A/N Betad by seapealsh and dawnofme
Banner by dawnofme

This is my first fanficion - posted Aug 07 on ff.net and elsewhere. I thought I'd dust it off and post it here. Posting TWO chapters per day - so make sure you don't get muddled! The one with an odd number is the second one:D





A Day Out


Once Andrew had left amidst much tears – his and embarrassment – Spike’s, the ex vampire and the watcher settled into a routine. After breakfast, Giles left for the Council and Helen arrived to help Spike with his physiotherapy.


At first progress was slow, Spike was frustrated by the fact that so little improvement was seen. Patience was never his strong point, but Helen kept him calm when he got cross and motivated him when he wanted to give up.


For two weeks, Helen spent most of the day with Spike, then when her leave ran out and she returned to work she’d come in the afternoon before her night shift started, for a couple of hours to make sure that he was keeping up with the schedule she’d set.


Spike missed her when she was back at work. She inspired him to get better, and gave him a reason to live as he increasingly found the thought of being human scary. What role could he now play, he wondered? He’d not be so useful in a fight and let’s face it he wasn’t the best thinker in the world, so planning wouldn’t be his thing either. He felt lost. The only thing that stopped him feeling that way was when Helen was with him.


*~*~*~*



Six weeks after leaving the hospital Spike woke up early, as he tended to do these days. It wasn’t because he had any trouble sleeping, more that he didn’t want to waste a moment of daylight, having had to avoid it for so long. He went into the bathroom, showered, shaved and combed his hair, grimacing at its length and curls. It was so much easier when you could see yourself in a mirror.


“Bloody poofter,” he said to his reflection and pulled a face.


He went downstairs, pleased that he no longer had to cling to the banister to keep from falling. His limp was definitely getting better, the muscles responding to the daily physiotherapy. Today was Helen’s day off and she’d promised to spend it with him and said that she had a surprise planned.


Spike was just finishing his breakfast when Giles walked in.


“Are you busy today?” asked Spike, hoping he’d be off to the Council and out of the way so he and Helen could be alone.


“No, I’m taking the day off,” said Giles. “I’m going to do as little as possible. I need a day at home.”


Spike’s face fell.


“Oh…great, you’ve been working hard,” he said. Yeah, bloody great, being here like a gooseberry. He added to himself, as he put his plate into the dishwasher with more force than necessary.


Soon afterwards Helen arrived, knocking on the door but coming straight in.


“Hi, guys,” she said cheerily. “Lovely morning, isn’t it?”


“Hello, Helen. Yeah, it’s a really nice morning,” said Spike sulkily, still annoyed at Giles’ decision to stay in.


He missed the look that Helen and Giles shared.


“Suppose we’d better get started on the exercises then?” Spike said.


“No, we’re not starting the exercises, Spike. We’re going out for the day,” she replied.


“What?” Spike spun around to see Helen and Giles grinning at him.


“You!” he said, pointing at Giles. “You bloody well knew about this, didn’t you? Oh, I’m just having a day at home.” Spike mimicked Giles as he repeated his words.


“I’m sorry.” Giles laughed. “I couldn’t resist it. I know that you hate me around when Helen’s here.”


“Yeah, well, I just don’t like you seeing me work out,” said Spike, trying to cover the fact he wanted Helen to himself. But one look at Giles face and he knew he’d been rumbled. He shrugged. “So where are we off to then, pet?”


“I’m not telling,” said Helen. “You’ll just have to trust me. Get your jacket and let’s get out of here.”


As Spike left the room to get his coat, Giles told Helen, “I’ll be on my cell phone all day. If you need any help, a lift home if he gets too tired, anything, just call and I’ll be with you straightaway. I’ll see you later as planned.”


“Thanks, Giles, that’s reassuring. But I’ve got the day planned with plenty of time for him to rest up. He’s got to get back out in the world sometime, can’t just hideaway in here forever.”


“I know,” said Giles, nodding, “but take it easy with him. He’s led a pretty solitary life really for the past year or so. I’m just worried that he’ll be overwhelmed.”


Spike came back into the room with his jacket on – a badly fitting, blue denim one that Andrew had bought for him. He hated it but the only other jacket that he possessed was his leather duster and he couldn’t bring himself to wear that.


“Okay, I’m ready,” he announced.


Helen walked over to him, took his hand in hers and turned to go.


“Just a moment,” said Giles. “Here Spike, take this.”


He handed Spike a long thin envelope. Spike took it and looked inside. Dollar bills - quite a lot of them. He looked over at Giles raising an eyebrow in an unspoken question.


“Just take it, Spike. Believe me you’ve earned it,” adding with a smile. “Besides you can’t expect Helen to pay for your day out, can you?”


“Er…no, course not,” Spike said, his voice thick with emotion. He coughed to try to disguise it. “Thanks.”


“Come on!” Helen tugged at his hand. He looked back at Giles, nodded his head and went outside.


Stepping through the front door felt strange. He hadn’t been through it since he arrived that night from the hospital. He paused fractionally, took a deep breath and went down the steps with Helen.


*~*~*~*



They walked slowly, as Spike’s left leg, although improving, still caused him to limp quite noticeably. Helen knew it still gave him a lot of pain but he had resolutely refused to use a walking stick which would have helped. He wouldn't acknowledge it to her, but she could see that every now and then he clenched his jaw tight when a bolt of pain hit him.


“So where are you taking me? You’re not going to keep me in the dark all day, are you, love?”


“We’re nearly at our first stop,” said Helen, looking up at Spike with a smile.


A few yards further on and she halted him.


“Here we are.”


She’d brought him to a standstill outside of a shop. He looked at the sign and laughed.


“Oh, so you hate the hair too?”


“No, I love it. I think it’s cute but I know you don’t like it and –”


“Cute? Cute?” interrupted Spike. “That’s it. Let me get in there. It’s gotta go. Cute! Christ!” He pushed the door open and went inside, Helen following him chuckling.


He sat in the chair, Helen had to bite her lip to stop from laughing out loud at his expression when a very camp man with pink streaks in his hair came over to attend to Spike.


“What can I do for you, sir?" trilled the hairdresser. “Cover those roots for you?”


“No, just cut it off. All of it,” said Spike.


“Oh, but it’s such lovely hair, why don’t –”


“Off. Short as possible and quick as you can mate, got other things I have to do.”


The hairdresser sighed dramatically, ruffled his hand through Spike’s hair a couple of times, and then reached for his scissors.


“Don’t you bloody dare laugh,” Spike said to Helen, who was having trouble keeping a straight face.


He tried to glare at her through the mirror but just ended up grinning.


As the hairdresser cut his hair, Spike looked at his reflection. He’d filled out a bit from his first sight of himself six weeks ago. His complexion was no longer deathly pale but lightly tanned. The scar was still very obvious - it always would be. He touched it with his fingers. In the mirror he could see that Helen was watching him.


“Doesn’t mar my handsome good looks too much?” he joked, smiling at her.


“I think it’s very sexy.”


Spike nearly fell out of the chair. It wasn’t Helen who’d replied but the hairdresser! Helen was doubled up silently laughing, tears streaming down her face.


“There you go, sir, all finished,” said the hairdresser.


Spike quickly took in his new look. His hair had been cut about half an inch long all over, sandy brown, no hint of bleach blond left.



“Thanks,” Spike said getting up from his seat as quickly as possible as he went to pay. He daren’t catch Helen’s eye, knowing she was still trying not to laugh out loud. He paid and they rushed out into the street, both collapsing in fits of giggles when they were out of sight.


“Sorry, Spike,” gasped Helen. “When I made the appointment he wasn’t there.”


“I bet you’d have still booked it even if he had been, you sod,” he said as he laughed. “Come on, where now?” He rubbed a hand over his newly shorn hair. “I hope this looks less cute? That’s not a word a fella likes to hear, you know.”


“No, you don’t look cute anymore, you look adorable!”


Helen shrieked as Spike made a grab for her and ran a few steps.


“Hey, that’s not fair! You’re too quick.” For a second his smile faded as he recalled how quick and agile he’d been. If he’d still been a vampire he would have mended good as new. Then he looked at Helen and his smile returned. Maybe some things made up for others and he lunged after her laughing.


She let him catch her and as he swung her round to face him, their eyes met. They looked at each other tentatively. Spike lowered his head towards Helen, she responded by standing on her tiptoes. Then their lips met and he kissed her gently. Spike pulled back a little. When he saw she wanted it as much as he did he kissed her again, this time harder, longer, and with more passion. She melted into his arms and kissed back just as ardently.


“Ahem!”


The sound made them stop kissing and look round. A fat middle-aged woman was standing in front of them, looking very disapproving.


“Do you mind?”


They suddenly realised that they were standing right in front of a store’s entrance and the woman wanted to go in. The pair blushed, muttered an apology and walked out of the way.


They walked hand in hand until Helen once more stopped outside of a store.


“Here we are, phase two of the big day out.”


“What have you got planned now? I dread to think.”


“Relax,” said Helen as they walked in. “See, it’s just clothes. I figured that now you’re well enough to go out and about that you might want some clothes that actually fit.” She gave his jacket a tug.


“You’re not wrong there, love. I’m not sure what Andrew was thinking when he bought me this stuff, and I can hardly fasten these jeans anymore.”


He was now back at more like his normal weight, not the skeletal frame he had when he left hospital. He wasn’t as toned, perhaps never would be, but it was certainly an improvement.


An hour or so later, and a couple of hundred dollars lighter, the pair emerged, Spike transformed by a well fitting pair of black jeans (old habits die hard), a dark blue shirt and black leather jacket. The clothes he’d arrived in were consigned to the trash. He’d insisted on keeping his boots but had conceded a little by buying some shoes and a pair of light coloured trousers and several T shirts and long sleeved shirts in various colours.

As they left the store Helen looked up at Spike and kicked herself. She recognised that look from their physiotherapy sessions. It was the look that he had when he wouldn’t give up despite the pain, determined to see it through. His eyes were narrowed slightly and there was a sheen of sweat on his brow.


“I don’t know about you but I could do with a coffee,” she said brightly. “Look, we can get one over there.”


She pointed to a little place almost opposite them with tables outside. Spike nodded his agreement, trying to hide his relief and they made their way to the tables. Spike lowered himself into his chair carefully, grimacing. He stretched his leg out in front of him and gave it a rub.


“Are you okay?” asked Helen with concern.


“Fine. Now what do you fancy?” he replied, reluctant as always to admit weakness or the fact he was hurting to her. He reached out to hold her hand.


They ordered coffees and sat there chatting easily. Well, Helen chatted and Spike listened.


“Come on, your turn. You know everything about me but you never tell me any of your stories,” said Helen.


“Not much to tell, pet,” replied Spike. What can I tell her? Over a hundred and twenty years and barely a memory fit to tell, even after I got my soul back. Can’t really tell her that I was a vampire (oh yes they are real, love), and at one time I had my hands hacked off by a deranged slayer but the shaman at an evil law firm magicked them back on again good as new. No, not much to tell.


“How can that be? You know all about my family and friends and, apart from Giles and Andrew, I don’t know anything about yours,” insisted Helen, regretting the words as soon as she’d said them.


A closed look came across his face. He let go of her hand.


“My friends are all dead, Helen. I’m sorry if I can’t regale merry tales for you, but I just can’t. It’s…” he stood to leave.


“Don’t please, I’m sorry,” said Helen, catching his hand to stop him. “It’s just I like you so much, I just want you to know that you can tell me anything, good or bad. It won’t change my feelings.”


I’m not so sure about that,” thought Spike, sitting back down again and looking at Helen.


“It’s okay, it’s just I’ve lived in the past for so long I need to be able to see a future, not be haunted by ghosts of my past any more. I can’t tell you I’ll ever be able to talk about it with you. I do want you in my future, but is that enough? I know you deserve to know it all but I can’t.”


His face was so full of pain as he spoke that Helen had to choke back tears.


“I can settle for you wanting me in your future. Yes, that’s enough for me, Spike.” She leant over and kissed him.


“Right, phase three,” she announced, standing up.


She saw from Spike’s expression that he was tired and that his leg still hurt and so she quickly added, “Don’t worry, this is the easiest one. We just need to find a cab. You wait here, won’t be long.” She turned and walked away from the table to see if she could catch one that was passing.


Spike sat there, watching her. He realised he really did mean what he’d said, she wasn’t just part of his future, she was his future. After a few minutes a cab hooted from the kerb to get his attention, Helen already inside. He got up, collected his bags and walked to it. Once inside the cab sped off and they got out at the beach. It was a bright sunny day but not hot so the beach wasn’t too crowded.


Helen looked at her watch.


“We’re a bit late, he must already be here,” she said, looking up and down.


Spike started to ask who, when he spotted Giles walking towards them carrying a hamper and beach bag.


“Thought that I was in the wrong place when you weren’t here on time,” Giles said. “Having a good day?”


“Yeah, but what are you doing here? You two been plotting again?” Spike put his head on one side and looked at Helen with a smile.


“Phase three – lunch is served,” she said, indicating the hamper she’d taken from Giles. “Now give him your bags to take home and we can go eat.”


“She’s really got this thought through, hasn’t she?” Spike said to Giles, as Helen started to walk down to the sand.


“You should see the orders that she gave me. I was so scared of turning up late that I’ve been here for twenty minutes. She’s amazing.”


“She certainly is,” agreed Spike and he handed over the bags of clothes and went to join her, struggling a bit in the loose sand.


By the time he’d got to her, she’d already laid out a couple of towels to sit on and was unpacking food from the hamper.


“Since we’ve had such a busy morning, I thought chilling out on the beach for the afternoon would be nice.”


He sat down, pulled her towards him and kissed her.


“This is the best day of my life,” he murmured in her ear, not sure whether he meant of his whole existence and not just of his new humanity. When he was with Helen he could forget his past.


After a while they remembered their lunch.


*~*~*~*


Much later, they packed up all the crockery and towels and left their shoes, hoping it would all still be there when they got back, and went for a stroll along the edge of the ocean, walking on the firm wet sand near the waves was easier for Spike.


Helen glanced at Spike as they walked along and knew that she’d fallen in love with him. She’d been a little in love with him since she’d first felt his heart beat, though she’d tried to deny it as being foolish. Now that she’d spent this time with him she was certain.


Spike caught Helen looking at him and stopped.


“What?” he said, tilting his head in that way of his that always made her heart melt.


“Nothing, just looking,” she replied, reaching up and kissing his nose then she ran away a few steps before stopping. “Come on, you’re not chicken, are you?” she goaded.


So far he’d done well with his exercises, but she knew that he was very self-conscious of his limp. He tended to walk as slowly as possible, not just to prevent the pain, but also because his limp showed less when he did so.


As they were walking through the store and he’d caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror as he went by, she’d seen the look of disgust on his face. She wanted him to realise that, limp or no, he was attractive and capable of playing around. He hadn’t attempted to run yet and since the next stage of his exercise plan included some steady jogging, she thought she’d try to get him to do it today whilst he was having fun, now that he was rested. Hopefully, he’d not realise that he was getting pushed a bit harder again.


She bent down, scooped up a double handful of water and threw it at Spike, splashing him on his chest.


“You little minx!” Spike said.


He went to grab her. This time she didn’t let him catch her like she had earlier; instead she stepped out of reach, going backwards so that she could see him. She splashed him again, laughing, then turned and jogged slowly away.


A hand grabbed her shoulder.


“Gotcha!” shouted Spike.


“Last one to our shoes pays the cab fare home,” she laughed, and turned away once more.


Spike’s hand found hers and they jogged gently along the beach. Spike, concentrating hard, willed his lame leg to work properly to keep up with her. By the time they’d reached their belongings just a couple of hundred yards away, Spike was panting hard. When they stopped he put his hands on his knees and tried to catch his breath.


“Don’t tell me. Phase four,” he gasped.


He laughed at her astonishment.


“I know you too well, Nurse Helen,” he joked. “You always try to sneak in the new exercises without me noticing. You’re a hard taskmaster.”


“And you, occasionally, are a model patient,” she replied smiling. “Let’s get home now; it’s been a long day.”


“A good day,” said Spike. “When’s phase five?”


She looked at him quizzically, “Phase five?”


He gave her a frankly lustful look, and raised his eyebrows. She blushed, gave his arm a playful thump, and picked up the hamper. Spike smiled to himself. Phase five wasn’t so far away after all!


*~*~*~*



Another month passed and the change in Spike was dramatic. He still limped, he always would, but it wasn’t too bad now except when he got tired. The rest of his body was now toned and he looked fit. Every morning and evening he went for a steady jog for an hour or so, determined to keep pushing to get in the best physical shape possible. He was no longer really aware of the limp - he’d accepted that it was part of him, like the scar on his forehead. He knew he drew a few strange looks as he jogged past people, I mean, a jogger with a limp? What was that about? The scar often drew looks too but he found that he didn’t care. Helen loved him as he was, and that was good enough for him.


The pair had been inseparable since his first day away from the house. They went out together as often as they could around Helen’s work shifts, going out for meals or sometimes just walking on the beach holding hands.


Phase five hadn’t been reached yet. Spike knew that she wanted it, but he was scared of taking the extra step too soon, aware that his past relationships had all been distinctly odd. Drusilla, his first love, was an insane vampire, and Harmony, another vamp, was as vacuous as Drusilla was mad. Then there was Buffy…the destructive physical relationship followed by the tenderness they’d shared just before the apocalypse. The tantalising thought of what might have been. Try as he might, he still thought of Buffy.


Spike pushed himself a bit harder as if running faster could make the thoughts go away. His feelings for Helen were real. Buffy was just a fantasy that could never be.


He arrived back at the house exhausted. He walked for the last ten minutes or so, knowing that it helped his leg rather than to just run and stop. He saw Helen’s car on the driveway and he was smiling as he went into the house.


“This is a nice surprise,” he said kissing her. “I wasn’t expecting you ‘til later.”


“I swapped with Anna. She wanted to come in an hour late and so I covered for her and got off an hour early,” she replied.


“Where’s Giles?”


“He said to say he’d be gone ‘til late, something to do with work.”


“Is that right?” said Spike, “So we’ve got the place to ourselves then.” He kissed her again. “I’ll just go up and get a shower, won’t be long.”


She watched him leave the room and go upstairs.


Spike showered quickly, wrapped a towel round his waist and went into his bedroom to get dressed. The first thing he noticed was a neat pile of clothes on the chair, the second, which brought him to a standstill, was the sight of Helen lying under the covers of his bed.


“Think it’s time for phase five, don’t you?” She smiled at him and pulled the corner of the quilt down, inviting him in.


How could he resist? He was after all, only human!


Later, as they lay in each other’s arms, Spike felt as if he’d finally been able to lay the last ghost of his past, Helen filling the void left by Buffy.