Happy Thanksgiving to my US readers. I am thankful for my beta, SanityFair, and my awesome reviewers!
 
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Chapter 4 Back to Work
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The slam of the door as Dawn left for school woke Buffy the next morning. Despite her protestations to Willow, she had found that sleep wouldn’t come. When she had cried herself out she got up and straightened up her room and rearranged her drawers and closet. She hid from her thoughts and feelings in a flurry of useless activity. When she finished her room was in perfect order, everything neater and tidier than it had been in months, but it seemed sterile and empty for some reason. She went out to patrol without a word to anyone, despite Willow’s attempt to engage her once more about the Trio. Buffy wandered aimlessly about the cemeteries, mechanically taking out two fledges before reaching Spike’s tomb. She stood in front of it, staring, putting her hand on the door, sensing nothing but cold stone. Fighting tears, she had turned and fled back to her house, returning to her obsessively neat room and curling up in the darkness. Now, she jerked awake out of a troubled dream to blink at the sunlight streaming in her windows.
 
Groggily she got up, realizing she had fallen asleep in her clothes. She changed into lounge pants and a t-shirt to avoid Willow’s patented concerned look and headed down to the kitchen. Tara and Willow were having coffee and looked up as Buffy came in. “Dawn just left for school. Would you like some coffee?” Tara asked.
 
“Um, sure, thanks.” She took the coffee that Tara passed her and sipped it, welcoming the burn down her throat.
 
“Do you want some pancakes?” Willow asked. “We still have some batter left.”
 
“No, I’m good for now.” Buffy lapsed into silence again, staring at her coffee.
 
Tara and Willow exchanged worried glances. “Buffy, do you want to hear what we found out about those guys with the cameras?”
 
“Sure. What did you find?” Buffy didn’t particularly care about the Trio at the moment but figured that Willow wasn’t going to drop the subject until she got to speak her piece.
 
Willow frowned a bit at the lack of enthusiasm in Buffy’s voice but went into her description of what she had found and where their lair was. “They may have moved their base, since they probably figured out that we found their cameras,” Willow finished. “But they’ve still got to be doing a lot of stuff online, so I’ve been trying to find traces of them.”
 
“I guess I should go check out the lair later,” Buffy said with a sigh.
 
Tara laid a sympathetic hand on her arm. “Buffy, I know that… that Spike and you had something between you. Even if you weren’t t…t…together anymore, you still shared something, and he meant something to you, and it’s okay if you’re g…grieving.”
 
Buffy hesitated then met Tara’s eyes. “He did mean something to me. I can’t… I can’t explain what it was. But he did. Mean something. And now he’s gone. And I don’t know what that means either.” She turned then and went upstairs to her room.
 
“She just needs some time,” Willow said, trying to soothe her obviously worried girlfriend.
 
“I guess so,” Tara responded. She rested her head on Willow’s shoulder, reveling in her touch, but her concern for Buffy didn’t go away. This isn’t over, she thought before joining Willow in another kiss.
 
Buffy roused herself long enough to go retrieve the car with Willow’s help right after lunch. Willow gave up trying to pull Buffy into a conversation after about ten minutes of noncommittal mumbles as responses. The sleazy clerk was still there, still bored and reading the paper. Buffy shelled out her hard earned cash with a grimace. Hours of greasy burger manufacturing down the tubes. With the completely unhelpful impound lot guy finally satisfied she left the office and headed toward the car. “See you at home,” she called to Willow. It was the longest sentence she had uttered in about two hours.
 
“Um, okay.” Willow got back into her own car, frowning. Both women drove home in silence. Willow found herself chewing her lip, wondering how long Buffy was going to take to come back to them this time. In the other car, Buffy felt completely numb. Everything laid out in front of her seemed like so much work. Flip burgers, slay things, manage Dawn. Lather, rinse, repeat forever until Dawn went to college. Then what? She realized she had no idea what was going to come after that. It was hard to imagine finding another man, explaining the Slayer gig again, watching it all come crashing down again. Her track record with men being what it was, she just couldn’t conceive of a scenario where a long term relationship actually worked. It could have worked with Spike, she thought guiltily. He knew what I was and liked, no, loved me for it. All I had to do was just accept that. Well, that and face my friends and get them over the whole ‘dating a soulless demon’ issue. She pulled into the driveway and put her head down on the steering wheel, letting the depression win for a while.
 
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The day turned into an endless drift of housework and silence on Buffy’s part, but she finally roused herself for action at sunset. It was dark when Buffy found herself in front of the house where Willow said the Trio was hiding. Or had been hiding – Buffy was certain that they knew that someone was on to them. She crept around the house, listening carefully but hearing nothing except crickets. Willow had asked if she wanted anyone to come with her but she had insisted on coming alone and reporting back to them at the Magic Box later. She still had very little desire to face the Scoobies. She wasn’t sure what was worse – Xander’s disapproval, Tara’s pity, or Willow’s combination of the two. All she knew is that she seemed to have a large Spike-shaped hole in her world, and she grew less able to accept that fact with every passing minute.
 
She made her way around to the back of the house where she found a small basement door. Expecting it to be locked, her eyebrows jumped in surprise as it turned easily under her hand. Warily she stepped into the darkness, feeling for a light switch. When the lights came on she worked her way slowly and cautiously down a set of wooden stairs. As her foot touched the last step she felt it give and heard a small click. Seconds later she was rolling across the floor to avoid an immense sharp blade that came crashing down from the ceiling to land where she had been standing. She barely recovered herself when another blade came flying out from the wall spinning in a huge gleaming circle. Two more blades come from unseen locations, one of them catching her on the upper arm as she dodged. She cried out in pain but managed to twist and leap over the new threats just the same. Finally, she stood, panting and bleeding in the middle of the floor while all the blades came to rest in the wreckage.
 
Fucking bastards. For the first time since Spike died her thoughts of him were eclipsed by her need to find the Trio. This is their fault. Their fucking cameras, their little schemes. If they hadn’t been spying on me then Xander could have been blissfully unaware of what Anya was doing and Spike would be alive. She was consumed with a need to find these little creeps and make them pay. Kicking over furniture and digging through piles of paper she searched for any information she could about what they were planning next. There were a bunch of references to banks and armored cars that she gathered up. Okay, so we’re planning on getting rich quick? Not if I can help it. After collecting a few more bits of potentially useful paper she climbed the stairs and headed to the Magic Box.
 
Her anger carried her through the streets rapidly, her mind clouded by thoughts of exactly how she was going to beat the living crap out of the Trio when she found them. But as she approached the Magic Box, she stopped and stared at the spot where Spike had left her. The wind had scoured the ground clean. She bent down and put her hand on the ground, unsure of what she was seeking. The scene flashed instantly in her mind again – Xander’s arm arcing down, the look of pain and loss on Spike’s face, the bones dissolving to dust. Tears welled up again and she closed her eyes, trying to shut out the vision. Spike I’m so sorry, she begged silently. I never meant it to end this way. Not after you joined our side. I never wanted this…
 
A car door slammed, making her jump. She quickly got to her feet and turned to see Xander standing next to his car. She swallowed, but couldn’t find any words to say to him. “Buffy, wait, can we just…” he began, but Buffy dashed into the Magic Box clutching the armful of papers with hardly a glance. Xander followed behind, frowning.
 
Inside the Magic Box Willow, Tara, and Dawn were grouped around the table. Anya was conspicuously absent. Dawn was still sulking and made a show of looking away from her sister, but her head whipped back around when Willow said, “Buffy, you’re bleeding! What happened?”
 
“Our friends left me a little booby trap,” Buffy responded. She handed over the sheaf of papers as Xander came in behind her. “Here, this is what I found.”
 
“Let me get the first aid kit,” Tara offered.
 
“It’s fine,” Buffy said offhandedly. “Let’s just figure out what these guys are up to.”
 
Xander sidled over to the table, placing himself between Willow and Dawn. Dawn got up and moved away, walking around the table to peer over Tara’s shoulder. Xander frowned again at the obvious snub. “What, did I forget to take a shower or something?”
 
“No, you just staked the only person who ever listened to me, that’s all,” Dawn shot back. “Why should I be mad or anything?” Her voice was rough with emotion, and she folded her arms and glowered at Xander.
 
“You know, I thought our mission here was to take out demons and vampires and all that,” Xander snapped. “I don’t get why I’m getting the cold shoulder.”
 
“Just shut up, both of you,” Buffy snarled. “We’ll argue this out later. Willow, what do you think?” She felt seriously close to punching Xander in the mouth and was desperate for somewhere else to focus the rage inside her.
 
“Um, well…” Willow pored over all the various notes, then did some searching for a few moments on her laptop while the rest stood around in a tense, thick silence. “My best guess is that they’re going after an armored truck. Probably from either the First Bank of Sunnydale or Standard Bank based on their notes. There seems to be some streets sketched out here…” She studied the papers a little longer then pulled up a map of Sunnydale on her computer. “There are two likely places – here and here,” she said, pointing them out on the map.
 
“Fine. Tomorrow night Willow and Xander can stake out over by the warehouse district. I’ll take the spot near the amusement park.”
 
“What about me?” Dawn piped up.
 
“You’re going to stay home with Tara and relay messages as needed.”
 
“Why do I always have to stay home?”
 
The whiny teenager voice grated on Buffy’s last remaining nerve, but she counseled herself to patience. “Because these guys just tried to julienne me in their basement,” she said, showing the still oozing slash on her arm. “I have no idea what they are capable of, and I want you safe, okay?”
 
“Fine,” Dawn grumbled, clearly still irritated.
 
“All right, we’ll meet here tomorrow at sunset then,” Buffy declared. “Come on, Dawn, let’s go home.”
 
Xander cleared his throat. “I’ve got my car if you want a ride.”
 
“I’d rather walk, thanks. The rest of you can do what you want.” Buffy turned and strode forcefully out of the shop. Dawn hesitated for a second then ran after her.
 
“W...we’ll take you up on the offer,” Tara said, trying to bring the hostility level down a notch.
 
Xander was still staring at the door. “I just don’t get it.” He shook his head.
 
“Xander, they meant something to each other,” Tara explained. “She needed him as an… as an ally, or sounding board, or whatever you want to call it. It was a complicated relationship.”
 
“But they broke up!” Xander turned to them with a sort of plea in his eyes. “She dumped him, as she should have. Why be so upset at the death of an ex… whatever they were? He was screwing someone else for God’s sake.” His voice cracked a bit as the memory of Spike and Anya on the video flashed painfully through his memory.
 
“But wouldn’t you be upset if Anya died tomorrow?” Willow asked pointedly.
 
“Of course. But she’s human! I love her. Spike was a soulless demon. He couldn’t love, no matter what he said!”
 
Tara shook her head. “I don’t know if I believe that anymore. He stayed with Drusilla for a hundred years, he let Glory torment him…”
 
“He had ulterior motives and you know it,” Xander interrupted scornfully.
 
“Enough already!” Tara snapped, getting to her feet. “Y...you lost Anya, and y...you’re driving B…Buffy away. Pretty soon you’re g…going to b…be the only one left.” Her stutter conveyed her exasperation better than her actual words, and Xander flinched back at her outburst. Tara grabbed her bag and said to Willow, “I need to g…go home. Now.”
 
“All right, sweetheart,” Willow soothed.
 
“Wait,” Xander said apologetically. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m just… I’m really stressed out right now. Let me give you a ride. Please.”
 
“Okay,” Willow replied. She looked at Tara questioningly, who frowned and shrugged but followed her to the car. Willow took the shotgun seat while Tara sat in the back, looking upset and saying nothing. After a silent ride home, Willow thanked Xander and followed Tara into the house. “Tara, wait,” she said, touching her arm as they reached the porch. “Are you okay?”
 
“I’m fine,” Tara sighed, letting Willow wrap her arms around her. “I just feel like Xander is blaming everyone else for something that was his doing. He can’t seem to see that Buffy’s really hurting.”
 
“He needs time to work it out. Come on, let’s go to bed.” Tara allowed Willow to lead her up to bed and tried to put aside her worries as she held her lover close in the darkness.
 
TBC