A/N Betad by seapealsh and dawnofme
Banner by dawnofme

This is my first fanficion - posted Aug 07 on ff.net and elsewhere. I thought I'd dust it off and post it here. Posting TWO chapters per day - so make sure you don't get muddled! The one with an odd number is the second one:D



Found



Spike sat huddled in his usual corner, his blank features belying the activity in his mind. Try as he might, he couldn’t stop the frenetic images whizzing through his head. Good, bad, happy, sad, they were all there. He felt lost; adrift from reality but vaguely aware of it.


He knew that it was getting near to the time they injected him, because he could feel the level of drugs subsiding. He looked forward to the next dose. It was safe here in this dark room, with the chemicals stopping the worst of the pain the images caused. He just wanted it to end; to succumb to the oblivion that the drugs gave. He’d been through so much. Enough was enough.


He groaned, and buried his face in his hands. He didn’t move as he heard the door open, he was just thankful he’d get some peace for an hour or two before being pounded again by his past.


“Spike? My God, it is you!” Giles’ voice was incredulous as he looked at the pathetic figure before him.


Spike groaned again. Another voice from the past coming to haunt me. I wonder if he’s come to kill me himself this time instead of getting someone else to do it. Thank God, it’ll finally be over.


He glanced up as he heard footsteps approaching, as he held his arm out, ready for the comforting sting of the needle. He saw Giles standing there, a hand on Andrew’s shoulder to prevent him from rushing forward.


Spike shook his head rapidly from side to side, a manic cackle escaping from his lips. Oh great. Not enough to see things in my mind, now my eyes are in on the action too. He curled up, eyes tightly closed, rocking gently to and fro.


Dr. Jake arrived at that moment and took in the scene before him, with the patient obviously distressed. He noticed the concern etched on the faces of the two men and decided quickly that any further discussions should take place away from Spike.


He offered his hand out to Giles.


“Hello, I’m Jake Hannigan, Spike’s doctor. Is that really his name by the way?”


Giles nodded.


“It’s a nickname really, but we all call him that,” he said, taking the offered hand.


“I think we’d be better off talking at the nurses’ station. I can fill you in on the details and perhaps you can enlighten us a bit about Spike, too.”


They left the room, the door snapping shut behind them.


“I understand that you’re Spike’s father?” said Jake.


“Yes,” said Giles. “Giles, Rupert Giles. This is my other son Andrew,” he added, remembering Andrew’s outburst at the bar. He glared at him to keep quiet for once.


“So how did Spike come to be here?” asked Giles. “We’ve been trying to trace him for quite a while. We’re not that close and he has…er…a tendency to roam about, never staying in the same place too long. We normally get the odd call or card but for three months, nothing. An old girlfriend of his said he’d been heading to L.A. last that she’d heard, so we thought we’d come to try to find out.” He launched into the cover story that he and Andrew had quickly mapped out whilst waiting to be allowed up to the ward.


Dr. Jake explained about the night that Spike had been brought in, how his heart had taken so long to start beating that they’d thought they were going to lose him.


Andrew and Giles looked at each other as the doctor mentioned Spike’s heart. How could it be?


The doctor continued until they finally had the whole story. No one spoke. Giles tried to think up a plausible reason for Spike’s phobia of the sun but couldn’t and so gave up.


Jake looked at the two men. They seemed totally flummoxed by what he’d told them. I suppose it must come as a shock to see a member of your family reduced to the wreck that was Spike.


“Has he shown any signs of mental illness in the past?” he asked. “Because we’re not sure whether it’s due to the injury or not.”


Andrew started to say something but Giles shot him a look, knowing that he was remembering how Spike had spent three weeks in the Sunnydale High School basement after bowing under the pressure of the guilt that he had suffered after having his soul restored. Something not helped by The First’s constant appearances to him in various guises. But Giles knew that if they were going to get Spike out of here as soon as possible, they had to keep things simple.


“No, nothing like this. He’s always been a bit…odd…but nothing like this. I think the sooner that he’s back with his family the better, don’t you? All these ramblings you’ve told us about must be from the injury muddling up his thoughts. What do I need to do to get him released?”


A discussion ensued with the doctor wanting Spike to remain where he was but with his family visiting to see if they could draw him back into the real world. Giles was adamant about his discharge.


*~*~*~*


Helen walked on to the ward. She could hear voices from the nurses’ station. Jake and two other men were talking intensely, watched by Adam and Nick. She was surprised to see the two nurses. She hadn’t realised that they were pulling a double shift. She hurried past not wanting to interrupt as she made her way to Spike’s room. In the two weeks that he’d been awake, Helen knew his medication times to the minute. She knew that if he’d just had a dose that her visit would be short, because he’d be unresponsive. According to her watch his latest meds were given forty five minutes ago, but she still had to look in on him. She couldn’t leave him alone.


As usual, she peeped through the window as her hand reached for the door handle. She couldn’t immediately see him, as he wasn’t in his usual back corner. Then he came into view, pacing from left to right near the front of the room then turning when he reached the wall and pacing back. His stride was marred by the limp that was so bad that he lurched as he moved. She could see that he was talking to himself, but his eyes looked clearer than she’d seen since he’d first woke up, before he had been put on the meds. She opened the door and he spun round.


“It’s not Hell,” he said as soon as she stepped in the room. “Can’t be Hell if ole Rupe’s here. That bugger’s so good, couldn’t be Hell.”


“Spike, are you okay? Has something happened?” asked Helen.


He moved towards her putting his hands on her arms.


“He’s here. Come to get me out, I reckon. Better get me out. Ole Rupe helping Spike?” His words faded away, face clouding. “Never has before…and he’s gone…what if he doesn’t come back?” His eyes were pleading as he looked into Helen’s.


“He’s here, then he’s gone, but no drugs come. Old Spike’s coming back.”


He was talking fast and quietly, almost to himself but his hands still gripped Helen’s arms.


*~*~*~*


“Christ!” exclaimed Adam. “We’ve not given him his meds. They’re nearly an hour late.”


The injection had been forgotten with the arrival of Giles and Andrew. Nick and Adam had told the other two nurses on duty they’d fill in for an hour or so, wanting to see what happened with Spike. The on duty nurses were happy to take a break.


Adam dashed from the room followed by the others. He saw the door was open and looked at his watch, realising that Helen’s shift had just finished. As he got to the door, he saw that Spike had hold of Helen, an arm in each hand, his face close to hers.


“Let go of her,” Adam said quietly but firmly.


“It’s okay, Adam. I’m fine. We’re just talking.” Helen reassured her colleague.


Spike looked at Adam and released his grip on Helen, taking a step backwards. Adam held the syringe of medication which just moments ago he’d craved badly. Now he wanted, just as badly, to avoid it. He now had hope, hope that things might be okay after all, and he didn’t want to lose that feeling to the clouds created in his mind by the drugs. He wanted to cling onto it, he needed to cling onto it. He took another step backwards as Adam took one towards him.


“Come on, Spike,” said Adam. “You know this makes you feel better.” He took another step towards him.


Again, Spike retreated shaking his head.


“No, not today, not now,” he said, looking at Helen, eyes appealing for help.


“Adam, just wait a minute. What’s going on? How come his meds are so late anyway?” she said, as much to distract Adam from his task as for the answers. “He was talking of someone - “Rupe”. Who’s that?”


“Me,” came a voice from behind her. She turned to see a tall bespectacled man, dressed in a tweed suit, standing in the doorway.


“I don’t think that he needs those drugs just yet,” said Giles to Adam who had started to slowly walk towards Spike again.


Adam was just about to retort.


“It’s okay, Adam. He’s being released soon and we don’t want him knocked out. I’ve written a prescription for some pills instead so he can have some now and continue when he’s released,” said Jake, who’d followed Giles into the room.


Adam shrugged and walked out.


Rupert had his first proper look at Spike and was shocked at what he saw. Spike had always been lean, but fit and muscled, swaggering about in his long leather jacket, bleached hair glowing in the moonlight. This Spike bore no resemblance to that man. Baggy hospital scrubs covered his body, which was thin to the point of emaciation. He was leaning against the wall, unsteady on his legs. His cheeks were hollow, his shoulders sagging, and a thick scar running down his forehead right to the eyelid, was raised and pink against the pale grey of his complexion. Hair, once well groomed, now hung in curls - half blond, half sandy brown. His whole demeanour was one of defeat, something that the Spike of old would never have countenanced.


“Spike,” he said gently, “you remember me, don’t you?”


Spike nodded, started to say something, then stopped, swallowed and started again.


“Rupert, can you help me? I’m in trouble. Can you help me please?” he said in a small voice.


Rupert’s heart sank further. The old Spike would never have asked for his help, especially with the history that they had between them.


“Yes, Spike. I’m here to help you.”


At these words Spike, who’d been leaning heavily with his back against the wall, sighed and started to slide down the wall, his legs giving way. Rupert moved to help him, but Helen was there in an instant, holding Spike’s arm and supporting him so he sat gently on the floor rather than falling.


“Who are you?” demanded Helen, twisting round to face Giles, she knew that she was being rude but didn't care.


“I’m his father, Rupert Giles,” he answered. “You must be Helen. The doctor told me how you’ve been visiting him. I’m grateful for it."


At this point, Andrew, who’d amazingly been silent throughout, could contain himself no more. He pushed his way into the room and flung his arms around Spike as he sat on the floor and gave him a hug.


“You’re alive! You’re alive! I can’t believe it.”


For a second, Giles saw Spike give a look that was pure ‘old’ Spike, showing his distain for such displays, but it swiftly passed and he just looked bewildered.


“Andrew,” said Giles sharply, causing him to glance up and let go of Spike. He stood up and backed away from Spike by a couple of feet.


“Come on,” said Helen. “You can’t stay here. Let’s get you on the bed.”


Spike nodded and struggled to his feet, leaning heavily on Helen. Once on the bed he lay down. Rupert turned to leave the room.


“Don’t. Don’t leave me here,” pleaded Spike.


“It’s all right, I’m not. I just have to go for a moment to sort things out,” replied Giles.


“I’ll stay with him,” said Helen, taking one of Spike’s hands in hers, a gesture not unnoticed by Giles.


“That’s very kind of you, Helen, thank you. Andrew, come with me. There’s a lot for us to do,” he said, not trusting Andrew to keep quiet in front of Helen.


They walked out of the room with Jake to make the necessary arrangements.


Helen sat on the bed holding Spike’s hand. Her feelings were mixed. She was glad someone had finally come to claim Spike but sorry that she’d not see him again. He was still looking at the door.


“Well, looks like you and I will soon be saying goodbye,” said Helen, her voice quivering slightly.


Spike turned to look at her.


“No, not goodbye,” he said, looking deep into her eyes. “I…” he faltered. “You… kind. Always here. Helped not to be alone.”


He dropped his gaze, and looked at the hand that she was still holding. He put his other hand over the top and squeezed.


Helen couldn’t speak, tears glistening in her eyes. Stupid, she thought. Stupid to feel this way about a patient, especially one with the problems he has. But she couldn’t help it. From the moment that she’d felt his heart give its first beat in the E.R. she’d felt somehow connected with him. Now he was leaving and she’d never get to know him properly.


Giles walked back into the room. Spike sat up on the bed looking at him expectantly.


“Right, Spike, we can’t get everything finalised tonight so you’ll have to stay here another night. But don’t worry; we will come back for you.”


Spike looked over Giles’ shoulder as Jake appeared in the doorway.


“No more drugs,” said Spike in the strongest voice that he’d managed since awakening from the coma.


“Calm down, Spike,” said Dr. Jake. “You can’t just stop them altogether. I need you to take some pills. They’re not as strong, but you’ll need to take them for a week or two to wean you off the drugs gradually. It’ll be better for you.”


“I feel better now,” replied Spike. “They’ll make things worse again. I need to make sense of things, not get muddled again.”


Another glimpse of the ‘old’ Spike’s stubbornness. Helen, who was still sitting on the bed holding his hand said, “The doctor’s right, Spike. You do need to come off gradually. You may be glad of their help when you leave here, you know, to smooth things over.”


“Okay,” he agreed after a pause.


Dr. Jake gave him a couple of pills and a glass of water. Spike took them without further objection.


“We’ve got to go now, Spike,” said Giles. “We’ll see you tomorrow.”


He turned and left, Andrew following in his wake. Spike just nodded and resignedly lay back down on the bed, Helen still at his side. She’d recognised what one of the pills was, a sleeping pill, so she decided to stay with him until he fell asleep.


*~*~*~*



Giles, Andrew and Jake walked from the ward to the doctor’s office where they once again discussed the terms of Spike’s release. Jake tried again to persuade them to leave him where he was; at least until he was off all the medication, just in case he got violent again. He’d told Giles about Spike hitting the nurse.


“And this is why he ended up in a locked room filled with drugs?” Giles was furious. “Good God, he’d just woken from a coma, had suffered major head trauma and because he was confused and scared you effectively jail him and pump him full of drugs so you have an easier time looking after him!”


“It wasn’t like that at all,” Jake responded angrily. “You weren’t there. It’s my duty to protect my staff and it was to give him time to settle down.”


“Oh, he’s settled down all right,” shouted Giles. “He looks bloody half dead!”


“Hey, guys, this isn’t doing any good,” Andrew interrupted. “Can we please just concentrate on what we have to do to get Spike out?”


The two men looked at Andrew. They nodded their agreements. Jake gestured for Giles to sit down in the chair opposite his desk, as he sat in his. The atmosphere relaxed a little. Andrew perched on the edge of the desk.


“Firstly,” began Jake. “I know it sounds a bit callous, but there is the matter of his medical bill. Has he any insurance?”


Andrew smirked at the thought of a vampire having medical insurance. Giles was careful not to catch his eye as he knew he’d laugh. He told the doctor that no, he hadn’t, but that funds could be wired from London the next day.


That solved, the doctor wanted to know where they were going to take him as, in his opinion, Spike certainly wasn’t fit for a flight to London and the seedy hotel next door wasn’t exactly ideal.


“We’re going to rent a house here in L.A. for a few months,” said Giles. “So that he can recuperate with no pressure and if we have any problems you aren’t far away.” He added the last part to appease the doctor, having no intention of bringing Spike back here under any circumstance.


“There is one other thing,” said Jake. “Before he hit the nurse he was talking in his sleep that he’d tried to rape someone - Buffy, I think he’d said. Do you know what that could mean? You’ve told me he’s a bit of a drifter. I’m worried that he moves on for a reason.”


Fortunately, Xander had told Giles of the attempted rape which had prompted Spike to seek out his soul, but he was still taken aback by the doctor’s statement. Thinking on his feet, he replied, “Buffy’s his sister. She was attacked a couple of years ago and the culprit was never found. Spike took it very hard. I always thought that he was trying to track the attacker down, and that’s why he kept moving.”


At this rate we’ll all be bloody related, he thought, but the doctor seemed to have bought it.


Giles stood up and offered his hand to Jake.


“We’ll be back for him tomorrow night. It’ll take us all day to find a house and so on. Have you anything of his here?”


“His clothes were ruined except for a leather coat and some boots. We’ve still got those and so will have them ready tomorrow.”


“Thank you. We’ll get him some clothes to change into. Good night.”


With that Giles and Andrew left the hospital and went back to the hotel to plan for the next day.


*~*~*~*


Spike was starting to doze off. He glanced up at Helen and reached out with his left hand to wipe a tear that was falling down her cheek.


“Don’t cry, Helen, please,” he said gently, fighting the effects of the drugs. “Don’t be sad.”


“I’m not sad,” she lied. “I’d better be going home now.”


She had to leave, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to stem her tears. She leant down and, for the first time, kissed his cheek.


“Goodnight, Spike,” she murmured and then quickly left, avoiding meeting his eyes.


Spike watched her go, his fingers caressing the cheek that she’d kissed and he drifted off into a deep, and for the first time since awakening from the coma, totally dreamless sleep.



*~*~*~*



Helen didn’t go home. She learned from Nick that Mr. Giles was checked into the hotel next door with his other son. What a strange coincidence. But there was something strange about the whole situation.


She walked into the lobby of the hotel and asked at the front desk if she could place a call to Mr. Rupert Giles. The receptionist indicated a phone at the end of the desk and told her to dial 353. The phone was answered almost before it could ring.


“Hello. Is this Mr. Giles?” asked Helen.


“It is,” said Giles.


“Oh, um, my name’s Helen Green. I’m a nurse at St. David’s…”


“Oh yes, Helen, I remember you. What can I do for you?”


“I wonder if I could possibly talk with you about Spike? I’m in the lobby now, if it’s convenient?”


“Of course. Come up to my room if you don’t mind, it’s a bit more private. Andrew is here too. We’re just talking things through about tomorrow.”


He told her the room number and put the phone down.


“I wonder what she wants?” he mused.


A few moments later, in response to a sharp rap on the door, he let Helen in.


“Would you like a drink?” asked Andrew as Giles offered her the only chair and sat on the bed opposite.


“Thank you, but no.” said Helen. Now that she was here she didn’t know where to start.


“I understand that you’ve been sitting with Spike a lot when you’re off duty. It’s been very kind of you to do that,” said Giles, filling a rather awkward silence.


Oh God. He thinks I want money! “Yes, but that’s not why I’m here. I want to offer my services for the next couple of weeks. Free of charge!” she blurted. “You see, I’ve got some vacation time due and you’ll need help with the meds --”


“We couldn’t possibly ask you to do that,” interrupted Giles.


“You’re not asking, I’m offering,” said Helen firmly, her resolve strengthening. “It’s just I feel I’ve a special interest in him. I was there with him in the E.R. when he’d just been brought in. I’d just arrived after the call went out to those of us off duty. I usually work on the intensive care ward and that’s where he was during those months of coma. I’d like the chance to help him recover. I can get an exercise program from the physical therapy unit and help him do it. Help him get fit,” Helen stopped, realising that she was babbling.


Andrew and Giles looked at each other. It was true that she’d be a great help to them all, but how could they possibly explain his past and what he is or was?


“Okay, Helen, it’s a deal, but on one condition. You’re to come the day after tomorrow, to give us a chance to get settled in. Here’s my cell phone number. Give me a ring say five p.m. and I’ll let you have the address.”


He gave her the number and Helen left. This time she did go home.


“Right, Andrew,” said Giles. “Tomorrow I’ll go and sort out the bank transfer for Spike’s bill and hit the agencies about a rental house. We need it to be pretty secluded. I hope we can get something organised. I don’t want him spending a moment longer there than he has to.”


“He’s so thin. He looks so ill,” said Andrew. “I thought vampires couldn’t get ill?”


“I don’t understand what’s going on either, Andrew, but first we’ll get him with us, then we can work out what’s wrong with him and sort it out.”


“What about the others? Buffy, especially. Are we going to tell them?”


“Not for the time being,” Giles replied. “I think he needs peace and quiet and he certainly won’t get that if everyone knows he’s alive.”


Andrew went back to his room with his heart racing. Spike would get better, he had to.