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Fumbling Towards Ecstasy by TalesofSpike
Chapter 4.02
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Note: Thanks to my beta t_geyer for her unending patience, perseverance and support.


I love the time and in between
The calm inside me
In the space where I can breathe
I believe there is a distance I have wandered
To touch upon the years of
Reaching out and reaching in
Holding out and holding in

I believe
This is heaven to no one else but me
And I'll defend it
As long as I can be
Left here to linger in silence
If I choose to
Would you try to understand?

(Sarah McLachlan, Album - Fumbling Towards Ecstasy)
Thanks also to Emma for suggesting this way back
when I started FTE, even if it did take me three
months to follow through.
Hope she's still reading.

Chapter 4.02
Saturday, May 18th, 2002

Buffy melted against Spike's body as he pulled her tight against him, before rolling from his side onto his back, so that she lay atop him. It was a gesture that was swiftly becoming a habit. The vampire was always so reluctant to break apart when they made love, and at the same time didn't want to crush her beneath him. She tucked her head under his chin, her hands making a delicate tracery over his shoulders.

"Sometimes I think I like this part even better than the actual... you know," she half-whispered against his chest.

"And the other times...?" the vampire teased, his dextrous fingers combing soothingly through her hair, freeing it from the pins that had held it.

"The other times, I pretty much don't think much of anything except 'Spike' or 'Oh god'," she admitted with an embarrassed smile. "You?"

"Me? When you're done with me, I feel like I haven't got a single functioning brain-cell left, but, yeah, it's the times like this..." Spike's voice faded away, but thanks to the bond between them Buffy could feel the undercurrent of regret for wasted time without him saying anything.

"I'm sorry." Buffy twisted her neck to brush her lips against his throat.

"Shush, pet. Nothin' to be sorry for. We sorted all that out ages ago. And we're here, now, together... with candlelight and music. I figure this is about as close to heaven as I'll ever get. So no apologies."

"Even if I am sorry?"

"Spilt milk, sweetness, an' if you're gonna dwell on it, then I'm just gonna have to see what I can do to distract you." The vampire flexed his hips and Buffy could feel him stiffening inside her.

"No-o, Spike, please. No more apologies. I promise."

"Well... that's gonna do wonders for a guy's ego," the vampire teased, "when the love of his life is beggin' him not to shag her."

"It's not like that, Spike. I just think maybe if something's attacking you, that perhaps you should conserve your energy a bit."

"An' if I can't keep my woman happy and sated then what the bleedin' hell is it meant to be worth conservin' it for?" the vamp responded grouchily.

"Okay, Spike, look, easy way round this... Change."

Buffy found herself unceremoniously dumped on her own side of the bed with a suddenness that made Spike wince as they separated.

"Spike?" Buffy was puzzled by the vampire's violent rejection. "What did I say?"

"It's not what you said. It's what you were about to say. And it's not goin' to happen, alright? For one thing I'm not about to start a trend where every time I'm less than a hundred percent I start suckin' on you. It's not what the sharing of blood between mates is about. For another thing, will you try to remember that your blood is like a soddin' drug to vamps. If I start when I'm not... right, there's no damn guarantee that I'll be able to stop. An' for another, even if I did , makin' you weaker in the process, who's to say that Nanny Og wouldn't have me spewin' it up five minutes later, an' we'd both be worse off? Forget it, love."

"So at least I still rate a 'love'?" Buffy teased, as the anger in the vampire's eyes faded as quickly as it had bloomed.

"You always rate a 'love'." Spike reached out a hand toward her and Buffy took it, shuffling back until she was tucked up against his side, once more. "I'm sorry for snappin' at you, but you're just too damn precious for me to risk doin' somethin' stupid. Okay, baby?"

"Okay... for now, but if there comes a stage where I think it's necessary, I'll do whatever I have to."

"You really think you can make me bite you?"

"It's worked before."

"Not with me it hasn't, an' since I can't imagine Drac or Batfink bein' backwards at comin' forward that only leaves gramps an' I think you'll find I can be a bit more stubborn than His Poofiness."

"And I can be more stubborn than you, or at least an ill you, so-o-o... I win. When and if it gets that bad." Buffy announced.

"Don't count on it, beautiful."

"Hey, if I have to, I'll get Angel to come up and obliterate your claim. Then, you'd have to bite me."

Spike's voice was harsh and cruel as he forced her chin up until he stared into her eyes. "Look at me, Buffy. Don't you ever forget that I mean what I am saying now... If you ever willingly forsake my claim on you, there will no going back, no forgiveness. You are either mine and only mine, of your own accord, now and forever, or you're not. I love you more than life itself and so long as you are faithful to me I will do all I can to give you the best of everything, but I am through being cheated on. Do you understand?"


"It's simple, Buffy. I know you're the slayer and I'm not about to hold you responsible for what might happen in a fight, or if you're under a spell or a thrall, but if you give your consent to another vamp desecrating the mark which binds us as one, then we are through, just as surely as if you take another man to your bed. Have I made myself clear?"

"You are so not going to boss me around," Buffy protested, pulling away from the vamp. "I'm not going to be the scapegoat for how Drusilla treated you. Maybe she let you get away with the major league 'tude, and it's not like she didn't deserve it, but I haven't done anything to give you reason to treat me like this."

"Drusilla never let me claim her. You did, though I'm beginning to wonder why, since despite me trying to explain it to you in plain English, and despite what we've shared because of it, you seem to give it about as much importance as something that comes free in a box of cereal."

"That is so not true..."

"Isn't it? Then tell me why you would even talk about betraying me with that sod of a grandsire of mine."

"I didn't mean it as a betrayal."

"So if you found me with another vamp's teeth in my neck, it wouldn't bother you?"

"You know it would. It was bad enough with Riley... I couldn't bear it if you..."

"Then don't expect me to feel any less, especially not if you're talking about bringing Angelus into the mix."

"Spike, what I was talking about, it wasn't because I wanted to share anything with Angel, it was me trying to tell you that I will do whatever it takes to keep you with me, because I really couldn't bear to lose you."

"An' I'd be a right sorry wanker if I lost you, too, but I can't do that again. Either you love someone enough to be faithful to them or you don't. I am yours, body, spirit and mind. Now... are you mine or not?"

"Always, you stupid vamp, as if you didn't know."

"Then come back here, and don't ever talk about gettin' rid of that mark again."

Buffy shook her head. "Mmm-hmmmh... Your turn to come to me, blondie."

Spike gave a grin. "What on earth did I do to end up with a bossy little chit like you?" he asked as he closed the gap between them, pulling her into his arms.

"Everything you could think of that had the slightest hope of working, as I recall, up to and including the Black Arts."

"Yeah, well, lucky for you that I don't give up easy."

"Lucky for us b-." Buffy's response was cut off as Spike's lips covered hers, her words becoming nothing more than a moan of acquiesence. The tip of Spike's tongue teased at her gumline until she opened her mouth and met it with her own. A sure hand cupped her left breast, long, pale fingers kneading gently at the rounded flesh and his thumbnail dragging circles over the tender skin of her nipple until the sensations made her gasp and arch against him.

"Sp-Spike, please," Buffy struggled to pull away before things became too intense. "Spike, please..." She raised her hand to stroke his cheek. "I love being with you. You know I do, but I really don't want to wear you out when you're kinda ill."

"I'm fine, love, really. An' vampires don't get ill. Just maybe cursed a little bit... 'S nothin'."

Buffy poked him in the stomach where her hipbone had caught him earlier and the vampire couldn't help but flinch. She raised a sceptical eyebrow.

Spike reached out and caught her hand drawing it across to cup his erection, pumping slowly but firmly up and down. "'S not botherin' me half as much as other things. Please, love. Later, we can go downstairs and I'll feed you ice cream an' you can make me drink blood by the bucketful until it's all better, but right now I want to make love to you. I want to make you come, screaming my name."

Buffy's response was teasing but he could feel the real concern that underscored it. "You mean you don't think we were quite loud enough for Wes to hear last time?"

Spike sighed theatrically. "I'm just gonna have to try harder."

"You make me come any harder and you'll end up singing soprano. You promise you'll do the blood thing?"

"Promise, baby. Anything my lady wants, within reason," the vamp answered, wriggling closer until his nose brushed hers in teasing caresses that made her pout for the feel of his lips on hers, but there were more important issues to be settled first. Buffy drew back until she had a clear view of those wonderfully expressive, blue eyes.

"Your lady wants you to know that she's never cheated on anyone in her entire life. She saw what that did to her mother and she wouldn't make anyone she cared about go through that. Your mate can feel your jealousy and she knows it's her fault for bringing up Angel the way she did, because she should have known that even if you weren't ill, it would make you overreact." Spike opened his mouth to interrupt but was stilled by a finger on his full lips. "She wants you to know that she's sorry, and to tell you again that anything she might once have shared with him is ancient history. She wants you to know that even before he left her, what they shared couldn't compare with what she feels for you, because she's in love with you, as you are, flaws and all, not with an idealised image you hide behind. She wants you to know that she can never imagine a time when she won't be in love with you, when she won't belong to you, body, spirit, mind and soul." Buffy reassured her mate until all that she could sense through their link were the same positive emotions that had accompanied their earlier lovemaking. "I'll be yours until the day I die, Will, and quite probably beyond."

"As I am yours," the vampire vowed with a long-forgotten Victorian eloquence, as he scooped her into his lap. "I'm sorry, my heart. I should know by now-."

"Spike, I think we've got it covered already, now shut up and kiss me." Buffy's arms wrapped around his neck as she drew herself up to claim his lips. Long fingers drifted from her knee to her inner thigh, causing her to gasp and arch upward even as the vampire's other hand supported her crown and held her close for a kiss that knew no restraint. With a practised twist of their bodies, of which Buffy was barely aware, the vampire laid her on her back before letting his mouth work its way along her jawline to nibble at her ear. Buffy's thighs parted instinctively, allowing him to rest between them in the same way her head tilted back to offer him her neck. Spike used both reactions to his advantage.

His human teeth nibbled and sucked at the sensitive flesh of her throat, working his way from her earlobe down to her collarbone avoiding the side where he had marked his claim. A gentle hand pushed between her thighs and parted her outer lips so that as he slowly moved his hips up and down, the head of his dick brushed at her clit over and over. Then, that same hand moved to mirror its counterpart, as it cupped her breast, rolling and squeezing her nipple between thumb and forefinger.

Buffy moaned her frustration, as wave after wave of pleasure washed through her, leaving her trembling and boneless, unable to retaliate, her hands twining in his hair as she mindlessly reached for her mate, even as he continued his trail of tiny bruises down the centre of her body and in a spiral that finally led to her right nipple. The shocks as he sucked hard on her breast seemed to flow down into the pit of her stomach and make her lower body tingle in anticipation. "Slow down," she gasped, pulling Spike's head up as she panted for air. The vampire raised himself up on his elbows, his eyes searching her face to see what was wrong as Buffy finally drew sufficient breath to reassure him. "Want it to last, baby," she told him in a breathless whisper.

"I can make it last... I can make you come all night."

"I remember, but I had something else in mind." A second later he found himself on his back with Buffy straddling his chest.

"My turn to pamper you, remember?" She stretched out on top of him, taking his hands in her own and drawing them up until they touched the iron bedstead. She wrapped each of his hands around one of the narrow bars.

Spike looked at the flimsy ironwork that seemed to be more decorative than structural. He hoped Buffy wasn't going to take things too far or they were going to end up needing a new bed, and though he wouldn't admit it, he got a certain kick out of being allowed in Buffy's little-girl realm after being so long denied. However, all thoughts of anything other than Buffy were soon forgotten, as the tiny blonde peppered kisses along the underside of his arms and down his sides. She let her hair fall forward, trailing along his skin after her as she moved. Its tantalising touch made the ticklish vamp squirm beneath her as if she rode a bucking bronco, his lips pressed firmly closed to prevent his pleas for mercy being heard far and wide and his knuckles turning white as he gripped hard on the wrought iron above his head.

She shifted backward, settling over his hips, so that his dick brushed against her butt, seemingly by accident, as she moved over him, her agile tongue seeking out and teasing his nipples, every touch light and playful, when she knew that what he really craved was the same sharp pain that he had used on her. She used the very tip of her tongue to trace damp circles on his responsive skin, blowing softly to make them pucker even harder. Her teasing glances were met by indigo pools of indecision as the vampire debated just how far to let her game go before he let go the bars above him and got his own back for her taunting ways. She tilted her head up as her pristine white teeth finally closed over a hard pink bud, barely biting hard enough to keep it in her mouth as she met the vampire's pleading gaze, before slowly pressing down to make him arch in pain and pleasure beneath her, stopping just short of where her teeth would break the skin.

Tiny hands brushed against his sides as she rained kisses on the firmly defined lines of his abdomen, her caresses especially delicate as she took care not to put pressure on the area that had proved to be tender to the touch. At the same time she shifted her hips until the tip of his dick pressed against the folds of her sex, cool and firm against her moist heat. She slowly pressed down on him, swallowing him inch by inch as the vampire moaned, unable to control himself any longer. His hands reached out for her even as she intercepted them with her own, twining their fingers together.

She lifted her head, the unspoken message in her eyes, 'Trust me.' Spike stilled his movements, letting her keep control. She laid her head on his shoulder and relaxed, bringing her legs down to lie on top of Spike's, so that they were like two lovers crucified on the same cross. The vampire gasped as she began to slowly massage his cock, using only her internal muscles. It was as if she had somehow managed to combine the stillness and serenity of their post-coital calm with the euphoria that immediately preceded it and Spike found himself astonished all over again by his good fortune in loving this woman, and others' stupidity at ever leaving her.

He freed his hands from her own, but only so that he could wrap his arms around her tiny body, holding her close as he whispered words of love and amazement in her ear. He waited until he could barely hold off any longer before he craned his neck to nuzzle gently and brush open mouthed kisses against Buffy's claim mark, his caresses bringing her to a silent climax only seconds after his own.

As the final tremors faded from their joined bodies, Buffy looked up into his eyes with a shy smile. "Did I tell you I kinda love this bit?"

Spike pressed a kiss to her forehead, his arms holding her even closer than before, as if he feared that she would turn out to be a figment of his imagination, or some sort of hallucination. "You may just have mentioned it."
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