he stammered out, “Can’t be sad about having you back. Seeing you again. Just knowing you’re in the world.”

She felt her heart lurch with his soft, heartfelt words and it was the catalyst for all the emotions she had been holding back.



She buried her head in the pillow even more, desperately trying to muffle her sobs and stop them at the same time. Moments later, she felt a hesitant hand at her hair and she shifted instinctively closer, searching for the comfort she desperately needed. After a few seconds of hesitance that she could sense in every muscle, Spike finally moved, wrapping his arm around her and holding her against him tightly, his head resting gently against hers.

She relinquished the comfort of her pillow and twisted in his embrace, curling up against him and resting her head against his chest, one hand held to her mouth. He tightened his grip on her then and his hand stroked over her hair.

“S’okay,” he murmured against her hair, “S’alright. I’m here. You let it out. Let it all out, love.”

She twined her free hand in his T-shirt and cried her sorrow out onto the black fabric, the ice around her heart melting away with every tear, with every gentle caress of his hand. She felt him press a hesitant kiss to her hair and she leaned into it, clinging to him tightly now, letting a feeling of calm wash over her. As she drifted to sleep, her last thought was that she had never felt so safe in her life.