Dreidel by Constance

kim
03/12/2011 01:38 pm
Nineteen         
Really, you're not going to continue? You've had some great dialogue here still. I'm sorry you're not feeling the muse or don't have enough time.....

03/11/2011 07:07 pm
Nineteen         
Hey, I just wanted to say that I appreciate that you put up the rest of this, notes, beautiful prose, and all, in order to get it to a satisfying end point. This is so much better than just....wondering. This was a really interesting story, and I would never have guessed where you were going with it.

So, thanks! You did a good thing.

Sunshine
08/27/2009 05:47 pm
Chapter Eighteen         
Please.. do not end it here.. I so want to see where this goes, and enjoy all the hurt and angst and lovely, sweet spuffy I hope will be there at the end..?

10/03/2008 05:44 am
Chapter Eighteen         
very good read, thank you. glad you ended the chapter with anya. great to balance xander's presense.

laura
09/30/2008 10:32 pm
Chapter Eighteen         
Glad to see you are still writing

Cas
09/29/2008 03:07 am
Chapter Eighteen         
Terrific - so glad you're back to this original fic!  Hilights for me were the Spike/Xander fight - as even as I've ever seen it, and can't imagine what Anya thinks Buffy should read about.  Glad to see the update!

09/29/2008 02:40 am
Chapter Eighteen         
Welcome back!  It's great to see a new chapter of this fic.  And what a chapter - all kinds revelations about the efforts of the first evil to divide the scoobies.  Xander in all out stake now and ask questions later mode is beyond irritating, but very much in character.  And you've made his attitude somewhat understandable even if it's getting a little old.  Can't wait to see what info Anya has turned up in that pamphlet.  Now I'm really looking forward to your next update.

Pin
09/29/2008 02:30 am
Chapter Eighteen         
Thank you so much for the update!  I love this story, with all the twists and turns.  And now we might actually find out about more about really happened to Spike.  As always, really looking forward to more!

09/28/2008 09:32 pm
Chapter Eighteen         
So exciting to see this updated!  And what a stonking good chapter  it is, following on seamlessly (I re-read it all first) bringing in prime Xander and a shaken Willow to the mix.  Fantastic!

June
09/28/2008 03:34 pm
Chapter Eighteen         
Glad this has updated again, and Willow was shown clearly with how she's coping. Xander's reaction was very expected, though I'm kinda annoyed that Buffy is leaving out a bunch of context and reasons when she explains things, like just telling Spike that he slept with Xander's fiancee instead of the ex-fiancee he dumped after she dumped Spike and they were both drunk and miserable or letting Xander keep thinking hateful things without any explanation. The First can use that!
Love Anya and now I can't wait to read the next chapter, whether she's going to start talking about enlightening ideas about sexual positions or enlightening theories about what was done to Spike's memory. Great chapter and I hope you update soon!

09/28/2008 11:37 am
Chapter Eighteen         
I really loved this chapter. You've captured the voices of the characters really well. I'm glad you picked up on Dawn's distrust of Willow. And I'm glad we have Xander around now.

kim
09/28/2008 06:11 am
Chapter Eighteen         
Anya...perfect timing as ever.

Wow, Xander......way to put your foot in it to say hello. Geesh. Thank goodness Spike isn't rising to the bait and just trying to keep his head down.

fangfaceandrea
09/28/2008 04:35 am
Chapter Eighteen         
yay for the update and the great chapter

All4Spike
06/13/2008 01:27 am
Chapter Seventeen         
So... I've come back and read this fic through again 'cos I love it so much, and I thought I might be able to guilt you into picking it up again. So many questions to be answered... has Spike got his soul? What does Angel know about the slave ring? Who fiddled with Spike's memory? How messy will Xander's head exploding be when he finds out that Spike is back and living in Buffy's basement? When will all the potentials begin arriving?
Wheedle... wheedle... wheedle... want more... wheedle... wheedle... wheedle...
No pressure....

06/07/2008 04:45 am
Chapter Seventeen         
Oh hon I just spent delightful hours rereading this and hoping you and your muse will soon return!  This is so very wonderful and the promise of what is to come tantalizing.  How can we lure you back?  Anything we can do to slay RL or muse dragons? Beg? Plead? Cry? Do a Dawn immitation?

Was very worth the reread at any rate.  Wonderful characterizations all round.  Naturally I want Buffy to admit to herself and the others that she was not some innocent victim of Spike but an abuser herself....bout time she come clean ... I always wanted that and never got it.

Thanks again,
Kathleen
Surprise feedback, how delightful.  And guilt inducing.  To be honest, I've hardly even been reading Spuffy fic at the moment, and not writing at all.  And in answer to your question, you could take a shotgun to my neighbours!  And you've just cheered me up, maybe that'll help.  This fic doesn't feel abandoned, I know how it ends and I really do want to finish it but I'm not in a writing place at the moment. 

bitchee
02/08/2008 05:48 pm
Chapter Seventeen         
More more more, I want more...Please.
I LOVE this story can't wait to see where you are going to take it.

Haide
10/19/2007 05:14 pm
Chapter Seventeen         
wow.. interesting.. Really like this story.. please keep updating..

Now that they have at least this part cleared out.. knows what's what and who's who - it's still getting more and more interesting..

09/24/2007 09:28 am
Chapter Seventeen         
Phew! Glad they (Buffy) finally worked it out. And it's good to see them talking about it and being a little more relaxed with each other.

nclark
09/23/2007 08:19 am
Chapter Seventeen         
i love this story!!! please write more of it!!!!

All4Spike
09/21/2007 10:24 pm
Chapter Seventeen         
I'm a bit confused, which no doubt is your intention, but I still love your beginning of season 7 with the added delight of OtherSpike... or possibly SpelledSpike. One question is burning me and that is... has ThisSpike got his soul? 'Cos if I remember correctly it was souled vampires that the FE targeted. More please.

nmcil
08/23/2007 05:31 am
Chapter Seventeen         
great to see you started working on this again - Sounds like this might turn into a long piece - look forward to the next posting -

08/20/2007 04:33 am
Chapter Seventeen         
Loved the last few lines. So funny and sweet. Really, all the dialog is great in this chapter. Their conversation is really worth rereading because it's so well done.
How come Spike still had the tattered shirt on when she'd fetched him a new one? The line "Spike wrapped his arms tightly round his half bare torso as Buffy waited for him to go on." comes _after_ he puts the new shirt on...

Cas
08/19/2007 11:49 pm
Chapter Seventeen         
Glad to see the update, and glad the two of them are finally talking and figuring things out.

08/19/2007 09:17 pm
Chapter Seventeen         
Hehe awesome chapter. My only complaint is Spike saying he raped and murdered across four continents. To me that's OOC for Spike. I don't see him as a rapist at ALL. Even evil. There are varying degrees of evil. There are plenty of people in the world who would do a lot of horrible things including killing, but wouldn't rape people. In season seven Spike DID say: "Wanna know what I've done to girls dawn's age" but I really don't buy it. I think the writers were either writing him OOC, or he was just saying that to scare Buffy or keep her away from him because he didn't think he deserved her by the time he'd gotten the soul. In season five of Angel there was an episode where some girl believed Spike had tortured her, and I believe some of it was sexual and Spike did one of those "it wasn't me, but not like I didn't do things like that" thing. Again, I think this is all the writers trying to after the fact add on layers of evil to Spike that didn't seem in his character. I never saw him as going after children, though he'd let Dru I'm sure, and I never saw him as a rapist, period. He's more the type who would seduce someone and then kill them, but not, IMO the type who would commit outright Rape.

Sorry to be so huffy on that point, it's one line out of an otherwise fantastically written chapter.

08/19/2007 09:09 pm
Chapter Seventeen         
its kinda heartbreaking how even as he's coming to trust her more, he still feels the need to apologize every five seconds...poor dear... i'm glad dawn is being sweet to him again, and that they're gradually getting closer...was so happy to see this chapter here, love can't wait for more

08/19/2007 08:38 pm
Chapter Seventeen         
Good to see Spike more like his old self - and they managed to have an actual conversation!! Progress!

08/19/2007 07:57 pm
Chapter Seventeen         
So, good ol' mouthy Spike is back. I missed him. Will Angel find out that Spike's there? You know he'll be on the rode, the second he can put down the phone. Glad they've got this settled for now. She really does need Giles, she's not much help in the research department. Makes her cranky. Thanks you for the update, looking forward to more.

08/19/2007 06:00 pm
Chapter Seventeen         
Love Spike getting back his sense of self. Love a Buffy that actually talks!

They are now on a right track although I suspect the Bringers were planning a vampnapping not killing and there's a Hellmouth waiting to open at the school. Wonder if Spike has his soul. Happy to wait for these ideas to be confirmed or not with your continued enjoyable plot.

Thanks for the update. I love this story.

Kathleen

kim
08/19/2007 05:11 pm
Chapter Seventeen         
Well, that's noticeably more progress.....kind of, LOL. We haven't gotten whole truths out, yet.

08/13/2007 06:10 pm
Chapter Sixteen         
hehehe. great chapter! For a second I was like "NO, the first can't unchain spike..no no no." but you didn't do that heh.

treadingthedark
08/10/2007 04:28 am
Chapter Sixteen         
Wonderful story. I am really enjoying it. I am really feeling the affection for Spike just the way Buffy is. Nice.

07/26/2007 03:50 am
Chapter Sixteen         
it is fun to "see" them communicating so well. very good read, thank you.

07/21/2007 07:58 pm
Chapter Sixteen         
*claps* She got it, Dawn gave her the clue she needed. Poor Spike, just wants this over, not that I'd blame him but, we all want him around.

TwilightChild
07/20/2007 04:42 am
Chapter Sixteen         
Yay! Buffy brains aworkin! I do think all three are insane, though...

Very excited to see more of this story. I love it, love it, love it!

07/20/2007 02:26 am
Chapter Sixteen         
Poor Spike, he must really think he's stuck in a house with a bunch of crazy-women! I'm glad Buffy finally figured it out--at least I think she has LOL.

07/19/2007 11:28 pm
Chapter Sixteen         
Hey - Buffy in thinking mode pays off bigtime! I hope she can fix Spike's intestines.

07/19/2007 10:52 pm
Chapter Sixteen         
me too!

Izzy
07/19/2007 10:18 pm
Chapter Sixteen         
Oh, Please! Tell me she's going to get it right? They mentioned Angel, Angel's ghosts, she recognized the monk-Bringers, they think something is haunted Spike and they told him so he can be wary... If she went off in the wrong direction I'll hit her over the head!
Communicate, people! Not just about how said what but about what you mean to say. Dawn says she'll set Spike on fire, then doesn't want him dust and all the other stuff? No wonder he thinks they're stoned.
I know it's awful, but I'm looking forward to the First or whoever manifesting as Spike or Buffy or anyone and using that personal information and personality in the cruel way it does. I think those scenes are well-written adn the words are so well chosen to hurt instead of lame threats and empty insults like 'idiot' or 'lame-o'.
So glad this story was updated!! Thank you!

07/19/2007 09:40 pm
Chapter Sixteen         
God I hope her wee brain has finally remembered the FE!

Excellent chapter. I really, really love this story and get excited every time I see an update. Can't wait to see the next turn in the road. At least they are TALKING even if the actual listening is delayed. Putting all their odd stories together is the only way to have clue one on what is happening.

"Verrua"...:::snort:::...

Kathleen

07/19/2007 09:32 pm
Chapter Sixteen         
oh finally....*sigh of relief*!!!! so glad she's finally put the pieces together so they can sort of stop the first from messing with spike's head so much....incredible chapter, love, i've so been looking forward to an update of this fic, was just thinking about it yesterday actually great job!!!!

kim
07/19/2007 07:30 pm
Chapter Sixteen         
She blurts out Veruca when she means Eureka....oh dear Lord...please save us from Buffy's bad memory, LOL! And she only figured it out because Dawn gave her the clue.

Except that I wouldn't be surprised if she HASN'T figured it out after all...with Buffy's usual deduction skills.

Poor Spike....Sunnydale is so confusing. And the wounds! Right through the abs and down to the organs, huh? Poor baby...take quite a while to heal that on pig's blood.

07/21/2007 07:37 pm
Chapter Fifteen         
Crap, The First! Poor Spike and Buffy! Will this be more like canon or AU. Guess she's going to follow him now. Damn, one more to go, I hate this part, making him feel even more guilty. Willow will be there in the morning, so maybe she'll be more help this time around.

EveryNight
06/27/2007 05:46 pm
Chapter Fifteen         
I see from the updates that a good portion of this story started with regular updates- then a three month or so break- followed by regular updates. Then another three month break, just to torture us. Two chapters were written 6/26/07 and I can only pray for the rest soon without a long hiatus. I am so interested in what could happen next.
I know real life can get in the way, but please write more!! soon!!
A devoted reader of Spuffy

Izzy
06/27/2007 05:41 pm
Chapter Fifteen         
I love this story so far! The idea of Buffy realizing how much she misses her Spike at the same time as seeing the softer side of real Spike all the trauma shows, is great. The sadistic and hateful First Evil playing with him and poor Dawn in such a cruel and twisted manner rouses all my protective instincts just from reading, and I am dying to get those crazy kids together and talking!! That's the only way, to compare stories, and it's tragically laughable how easy it is to make assumptions and lies and explanations that could mean the end of the world, or at least one life.
The anticipation of the next chapter is also stressful. On the show, Spike could be brainwashed partly because of his soul adn living directly on the Hellmouth. I am rather desperately hoping he won't physically be harming anyone without this help. AFter all, knowing he was cruel and said things while he never acted is far easier to understand than him saying those things, harming people while Buffy watches, and say he doesn't remember. As he leaves the house, PLEASE let it be our Spike and not a brainwashed or incorporeal version. I can't stand to see him in so much pain even as it hurts Buffy!
Must read more soon! Story has great ideas.

06/27/2007 06:07 am
Chapter Fifteen         
very bad timing for a walkabout. very good chapter, thank you.

06/27/2007 02:43 am
Chapter Fifteen         
Gah...feeling for both Spike and Buffy here... the First is playing some nasty games with them.

It will be interesting to see what happens once Willow arrives.

Hmmm... I wonder if Spike is off on a First-controlled killing spree... or if 'Buffy' has driven him out of the house while the real Buffy was upstairs in bed. Or if there is some other reason for him to be leaving...

Looking forward to the next chap.

Thanks for the updates!!

06/26/2007 10:58 pm
Chapter Fifteen         
Curiouser and curiouser -- I love a good mystery.

06/26/2007 06:32 pm
Chapter Fifteen         
Oh oh....The FE is one nasty bugger. Excellent rewrite of that plot BTW.

I am so excited to see more of this story. I am enthralled with it and dying to see where you are going (while enjoying the ride completely).

Thanks for the updates. I think you finally nailed Dawn too.

Kathleen

kim
06/26/2007 04:59 pm
Chapter Fifteen         
So, did triggered Spike just uncuff himself and go on walkabout for the First? Since we know the First, itself, can't open doors...

Poor baby...rewriting his head besides all the crap the First will do?

06/26/2007 04:30 pm
Chapter Fifteen         
oh man....who let him out, though? the first had to have someone else do it, because it can't touch anything....hmmm....this just gets more and more intriguing, and can i just say i'm loving this kinder, gentler buffy? she's handling this as well as can be expected under the crazy circumstances great chapter, love

07/21/2007 06:57 pm
Chapter Fourteen         
I'm sorry I've missed all these updates, just found out how to favorite a story so now I won't miss out again, and what the hell is That! Spike's evil again! Wow can that be. Dawn must be mistaken, glad I'm behind right now. Going to see what's going on. Wonderful way to see into this slayer mind, thanks.

06/27/2007 05:44 am
Chapter Fourteen         
very good chapter, thank you. nice break with buffy hanging up on giles as he is still questioning.

06/26/2007 10:52 pm
Chapter Fourteen         
Very tense. At least Dawn's still able to speak...for now!

TwilightChild
06/26/2007 07:41 pm
Chapter Fourteen         
Uh oh, more trouble. Gotta hope there's some mercy for Spike, even though it rarely happens.

Very glad to see an update to this story ^_^ Its wonderful

06/26/2007 04:22 pm
Chapter Fourteen         
oh man...now i'm all nervous for spike, i really hope buffy doesn't just make assumptions...i really hope she listens to him great chapter, love, i've been dying for an update and hear i am rewarded for my patience with *two*!!! yea!! off to read the next

09/30/2008 06:40 pm
Chapter Thirteen         
Great Change of plot -

03/19/2007 11:40 pm
Chapter Thirteen         
great read, thank you. now you have all readers screaming what!

nightshift
03/19/2007 04:18 am
Chapter Thirteen         
I didn't see that coming. Evidently neither did Buffy. Although Dawn sure could use being taken down a peg or five.

03/19/2007 03:41 am
Chapter Thirteen         
The first is just messing with everyone. Poor Spike. This isn't going to be good for him.

BT_
03/19/2007 02:34 am
Chapter Thirteen         
"before I ramble myself into some kind of tongue injury"

oooh - too funny...

JO
03/18/2007 05:02 pm
Chapter Thirteen         
OK what was that all about? who was that, was Dawn having a nightmare?

03/18/2007 03:17 pm
Chapter Thirteen         
That was the First wasn't it... please let it be the First...

Really enjoying this fic and looking forward to the next chapter!

03/18/2007 12:19 pm
Chapter Thirteen         
What the hell just happened there? A spell? He sounds like the Spike that first came to Sunnydale. Wow! Waiting to see what's going on. Thanks.

03/18/2007 07:00 am
Chapter Thirteen         
Oh, I get it- the First's fuckin around with them, though that still doesn't explain Spike's memory loss, well, replacement. You *so* haveta update soon.

kim
03/18/2007 02:00 am
Chapter Thirteen         
It's the First again. Bastard!

Poor Spike....is this all from getting his soul? That he was tricked into that pain and slavery and memory loss?

03/18/2007 12:09 am
Chapter Thirteen         
Fabulous story! I'm really loving this and can't wait for more.

The First is really playing games with them isn't he? *gulp* Much more effective and considerably scarier than the version on the show. I am sure that this latest visit won't bode well for our poor vampire!

03/17/2007 11:07 pm
Chapter Thirteen         
Totally creepy, kinda scary, and a really neat (not to mention unexpected) plot twist. Poor Spike, amnesia and now this. Once again, he's gonna be blamed for something he didn't even think of doing. Hope the First hasn't set him for a round of kick the Spike. But I think the First has done a good job here of dividing the troops. Dawn was already angry with Spike, and this little scenario will only serve to widen the exisiting rift that has developed between Spike and the one person who is usually his biggest champion. Yep, I'm afraid that our favorite vamp is in for a rough time of it. As if he hasn't already suffered enough. *sigh* Can't wait to see where you're going with this. Fantastic chapter. Please update soon. You've got me on the edge of my seat here - would be so embarassing to fall off while I'm waiting for the next chapter.

03/17/2007 08:00 pm
Chapter Thirteen         
oh man...the first is really vicious in this (of course) ... how evil, poor dawnie...and poor spike next time she runs into him now that *that* just happened...oh my gosh this is just awful...poor spike, but i am glad that he and buffy are starting to get along well again

03/17/2007 07:36 pm
Chapter Thirteen         
Hoo boy they better figure out about the First before Buffy or Dawn kill poor Spike! That was the one nice thing in S7...they didn't drag it on too long before they figured out about The First.

I feel so bad for Spike. I did on the show too. He already felt guilty for the attempted forced sex .... before he even left the bathroom. To have her act like she did no wrong that year is just sad and unfair. Sure he was waaaaay wrong in what he did but Buffy is not even starting to think of all the harm she did to Spike.

This is one interesting take on post Seeing Red! Well written and plausible.

Kathleen

Lou
03/17/2007 07:22 pm
Chapter Thirteen         
That was unbelievable! Absolutely hair-raising stuff - great scary Spike too.

Cas
03/17/2007 06:26 pm
Chapter Thirteen         
Oh, really hoped that Dawn would figure it out! If only she'd stayed around to see if her throw connected! Great job.

03/17/2007 05:44 pm
Chapter Thirteen         
Wow -- I still love this story, but it just gets more and more painful. Spike's memory loss means he can't put the past into any kind of context. Buffy's not about to see that the hurt from before very much ran both ways, and that she has some very big apologies to make herself. Dawn's attitude, however understandable, means that Spike faces an underlying hostility from everyone. And now you've got the First running around making sure that the hostility is amped up way high. And Spike is totally vulnerable to it, and he's so alone.

Gack. Can't wait to see where things go from here. You're a great writer!

dicecanntcry
03/17/2007 05:35 pm
Chapter Thirteen         
Okay. i would just like to say..

WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!?!

I in no way saw any of that coming!! You better update soon missy cuz' i've got some major questions that need answering!!

09/30/2008 06:13 pm
Chapter Twelve         
excellent chapter with Dawn and her strange change of behavior from the early "you have to rescue him" - not having had the "young brat sister" I was having trouble understanding her change -

Very much enjoying your story - sincerely hope that you will be able to work on it again -

03/09/2007 01:56 am
Chapter Twelve         
Wow! So it really is him! Just about as many questions still to answer. Geez, the Summers women share more then blood, don't they? When in doubt, hurt the person with words if you can't with your fists. Glad that Buffy misses part of the old Spike. Hopefully once Dawn's around him more, she will remember that he was her best friend when Buffy was gone. Excellent chapter, thanks.

03/08/2007 07:23 am
Chapter Twelve         
wonderful read, thank you. we have a moderately confused buffy, a majorly confused dawn (well, being a teenager adds some not needed points) and poor spike does have a clue.

kim
03/08/2007 03:00 am
Chapter Twelve         
Well, at least you showed that Dawn doesn't hate him as much in her own head. It'd be nice to see her something other than bitchy now, as that wasn't a permanent mode on the show, either. She's been missing her best friend for a long time, though....Buffy took him away, and he let her.

So, he's really our Spike? That's one hell of a mind spell....

time of change
03/08/2007 01:25 am
Chapter Twelve         
I don't have any problem with your Dawnie voice. I think she's pretty good, in fact!

Lou
03/07/2007 11:35 pm
Chapter Twelve         
Could Dawn be more annoying? She makes my head hurt. Excellent chapter - dying to see what Willow's like.

03/07/2007 08:30 pm
Chapter Twelve         
ZOMG YAY! I was right about it being OUR Spike. I'm so pleased! woot.

03/07/2007 07:38 pm
Chapter Twelve         
Great chapter. Good to know that its actually their Spike. You've got Dawn's personality down perfectly. But poor Spike, he doesn't even remember what he did wrong. Can't wait to see what you do with this, and what comes next.

03/07/2007 03:51 pm
Chapter Twelve         
lol...dawn's reactions make a bit more sense in this chapter, explained very well...poor spike, he doesn't seem like the same vamp, but i'm glad that apparently he is thanx for another awesome chapter, love

Pin
03/07/2007 03:13 pm
Chapter Twelve         
Great but painful chapter. You do a wonderful Bratty Dawn - I want to throttle her! Glad to have at least part of the mystery solved (maybe). Looking forward to more.

02/22/2007 11:22 am
Chapter Eleven         
I'll be so glad to find out who he is and if he's not their Spike then where in the hell is he, and where did this one come from? Can't fight demon's? then he won't be able to help them the way the other Spike did, and really what good is he to them if he can't even fight? Don't know how he's going to survive out in the world if he can't defend himself. Night dock worker? He still is strong, working under the table, maybe he can make it. Don't see how this Spike will make it. Eager to see if you can turn this around for him, and if they all can heal. Great chapter, thanks.

02/22/2007 09:30 am
Chapter Eleven         
So tell me again why Buffy didn't sacrifice Dawn to close the portal? Because right now I am so not understanding.

02/22/2007 07:03 am
Chapter Eleven         
very good update, thank you. can't follow dawn's thought process, but then she is a teenager (and related to buffy.)

02/22/2007 04:51 am
Chapter Eleven         
Poor Spike! Still scared and confused, and nobody really willing to talk to him. Loved the Buffy and Dawn conversation or what passes for a conversation between these two. Seems like Dawn doesn't really know how she feels about Spike anymore. For that matter, neither does Buffy. Of course, that's kind of always been the situation as far as Buffy is concerned.

All in all, a wonderful chapter. Just one little quibble - I can't wait for them to do the spell that will tell them if this is their Spike or not. You are gonna do the reveal soon, maybe? Please don't leave us tottering on the cliff edge for much longer!

kim
02/22/2007 12:29 am
Chapter Eleven         
Man...extra brattiness today!

Poor Spike....I'll be glad to know for sure if he's our Spike, or another dimension's.

Lou
02/21/2007 11:23 pm
Chapter Eleven         
It's all there in his dreams -- it has to be Spike, and the poor guy is so alone!! Excellent Anya and uberbrattish Dawn. This is really enthralling.

02/21/2007 09:26 pm
Chapter Eleven         
Love it, absolutely love it. Poor Spike, bombarded by rude people. If they were going to be straight forward, they could at least go all the way about it.
Love this story, can't wait to see what happens.

02/21/2007 08:21 pm
Chapter Eleven         
I just love Anya. Hope you'll write more of her.

Pin
02/21/2007 06:51 pm
Chapter Eleven         
Another relly great chapter; thanks for the update! I am really looking forward to seeing what the spells reveal. Still wondering wht happened to Buffy's Spike. Hope he's not still stuck in the hell zone. Perhaps he was rescued by Spike's Buffy.

02/21/2007 06:14 pm
Chapter Eleven         
Don't understand what's up Dawn's butt! I always thought her anger at Spike as loyalty to Buffy when she thought Spike had raped her and that she really still loved him at the core. She is being so hateful here even knowing it isn't the same Spike that supposedly tried to rape Buffy at all?!? This Spike saved her too, you'd think she'd be kinder. Can't wait to see what you're doing here with this. I kinda figure mean Buffy is the FE but don't get the Dawn hate.

I'm beginning to think this Spike has his soul. The nightmares of killing (should be happy dreams without the soul.....wait...I seem to remember Angel with the soul having killing dreams and enjoying them!) seem to imply a conscience. Maybe it IS her Spike and this is part of the "make me what I was" bit from his soul quest?

Yes, you've left questions but only in the very best of ways. I really, really love this story and am excited each time it is updated. Want to cuddle poor Spike here and worry for our Spike too.

Would LOVE to smack Giles....easy to forget all the good our Spike did for years just because he wants Buffy with some bland human guy that can't possibly satisfy her much less survive the Slayer. Idiot!

Kathleen

02/21/2007 06:03 pm
Chapter Eleven         
Wonderful chapter! I'm so glad to see another update so soon!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE where Spike was thinking down in the basement and that he would have taken it if she'd offered to sleep with him even back when he was evil. I love stories where Spike acknowledges he would have gone for it at just about any point in canon lol.

And since I'm just guessing here, I don't think I'm spoiling anything for anyone else, but I really think this is her Spike. And some magic is involved. Like they gave him a different kind of chip and used some kind of mojo.

Of course then it would have to be something personal. So someone in on it has some personal vendetta against Spike. I wouldn't be surprised if it was Angel. He'd want to make Spike forget loving Buffy. Or Riley. Riley would also want to make Spike forget, to completely rape his mind of his former life.

But...the reason I think it's "Our Spike" and not some other Spike, is because A. The "real spike" hasn't shown up anywhere and unless he got sucked into some kind of other dimension that's not likely. But the primary reason is: B. He mentioned in his internal monologue feeling a bit bad about his former crimes as a vampire. not just feeling bad about possibly hurting buffy but about the regular vampire stuff. So I think he has his soul. Which would mean he's "our spike."

And also, he seems inordinately upset about what he might have done to buffy (attempted rape) If he was another Spike, even under all this duress I don't think he would associate it so closely with HIMSELF. I think somewhere deep down they all know it's him. It's just that it seems weird. After all, they're doing this spell and that would basically confirm it.

dicecanntcry
02/21/2007 04:54 pm
Chapter Eleven         
Lovely! More please!

02/21/2007 03:58 pm
Chapter Eleven         
i hope dawn comes around soon...poor spike could use another friend...and i hope that anya fills him in a little, it'd be good if they actually got along...looking forward to seeing what they find out when they get around to doing the spell

02/15/2007 10:27 pm
Chapter Ten         
excellent read, thank you. giles at his best.

02/11/2007 04:09 pm
Chapter Ten         
Nothing quite like "nonchalant" Buffy. Telling Spike how it would be rude to do something? About as subtle as a jackhammer, but that's why I like her. Looking forward to seeing what will happen next.

02/11/2007 01:07 pm
Chapter Ten         
Buffy should've paid attention to the charm explainy guy but she was never a good listener. Wonder if there's anything else the charm does. Hate Giles. Update soon, okay?

02/11/2007 12:45 pm
Chapter Ten         
Nice way for Spike to find out about their relationship. Giles has no idea what this Spike has been through, He sounds a lot like Xander, doesn't he? If he leaves how is he supposed to feed himself or fight, he's not the other Spike, he can't defend himself from human's or demons at this point. Can't wait to see where all this is going. Thanks for this wonderful chater.

02/11/2007 12:08 pm
Chapter Ten         
This is the first time I've ever read this story, and I have to say that I'm enjoying it very much. Despite the fact that some things were taken by another story, some parts of it are very original. I love the way you portray Spike, some of him still left under the trauma. His lack of memories are a great mystery.

kim
02/11/2007 09:03 am
Chapter Ten         
Poor guy....

Yay, a solution...or at least a plan.

Nasty Giles....

Cas
02/11/2007 04:21 am
Chapter Ten         
Hey, thanks for the update! Doesn't seem like Spike knows the limitations of the chip- if this chip has the same parameters, and Buffy doesn't know that he doesn't know. In whatever universe, they are still the same old pair! And I can only imagine how much Spike does NOT want Willow poking around in his head.

02/11/2007 02:45 am
Chapter Ten         
awwww sweet! excellent update, I'm so glad you're back to writing it.

I'm still curious as to whether this is "her spike" with a chip or not. And if it isn't, can't this spike please have a buffy?

Maggie
02/11/2007 01:24 am
Chapter Ten         
This fic continues to be totally gripping. You are an amazing writer. Great detail. Great observation of character. I don't have enough words of praise. Thanks! And keep up the good work.

02/11/2007 01:05 am
Chapter Ten         
Just wanted to let you know that I'm doing the happy dance here because you updated this wonderful fic. I'm enjoying this rather tentative relationship - kind of like Spike and Buffy starting over from scratch. Well, except for that fact that Buffy's knows their history and is doing her best to dance around that little issue. Can't wait to see what happens with the locator spell, so update soon, please!

02/11/2007 12:50 am
Chapter Ten         
very poignant and sweet, love, very very emotional...loved it and can't wait to see more of it

03/15/2007 04:50 pm
Chapter Nine         
Wow I wonder if the same Spike different memories will have anything to do with him going for the soul and asking to be made into what he was before only to be captured by the slavers? Just one thought on how his memories are so different.

LOVE THIS STORY!

Kathleen

02/11/2007 11:01 am
Chapter Nine         
Is she sure that they could be good for each other in the long run? With all those memories of their time together she didn't give off any scent of arousal? This is so good, haven't a clue as to how this is going to go. It's great, thanks.

Lou
11/14/2006 09:17 pm
Chapter Nine         
Now they're getting somewhere - and at least she's being civil occasionaly.

kim
11/06/2006 05:16 am
Chapter Nine         
poor Spike..being played with like that....at least Buffy's settled on being decent and friendly. If she looks back on that situation from an outside view, she'd know that there's no massive reason to be so mad at Spike...

So, is this really our Spike with a messed up head? Or is our Spike still out there somewhere after getting his soul in Africa? Could she end up with two messed up Spikes?

11/06/2006 12:47 am
Chapter Nine         
I'm on the edge of my seat now. This story is fantastic. I love it. I'm glad we got some of the Dawn backstory and I'm glad Spike is feeling at ease with Buffy despite the First messing with him earlier in the shower.

I hope it comes out soon what's going on there, so Spike doesn't get screwed over too much mentally thinking this Buffy is insane.

I also, really kind of hope it's her same Spike with an amnesia issue. I can't stand the idea of her Spike not being here, or this Spike being without a Buffy to love him, and you already said you wouldn't do a spike/spike/buffy threesome, so that's out. It's one or the other for her.

Cas
11/05/2006 11:02 pm
Chapter Nine         
Terrific chapter, deepening the suspense and hinting at many things. Please update ASAP.

11/05/2006 11:00 pm
Chapter Nine         
so in his memories it wasn't the army that chipped him? hmm...i'm still majorly hoping this is her spike, and feeling more hopeful about this as it goes on...and poor spike, he's so confused about everything, what with the first, messing with his head...i'm quite interested to see what happens when dawn re-enters the picture ...

...(oh and can i just say -- glad you've acknowledged the evil-ness of self-discipline ;P lol)

11/05/2006 10:41 pm
Chapter Nine         
Clone?! I hadn't even thought of that possibility! Really love this story and anxiously await updates (but I'm patient, I know how it is to write with a RL to deal with).

Hope Spike spills about the conversation in the bathroom. Buffy will likely think him a nut case at first but the poor boy needs some things clear.

Great tale being told well.


Kathleen

Emilee
11/05/2006 10:03 pm
Chapter Nine         
Yay an update. Excellent by the way. I'm less sure that the Buffy that tore into Spike last chap is actually Buffy, but she's still vague enough it could be. I'm holding off my liking for a little bit longer. But, then, I never really liked Buffy's character in the series either, her friends, family and lovers were the ones who drew me in. Can't wait for the next update. Keep up the good work.

02/11/2007 10:12 am
Chapter Eight         
You've really got with this one. Don't know how I missed 2 chapters. Well I will be rectifying that right now. Did the government clone him after all? This is one really great mystery, thanks, can't wait to read more.

10/22/2006 08:04 am
Chapter Eight         
Oh, man, that was a heart-breaking scene. Felt really sorry for Spike - whether or not he's "really" Spike. He doesn't remember anything about the almost rape. It hurt to see him so confused and losing what little hope he had managed to dredge up. It sort of semed a little out of character for Buffy to taunt him in that way. Yes, she's angry about the attempted rape, and I know that she's taken out her frustrations and pain on Spike in the past. But I just can't see her being THAT cruel to him in this situation. Unless that wasn't really Buffy. Hurry and update because I can't get emough of this thought-provoking, sometimes cryptic fic.

margaret
10/21/2006 02:18 am
Chapter Eight         
great story, can't wait for more. i guess buffy is still fighting ghosts, but sure wish she was saying all that to the right spike.

10/20/2006 07:08 pm
Chapter Eight         
BTW..."people", "person"....MAJOR Buffy attitude change from "thing".....just saying *G*.

Kathleen

valdt
10/20/2006 12:27 am
Chapter Eight         
very good read, thank you.

Lou
10/19/2006 10:57 pm
Chapter Eight         
God that was harsh - the poor guy can't even touch himself without getting a serious mauling.

10/19/2006 07:15 pm
Chapter Eight         
Okay....I'm hoping that Buffy isn't such a bitch that she's blaming THIS Spike for what hers did (and even then.......). If this the First? He didn't sense Buffy, it seems like the kind of mind fu@k the First was so good at doing. This is really powerfully written. I feel sooooooo bad for this Spike and am rapidly loosing respect for this Buffy if she is going to take out her hostility on this vampire. She should have some sympathy considering all he's been through (and that includes her attitude that morning with her thoughtless remarks that implied she wished he didn't exist). Look forward to more.

Kathleen

Lynda
10/19/2006 06:05 am
Chapter Eight         
This is so sad.

10/19/2006 05:36 am
Chapter Eight         
My heart just broke with those last 3 sentences. Still think that this is her Spike, under a spell to change his memories. Dru or Angel are quite capable of doing something like that to him. Leaving him broken, helpless and alone. Either way, this is a broken Spike. Hopefully they can learn to heal together. Thanks for the emotional chapter.

10/19/2006 04:55 am
Chapter Eight         
This chapter packed a huge emotional impact. I loved his reaction to being told he could have a shower and his thoughts about trust then it’s like a kick to the stomach when what he thinks is Buffy (and I really hope it’s the First) shows up. I felt like crying for Spike when he took his slave kit out of the garbage, and then with the symbolism of the cigarettes staying on the counter. Thank you so much for the update, I really look forward to them.

kim
10/19/2006 03:21 am
Chapter Eight         
Damn the First!!!!! And it's lying, too, because Spike didn't even come close to raping her before she threw him backwards.

Realize she's not a morning person, but Buffy didn't have to be such a bitch, especially since he's so skittish there's not a damn thing he would do wrong here.

Bridget
10/19/2006 02:42 am
Chapter Eight         
Okay I know that Spike's attempted rape of Buffy was horrendous and wrong, however, how does she get to be so self righeous whe her actions toward Spike were also criminal. Remember beating him almost to death and leaving him in the alley to die. I really hope she gets over her attitude soon. Also, why is her memory so short first she does not think this is her Spike and now she is reacting as if he is. Please update soon.
Good chapter.

XA
10/19/2006 01:49 am
Chapter Eight         
More weirdness. Is Spike hallucinating, or are the dimensions slipping? Or is it something else entirely?

10/18/2006 09:43 pm
Chapter Eight         
okay, i just reread some other reviews, and can't believe it didn't dawn on me that it was the First...it *was* the first, wasn't it? makes sense...just like in the show, you could *almost* believe everything they said could really be coming from the person it was imitating...with just a little something off...and that's how you pulled this chapter off...i'm really hoping buffy wasn't that cruel to him..except...how in the world is she gonna figure out whats happening and help him? poor spike...*sigh*

10/18/2006 09:27 pm
Chapter Eight         
awwwww poor spike. Bless his heart. So the First is here right about on schedule? very clever. Nicely done. It's a fantastic plot device here. Spike is already dealing with so many trust issues...to have the first messing with his head here...well, you just ROCK. This is fabulous. Wonderful twist!

10/18/2006 09:16 pm
Chapter Eight         
okay...trying to catch my breath here....my eyes are full of tears, how very heart-breaking...poor, poor spike...but poor buffy, too...you made her pain so clear, that i can hardly even be mad at her...yet poor spike, losing that fragile sense of safety and trust that he was just gaining...when he took that chest out of the trash again my heart physically ached for him....how in the world are they gonna get past this?
also...i'm very curious to know how dawn's going to react to all of this...and whether or not he is really not her spike...very excellent, heart-rending, beautifully done chapter...lifted me up with spike's hope, and without warning cast me down again with the ending of the chapter -- and all expertly done cannot *wait* for your next update, love

10/18/2006 09:15 pm
Chapter Eight         
okay...trying to catch my breath here....my eyes are full of tears, how very heart-breaking...poor, poor spike...but poor buffy, too...you made her pain so clear, that i can hardly even be mad at her...yet poor spike, losing that fragile sense of safety and trust that he was just gaining...when he took that chest out of the trash again my heart physically ached for him....how in the world are they gonna get past this?
also...i'm very curious to know how dawn's going to react to all of this...and whether or not he is really not her spike...very excellent, heart-rending, beautifully done chapter...lifted me up with spike's hope, and without warning cast me down again with the ending of the chapter -- and all expertly done cannot *wait* for your next update, love

Emilee
10/18/2006 06:58 pm
Chapter Eight         
God she is just a total bitch! Being malicious and vague enough to make him think that he actually raped her rather then attempted it. Not that attempting it was good, (and not like her part in their "relationship" was oh so perfect) but you know what I mean. Big, HUGE, difference. Not only that, she's already come to the conclusion that he isn't her Spike, and she's still tormenting him for things he hasn't done. And he's obviusly got a host of issues what with the sexual slavery and rape he's had to endure, and she's playing on it! Is she going to become even remotely likable in the future? Because right now I just want to slap her silly. Poor Spike.

03/17/2007 07:57 pm
Chapter Seven         
But Buffy wasn't raped- confused... Has her memories gone wonky as well?

10/20/2006 06:39 pm
Chapter Seven         
I am rereading this like a well done mystery novel....each chapter several times to try to fathom the "hidden" parts. On rereading this time I am wondering if it IS her/our Spike post soul with the madness removing the years of memory and the time difference being dimensional?!?!?!? The beauty is that you have made this must reading for me and the "mystery" will be resolved with perfection in its own good time. WELL DONE!

Kathleen

Lou
10/16/2006 08:43 pm
Chapter Seven         
Yum. I love a mystery.

vladt
10/16/2006 06:07 am
Chapter Seven         
excellent read, thank you. loved spike at the chapter's end.

10/16/2006 05:18 am
Chapter Seven         
This is simply an amazing fic, and you are a remarkably talented writer. All I can add to that is please, p-l-e-a-s-e hurry and update! I can't wait to read more.

10/13/2006 06:40 pm
Chapter Seven         
This is such an excellent story, I just started reading it today and can't wait for the next update.

I'm having this horrible feeling that Angel(us) is somehow involved in all of this, because when Buffy called him about the demon slave traders he claimed he didn't know anything about them. How could something like that be going on in LA and Angel "not" have heard something about them?

"Three years"? "Not her Spike"? I don't think so. Or at least I don't want to think so. Something really really bad has been going on and I can't wait to find out what's the what.

10/13/2006 03:00 pm
Chapter Seven         
It never occurred to me that this might not be her Spike, His thoughts and how he feels about what he used to do show just how much he has changed. I like that he realized that the worst Buffy would ever do to him was a quick death, that she wouldn’t torture him. I love that Buffy took him down the duvet and drink and his reaction and thought. Thanks so much for the update, I really enjoyed it.

10/13/2006 03:36 am
Chapter Seven         
Ooooo the time difference now makes sense, but what of HER Spike??? I want this one comforted too...hum, what to do with TWO Spikes?G?G?G?G? No, seriously, this is chilling. That line about other species being sliced up was tragic...poor Spike! Hope Buffy takes this group apart before all is said and done. Looking forward to more.

Kathleen

kim
10/13/2006 03:26 am
Chapter Seven         
He's a Spike from another dimension...? Where's ours?? At least it's possible now that ours is okay, somewhere....

Nice gift - whisky and a warm bed. He deserves it, after so much pain.

10/13/2006 12:41 am
Chapter Seven         
lol...lovely ending to this chapter, pet...it's so very touching, poor spike...i really hope it's buffy's spike, and not from another dimension...maybe they somehow altered his memories? or he's been in another dimension maybe? and i got a really bad feeling about that necklace she's got...i hope nothing bad happens...looking eagerly forward to more, pet

10/13/2006 12:30 am
Chapter Seven         
This is a lovely chapter! very nicely done and now I'm so confused...is he REALLY not her spike? Where is her spike? what about THIS spike...this spike needs her two...can she live in a menage a trois with the two spikes if she finds the other one too?

Lynda
10/13/2006 12:21 am
Chapter Seven         
Is there time travelling involve or another dimension. Because if this is not her Spike but it is Spike there is so much you have to explain and I am looking forward for the answers. Great story.

10/12/2006 11:59 pm
Chapter Seven         
Not her Spike? They must have put a spell on him to remember his life differently then what it was, or he's from another dimension. Either way this is a real mystery. How sad for him to be full of so many emotions, and only a few to look forward to, like dusting. No matter who he is she still has compassion which is saying something for her. Thank you for the update, It's a great fic and I can't wait for more.

Bridget
10/12/2006 11:00 pm
Chapter Seven         
Well that is surprising. I wonder if he was somehow brainwashed or lost his memory because he was so horrified about what he did to Buffy. Please explain soon. Thanks for the update and great chapter.

maragret
10/12/2006 10:25 pm
Chapter Seven         
great story thanks. can't wait to see where the real spike is! please update soon

10/12/2006 09:16 pm
Chapter Seven         
Like it, hope there is a update soon, I want to know if it is her Spike.

10/09/2006 11:43 pm
Chapter Six         
intense read, enjoyed buffy's reactions to what she is learning. thanks for the fine read.

Robyn
10/09/2006 02:24 am
Chapter Six         
I can really understand Buffy’s need to throw up when realizing even some of the horror Spike had been through. I loved his explanation of why he helped Dawn. Thanks so much for the updates, I really enjoyed them.

Cas
10/07/2006 05:31 pm
Chapter Six         
'She knew my name - so I just did what she told me.' How very like Dawn LOL. Love the fic.

10/07/2006 05:47 am
Chapter Six         
Yup, Buyer Beware is a great fic as well, been waiting all summer for an update. What she had been through with Spike was nothing compared to what she can only imagine happened to him, her having to vomit attested to that. Great job, Fabulously written, thanks for the updates.

10/07/2006 04:35 am
Chapter Six         
This was one intense chapter. I like it that you had Spike realize that in spite of all the violence Buffy has experienced in her life, she wasn't ready to even imagine what had been done to him. As badly as Buffy has hurt Spike in the past (and he has hurt her), this kind of torture was something she couldn't even begin to fathom. You can almost see the blinders she's been wearing regarding her feelings for him and their relationship beginning to fall away. I can't wait to read more.

Bridget
10/06/2006 09:02 pm
Chapter Six         
Great chapter.

10/06/2006 08:39 pm
Chapter Six         
Fantastic chapter. This is one of my favorite fics, I'm glad to see you are still writing it. Sometimes when authors don't update super often I get paranoid they are dropping the fic. (i've personally been guilty of this.)

Anyway it's wonderful, I really like it, and I'm glad to see that Spike is starting to believe Buffy and also that Buffy is starting to understand the gravity of what's been done to him, and that she recognizes all that time she spent stalling, was time he was being tortured on her sister's behalf.
I'm one of those annoying people that wanders from project to project on a whim, and I do write very slowly. This will be finished, 18 chapters best guess, and some of the closing scenes are already written in rough draft, there's no doubt this will be finished, unless I get hit by a bus. But it'll be slow coming, probably, and frequently interupted by other things. I already have one WIP that's been sitting for a couple of months, should get back to that one really! Thanks for your review on BS Central, helped me find this site again, I post this everywhere when I can but my fic can be found first and most reliably on LJ. http://constance-b.livejournal.com

10/06/2006 07:33 pm
Chapter Six         
okay, my heart just lurched at the end there and my eyes are all full of tears...that's so incredibly heart breaking...poor spike...at least he's beginning to trust her again...i wonder when/if he'll start to remember their past together? his attitude about it all...so chillingly accepting...it just rips your heart out...so very very well done, pet, looking forward to more

10/06/2006 07:25 pm
Chapter Six         
Oh please update often (and soon). This is so compelling and I am dying to find out why it's years of torture and slavery for Spike but only months since Buffy and he had the AR incident (?) ....I'm thinking a dimensional thing with time going at a different rate. I DO hope this is her Spike and not another one because I'd feel so bad for this one that I'd be rooting for him to win the girl even if her Spike was off getting his soul.....Okay enough speculation....

See...that is why you must keep this story coming. I'll run mad with thoughts of how it could be going! This is wonderfully written.

Kathleen

10/06/2006 06:27 pm
Chapter Six         
Excellent chapter. I'm glad that he's finally able to talk and that Buffy is actually getting a clue. Three years? Wow.

Lynda
10/06/2006 04:41 pm
Chapter Six         
I love Buyer Beware, but the fic is not in being updated and I think it would be fair to you to stop comparing. Your story has many original elements and your style of writing is different. This is a Buffy and Spike story and therefore it is inevitable to find similar characterization. All this to say, I love your story and please continue updating.

kim
10/06/2006 04:18 pm
Chapter Six         
And still gives me the shivers and wiggins...

All that in just a few months...or was it only a few months where he's been?

Robyn
10/09/2006 02:15 am
Chapter Five         
This was fascinating seeing the exchange in the kitchen from Spike’s point of view and finding out a bit more about him.

10/07/2006 05:23 am
Chapter Five         
How emotionally scared he is. He was used to phyical torture but not this emotional pain. What's worse, is that Buffy doesn't have a clue how damaged. Thanks for posting a second chapter, going to read it now. Powerful chapter, thank you for the amazing read.

10/07/2006 04:16 am
Chapter Five         
I got tears in my eyes, and it's rare for any fic to move me to tears. You really got to me with this chapter. Looking forward to more.

10/06/2006 07:27 pm
Chapter Five         
that was simply heartbreaking...spike's perspective was very well done...i love the way you're putting this tale togethe...can't wait for more, love

Robyn
09/20/2006 11:57 am
Chapter Four         
Buffy is really being a bitch. That being said you should see how I act when I am over-tired, stressed, and confused. She realizes that Spike has lost three years of his life but I get the feeling that she doesn’t really understand it. Buffy has never been that quick on thinking through a situation, she seems to be more the type to either have it explained to her or for it to take a while for it to sink in before she understands. And here is a Spike who doesn’t know her or anything about the relationship that they had, that she knows has been tortured, and she has to rein in her natural tenancy to hit him over the head and tell him to pull himself together. I have a feeling that this is going to be a very interesting trip for both of them. I am really glad that I found this story and am looking forward to following it.

Ari
09/19/2006 09:22 pm
Chapter Four         
Re: The complaints about Buffy acting too bitchy. Are you deliberately writing her as more harsh on him than she turned out to be on the show, in early S7? It's not that bad, but yeah your Buffy does feel kind of off.

FWIW, I'm am interested in reading more of this despite minor disagreements with your characterization. I rather bitchy Buffy over weepy remorseful Buffy who's learned the error of her abusive and b/w-judgey ways any day of the week. *gags*

09/16/2006 08:00 am
Chapter Four         
:o

kim
09/12/2006 04:15 am
Chapter Four         
Poor Spike....

And doesn't she remember anything about him with fondness? This Buffy is a primo bitch, if only in her own head.

vladt
09/12/2006 02:33 am
Chapter Four         
very good read, thank you.

09/12/2006 12:29 am
Chapter Four         
that is so unbelievably heart-breaking...i commented on your lj, but i've gotta leave a review here, too...personally, i think you're spot on with buffy's reactions...it's like she's trying not to give in to the kindness that's actually inside her...because of what he tried to do, she thinks she shouldn't care about him now, and she's trying not to but she just. can't. help it...this chapter was incredible, so very moving wrenchingly emotional...lovely job, pet....looking forward to your next

Anne
09/11/2006 11:18 pm
Chapter Four         
More soon please!!!!!

09/11/2006 09:56 pm
Chapter Four         
Amnesia! Wow, what a great twist! What a bitch for Buffy, she's so use to being a bitch to him that this little complication has her having to change her attutide. Or she'll take that title of Head Bitch from Cordelia. This is a fantastic fic. Update soon OK, can't wait to read more. Loved the chapter, thanks for the great read.

09/11/2006 09:46 pm
Chapter Four         
awwwwwwwwwwwww poor poor spike. It occurs to me now, that he helped dawn cause he wanted to help her, and not because he knew her. He just didn't want her to go through the things he had. He has a soft spot for the bit even when he doesn't remember her.

I hope Buffy starts being nicer to him sooner, although it'll take a while for him to believe in it. Great chapter! can't wait for more!

Bridget
09/11/2006 05:57 pm
Chapter Four         
I understand that Buffy is upset about the attempted rape. ( which is inexcusable) however, Buffy's memory is short about her treatment of Spike. Her self centeredness is very annoying. I do think that Buffy is a little kinder than you are portraying her. Hopefully she will be somewhat nicer to him. Good read.

10/06/2008 02:53 am
Chapter Three         
Good chapter - like the way Spike broke out and yelled at the Buffster. 

Robyn
09/20/2006 11:34 am
Chapter Three         
Very interesting development. I love how Buffy managed to ‘buy’ Spike by mugging the other women. Her anger at Spike topped off with her being tired and the strain she has been under really makes her shortness towards him understandable. That last line was a real shock.

09/10/2006 01:19 am
Chapter Three         
The relationship that they had was both good and bad. The line that they walked would have them constantly crossing it, between right and wrong, on both their parts. Of course she'd want an apology from him, he tried to take their relationship to a place that she, at the moment, didn't want to go to. I have no doubt that at times, when they were having consentual sex, part of her mind wanted to deny the act and may have tried to easy her own conscience thinking that Spike was,in fact,taking her against her will. I see that you've gotten some remarks and I wanted to let you know how I felt. Now if can get past this part of the story and get to where you're taking to take us. They have both suffered abuse and now they need to see where to go from here. I'm so interesed in why Spike doesn't remember Dawn. Thanks for this interesting fic. great job.

09/09/2006 09:49 pm
Chapter Three         
Just found this story. Love it! Very original, absolutely compelling storyline. So... is Buffy gonna take at least part of the blame for their twisted relationship and the rape that didn't happen or is she gonna blame Spike for everything? She's seems awfully fond of that river in Egypt. Hope this opens up her eyes. Evil of you to leave us with this doozy of a cliffhanger, but I love it just the same. Update soon, p-l-e-a-s-e!

09/07/2006 06:31 am
Chapter Three         
i know i already reviewed this chapter..but this just shows how much i like this fic, how much it's hooked me...
i was thinking about this story today...and i'm wondering if maybe spike's behavior is a combination of what he went through as a slave, and a sort of a shock reaction to what he almost did to buffy...that's a concept i sort of used in one of my fics, saving grace, in which spike is captured and abused for months following the attempted rape....
so maybe he's just accepting what's being done to him because he feels like he deserves it...like he needs to change and be "good now" as he told buffy in this chapter...hmmm....
or maybe my psych student mind is just over-analyzing..anyway...just wanted to get these thoughts out there for your perusal
and by the way...i agree with you...the attempted rape was complex, with lots of varying motivations and levels of guilt on both sides...but it *was* still just that...an attempted rape...the fact that it was never completed does help somewhat...but the fact remains that she told him no, emphatically, and he still persisted, at least briefly...does that make him a rapist, or a horrible person? no...but let's call a spade a spade, people...
anyways...enough rambling....looking forward very much to your next chapter

Joan
09/05/2006 04:05 am
Chapter Three         
Wow, that last line REALLY took me by surprise! What a well written story this is. Please update soon!!

Carol
09/05/2006 03:21 am
Chapter Three         
Whoa, I didn't see that coming. This is really good. I'm looking forward to more.

Lynda
09/05/2006 01:13 am
Chapter Three         
I love your story. I hope you finish it. It is always so disappointing when a great story is left without an ending.
Dunno about great, but this fic will be finished, even if it comes out quite slowly. I have a plotline and an ending and a very longstanding Spuffy obsession and a newfound addiction to feedback. It will be finished.

09/04/2006 10:45 pm
Chapter Three         
whoa! What???? This is getting very interesting. Poor Spike. I hope stupid buffy figures out soon that her petty little issue with him in NOTHING. He didn't rape her, he stopped. He didn't realize what he was doing. No meant yes the entire freaking season six! Buffy is pissing me off! More soon

kim
09/04/2006 07:33 pm
Chapter Three         
Huh? How does he not remember Dawn? But he still remembers Buffy...or is it that he just knows she's a Slayer?

Okay, Buffy wasn't even this hostile and hate filled on the show...and rape wasn't his intention...sex was, like they'd always done, and even that brainless blonde should be able to realize that.

09/04/2006 05:37 pm
Chapter Three         
Oooo.....interesting! Seems like more than a three month period to get him to this point. Another dimension maybe while "training" took place? Chilling last line for certain. Looking forward to more.

Kathleen

09/04/2006 05:31 pm
Chapter Three         
okay wow i am so hooked on this fic now, pet....i'm already dying for your next update....wondering why spike doesn't remember dawn, when he just helped her escape...did they do something after that to erase his memory of her? poor thing...he's so damaged...hope buffy can manage to get past her pain and help him, poor spike....looking anxiously forward to your next chapter

10/06/2008 02:45 am
Chapter Two         
Great chapter - love how you strung out Buffy's figuring out that there's something wrong with Spike.  Also, very sweet that she bought him some ciggies

Lou
10/06/2006 04:31 pm
Chapter Two         
Pity Buffy chooses to blank out the valid points Anya is making - she really doesn't seem to give a rat's ass about Spike.

Robyn
09/20/2006 11:20 am
Chapter Two         
I can totally understand Buffy’s reluctance over rescuing Spike with what has transpired between them as well as her lack of back-up with her friends, even though I would think that she would want to destroy the organization that had taken her sister. I do like the conflict that you have shown her having with herself. If she was completely against the operation no force could make her do it. That she is letting Dawn and Anya push her into going shows, at least to me, that a part of her wants to do this. To me being able to have completely conflicting emotions about something and the imperfection that comes with it is part of what makes us human and with Buffy, and her natural tenancy for avoidance, her actions show just how human she is.

Angie
09/02/2006 04:15 am
Chapter Two         
OK, I think you have missed exactly what I was trying to say. Spike's personal views and motivations were not the focus of what I was trying to get across. I honestly do not claim to know exactly what all he was thinking or why he did what he did. The main problem I have with that is the Spike was constantly being pigeonholed into the role of an attempted rapist like he was portrayed in season 7 - I agree with what you said about that generalizing Spike like that, I was trying to point out the fact that Spike does not fit into that category. I was using the example of Buffy and Spike's twisted relationship for that reason as well as to help explain what I was trying to point out about Buffy (not Spike).

Focus on Buffy for this, on what she does and says, forget about Spike for a minute. From a psychological standpoint, Sexual assault is a DEEPLY traumatizing and violating experience given the very nature of the crime. Victims of rape never make "complete" recoveries because scars of it always remain to some degree. Sometimes, it takes YEARS before victims can recover enough so that their trauma is no longer blatently apparent. Some can "bounce back" and be seemly fine, but the scars left behind never go away completely. Let me make this clear, sexual assault is among the MOST horrendous and violating of crimes and even just the attempt has lasting psychological consequences. Even women who are victims of sexual assault while under anesthesia suffer the feelings of that deep violation from the mere knowledge that they were assaulted. The only times that trauma does not occur is if, for some reason, the potential victim doesn't realize what could have happened. Just confronting the realty that someone is about to or trying to rape them will cause a certain amount of trauma. From how Buffy acted with still trusting Spike enough to leave Dawn with him, at that point in time at the end of season 6, Buffy did not view what had happened as a rape attempt. The fact the Buffy still trusted Spike like that directly contradicts any idea that she believed that Spike tried to rape as she later stated in season 7. It can not go both ways, if Buffy herself believed that Spike tried to rape her regardless of any excuse or justification, she would have felt deeply violated and have lost any trust she would have had in him. Buffy NEVER would have let him have the chance to do the same to her little sister if she believed that Spike posed a danger to her. Regardless of any possible justifaction of Spike's actions, Buffy would not have trusted the guy who she believed tried to rape her with her baby sister. There are only two possible ways Buffy would have still trusted Spike like that. One, she didn't view what had happened as a rape attempt (despite what she LATER (note: "later") stated) or two, she did view what happened with Spike as a rape attempt and it somehow did not had not sunk in yet, meaning that somehow she had yet to realize it. The second one is pretty flimsy but I put it there so I didn't seem like I was immediately discounting a possibility.

When Spike can back, he knew what he almost did (for whatever possible reasons and/or justification that I won't go into) and you know how he was remorseful and trying to atone. Again, focus on Buffy, not Spike. Buffy's behavior regarding Spike during season 7 is radically different than from when she was willing to leave Dawn alone with Spike. The big thing to remember is that Buffy herself never told anyone what had happened with Spike while he was gone - Xander was the only other one who had any idea why Spike left, and that was because he found Buffy afterwards. Furthermore, XANDER was the one to first use the word "rape," not Buffy. Keep in mind, Buufy never mentioned the fact that the reason she and Dawn found out he was gone in the first place was that she was trying to get him the BABYSIT Dawn less than a day after Spike "tried to rape me" (keep that in mind for later).

Furthermore, during the months Spike was gone, Buffy never once saw fit to even warn everyone that Spike was potentially dangerous. She may not have explained to everyone what all occurred during their twisted affair out of shame, BUT, if she believed that Spike tried to rape her, as she LATER (note: "later") stated in season 7, then she would have at VERY LEAST warned her sister and friends about Spike being a threat - whether it from him being a someone who consciously tried to rape her or someone who was unstable enough to do something like that while not meaning to hurt her or not realizing what he was doing.

Now think back on Buffy's behavior again. Much of her behavior goes totally against that of a victim of sexual assault, regardless of whether or not it was just an attempt. Victims tend to be adverse to even being in the prescence of their attackers - it can be extremely difficult just getting them in the same courtroom as their attacker, let alone looking at them or acknowledging them. Now, when Spike first showed up, Buffy did INITIALLY exhibit that kind of adverse reaction, like when Spike grabbed her from behind. However, her behavior further along in the season goes COMPLETELY against that.

Psycologically speaking, Buffy should never had let the guy, who as she stated "tried to rape me," anywhere near her or her family and friends. Forget about any possible realtionship between those two, if BUFFY honestly believed that Spike had tried to rape her she never would have acted like she did toward Spike. Here's what I mean:

Buffy actively kept Spike around and even brought him into her own home and helped him when he needed help. The type of victim that Buffy was supposed to be BY HER OWN WORDS would NEVER had done that. She wouldn't even be willing to be alone with him - Buffy would have either staked him in an attempt to strike back at him or she would wanted Spike as far away from her as possible. Buffy never had invited him into her own home, regardless of whether or not he was chained up. And, Buffy tended to Spike herself when he was weak and injured - that implies a caring for him that she would not have had if she really viewed him as someone who tried to rape her.

The best example of how much Buffy trusted Spike was near the end of the season when she was sleeping with him - that act of lowering her guard around him enough to fall asleep with him shows a level of trust that simply would not exsist if Buffy actually believed that Spike tried to rape her and it could not have been rebuilt in the short amount of time that Spike and Buffy actually had together between his being captured and her taking care of all the potentials.

There are many other instances of this contradictory behavior that you can find out for yourself if you wish to - just look for some of the common behaviors of recoving victims of sexual assaults. Especially, look at how the react when confronted with their attackers. You'll find that Buffy's behavior does not match this, however it does point to a rather unsettling conclusion - one in which I have had to deal with before and let me say that those people were utterly appalling. Let me explain, Buffy never mentioned anything until AFTER Spike showed back up and AFTER Xander mentioned it. It was only then that Buffy maintained that Spike had tried to rape her despite the fact her behavior goes directly against how a sexual assault victim would act when confronting their attacker. Furthermore, now that Spike was around again, his guilt over what happened combined with everyone NOW knowing about why he left resulted in Spike keeping his distance and keeping his mouth shut - the very two things that Buffy wanted Spike to do after she ended the affair in season 6. That left Buffy free to once agian constantly dance around whatever it was that she felt for Spike. Things worked out quite well for her with that situation - Spike was feeling exceeding guilty and trying to atone so he was easily lead around and controlled and willing to do whatever Buffy wanted him to do. The next CLEAR contradiction between how Buffy should have as a victim of sexual assault and how she actually behaved was when BUFFY told Spike that she wanted him dark, for him to be more like the person who "tried to rape me." Having Spike becoming that instead of how he was then would be a horrifying reminder for a recovering victim, but Buffy not only had absolutely no problem with it, she REQUESTED it.

As I stated before sexual assault is one of the most horrific crimes there is and there is NO justification for it ever, but I am utterly appalled by those who would use the allegation of sexual assault for their own ends like Buffy did in season 7. it is people like this who make it that much more difficult to help the ACTUAL victims who suffer the trauma of sexual assault. I've done a great deal to try and help ACTUAL victims of this sort of assault, but I cannot stand it when people merely pose as victims to achieve their own selfish gains. THAT is the problem that I have with the "attempted" rape concept in season 7. I hope that I have been able to clarify what I wished to get across earlier, I admit that my strength is speaking not writing. I tend to talk when I write and not all the I say gets written down unless I check over it, which, I admit, I neglected to do last time and I apoligize for any misunderstanding.
1/ Our views on this subject, and the character of Buffy, are so very different I really don't think you're going to like the rest of this fic.
2/ 'Psycologically speaking, Buffy should never had let the guy, who as she stated "tried to rape me," anywhere near her or her family and friends.' 'that implies a caring for him that she would not have had if she really viewed him as someone who tried to rape her.' This is nonsense. Plenty of people go back to relationships with/stay married to the person who raped them. Pick your average domestic murder trial and odds are there will be complaints or even convictions of rape in the past and plenty of women who will refuse to press charges because 'he didn't mean to' or 'I deserved it' or 'he needs help'. Not that I'm suggesting Buffy is that kind of person, but I repeat, it's dangerous to generalize. Also, I suspect to Buffy's way of thinking he is not the same guy who tried to rape her, she manages to keep Angel and Angelus as separate people in her head and surely she holds souled Spike as no more responsible for the crimes of his unsouled days.
3/ 'Sexual assault is a DEEPLY traumatizing and violating experience' See above, re generalisation. Sexual assault is a physical act, and doubtless usually causes much trauma, but if the victim is not much bothered that doesn't stop it being sexual assault. There's no alledged about it, we saw the sexual assault on screen and the bruises it left. Whether or not he was really trying to rape her may be open to debate but the sexual assault is canon. One reason Buffy may be less affected is because she is physically stronger than Spike and wasn't helpless, maybe so many more trauatizing things have happened to her she's used to it. After all Spike isn't the first person to try and rape her, or violate her (love spells? magic sexy houses?) Maybe she's very traumatized and hides it well.
4/ 'Regardless of any possible justifaction of Spike's actions, Buffy would not have trusted the guy who she believed tried to rape her with her baby sister.' Well she did, so... Maybe she simply believed Dawn was more likely to be safe with Spike than any of the alternatives. Maybe she trusted him despite the rape attempt, he's not obsessed with Dawn after all and would if anything be more eager to help to make amends.
5/ 'The big thing to remember is that Buffy herself never told anyone what had happened with Spike while he was gone' You have no idea whether or not that's true. I'm assuming the audience aren't supposed to believe the characters go into little boxes between seasons, for all we know they sat down and had long chats about it. 'Buffy never once saw fit to even warn everyone that Spike was potentially dangerous.' Again we don't know that, and there was no particular reason to believe he was any more potentially dangerous that they already knew him to be. The Scoobies generally believed it was the chip that stopped him hurting people and he still has that. And he shows remorse, not murderous rage, when she throws him off, leaving town would reinforce that not make him more of a threat.
6/ The next CLEAR contradiction between how Buffy should have as a victim of sexual assault and how she actually behaved was when BUFFY told Spike that she wanted him dark, for him to be more like the person who "tried to rape me." She asks for the Spike that tried to kill her, not rape her, and I think we can all agree season 2 Spike and Season 6 Spike are quite different creatures, I assume she means the Spike that was determined and confident and not the one that was so obsessed with her he couldn't think straight. I didn't realise there was a way a victim of a sexual assault should behave, but if there was it might go to the wall in the face of an apocalypse, when there are more important things to worry about.
7/ 'Spike was constantly being pigeonholed into the role of an attempted rapist like he was portrayed in season 7' 'those who would use the allegation of sexual assault for their own ends like Buffy did in season 7. it is people like this who make it that much more difficult to help the ACTUAL victims who suffer the trauma of sexual assault.' I disagree with these statements so much I'm not quite sure where to start arguing with you. The alleged grates with me, obviously, and I can not see ANY way in which Buffy posed as the victim in season 7 or at any other time. I don't see how you can interpret helping Spike as selfish behaviour, if anything I think she feels responsible for him. You judge Buffy very harshly and I really don't believe the character would behave like that.
Constance

Angie
08/31/2006 02:44 pm
Chapter Two         
You know I REALLY hate that whole concept of the "attempted rape" (pretty sure that Xander, NOT BUFFY, was the one to use that word) issue thing with Buffy - For one, rapists do not stop after just being knocked back a couple feet, those bastards get off on that and then try that much harder. They don't run away horrified with themselves and then do all that crap Spike did to try and atone.
If Buffy really considered what Spike did to be attempted rape then why, less than 24 hours later, did she still trust Spike enough to look after Dawn, without even mentioning what happened or warning Dawn of any possible danger, but willing to leave Dawn with him alone in a place where if he did something nobody else could help her if needed (The chip stops pain and violence not tricking Dawn, binding her and doing anything when she can't fight back). Plus look at the last season, besides the one flashback, Buffy's behavior doesn't go along with that of a victim of such a traumatizing assault, in fact it goes against it a great deal since she actively kept him around, not as the soulful Spike he came back as but SHE TOLD him she wanted him "dark," more like the guy who "tried to rape her."
Think back during their little affair, all those other times that the two were fighting and Buffy saying "no" when she really meant "yes" - those two had a very unhealthy and dangerous relationship and that whole bathroom scene shows one of the reasons why, all it takes is ONE TIME for someone not to be playing and the other person not realise the change - if you do the research, you'll find this has happened in real life where one partner doesn't realize that the other is not merely "playing their part." Those types of relationships never turn out well.


There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that Spike tried to rape Buffy. You can make all kinds of excuses for him and maybe some of them even stand up but he tried to force her to have sex with him and that is attempted rape whatever the mitigating circumstances. Early in Season Seven she says "You tried to rape me" and Spike doesn't try to contradict her, so her thoughts are canon.
I think it's as silly to generalize about 'rapists' as it is any other group of people, you can't define anyone by a single act. Being sorry for something afterwards doesn't mean it never happened, and personally I think that Spike going to such lengths to 'atone' shows even he realised he'd done something very bad. Whether or not Buffy was traumatised makes no difference to the technical description of his actions. I think her taking Dawn to him shows she trusts him to an extent, and probably shows she realises he wasn't being malicious, but I don't see how anything that happened before or afterwards changes the fact that he tried to rape her.
I would certainly agree they had a very unhealthy relationship and there were faults on both sides, and excuses for both sides. And I don't believe one moment of madness makes Spike a rapist. Maybe he didn't want to hurt her, maybe he really believed he could make her love him. But he did try to rape her. And if you pretend he didn't just because you want to see him as the good guy then you're taking something away from Joss Whedon's wonderfully complex characters.

Lou
08/31/2006 02:33 pm
Chapter Two         
This Buffy is rather dim, isn't she?

08/31/2006 03:23 am
Chapter Two         
Missed that Spike was also captured. How did he rescue Dawn, captured himself? Anyway Buffy still had some feelings for Spike, she was willing to let him take care of Dawn after. Still have some trouble with the whole rape thing, they're relationship had always been based on violence and I feel he just forgot momentarily that she really did't want his advances and when he did realise where it was going, his horror of it all, repulsed him. Can't wait to see how she will feel about him when she does find him. I think she probably did miss him, he was the only one she could confide in about everything and the only one that made her feel anything. I thinks she's just in denial about him. Looking to more updates, thanks for the read.

08/30/2006 07:58 pm
Chapter Two         
Oh god. Poor spike. I hope Buffy gets him out soon, and I hope when she sees the state that he's in, she doesn't add to his suffering.

Can't wait to read more.

Ana
08/30/2006 05:32 pm
Chapter Two         
argh! it's great so far, hurry and update soon, please! rescue spike!!

08/30/2006 04:36 pm
Chapter Two         
While I like the way Anya and Dawn are pushing Buffy to act, I don't like the way Buffy thinks of Spike - basing all of her motivations (or lack of them) on what he is, not who he is. I think you nail her way of thinking - she likes being in denial, it makes her life easier.

kim
08/30/2006 04:17 pm
Chapter Two         
Well...we've certainly got Bitchy Buffy today.

08/30/2006 02:55 pm
Chapter Two         
oh wow....i'm hooked...you've done it again, love, i *love* your stories!! please update really soon, i'm really loving this...i hope they rescue him soon and that buffy can get past the pain of what happened and help him through what he's been through....great job

10/06/2008 02:34 am
Chapter One         
Love Anya being the boss. 

bitchee
02/08/2008 03:28 pm
Chapter One         
Wow... just found this from a rec at Darkest before the dawn, and I have to say, I am totally loving it. And can I say that I love your Buffy... she's such a bitch!

Robyn
09/20/2006 10:36 am
Chapter One         
Very interesting start. I love Dawn and her casualness and how well you captured Buffy's inability to articulate at times.

08/31/2006 02:29 am
Chapter One         
The slayer basicly alone, without a watcher, more alone perhaps than when she was first called. Is this Spike sane or not? Probably not if he didn't bring Dawn home himself, or so remoseful that he can't bring himself to face Buffy. Got me already. Thanks for the new fic. Good job.

08/31/2006 02:02 am
Chapter One         
I love your Dawn!

vladt
08/30/2006 11:33 pm
Chapter One         
very funny read, thanks.

08/30/2006 04:27 pm
Chapter One         
Great start! Very intriguing; looking forward to more.

08/30/2006 02:49 pm
Chapter One         
slave traders?? hmm...and spike is with them...but is he *with* them, or enslaved by them? gotta read on and find out more!