Chapter 8

Half and half


You could hear a pin drop. Well, you would have been able to if Spike wasn’t wheezing with mirth in the background, and if Harmony hadn’t wriggled so hard trying to escape both Liam and Buffy that she’d ended up in an ungainly heap on the floor, revealing that she was in dire need of a bikini wax. Or if said Liam hadn’t started singing a very flat rendition of Wild Rover, punctuated by noisy glugs of whisky. It was a proverbial pin, the kind that froze Buffy to the spot as she tried to make sense of the scene before her. If anything the spirit of Angel drooped even further under her incredulous stare.

“You’re Angel?”

Gathering his dignity as best he could, Angel sent a glare around the room before turning soulful eyes onto Buffy.

“Buffy, can we talk... please.”

Without waiting for a response he turned and walked purposely back through the wall, leaving only a shimmering thread to mark where he’d gone.

Blinking, Buffy noticed a door a few feet from where he’d disappeared. She took a deep breath and marched towards it. On the other side was a small kitchenette with all the usual trappings: glasses and cups, coffee maker, microwave, and a fridge. Angel was standing in the middle of the room staring at the floor.

“So are you going to explain? Can you explain? Because I’m a bit confused right now.”

Buffy looked at the figure who had once held her heart and wondered why, deep down, she wasn’t more surprised at the way this was turning out.

“I’m not Angel.”

“What!”

Okay, she was wrong.

“Well I am, just not in the way you think.”

“Okay, enough with the cryptic. I want an explanation and I want it now.”

Buffy put her hands on her hips, her eyes going hard as she stared at the miserable apparition in front of her.

Angel gave a short laugh but there was no humour in it.

“First, I must tell you who I am not; I’m not that foul-mouthed drunk in the other room, nor am I that murdering bastard Angelus. In fact, I can safely say that we’re not even remotely related. Except by magic.” Angel paused and took a deep-breath; this was going to be hard. “Seems the gypsies who cursed Angelus required something a little purer than Liam’s soul to keep a good grip on the demon. Mine isn’t even the first soul he was cursed with. Each time he gets to lose it – and that’s happened more times than you know - another gets pulled in to take the place of the one before... after all, wouldn’t really be fair would it, being punished forever for being a good man. And I was a good man, Buffy, a man of God, someone who believed in justice and righting wrongs. I fought evil in all its forms until my life as a human was ended. Lucky me, my soul was strong and I was chosen to continue the fight from within Angelus.”

Buffy was stunned.

“Why didn’t you tell me this before now?”

“I didn’t know,” he said quietly. “I know these things now, I know lots of things that I shouldn’t and I think that the Higher Powers are making the best of this strange situation so that I can tell you, and it’s important that you know... the truth. A soul gathers to it remnants of memories from previous lives and at the moment I can remember the man that I last was. Now that I am almost separated from Liam and Angelus I can be more myself for a little while, but when we are entwined again I will forget everything.... it’s better that way. All I’ll know is the struggle to do the right thing despite the demon crawling around inside me. It, it just gets so tiring sometimes.”

Angel stared into her eyes and she could see a deep well of sadness there.

“But wouldn’t I have noticed if Angel had a different personality each time he got a new soul?”

“The personality of the Angel that you loved was influenced by his soul, true, but is mostly constructed from the best parts of Liam - and yes, he wasn’t all bad, just weak - plus the raw power of Angelus. You could say that Angel is in my custody at the moment, for his own safety. I am still chained to Liam by the curse, and our common link with humanity, but severed from Angelus by this latest magic.

“I’m sorry, you don’t deserve to be trapped like this.”

“I didn’t choose it but I do it willingly, Buffy. I can channel his strength for good, I can make a difference. Don’t feel sorry for me. At its best, a soul is the essence of strength and purity and an unending connection between the living and the dead. They are the stuff of stars, of creation and renewal, little sparks, some burning more brightly than others. If my soul can influence a fierce demon and bend it to do good rather than evil, is that not worth a little suffering?”

Buffy chewed her lip in thought, lost in memories of her first love, how right it felt at the time. She’d thought she’d found her soulmate.

Buffy couldn’t help blurting out her next question.

“Do... do you know anything about the first soul the curse chose? Who it belonged to?”

Angel looked very uncomfortable. She could tell that he really hadn’t wanted to be asked that question. Finally, he gave a sigh.

“It seems that those gypsies had a rare sense of humour for a people who had just had half their number wiped out by ‘The Scourge of Europe’. They chose the strongest and most innocent soul with a connection to the vampire family. They wanted retribution. Darla was a selfish whore, Drusilla was broken before she was turned; her soul was weakened and needed time to recover, and Liam might as well have not had a soul for all the good it did him. No, the curse chose the best soul for the job. It selected William’s.”

“What?!”

With a dual shout, William and Spike, who had only been eavesdropping until now, came bursting through the door.

Time stood still as the four occupants of the tiny room stared at each other. Even Spike, who could normally be guaranteed to insert his sarcastic humour into any grave situation, seemed at a loss. He just narrowed his eyes at Angel, determined to get to the truth of his words. It was William who reacted first though.

“Oh God!”

He started to shake.

Turning horrified eyes to Buffy, he whispered, “I’m so sorry.” as he turned and fled.

“Sorry? Why sorry?”

Buffy didn’t hesitate as she ran from the room to find him.

***

William hadn’t gone far, she found him crumpled in the corridor. He sat against the wall, arms protectively covering his head as it rested on his knees.

Buffy carefully slid down next to him. She wanted to hold him but the tension in his back showed that he was on the edge of bolting again.

“So, we really are soulmates then.”

She had tried to sound casual but her voice cracked a little.

William looked up, eyes sparkling with tears.

“Soulmates!” he snorted. “Don’t you realise what this means?”

“What?, I thought you’d be pleased to know that you were the real love of my life all along.”

Buffy was getting upset. Why was he reacting like this? Like he hated the idea.

“Oh, Buffy love, of course it makes me happy knowing that you were drawn to William’s soul from the beginning, but all this time I’ve been able to blame Angel for all the bad things that have happened to you, when in reality it was All. My. Fault.”

“Wow, that’s some ego you’ve got there, mister. How do you figure that one out?”

“Don’t you see?” When Angel’s soul took a powder after his ‘moment of pure happiness’ it was really my soul that went swanning off! I guess you can rely on a twenty-eight year old virgin to get an attack of the vapours over his first sexual experience and bollocks everything up. I released Angelus.”

Buffy had heard enough. Wriggling to position herself in front of William, she slowly but firmly prized his knees apart and nudged her way between them. He raised his arms in the air as if not quite knowing what to do with them but then gave up, gently bringing them down around her shoulders. With his face hidden in the crook of her neck, she could feel wetness on her skin.

“Shhh, William, it’s all right.”

“No, love,” he mumbled, “it’s really not.”

Buffy moved away a little so that she could cup his chin and tilt his head to face her. This wasn’t the time for guilt, especially when it was so misplaced.

“It wasn’t your fault... Hey, it was your soul that forced Angelus down for over a hundred years. It was your soul that showed Angel that he could be a white hat and try to atone for some of the wicked things he’d done. And if your soul hadn’t finally been released after finding pure happiness in my arms then it would still be attached to him now. Not in its rightful place, in you and completely clause free.”

William shook his head before replying. “All I know is that, even with a soul, Angel didn’t do right by you. First he pervs over a fifteen year old girl after a century of wallowing in self pity, then he baffles her with cryptic messages but no actual help, then he leaves her to drown at the hands of the Master. Finally, and this is the best bit, he takes advantage of an innocent girl and has sex with her. I always thought Angel was a useless prat for not protecting you better, and now I find it was my weakness that allowed it to happen.”

Buffy gathered her thoughts, all these revelations were making her head spin but the important things were perfectly clear.

“You’re not weak, and remember what the Angel-ghost said; a soul is not really a person. If Angel lusted after a little girl then I bet Liam was right there with him, and if Angel was sometimes less that helpful then I bet it was Angelus dragging his heels for his own purposes. You could only achieve so much given the material you had to work with.”

William gave her a rueful smile. “That’s true.”

“And, hey, bonus points, by the time you were joined with your much nicer Spike demon, you were able to adjust to the shock much faster. It only took ‘two weeks moaning in a basement’ according to Angel.”

“Pillock, what does he know?”

“So, are we good?”

Buffy looked at him hopefully, her hand had snaked round to stroke the back of his neck. She smiled, willing him to smile back.

He stared at her solemnly for a long moment then purposely moved forwards to join his lips with hers.

“Yeah, we’re good.”

***

After some heavenly kissage - which was in danger of becoming more heated - Buffy stood and pulled William up with her. They returned to the room where they’d left the others.

Spike was standing at the near end of the long table, arms outstretched. The reason for this became apparent when the Slayer, her feet wrapped in yellow dusters, came running along the highly polished surface towards him. Gathering speed she crouched low like a skier to slide the rest of the way, flipping off the end of the table to be deftly caught by a laughing Spike.

Buffy grinned at their silliness, wishing that she could sometimes be the one with dusters on her feet.

Spike, his arms full of Slayer-monkey gave the couple a knowing look.

“All sorted then?”

Buffy, gripping William’s hand, gave him her best smile.

“Yep, all sorted.”

Angel was standing in a corner, arms folded, wearing a slightly bemused expression. A heavy snoring from under the table gave away Liam’s whereabouts and Harmony could be heard trilling something about giving it to her one more time in the kitchen.

While it was true that Angelus could return at any moment, right this minute Buffy didn’t care. She was running low on energy and she could only take so many revelations in one day. William didn’t look any better.

A fully clothed Harmony burst in with a flourish. And a tray piled high with food.

“Look what I found. Food for the hungry rescuers.”

She looked at Buffy hopefully, desperate to be included in any and all plans to get out of this place. Nervously, she put out dishes containing olives, pretzels, chips and dips, coffee and cream and a jug containing warmed blood.

“Oh wait, be right back.”

Diving back into the kitchenette she re-emerged with a plate containing two upended halves of an orange, each skewered with cubes of cheese and pineapple topped off with glace cherries. They were threaded onto cocktail sticks in porcupine fashion.

“I found this old British recipe in a book back there. The Family Circle Book of Home Entertaining.”

“Bleedin’ hell, Harmony, this isn’t a party.”

For once, Buffy couldn’t find it in her to be mean to the young woman. “Thank you, Harmony, these cheese stick thingies look great.”

Harmony beamed at her and began pouring the coffee out into cups, each had a wrapped mint chocolate placed in the saucer next to it. Spike rolled his eyes but moved forward to grab the blood. He was starved and had been starting to worry about just what creature he’d have to find and kill to get some sustenance. William and the Slayer didn’t need to eat and merely nibbled, the Slayer tentatively trying everything out until she discovered the pineapple pieces. With a blissful smile she sucked on the sweet juice until Spike had to turn away. Angel looked at the food scornfully and Liam was still dead to the world. Buffy ate her fill, gulping down the hot strong coffee between bites.

“Not joining us, Harmony?”

“Um, no thanks, I think my demon has been eating enough for the both of us, I feel quite full.”

Buffy chose not to let that revelation ruin her appetite, deciding to believe that there was bagged blood elsewhere in the building rather than think about a Harmony demon running about feeding on stray humans.”

After popping the chocolate into her mouth, Buffy slapped her palms on the table in a businesslike manner.

“Right, break-time over, meeting now. So what’s on the agenda? Get Liam and Angel to safety…” Harmony raised her hand nervously. “…and Harmony.” Harmony put her hand back down with a relieved grin. “Find the information to get us all put together again and out of here, and neutralise Angelus and his gang before they can do any more harm.”

Harmony carefully put up her hand again.

“Yes?”

“Shouldn’t you also be rescuing your little sister?”

“Dawn? No, she left the building with Fred before all this went down.”

“Yes, they did leave, but when I was down at reception I saw them both come back in ten minutes later.”

Buffy suddenly felt very sick.

***